Bullet points

[NotABanana]

As the whole world knows by now we are struggling with the kids and them not doing as they are asked/told.

Have tried sending them to the naughty step (usually for hitting one another) and to their room. DS1 lost the use of the computer for a month for giving DD a black eye.

Sometimes I feel like squirting them with the shower when they are being extra defiant but I would love some ideas, have plenty for praising and treats when they are good but they don't get used very often, for when they just will not comply. It isn't the odd time they won't, it is 99% of the time when they are feeling that way out. I hate the idea of punishment but I also have to make them see they have to so as they are told.

I know I am doing this all wrong and I am sorry for posting yet again but I am trying. Read a bit of Beyond Toddlerdom this morning and it just made me feel like cr*p as it basically said it is the parents fault the kids are like they are. And when is there time to properly read these books and make notes. Some days I am so tired I can barely see.

I have no idea about discipline I remember giving in when DS1 was 2 and cried because I didn't want to upset him and that is when I started feeling scared about what my child was going to do.

[scaryteacher]

It's difficult and I don't know how old your kids are, but my DS is very strong willed, and has known exactly what buttons to press with me from a very young age...he is now 12. He may make 13.....

What I have had to do is learn tough love. I set the boundaries and try to stick to them. If he doesn't like it, I explain why the boundary is there and he can kick against it, it won't change. He has tried crying in the past, tantrums etc, but on the things that really matter to me, I hang tough. I have cancelled parties, having warned that I will, when he misbehaves...and currently, if his geography project isn't finished to my complete satisfaction by tonight, I will not be recording the Dr Who we missed last night. I'm trying to teach him that his actions have consequences, and linking them at the time.

When they kick off, ignore them....I send DS to his room as I don't want to share his temper. I put music on, read a book, have a mug of tea and wait. He eventually calms down. I've come to look at it that if he doesn't get what he wants when he wants, or even if he never gets it, no-one has died...he has a very nice lifestyle anyway, and there are loads of people worse off than him.

You have to keep doing what you've begun. Banning computers etc works for me, as does ignoring the whinges and tantrums, and I just carry on what I was doing anyway and ignore him. Do not reward bad behaviour. If they are out and they misbehave, then stop whatever it is you were doing at a moment convenient to you and take them home. If you make a threat, then you have to follow it through - my mum was very good at this one - and be consistent too. Kids need consistency and boundaries, so they know what the limits are.

[NotABanana]

mine are 7, 4 3/4 and 2 3/4

I have no ideas what to use as they don't seem that bothered about losing tv time, etc etc.