How do I stop screaming like a fishwife ??

[IllegallyBrunette]

I am pretty sure that I haven't always been like this, but I seem to get so stressed so easily nowadays and my patience levels are more or less zero.

There was an incident earlier tonight between dd1 and dd2 and I screamed at them both so much I nearly choked.

I wealked downstairs and realised the whole street had just heard me, because all of my doors and windows are open at the mo because of wet paint.

How do you keep control ?? Dd1 is 10, with the attitude of a 15 yr old, Dd2 is 8 and goes from saint to satun in 2 seconds, and Ds is 5 and just generally pushes the limits alot.

[misdee]

i have been the same tonight. dd2+3 pushed me to the limit and got sent to bed early.

dh bugs me as he threatens punishments and then doesnt follw them through. he yells a lot but wonders why the girls dont do as he says at all when he doesnt follow through (like putting them to bed or in time out) its always me who has to do it.

i have a thumping headache though so am extra tetchy today. have made plans to do laods with dd3 tomrorow to wear her out a bit, as this week we havent done much due to hospital appointments and illness.

[IllegallyBrunette]

I do tend to follow through with punishments but I find it hard to think of appropriate ones, and can't seem to punsih them without having a shouting match.

Mine and dd1's relationship is being tested to the limit at the mo because she just has such an attitude problem. She argues the toss about every single bloody thing.

The current issue is clothes. She hates anything I buy her basically, but would quite gladly go to the shop and buy the same stuff herself.

I can't even take her shopping to choose because it ends in a row.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Summer is worse when the windows are open.

We have weeks or days when I am calm then we seem to have a few days when dd1 is a little madam and I feel really stressed and provoked.

No advice, just sending you sympathy. The only thing I try (and fail usually) is as soon as I feel myself starting to rant/shout is to move away myself and try to breathe deeply.

[IllegallyBrunette]

Same here lollipop, we have a few good days and then a run of really awful days.

I need someone to stand next to me and put their hand over my mouth as soon as I start to shout.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Lol. Have you tried sellotape (for you not the dcs obviously!)

You know what worries me, my dd1 is only 4 and can answer back with smart replies and she isn't even at school. By age 10 once you throw in the hormones, pre-teen stuff etc I can't think that far ahead. I will be on mnet constantly getting advice I bet.

[IllegallyBrunette]

I'd like to say, no don't worry, 10yr olds are a breeze..........but I can't LOL.

[mosschops30]

Oh thank god its not just me! Me and dh had a massive row tonight because when he came in i was screaming at ds to sit at the table, then 5 minutes later he ended up screaming at him too.
Dont think he realises how annoying it is when I come home every night and cook dinner, then no-one wants to eat.

Dont beat urself up, we all have moments where we go a bit crazy, the important thing is that we love our kids, but we're just human

[MsPontipine]

I shout loud but then I have this horrible even loader screaming shout that really hurts my throat. It scares Ds but I get so cross with > myself > the situation > him.

Ds started doing this horrible angry answering back voice to me. I hate it. It's like his voice doubles bit like a Dalek but not so cute.

I recently twigged - his horrible angry voice is a pretty accurate copy of my horrible screaming shout. So last night we made a deal. I won't do mine if he won't do his. And if we do we're to say to each other "We promised"

So far it's worked - 24 hrs so far. Hoping I can keep it together but I blow up so quick it's the heat of the moment I worry about.

Hell - we shouldn't have to worry if our windows are open or not should we!!!!!!

More power to all of us that struggle to keep calm ALL the bloody time.

[WideWebWitch]

Oh god, let me know if you find the answer. Ds is 10 and sorely trying my already thin patience.

[Cappuccino]

the best advice came from a parenting woman, who said you should stop a second and think what your emotion is at the time

I find it really helpful because it stops me taking out my frustrations on the kids without thinking about it

of course sometimes I just decide to let it happen

[Hassled]

That "imagining there's a film crew in the room" trick (suggested by another MNer a while back) always works for me. It gives me a sudden self-consciousness that stops the yelling.

[Nemoandthefishes]

oh sooo glad someone else posted this..the past few days I have been shouting sooo much and then remember what with it being warmer every window open etc no wonder I am avoided in the streets I have lost control of the trio especially because DS still isnt back in nursery until monday which means the structure for everyone has gone from the day.

[MorocconOil]

I go through phases of shouting alot and feel embarrassed when I see my neighbour. Especially as their house is always quiet apart from her calmy and sweetly calling her DD to come and have dinner.

However she spends hardly anytime with her one DD, whereas me and my 3 DC are together nearly all the time. It's no wonder we get irritated with one another, but at least we know one another well enough to get cross, shout, then make up again later.

[onepieceoflollipop]

Yes the film crew trick is a good one, I vaguely remember that post.

Also sometimes I have to think - why am I feeling irritable right now? (a bit like Cappuccino said). Sometimes it is sheer frustration, perhaps I am desperately hungry/thirst/have been trying to get to loo for an hour or whatever. That sounds pathetic when I write it down but sometimes as parents we neglect our own basic needs for hours and eventually we crack.

[bellavita]

Yeah - when you find an answer can you please let me know aswell.

DS1 (11 today) is starting to be really moody and hormonal which to some extent, I make allowances for because it is not his fault that he maybe starting puberty. BUT when the moodiness and huffing and puffing becomes a habit then I really lose the plot.

DS2 - well he is a law unto himself.

[Cappuccino]

yes lollipop

also I find that if dd2 has wound me up for an hour and dd1 asks me a fairly reasonable question, I have nothing left

so asking myself how I feel, and getting the answer "irritated with dd2" stops me doing that

[onepieceoflollipop]

Oh similar here. Also if you have spent lots of time (good time) with one of them, and then they still play up, you feel like snapping. "look I spent 4 hours with you and it was so nice, now you are kicking off because I say no to a biscuit!"

[bellavita]

Cappuccino - that is exactly how I feel when one of them has wound me up.

Also what you said about why you may be shouting - eg hungry, trying to get to the loo etc.

I think when I get wound up the most is when it is a work night and they both bound in from school - both start arguing as they walk in through the door and leave the door open, dump their bags, ask what can they have to eat etc etc, whilst I am probably trying to get tea on, get myself ready for work and instantly my hackles go up.

[Shitemum]

I find stuffing a raw halibut in my mouth does the trick...

Luckily since I live abroad most of my neighbours don't speak English tho I'm sure they get the tone. Imagining a film crew wouldn't work for me, I think I'd play to the camera.

I spend too much time with them, well not enough on my own I should say,and usually when i lose it it's actually about something else which has nothing to do with them,but they are the detonator.

4.8yo DD1 has taught 21mo DD2 to say 'nag,nag,nag' (Horrid Henry quote)