I don't love my son.

[Iknowitsnotnormal]

I just don't. He's 3.

I don't have the same instinct for him as I do my other child. I'm past caring if he has yet another hissy fit. I've never felt that strongly about him. Could be to do with his difficult birth.

It's not his fault, I know that. I'm not mean to him. In fact, I'm affectionate and give him lots of my time but he probably still senses his mother doesn't love him.

I don't know what to do about it. I think it just feels good to let it out instead of pretending to be the all loving mother. I can't be the only one. It's not a good thing I know. My DH is gutted about it.

[lilyloo]

Have you ever told anyone other than dh this ?
Have you had counselling r/e the difficult birth ?

[moondog]

Oh dear.
You are very brave to say this.
Not really sure what to say or suggest.

[beansprout]

Do you really not love him, or do you just find him hard to be around sometimes? I have a 3yo ds who is into making stupid noises, picking his nose, singing the same songs over and over again etc etc. Sometimes, it's just hard to be around. I hate to admit that, but it's true.

[Saturn74]

Perhaps a good first step would be to contact your GP to arrange some counselling re the birth.

[bossybritches]

Bloody awful for you-but you are NOT alone, can't offer any advice but someone will be along soon who'll know about these things. If you've had a difficult birth then there'll be all sorts of issues tied up with that to stop you bonding with the little man. Have you spoken to anyone about it?(like GP or HV I mean)

Very brave of you to post about it too

[MorocconOil]

Could you go and talk to someone about it, as he will be picking up on it. Poor boy. It must be horrible for you as well.

[Desiderata]

Not sure what to suggest either. Nobody can talk you into loving him if you don't.

[lilyloo]

Can you tell this to the hv ? They will help you access some support.

[dylanthecat]

did you have pnd or do you think you could have and it wasnt picked up?

My friend had counceling about a difficult birth and found it very useful

[jellybelly2007]

Oh you poor thing. .
How old is your other DC? If theyre older, could it be that you have postnatal depression? Dont really have any advice, but please go and see/talk to someone.
Good luck. x

[tootiredtothink]

Please get to see your gp. I knew someone who went through this and she had PND (swore she didn't when asked), after treatment she now adores her dd.

Make an appointment tomorrow - and as humphrey says, counselling is also the way to go, don't just let them fob you off with tablets as 3 years is a long time to try to put right. xx

[Iknowitsnotnormal]

I don't know what to do. We're muddling through his rages etc. I told DH tonight that I don't love DS and DH just walked off, saying I need help. I'm abnormal. I wouldn't be mean to DS. I just don't particularly want him around. I'm glad when he's not here to deal with. But I've not felt that bothered about him since birth.

[luckylady74]

You can absolutely have post natal depression when your child is 3.
Admitting this is the first step. You can get back from this. You will be ok and love your child eventually. You will only be able to do this with professional help- go and say what you you have said here to your gp or health visitor.

[Feelforyou]

My heart goes out to you. You are incredibly brave letting your feelings be known to your dh.

I also totally empathise.

My dd is 5. Her birth wasn't too dreadful by any means. I tried bf'ing her initially, and it was a living hell. I used to dread her waking up for a feed It really screwed the bonding process imo.

I do not have a great relationship with her now. I do love her, but I don't particuarly like her. And I am disgusted to say that I have told her that on occasion.

Can you have some time apart from your ds? I really think you need to speak to someone. I am positive you are not alone.

Take care. x

[Iknowitsnotnormal]

I don't want to talk to anyone about it. I don't. I can't admit it in RL. They'll think I'm a freak.

[lilyloo]

they will know you want help ,you need some support

[mollymawk]

(somehow you have made two threads with the same OP so just pointing you to some more answers on the other one)

[dylanthecat]

The hv wont think you are a freak think what they must of seen while working! they will be concerned but they will have seen something simmilar I dont think its as uncommon as you think people just dont like to talk about it

[MorocconOil]

They won't think you're a freak at all. Your health visitor will have heard, and seen far, far worse things in her professional life.
Go and talk to her while there is still time to build a good relationship with your DS.

[DefinitelyNotMARINAWheeler]

A health visitor won't judge you. As lots of other posters have already said, please do talk to someone in RL. Your dh is too bound up in this emotionally to be able to be objective about the situation, which must be hard for you all.
Did you have PND with your ds and have you had any counselling after your difficult birth?
How do you feel about your other child?
Three is a hard, hard age IMO.
You have a lot going for your relationship. You obviously care about your ds, because you are posting here now about your concerns.
I think you are a better mum than you say you are, and love your ds more than you realise.
I think you need to hear a reassuring message of this sort from a health professional, along with some extra support, in RL. Please make that appointment!

[Saturn74]

No one will think you are a freak, but it is highly likely that some of the feelings you have for your child stem from his difficult birth.

You are not a freak, and you are not alone with this.

Would your DH go to the GP with you, or could you write it all down to show to the doctor?

It is very difficult when a child is given a particular negative role in a family ie: the annoying one, the brat, the troublemaker. These roles can so easily become self-fulfilling prophecies.

Just ask for some help - it's out there.

[Thomcat]

But what's worse - thinking that someone might think you're a freak and then realising they don't they want to help you, or leaving it to so as not to perhaps be made to feel like a freak and your son / you / you relationship with your DH and other child etc etc, all being damaged by this now and for all of your lives?

Take small steps to dealing with this now.

This is the first one, build on that. Little, slowly but surely.

And well done for taking the first steps.

I don't think you are a freak, not at all.

[jellybelly2007]

They wont think youre a freak. they will empathise and help you.
What about phoning an anon helpline (sorry dont know any, but perhaps someone else can suggest one).
If you can say it out loud, it may make it more real for you, and its one step closer to telling your GP/HV.
But PLEASE do something. It isnt fair on you, your DH or the kids.
Youre not alone, lots of people feel this way, they just dont have the balls to admit it.
You did.........well done.
Now take another step.