I'm being such a cow and can't stop

[Slinkyslink]

Am 36 weeks pg and have been at home with DD (3.8) for two weeks as it is Easter holidays.

The trouble is I'm getting increasingly ratty and nasty to her. She is a VERY GOOD GIRL, but she does like a lot of attention. If she's not getting the attention from me, then she just wants to watch TV. This really annoys me as I just wish she'd play a simple game in her room (that doesn't involve paints/mess etc) for half an hour on her own.

I've tried to do everything this holiday; arrange play dates, take her to soft play, shopping, baking, painting, park; but I'm getting so tired with pg that I just want to be left alone to get my head around the new baby and rest a bit without hearing "can you do puzzles with me; can you take me to the park, can I watch tele; when can we go to the shops...." I just feel that when one activity is done, it's onto the next. Or else watch TV.

Also, I work as a freelancer and I can't get on with any work until she's back at nursery (Tuesday). I've got loads to finish and can't go on my maternity leave until it's done. I addition, DH has just told me he's working tomorrow; and he's taken on a building project in our house so he's not really around to a) share the load so I can get some work done/have a break b)offer me any adult company in the weekends and evenings.

I find myself shouting at DD for little things (when she wants a drink or the channel changed for instance) and I feel like a really, really bad mother. I just hate being stuck in the house with her (and I hate hearing Dora in the background all effing day, when she's not being occupied) and this just adds to the guilt and overall trauma of the situation.

Sorry to rant and that this is long. Don't know what I need really. Kick up the arse/sympathy/to offload, not really sure. I never thought I'd get like this, but I am at the moment acting like the mom from hell.

[NotQuiteCockney]

It's entirely understandable. You've got a lot going on, and kids can be hard work.

Is there anyone you can ask for help? Family? Friends? Paid help?

[GrrrlInterrupted]

i was HORRENDOUS to my DS1 when pregnant with DS2, screaming and snapping for little or nothing. It does pass.

And you need rest. Feed her nonsense and put her in front of the tv for a few weeks. It won't do her long term harm, and you can put your feet up.

[Makingdo]

Message withdrawn

[Slinkyslink]

the ILs are no good. MIL just plays golf all the time, FIL is untrustworthy and my family are miles away. I do arrange for her to go to friends, but as a child swap thing, so I end up having a houseful of children in return.

I just feel so guilty that I'm on here for instance and DDs watching the TV again. I feel like I should be engaging with her, but I just don't want to.

[stealthsquiggle]

DVDs. It really truly won't do her any harm for a little while, and will give you both a break.

Also (and I know this is really hard because I do it myself) try to put the work out of your mind and focus on "time off" - so make sure you sit down and relax while DD is watching a nice long film rather than trying to snatch time to work.

[Slinkyslink]

Thanks all, it's nice to hear some down to earth advice.

I never wanted to use the electronic babysitter to this extent, but when the weather's crap, you're on your own and 36 weeks pg there ain't a lot more you can do is there?

[Makingdo]

Message withdrawn

[Egg]

My poor DS1 (26 months) really suffered when I was pg with DTS (who are now 14 weeks). I was so ratty and tired and I wasn't trying to work as well. I am having a bad day today and he is trying so hard to be good but everything is driving me mad.

You will feel so so so much better once you give birth. I was so scared it would be worse with two newborn babies and a toddler but it is far better than being pregnant with a toddler (IMO). I developed an intolerance to small children during pregnancy that disappeared as soon as I was no longer pregnant.

Hope your day improves. TV played (and still plays) a large part in my DS1's life. DVDs are indeed good as no ads, no unsuitable progs coming on without you realising etc. I find Toy Story works a treat.

[gagarin]

Don't be too tough on yourself or her.

Tell your DP or a friend how you're feeling to try and vent some of this stuff - better out than in!

I bet she knows at some level that you wish she'd go off to her room and play alone.

Not a nice feeling to have to deal with when you're not quite 4 and there's another baby on the way so she'll be feeling a bit clingy anyway.

The TV is a much better option for you both - she can be near you and you don't have to engage when it's all too much for you. That's what TVs are for!

[Slinkyslink]

That is what I'm worried about though; that she can tell I don't want to be here today, looking after her. It's just the GUILT I can't handle!

She's been really great this morning though, but I have had the TV on for her all day.

How much playing on their own should a 3.8 be doing though? I didn't watch TV all day when I was that age and my mum NEVER played with me. I was quite content from a very early age to make up games with my dolls.

It just annoys me that she won't take herself off and make up a game even for a little bit. I suppose I could just switch it off, but then I enter into the 'mum, what can I dooooo?' territory and I just can't handle it.

[gagarin]

My eldest rarly played alone and the youngest who could play alone was terrified of being upstairs alone until she was about 6 !

So yours isn't unusual.

Give in gracefully and play with her a bit until Tuesday? Can you arrange for her to have a friend over she can play with?

[gagarin]

Maybe she doesn't know how to make up a game?

Do one with her and her dolls/duplo/playmobil?

[GrrrlInterrupted]

i'm trying to think what i did for DS1 when i was huge with DS2.

empty cardboard boxes and loo roll tubes on the floor. That amazed him. One day i shredded loads of newspaper everywhere, so he has newspaper to run through, use as hair etc- he loved that but it wasn't well thought through; had to crawl round trying to pick it up afterwards.

can she do rice crispie cakes? or help sort baby clothes so she feels involved?