please give me some advice

[susia]

We live close to three excellent state schools (5 min walk). Ds got into none of these but was offered a school 2 miles away in special measures despite every neighbour in our street and surrounding streets being offered one. After being on the waiting list for all three all summer and appealing he still had no place.

My parents pay for him now to go to a private school. Ds is doing very well academically and is very happy, his class has 15 pupils. I am pleased about this BUT want him to go to a local school where he would know the children in the area. We live in a very community based area and it was/is very important to me but not to the extent of sending him to a failing school.

I have reapplied for next year but still looks unlikely as there have been alot of new builds in the area in the last year.

Know this is off topic but just now have a difficult choice if he ever gets a place. Do I move him from where he is happy and doing well (he is the youngest in the school as well) or keep him where long term I feel he would be happier knowing and mixing with local children?

I am a single working parent and he is an only child. To me, friendships and playing with children locally are part of childhood, very much a part of mine and one I very much want him to enjoy.

What would you do????

[amateurmum]

I'd probably keep him at his present school if he is happy and doing well - why rock the boat? Could you send him to lots of local activities (cubs, sports, swimming, drama etc) to give him local friends?

[susia]

thankyou but it is because when I was a child I was able to walk to school with all my friends, had friends next door and played with all the children in my street and I loved all this. I feel that even doing local activities he won't have this espec as I work and he has to go to after school club so isn't around as much as he would be if I didn't...

[Sawyer64]

Surely the after school club etc. wouldnt change if he changed school as your job wouldnt change.I kept my son at the school of my choice despite the only accomadation avilable for me to rent was in an awful rough area.

I also worried about local friends,but I was prepared to ferry some friends home to ours for tea etc. and sleepovers.

Even if your DS went to the local school, sometimes you are not near enough,or worry too much, for them to play out with some of their friends,so you would drop them off round a friends house,or pick them up and have them at yours,so what would be different?

Is this Primary School we are talking about here? If so it'll all change again either for Year 3 or Year 7. You could re-evaluate your options then.

Is moving not an option? Maybe you could move closer to your parents and they could help you with afterschool care?

[susia]

no the afterschool club he goes to now is attached to the private school he goes to and if he changed schools he would go to the one attached to that school. Moving to where my parents live isn't an option as they live an hour away.

[susia]

yes it is primary school - he is only 5 so would stay for another 6 years

[Romy7]

our schools are all allocated on a 'metres door to door' basis - i'm guessing that can't be the case where you live! we have the opposite problem - we live in a leafy avenue next door to an exremely rough estate and school in special measures. yeah, we can walk there, if we don't mind getting sworn at on the way... the head told me not to send my kids there so we sat on the waiting list. i assume you haven't actually removed his name? there are kids that move for all sorts of reasons, and it is likely that he'll rise to the top eventually. i'd love to be in your position though - someone else paying fees? not sure i'd bother to move if it was a longstanding arrangement!

[amateurmum]

I understand the reasons why you would like him to go to a local school and I agree with you. But I would never move a child from a school where he was both happy and doing well academically unless I had to.

However lovely local schools are, you are taking a risk - he might not make new friends easily, he might not have the same academic success.

[Sawyer64]

Ps. I was a Single parent for 8 years, then I met someone and married a year later.

We bought a house together somewhere new,my DS changed schools,and 4 years later we have moved again as we now have 2 DD's as well.

My DS changed schools again for 7 months,until he went to Senior School.

Who knows where you'll be in a few years time,these dilemmas will be a dim and distant memory.......{grin]

[susia]

thankyou, I appreciate your advice and I do sort of agree but it seems that he (and I) will suffer long term socially if I don't, the private school has children from all over going to it so has a much less of a community feel and less outside school interaction. My son was previously at the nursery of one of the state ones where we got to know alot of people locally who we now hardly see...partly due to my work but also because he isn't there anymore.

[amateurmum]

If he is only 5 and went to nursery with the children then I've changed my mind! Especially if you do it soon, I'm sure friendships will be picked up easily. Hope you get a place.

[susia]

I hope you're right Sawyer64, it would be nice not to be a single mother anymore but that is the situation at the moment and one of the reasons why being educated locally (ie having lots of friends) for an only child is very important to me (for him I mean!)

[susia]

unfortunately though as I said in the beginning this is just speculation as he still hasn't got a place

[PortAndLemon]

I'd probably move him if he got a place next year, but not if he didn't. The longer he's at his current school the more settled he gets there.

[susia]

I thought end of year 1 (this time next year) would be a good time as an appeal is more likely to succeed then and some children move at this time anyway?

[Sawyer64]

I can see what you are saying susia.If it helps,when we moved last year and my DS was in Year 6,we moved to an area where the Primary School is fantastic and very sought after.Amazingly for us 2 places had become available as 1 child had moved,and the other had emigrated.At your DS's age,parents often think that moving children is fine,as they are so young,so places do become available Mid Year.

Also some friends of mine appealed and were 12th on the list,kept moving down,and become 2nd,and have just been given a place.

Apparently you have to "prove" they were negligent in not awarding you a place,ie. that is your catchment school and its the nearest etc. Some people even measure the route.Alot of newer housing estates are built,and the distance is estimated,so when recalculated they are negligent.

IME as long as your DS is able to make friends reasonably easy,and you have no real worries over this,which it sounds like you havent,they always seem to cope better with the transfer,than we think they will.

Most schools allocate someone to "take them under their wing" so they make a friend instantly.

I always dreaded changing my DS's schools,but he has always done far better than I expected,and its always worked out to be a move for the better overall.

[scotsgirl]

i would definitely moved him if the opportunity came - I think a sense of community and a sense of freedom to play out with local friends can be an equally important part of a child's education than the nitty gritty of schooling. In fact, i think its importance is often understimated by people. Good luck with getting a place.