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Parenting

fed up with DD behaviour.....

11 replies

strawberriesandcream01 · 11/06/2008 19:54

Hi. My DD is 5 years old and being very testing at the moment. She is at school but when she comes home she is rude and cheaky, back chats me all the time and argues with me. She very rarely says please and thank you and then when prompted gets all stressed and shouts it, she has always been brought up with good manners but has always been abit shy.

We were at a friends house for tea tonight and she wouldn't do as her told and kept arguing, I threatened to take her teddy she goes to bed with away if she didn't behave. Anyway she wouldn't be good so took it away and she has gone to bed without it tonight. Felt really bad but I cant handle this bad behaviuor anymore. DP is away all week so I am on my own and have to deal with this.

Anyone have some advice for me please?

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dizzydixies · 11/06/2008 19:57

no advice just support, my dd1 (5 in a couple of weeks) had me in tears earlier on today because of her behaviour

let me know if you crack it and how

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LoveMyGirls · 11/06/2008 19:59

Sounds like you were very patient.

What time does she go to bed? I would bring it back by 15mins everytime she doesnt behave perhaps if you are generous give her 2 warning then deduct 15mins she will eventually get the hang of it, my dd1 was like it at that age and still pushes her luck now but a few early nights and she's much better behaved, don't know if its the extra sleep or the fact she knwos i will actually do it that sorts her out. If she's being particularly bad and still misbehaving after a few days i start taking things away. hth

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strawberriesandcream01 · 11/06/2008 19:59

Ah thanks. Maybe this will crack it taking her teddy away but who knows. I am so cross tonight!

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strawberriesandcream01 · 11/06/2008 20:05

Hi. Well we have an early start in the morning, have to leave at 7.50am for the school run! She is normally in bed by 6.30pm and we don't get home until 4.15pm so by the time I get supper, bath and abit of time with her that is probably the earliest I can get her into bed. I know she gets very tried with school but to be honest that isn't an excuse.

She doesn't really have time to play with toys in the week so the only thing I could think of to take away was her teddy. I am hoping this will have worked tomorrow.

What about the please and thank yous? She is very shy anyway and I didn't want to push the issue and wreck her confidence but I can stand it anymore.

Oh and I was patient to begin but it soon gets out of control with her shouting at me and vise versa.

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maidamess · 11/06/2008 20:08

I think being good all day at school is an excuse! She's only 5...she's probably been an angel all day and has to let out her frustrations on someone. I'm afraid its you!

You can let her know you don't like the way she is speaking to you however..but I think its probably the strain of being well behaved all day taking its toll!

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dizzydixies · 11/06/2008 20:08

mine not to bad for please and thank yous but occassionally has to be reminded

I say 'how do we ask for things in our house?'

rather than giving her a row - I consider it more of a reminder and normally take it as an oversight

if your dd is shy then I would imagine it is an oversight on her part too

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cory · 11/06/2008 20:17

strawberriesandcream01 on Wed 11-Jun-08 20:05:05

"She doesn't really have time to play with toys in the week so the only thing I could think of to take away was her teddy. I am hoping this will have worked tomorrow."

That does seem a bit sad, seeing that we are talking about a 5-year-old child.

Not your fault, I know, but no doubt it goes part of the way towards explaining her behaviour. Not sure how my dc's managed it but I know they always had time to play in the evenings. Could you push bedtime back a bit? Maybe not have a bath every night? Something that gives her a bit more me-time.

It may also be worth checking with her teacher that she is happy at school, not struggling with the work and not being bullied.

If she is exhausted all the time (not necessarily from lack of sleep, but maybe from having to be on best behaviour) or really unhappy at school then tbh I don't think more punishments are going to make any ddifference- at least not for the better.

Also, if a child that age misbehaves, I would make the punishment instant, not take away their comfort toy hours later. In particular not take away their comfort toy, actually, as they need to feel secure at bedtime. I also made it a point of always trying to make up our differences at bedtime so we could all go to sleep happily.

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strawberriesandcream01 · 11/06/2008 20:36

cory, I undrstand what you are saying. What I mean about the toys is she would prefer to sit and watch TV for half an hour rather than play which is fine by me as I know she is tired. They have a bath every other night and we read together most evenings or watch tv together.

I am pretty sure she is fine at school and I am sure she is not struggling as she is always saying how much she enjoys the work and I don't think she is being bullied.

She has always been like this in a way, quite fiesty, think it runs in the family! But it just gets me down, especially when I am on my own all week.

I know the comfort toy was wrong but I couldn't think of anything else to make her realise how upset i was with her tonight. I try and make the punishment instant but she just argues and shouts for ages after and will be rude which winds me up.

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Twelvelegs · 11/06/2008 20:38

Me too, tennagers at 5

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InARut · 12/06/2008 16:53

Know how you feel. I picked DD up from school today, she ran out, handed me her coat and ran off without even a smile let alone 'hello'. I walked behind her, quietly irritated and she then turned round and handed me her bag too! At this stage I told her off for being rude for not saying hello. Felt a bit childish myself tbh but sometimes she is so rude. When I refused to walk the same way as her friend (a bit out of our way) she walked purposefully behind me the whole way home making a whimpering noise! Once at home she started with the 'I want this' and 'I want that', no please or thank you. Some days I can ignore all this, quietly reminding her of manners, knowing she's had a hard day at school. On other days (today) I throw a bit of a moody myself, it really gets to me. The there's the nightly refusal to go to bed...

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strawberriesandcream01 · 12/06/2008 19:31

Just an update. Tonight has been very good and relaxed. We had a birthday party after school. I have always had a problem with another girl in her class who is very bossy and in DD face and cuddles her all the time, picks her up and is just in her personal space. This girl wont let DD play with anyone else in the class. I keep telling DD to tell her she wants to play with someone else and sometimes she is allowed to! Tonight at the party though she would leave DD side, partnered up with her and then made DD trip up so she came over to me while the girl got another partner. As soon as DD went back the girl ditiched the partner and got back with DD. At food time they sat together and DD just copies everything this girl does, I was quite shocked tonight by it.

DD is also scared to tell her she wants to play with someone else incase she gets into trouble, I have reassured her lots of times that she wont. I am also worrying she is spending too much time with this girl which is making her behave the way she does.

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