Do you ask or tell your children when and where you are going?

[Trifle]

I make plans to do things with my children (age 6 and 8) and never dream of asking them first whether they want to go or not. Quite often they have no concept of what the outing entails so it seems pointless in asking them. I'd rather take them, try it out and 9 times out of 10 we have a blast. However, a friend of mine will never make a decision about an outing with her son (age 8) unless she has deferred to him first. I invited them rock climbing last week, she asked him and he said no so they didnt come despite him having no idea of what rock climbing is. A second invitation to go cycling was also declined despite my friend being desperate to come but as she had asked him and he refused she had no option but to say no. I often do things with mine that, had I asked them they would have refused but end up thoroughly enjoying. My point is, why defer to a child who inevitably is going to say no, why not just tell them what you are doing and do it. I've run it past a few other friends of mine with children the same age, they also never ask their children's permission first, they, as the adult, make the decision themselves. I find it infuriating.

[LaComtesse]

Well as you say, who is the adult?

I don't tend to tell my dd in case something crops up and I'll tell her where we're off to as we're physically setting out. It also saves tons of badgering. I suppose with teenagers they'll want a bit more input into family activities and so on.

[TurkeyLurkey]

Mine are 5 and 7 and I'm like you in that I just tell them whats happenning and where we are going. Like you say, they always enjoy themselves...I can't see the point of asking them..what if one DC says yes and the other says no? Just a recipe for arguments and life being made more difficult I reckon!

[MummyDoIt]

Mostly I decide what we're going to do but sometimes I'll give them a choice of two or three things and ask them to choose. Not deferring to them but I like to encourage a little decision-making on a very small scale and make them feel their opinions are valued.

[Iota]

it depends on the activity e.g sometimes we have to drag them swimming, but they love it when they get there.

[cory]

I tell them beforehand (they are 7 and 11)- but I expect them to come.

Would feel a bit silly setting off with a 7-yo without telling him where we're going, as if he was a baby. But I don't ask his permission either.

Sometimes if it doesn't really matter what we do (say an occasional inset day), I might well ask them for suggestions. I did yesterday and we ended up having a very pleasant day in local museum + picnic in the park.

When we were on holiday recently we did enjoy the discussions choosing between places to visit. But choosing not to come at all would certainly not have been an option.

[Bink]

you need Anna8888 for your opposite point of view!

I do a different thing, which masquerades as consultation but is actually fabrication of consent ... "I was just thinking ... you know how you haven't had a strawberry ice cream for a long time? ... you know how they have them in intervals ... so I thought we'd go to the theatre. How about that?" or while Dr Who theme was on "Hmm, how would it be to hear that played by a huge live orchestra?"

[pointydog]

Depends on the situation, depends on the child.

My children have always been happy and willing to try different activities. Some childrne might just not enjoy that at all.

I think you're being too harsh.

[HappyMummyOfOne]

I give DS the option sometimes and sometimes not. Personally i'd ask re things like rock climbing as its not everybodys idea of a fun day out. I remember being dragged to things I hated as a child so we do try and give DS some choice on family days out.

[AuntEm]

If the outing was just with dd2 (9) I would offer some choice - it would seem a bit pointless if she didn't enjoy it - but if whole family going out, the adults decide.

Agree about being dragged to things HappyMummy - in my case it was castles, stately homes etc (don't think family attractions had been invented then!)

[Poppychick]

I'd only ask if they actually had a choice!!