2.8 yr old getting really upset before preschool

[dawneg]

I know it's prob normal, but my dd started preschool 4 weeks ago for 2 morns a week and and was absolutely fine for the first 4 sessions but has started to get upset from the minute she sees her school jumper in the morning until the minute I leave her.

She loves it when she is there and stops crying the minute I walk out of the door, however, I am getting really stressed at the painful hour or so before we get there.

It's not a naughty upset, it's a genuiune upset, she says she wants to stay at home and she really misses me. Nothing I say appeases her.

She's started to invent illnesses in the hope that I'll keep her at home and this morning broke my heart coz she was whimpering most of the car journey but trying not to cry and said "I'm going to be brave today".

She is really full of beans when I pick her up and all the teachers say what a lovely time she has there and that she's really happy all thru.

I dread getting up on school morns and dread getting her dressed as I know it's going to be a battle. what do I do? I know I should stick it out, but for how long? I am 7 months preg also and really want her to settle before the baby comes along.

I don't mention it to her until she gets dressed, I keep really upbeat about it, talking about all the lovely toys and snack-time etc, I tell her I will be at home, doing boring ironing and chores and that I'll be waiting for her with a treat when I pick her up. Nothing works.

Is she just too young at 2.8? She's very bright and her speech is superb. Help!

[Smee]

If she's genuinely happy once you're gone, then I'd say it's more the fact that she's going just two mornings a week. At two they haven't a clue about days of the week, so it must feel a bit as though it comes from nowhere to her. Also, if she's like my DS, going felt huge to him, as it was such a huge change from being at home with just me. I think you have to respect that going is a genuinely a scary thought, let her talk about how she's feeling, but also get her to talk about how much she enjoys it when she's there. I seem to remember offering a treat that mine could look forward to when I picked him up - it was only the park or something, but it meant it was firmly in his head that there was something after nursery, so he knew it wouldn't last forever. Once she's a bit bigger she'll get her head round it a bit more. Took my DS until he was 3.5.

[juuule]

Would it be possible for you to keep her home if that's what she prefers at this stage? Why put both of you through it if you don't have to? If you wait a few months she might be happy to go.

[accessorizequeen]

It is hard, my ds hated preschool for a while or said he did (seemed quite happy whilst there!) and did similar things as your dd for several months. He started with this when I was pg with ds2 as well, I suspect some of it is to do with the new baby. But other friends of mine have said a similar thing so it's possibly an age thing.

I would agree with Smee that it's the irregularity of it that makes it difficult for them in some ways. DS1 went two days a week whilst I worked (still does!) and used to beg me not to go to work and stay home with him! It's entirely possible that you're just going to get this for a while, and have to accept that she's happy there but puts up a fuss about it. What about giving her more warning instead of not mentioning it? DS1 seemed to respond more to a schedule, knowing exactly what was going to happen each day. A little coloured-in chart, something like that. Also, making the mornings that she's going lead onto something else 'regular' e.g. a particular dinner that she likes, or activity, visiting a friend. So Tuesday is not just preschool day.

It does break your heart and I used to take ds1 in later and later when ds2 was born and I was on mat.leave because I felt so guilty. But he did need that stimulation, and I needed the break (as will you!). It will get better, you know she's happy there, it's not much different to separation anxiety with a newborn except that they can tell you all about it and make you feel worse. DS2 until a few weeks ago would put on such an act when we got to nursery about being left (he's 17 months) and as soon as I closed the door you could hear him stop! I know it's a genuine upset, but if she was v.unhappy about being there you would hear it from the teachers.

[BlueberryPancake]

Something with age I think. My DS has only just started pre-school and loves it, but my best friend's daughter started to say things like 'don't want to go to nursery my tummy hurts, I want to stay with you, please don't go to work mummy' that kind of thing, although she has been going to nursery since she's 9 months old. She's now 2.7. I think it shouldnt be ignored and you can try to find out more about why she's upset and make it easier for her, but I can really see the benefits of pre-school on my boy and think that there's nothing wrong with persevering with it.

[juuule]

I didn't ignore my dd when she cried every morning, not wanting to go to pre-school. She had been fine from the September until January and then was very upset. I persevered for a while as I thought it might be temporary but in the end decided it wasn't worth it. The pre-school staff told me she was happy and joined in once I'd left but I didn't really see that she had much option as she would make the best of the situation. It didn't mean that she wouldn't be happier at home. Which she was. A few months later she started nursery with hardly a backward glance.