SAHM finding it tough going!

[fluffyslippers]

I don't post on here very often and guess I just need to get things off my chest and see if anyone else in the same boat or has any advice...

DD is 11 months old and I'm a SAHM (well I'm self employed running an online business from home, but I only get a chance to do this in the evenings and one day a week when my mum has her).

I have to say I'm finding being a SAHM really hard going, all the friends I made when DD was younger have gone back to work and I'm feeling quite lonely. I look forward to going to supermarket and stuff just to see some adults and make conversation with the cashiers!!! How sad am I?

I do go to a class with DD on a monday, but it' s hardly stimulating for me and I don't get to socialise much with the other mums (most of whom with babies of similar age are much older than me and tend to clique together). I also feel like DD isn't getting enough interaction with other little ones (unlike all my friend's babies who are in nursery) and I feel guilty cos of that.

I guess I feel a constant pressure to be entertaining DD, keep the house clean and tidy and cook wholesome meals, somehow the 'me' side of things has been left behind and I feel guilty for not being 100% happy all of the time especially when I'm constantly being told by other mums how lucky I am to be at home.

Forgive my moaning, but feeling a bit sorry for myself today!

[Tommy]

sometimes it is a bit boring - like any jo I guess but since you are your own boss, you'll have to find ways of making it more interesting!

Check out the library/GP surgery for other toddler groups and meet some other like-minded MUMs - they will be alot of them around somewhere.

Hang on there

[CantSleepWontSleep]

Definitely go to lots more parent & toddler groups. We were going to one every day of the week by then, and still do now (dd 2.2). Some are friendlier than others, but there is always someone to talk to.

[ancientmiddleagedmum]

Don't you feel bad about moaning - the bit that no-one ever tells you about motherhood, and particularly SAHM, is that it can be vey boring!! I know we are all supposed to find it fascinating playing creatively with baby and cooking up organic food, but it's just NOT after a while! I found that when the kids started nursery or school you suddenley get loads of pals, other mums, but the only way now is to go to tumble tots type stuff, or talk to old friends on the phone, or go and meet them for lunch at work, or chat on mumsnet. And I wouldn't worry too much about interraction with other kids, as they don't really play together at 11 months imho, but more alongside each other. At this age, playdates are more for the mums. I've found chatting on mumsnet very sociable so come on here and make friends and hope things get better for you fluffy!

[bringmesunshine]

Throw yourself into everything initially as you will drop some things like a stone...in my case baby singing and music classes

When my PFB was little we did:

NCT coffee morning
Baby Swimming classes
Tumble Tots/Babies whatever it was called?
Library story time
Walks
Trips to feed the ducks

When DC2 came along we dropped the ones we didn't like, Tumble Tots and by that stage we had a group of other mums that we went and had a coffee with most weeks.

It does all fall into place I promise with a little bit of effort

[fluffyslippers]

Right then, I need to force myself to get 'out there'. I've been putting off going to toddler groups cos I'm soooo nervous about walking into a group full of people I don't know. My self confidence getting in the way I suppose.
I've just found out about a couple of groups so I'm going to drag myself along to one before the week is up!
Wish me luck

[GrinningSoul]

i re-met a mum today who i last spoke to at one of those groups 3 years ago, when our dds were 1. we felt then exactly as you do now. i just want to reassure you that as your dd gets older you'll find yourself feeling more and more part of things, in fact soon enough you'll be swamped with people and things to do - i NEVER thought i'd hear myself say that. it's really tricky at the stage you're at but it does change. just be brave and be honest and you'll find someone who feels like you i bet....

good luck!

[bohemianbint]

I can totally empathise. Try that local meet a mum thing on netmums - it's a bit hit and miss, and disturbingly like blind dating, but I got one good mate out of it, which has been a lifesaver.

[CorrieDale]

Go for it fluffyslippers. And persevere with the groups - I've only found one where I walked into it the first time and thought 'oh, this is lovely!' - the others took a while to warm up. In one case, over 2 months, and it still isn't my favourite now but it gets us out of the house and gives the day a pivotal point.

And at first all you talk about are babies, but sooner or later you find other common interests and before you know it, you have friends! There's one group that we now go to because I really like seeing the women there. DS could take or leave it really!

The really great thing about toddler groups is that they cost next to nothing. I squandered money on all kinds of baby singing sessions for DS before accepting the harsh reality of a non-joiny-in baby with a tin ear. But £1.50 per session, which you only pay if you turn up? Bargain!

[fluffyslippers]

Right, ok, you've convinced me! Toddler group tomorrow morning (she says breaking out into a cold sweat), fingers crossed it's not tooooo awful!

[blithedance]

You could try a local Sure Start or Early Years centre, they tend to run a range of activities and mini-courses which can break the ice. Can be a bit less cliquey than some of the smaller M&Ts IME. The "stay and play" I go to, a number of my working friends go to on their day off and it's really well equipped (probably over-funded by the government!).

[Tommy]

where are you fluffyslippers? You may be near one of us!

[fluffyslippers]

I'm in Northumberland - any other North Easterners around here? Couldn't see anyone on the 'meet up' board...

[Tommy]

couldn't be further away I'm afraid (on the South Coast!)

Keep hunting - good luck