I'm beginning to feel guilty about leaving my DS in childcare...

[MrsThierryHenry]

He's 18 mo and has been going to a CM since Nov. He loves her and always has a good time, though over the past few months he's started crying when I leave him there (he cried at the start and then was okay for a few months).

This morning I was having an argument with the CM on the phone about our arrangements to take him to her today, and poor DS was sitting right next to me in the buggy. It didn't even occur to me until later that he might have understood our conversation. He looked so dejected, though to be fair he'd told me a few minutes earlier that he was upset because he was going to CM. Even so it was as if he was thinking: 'Mummy doesn't want me'. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but now I feel bad for him.

[mankymummy]

my ds went through similar phase about going to nursery but it was only a phase and now he cries when i turn up to pick him up !

[ceebee74]

My DS also went through a phase at a similar age where he cried every morning before going and when we got there - it lasted a couple of weeks before he reverted to his usual running in without a backward glance!

I am guessing it is just a developmental phase so try not to feel guilty about it.

[LittleMyDancing]

Yes, DS has had a couple of phases of crying when we drop him off, but they never last long and now he won't be persuaded to leave.

This morning he came back after his goodbye kiss and I thought he wanted another cuddle, but he only wanted me to put his bunny in his bag for him - then he ran off to play without a backward glance....sniff

maybe sit down and tell your DS exactly why he has to go to the CM and that it doesn't mean you don't love him - they understand much more than they let on at this age.

HTH

[MrsThierryHenry]

I have started explaining to him recently that I have to work, but maybe I should tell him every time. He understands what it means when DH works as he works from home - so DS is always told he can't disturb Daddy. Took a few weeks but now he respects the rule.

Mankymum - DS also cries when we pick him up, but it's a cry of relief rather than not wanting to go. I know the CM is great and when I watch the way he relates to her and the other children I have absolutely no doubts that he is happy and safe. His tears definitely mean nothing more than that he'd rather be with us. I'm usually okay but today it feels pretty heartbreaking.

[LittleMyDancing]

I know how you feel - some days it is particularly hard and you feel really sad. Have some hugs {{{{{{{{{{{}}}}}}}}}}

Just remember that you're doing the best you can to give DS a good life

[mankymummy]

have you spoken to the CM? How long does he cry for after you leave?

unless he's absolutely distraught i wouldnt worry too much.

with DS i just tried distraction (and the nursery staff were great), oh look at all those trains etc.

occasionally he says he doesnt want to go now and i just say, "oh goody that means mummy can go instead and play with all your lovely toys and all your friends", works everytime!

just remember it is good for him to be away from you and to have interaction with other children. you are teaching him that although you go away you will always come back and that he doesnt need only you to feel safe.

[MrsThierryHenry]

You're right, mankymummy (you don't sound manky at all; you sound absolutely lovely!). He only cries until I've gone and then he has a blast. He's really thriving there and the CM and I have very similar approaches to parenting so there's a lot of consistency. He also has a friend there who's the same age so it's great socialisation for him, too.

[thefunkypea]

My dd has been going to a CM since she was 9 mo and she's been running in since she could walk. Except when she got to 18 mo she suddenly decided she didn't want to go any more and hung onto my/dh's legs. Four weeks on she's fine again. Cm says she won't take children on at 18 mo (if they haven't been w her earlier) cos it's too difficult for them to deal w the separation anxiety.
You mentioned you were having an argument with your CM - do have concerns about her?

[MrsThierryHenry]

Hi funkypea, DS has developed sep anxiety at similar age - he was 17 mos. V interesting to hear what you and your CM have to say about that, that helps me a lot.

Re argument - it was nothing significant in the grand scheme of things, it was over a difference of opinion this morning. I felt she'd been unreasonable about something as it would have meant that I couldn't drop him off until lunchtime (i.e. about 3 hrs' late). I was just worried that perhaps DS was listening and thought I didn't want him around.

[thefunkypea]

I've had to wean myself off calling an hour after dd's been dropped off to check she's ok . I think I was in serious danger of compounding the problem by developing separation anxiety myself.

[MrsThierryHenry]

LOL pea at your sep anxiety! I love working and having 'me time', but sometimes I miss my DS so much!