Why would a previously gentle child start hitting?

[mankymummy]

DS (3 in August) has this week started hitting me at home for no apparent reason.

I've just picked him up from nursery and they have said that today he has been hitting other children "quite a lot".

He has never been like this before, I have never hit him and he has no siblings that he may be picking it up from (although ExP had him this week, although that may be irrelevant).

He isn't upset or ill or tired, just seems to want to hit. He will say sorry but even explaining to him that he shouldnt hit doesnt seem to make any difference.

Obviously now i'm really worried that he's started doing this to other children.

Why has he started doing this?

[lazarou]

What's your ex like?

[mankymummy]

a t*sser !

[lazarou]

Sounds like your ex may be responsible in that case. Does he smack your ds?

[mankymummy]

sorry that wasnt very constructive. He is not what you'd call an ideal parent. he does get frustrated although i dont believe he'd hit DS. He had him all day which was unusual for him. I just hope he hasnt lost his temper with him. Does it sound like that might have happened?

[lazarou]

It's hard to say. Have you asked ds?

[mankymummy]

he never has in my presence and he knows i have very strong anti-smacking views.

i was hoping it was a phase that all kids go through... but i'm wrong arent i?

[gagarin]

because he's discovered that if you do it you get one hell of a reaction!

People look surprised/cross/angry.

Hit children might cry.

He gets attention.

He's not being nasty; he's prob not emotionally traumatised.

He's just discovered the power of the physical and is fascinated!

If you blank him everytime he does it he'll give up.

If you ask him why or talk about it or make a big fuss of apologies you may well re-inforce the behaviour by mistake.

Remember "what you pay attention to is what you get more of" - loads of praise for good behaviour.

[lazarou]

You might not be. Kids do bizarre things at strange times for no apparent reason.

[gagarin]

Don't ask a 3 year old if their dad hit them. They may say yes - but if you ask them if they went to the moon they may say yes too!

Mention the hitting to his dad and ask whether they've watched boxing/done play fighting or he's seen a "lively" computer game by mistake while at his dad's.

This sort of behaviour is seen in loads of kids - not only those who have seperated parents so try not to jump to conclusions.

[WilfSell]

my kids have never been hit at home but they still whack each other - they see other kids doing it at nursery, try it out and as otheres have said, it gets attention

[LilRedWG]

DD has never been hit or even threatened with a smack, but she has recently started hitting out at me - she's two and I really think it's a phase they go through. I really think that accusing the OP's ex of hitting her DC is over-reactionary.

[mankymummy]

i wouldnt ask DS, i know he is inconsistent in his feedback sometimes!

i have texted exP but not sure when he'll get back as he's on a sailing holiday.

i did explain outside the nursery when i picked him up that it wasnt nice to hit, that it makes his friends sad and that they wont want to be his friends if he keeps hitting them.

i have been saying "you dont hit" and then walking away. Is that the right thing?

how do i handle him doing it at nursery though?

[Miggsie]

...a boy at DD play group started this. He was small but would belt anyone, seemingly at random, not even as part of an argument.
They did a zero tolerance thing of taking him aside and putting his arms by his side and saying "we don't hit" and getting down to his eye level, his mum or dad did this or one of the staff depending who was there at the time but thye all did the same thing.
He was not allowed to join back in until he was still.

I don't think this got to the root cause (if there was one) but it certainly got the message over that hitting was wrong.
The child who was hit got sympathy but they did not force an apology from the other child as I think this is sometimes counter productive???? but he did stop in the end.

[mankymummy]

Miggsie... how long before he stopped hitting?

i like that approach, i think i need to speak to the nursery about how they handle it.

[LynetteScavo]

When I read the title of this thread, I just knew it would be about a 2 year old boy!

Toddlers who have never seen any violence in thier lives can take up hitting. DS1 enjoyed giving us a good whack between the ages of 2 & 5, but only hit other children when he was 2. - At that age he would simply take a dislike to another child, for some minor reason, and hit them. [shcok]

I just wanted to reasure you it's not neccessarily because your ex has lost his temper, and he will grow out of it.

[mankymummy]

thats a relief. he doesnt get angry, just randomly hits (im beginning to think MNers are right and its for a reaction...

[LynetteScavo]

Miggsi - that's exactly what we did with DS.

[GooseyLoosey]

I wouldn't worry, at a similar age ds sat on top of another child and tried to whack her head off a stone floor. He was certainly not modelling behaviour he had seen anywhere! I would keep on saying that hitting is wrong but as others have said, unless you witness it, not give the behaviour much more attention. If ds hit someone at toddlers when I was there, I would say no hitting and then sit him on his own on a chair for a while - no attention, no ranting, I just left him alone.