Just had a horrible time with son

[MrsSnape]

Can't bear to call him DS right now.

Just took him and his older brother to tesco and he was completely wild, diving in and out of clothes hangers, darting around the aisles, shouting and laughing manically...I kept telling him off, grabbing hold of him, trying to talk to him, warning him...everything just made him worse. People were looking at me and in the end I just ignored him and let him carry on, at least then people were not sure whether he was with me or not.

And then at the tills he climbed up onto the window ledge and started running up and down the windows (its quite high), I was stuck at the till and couldn't make him get down and my attempts at talking him down were met with more laughter and rude comments. In the end he was told off by a tesco worker which was embarrassing...he got off eventually and then as soon as her back was turned he was up again.

When I finished at the till I rushed over to him and shouted at him to get down and then this little girl started imitating my voice saying "get down now" over and over again. It was so embarrassing. I must have looked like a common fishwife.

I'm getting to the point where I really don't want him around. He shows me up everywhere we go. People have a go at me about him but I can't control him. He embarrasses me, he embarrasses his brother, I can't visit family with him because I get so shown up, I can't take him to friends houses because of the way he is, I even dread going to the shops and the hairdressers.

I just wish he could go and live with his dad, even if it was just for a few months so I could have a break. Sometimes I don't even like him. He turns me into something I hate. God knows what the neighbours must think.

Last night he was playing me up until gone 11pm, he went to bed at 7pm. In the end I lost it and screamed at him to go to sleep and he burst out laughing.

He is supposed to be under a behavioural team but they're useless.

What can I do? I just wish he could go and stay somewhere else for a while.

He's 7 by the way but acts like a 2 year old.

[cheesesarnie]

no advice but my ds1 can behave in exactly the same way and is coming up for 7.we used to put t dpown to poor speech but now speech has improved lots but behaviour isnt.speech therapist says he has to literally change habit of lifetime so starcharts for simple things such as getting dressed when hes asked-or getting dressed at all sometimes need to be simpler again-as in just put his trousers on.

[choccypig]

Don't despair Mrs.Snape, we've all had bad days. Especially me, I recall us discussing sons (and playdates) a while ago. Mine is 7 and sometimes has days like this, when I am convinced he has some SN that has not yet been identified. Or that I am the worst parent in the world. You are not a bad parent for feeling stressed and occasionally shouting, you are doing the best you can with a son that is very challenging.
My ds has improved a lot recently, and unfortunately I am not sure why, as a few things changed all at once.

1. Omega 3 blackcurrent jellies.
2. Earlier bed-times
3. Harldy any play dates, especially not with troublesome kids. Doing things just me and him instead. (mainly board games and maths, which he loves)
4. Change of teacher, they now recognise he is actually very bright and needs more challenign work at school.
5. Trying to love him more when he least deserves it. Eg. for minor bad behaviour, I will give him a cuddle and try to say something positive first, rather than yelling.
6. Lots of praise for the good things, my DS is actually doing well at school so I heap the praise on.

Hope any of this helps, I appreciate I have it easy compared to many, as only one DS and SAHM.

[HonoriaGlossop]

Is he under the behavioural team because he's been diagnosed with any thing in particular?

I think this really sounds like a negative spiral situation which are SO easy to start to fall down, and unfortunately children's behaviour will always reflect any conflict - so the child I think can not improve alone, it's the adult who must change things

In parallel with the behaviour team, why not get yourself a parenting course just to give you some more strategies and ways of coping with him? You have to deal with him anyway, so you may as well see if there are new ideas to help it be easier for you!

I'd make life easy on yourself too and avoid supermarkets or shopping. You're on-line now, so why not do Tesco's on line and save yourself the hassle of going.

I think that unless there's any specific special need that hasn't been identified, there WILL be a way for you to talk to him and deal with him which makes the conflict go away and makes him feel GOOD so that he doesn't have this need to be bad...

[choccypig]

Thinking about you Mrs.Snape, as we just had a relatively pleasant evening with DS.

I just remembered, the other thing that has changed around here is no TV. not even for grownups. Amuch less computer games, only allowed as a reward. I find if you try to withdraw things for bad behaviour, they get over stressed, or else think, well I've lost it now, so may as well go the whole hog. Whereas if it's a reward, for specific good things, the whole thing seems more positive somehow, and less likely to cause a tantrum when they don't get it.

[MrsSnape]

Thanks so much for the messages of support, I was so down earlier. I have a lot on my mind at the moment and am I bit down anyway without DS playing up so I think it probably seemed worse in my mind than it was but I almost broke down crying on the phone to my mum when she phoned to let me know she'd enjoyed her holiday so I pulled myself out of it.

We went to karate tonight and he was still playing up there, I get annoyed at him and look around the room expecting everyone else to be getting annoyed and they're all in hysterics. He's a clown and I suppose he can be funny, he just doesn't know when to stop.

He ended up getting 3 sets of press-ups tonight from sensei...it made me laugh really because sensei commented that DS will grow up very strong lol (he gets press-ups every week).

Unfortunately, can't do tesco online as credit card is maxed

I'm also wondering if his behaviour has spirraled out of control these past few days because of all the sweets from the easter eggs? He had a tube of smarties straight after his breakfast this morning (without permision)? I really don't know.

[Scotia]

MrsSnape, my ds can be like this at times too - he's a bit younger (4) but he still leaves me open mouthed with shock sometimes at the things he gets up to. I have noticed he is worse if he's eaten sweets/chocolate etc. I never really believed food could have such an effect on a child's behaviour before - I've got 4 older girls who were never affected in that way - but I sure believe in it now.

I don't have any advice, just wanted to say sorry you had a bad day, keep your chin up.