So, having just spent the last 15 minutes scooping toddler poo out of the bath I suddenly realised that in the last 2.4 years I have done the following;
The aforementioned poo scooping, numerous times. Allowed DD1 to throw up down my front rather than on the sofa. Caught vom in my hands, this time to save my mum's beige carpet. Picked both DD's noses with my fingers to remove large bogies Had DD2 shit all over my boobs within seconds of the birth (I latched her on one side, she crapped and peed all over the other) and then not be able to wash it off for an hour. Eaten food that they have sucked on and rejected as I had nowhere to throw it and nothing to put it in.
So come on, some of you must be able to beat that!
I can't beat it (yet), but I've conquered man-size snotters, nonchalantly eaten half-chewed morsels which I've picked from behind DS's ear/a fold of his neck/his armpit etc, slept in various cocktails of bodily fluids and generally been a walking, talking mop. Gotta love it.
DD regularly chews up food and stuffs it into DH's mouth. I think she thinks that she is weaning him the old-fashioned way.
I can remember when DD was little and having a nasty stomach bug that I would breastfeed her constantly and she would have diarrhea (sp?) all over my lap. Nappies couldn't contain her toxic poo. And for some reason, it was just normal and slightly amusing. It pooled in the feet of her baby gros too...
dd2 came into my room early one morning and said "look mummy!" then, when I opened my mouth (but not eyes!) to ask what, she put a bogey in my mouth.
I also helped my poor poor friend clean her son's poo off the floor of a cafe due to an ill-advised combo of toilet training and boxer short-style pants, while lots of speechless people looked on aghast (which made me giggle uncontrollably)
Oh god, I've just remember when I was changing DDs nappy and she put her hands in the poo and then brushed them through my hair and I didn'tnotice till I got out the house and was convinced she'd cacked herself again because I could smell shit.
YOIKS!! The maggot story has turned my real face into an exact replica of the shocked emoticon. On a bit of a tangent, thought to myself the other day (watching dd who's 9mths lapping at snot from her own nose and making lip-smacking mm-delicious noises) what is the age when kids suddenly mind having crusty nostrils? And is this when they actually become human?
Yep to catching sick, and smearing poo on my head whilst wiping my hair out of my face during a nappy change. I love the way your first thought at being suddenly drenched in a tsunami of milky vom is to comfort and reassure them because they look all queasy and shocked.
More recently though, he kindly offers me little bits of soggy pre-chewed food which I thank him for and eat, because it makes him smile delightedly.
I think the biggest change is that pre-kids you'd (hopefully) never walk about in clothes covered in sick, but a few weeks in and it's acceptable to wander about in clothes with a few blobs of posett on them. And you always say to yourself: it could be worse. And it can.