How do I prepare dd1 for dh?s upcoming brain surgery?

[ProfYaffle]

Dh had a benign brain tumour (meningioma) removed almost 4 years ago, he fully recovered with no ill effects other than loss of sense of smell. Unfortunately, the tumour has come back and he?s facing a 2nd round of surgery, smaller than the last lot tho - as brain surgery goes it?s fairly routine.

My main worry at the moment is dd1, she was 6 weeks old when he had his first op but will be just turned 4 for the upcoming op. Last time he looked horrific after the surgery with the huge scar and really shocking swelling, nurses on the ward said it was the most severe case of bruising they?d ever seen.

How does a 4 year old cope with seeing her Daddy like this??? I?m hoping that it may not be so bad this time round but I?m thinking if he?s prone to bruising like a peach it?s likely to happen this time too.

If anyone has any advice it would be very, very gratefully received.

[ProfYaffle]

Anyone?

[Milliways]

Have you got any photo's of last time. You could tell her about it, ask if she want's to see and then remind her how normal he is now?

Or,does he have a scar she can find in his head to talk about it was OK before, it will be again?

Bumping for you anyway

[ProfYaffle]

Sadly we don't have any photos, we took some but fil in his infinite wisdom deleted them from our camera without telling us. He thought it would be too upsetting for dh to see them

Good idea though

(don't know where all the ? in the op came from, how odd)

[ProfYaffle]

Last bump before I let this thread die the death it seems to be yearning for.

[Alambil]

How long did it take for the worst of the swelling to go down? Could your DD just not visit for that period?

My DS was 4 when he came to see my dad in hospital after spine surgery - he was wired to a drip and had a collar/huge scar up the back of his head and DS took a gasp but was fine after that.

I think kids are more adaptable than we think really - just explain that Daddy will look XYZ and may have some wires that the doctors put in to give him medicines.

Hope the surgery goes well and he recovers quickly

[lionbeast]

hi pro, i was going to say photos too, although maybe you could draw a picture and just explain it to your dd, well as best as you can,, i agree with lewisfan kids are much more adaptable than we think, she might just turn around and say oh what a big head youve got daddy, in the way kids do

anyway sorry if my advice sucks, but just want to wish you the best of luck for you and your family xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[Milliways]

DD was 4 when her Grandad had surgery which left him with staple stitches all aroung his neck (Frankenstein style). She was actually rather fascinated.

As LewisFan says - kids are much more adaptable than we think they will be.

Good Luck

[lennygrrl]

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[cba]

could you aske the hospital if they have post operative photos that you could use to explain to dd

[lennygrrl]

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[ProfYaffle]

The swelling took months to go completely, the worst was gone after about 3 or 4 weeks I think. I remember a particularly League of Gentlemenish visit to the shops a couple of days after he got home from hospital, wearing a baseball cap and sunglasses with blood pouring out of his nose. Strangers were recoiling in the street (understandably!)

When i first saw him it was a shock but I got used to it fairly quickly, maybe she'll be the same.

Trouble is, I don't want to build it up too much because she'll worry about seeing him post op, but if I don't say enough it'll be a huge shock.

[lennygrrl]

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[ProfYaffle]

Cross posted with everyone then, got distracted by Sean and Vi in Corrie.

not seeing him isn't an option I don't think 'cos it took so long to go last time.

Thanks for the replies, was beginning to feel a bit lonely there.

[ProfYaffle]

Ooh, play specialist sounds good, I'll have to research that.

[lennygrrl]

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[andiemustlosehalfastonemore]

Hi Yaffle children are very accepting of things and don't think about them too deeply in the way that we do. They don't have the fear associated with illness as at that age they can't think ahead about what might be. I would explain what is going to happen and what daddy will look like in simple terms. I would not exclude her from visiting the fear of the unknown is much worse for children than the reality iyswim
I have worked for many years in children's icu so have dealt with lots of siblings who have come to see other siblings and also with bereaved children when they have come to see their siblings they take everything at face value and do have a morbid curiosity
Hope it goes well for your dh

[lennygrrl]

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[ProfYaffle]

That's really helpful, thanks.