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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Do you think older parents stress more?

43 replies

Mog · 15/02/2008 19:07

I was chatting with a mum at the school gates and she said she thought that because she was an older mum, she took parenting a bit too seriously. I'd never thought about this before. What do others think? It's an interesting idea. I'm an older mum myself and find it hard to imagine what a twenty year old me would be like as a mum.
Lets have a Friday night discuss.

OP posts:

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paddyclamp · 15/02/2008 19:09

What are you classing an older mum as?

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ivykaty44 · 15/02/2008 19:10

I think it is all to do with personality rather than age.

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beautifuldays · 15/02/2008 19:11

i am a worrier/stressy parent to a 3yr old and 1 yr old and i'm 25

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bluenosesaint · 15/02/2008 19:12

Mmmm interesting q.

I was 23 when i had dd1 and 31 when i had dd3. I actually think i've mellowed a lot and am much calmer and laid back in my approach with everything i do with dd3.

Saying that, the reason for my mellowness (is that a word?) relating to dd3 could be experience rather than age, so i don't really know.

I'm a great help aren't i?!

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Iota · 15/02/2008 19:13

less

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bluenosesaint · 15/02/2008 19:13

For the record, at the age of 23, I took parenting verrrrrrrrrrry seriously ...

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Iota · 15/02/2008 19:14

IME parents of one stress more than parents of several

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southeastastra · 15/02/2008 19:16

yes, i stress so much more with my 6 year old than i did when i had my first son at 23.

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motherinferior · 15/02/2008 19:16

I'm definitely an older parent - had DD1 at 37, DD2 at 40, am now 44 - and don't really stress much about it, compared to properly good parents.

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evenhope · 15/02/2008 19:18

Depends what you mean by stress. I had DD1 at 22 and got really stressed over her development, behaviour, feeding, dressing....

I had DD2 at 43. I get quite panicky that she's going to die, and have to check her quite often but everything else- no not a problem. I'm in no hurry for her to walk, talk, go to school. If she won't eat something I give her something else. But then a lot of that is because I've done it before.

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Mog · 15/02/2008 19:23

Evenhope - you've had experience at both ends of the spectrum. What do you find are the differences? A lot of people say energy but I can't see how I could do more than I do with the children. I think parenthood is just sapping whatever age you are.

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seeker · 15/02/2008 19:25

I am a SERIOUSLY older parent, and I don't think I stress very much at all. But I am quite militant about stuff (I was DESPERATE for someone to challenge me about breastfeeding in public so that I could demolish them with my carefully prepared tirade, but no one ever did!) and I don't hesitate to tackle the system if I need to. Which I don't think I could have done when I was 20. I was prepared to rail against Governments and The Man in all his manifestations - but I think I probably would have crumpled in the face of a stroppy health visitor!

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Bridie3 · 15/02/2008 19:27

I am 44 and have a nine-year old and an eleven-year old. I don't fret much.

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juuule · 15/02/2008 19:30

How old do you mean by 'older mum'?

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Mog · 15/02/2008 19:50

I suppose mid to late 30's and above

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hifi · 15/02/2008 19:52

i consider myself an older mum, 40, don't necessarily stress on the everyday but because i have read so much before dd i stress out I'm not doing enough.
its like life in general, didnt stress about anything when younger, now more so.

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needmorecoffee · 15/02/2008 19:53

I think I'm a lot calmer. I had my first 3 between 23 and 26 and dd2 at 35. And thank goodness. dd is brain damaged. If I stressed I'd explode!

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seeker · 15/02/2008 20:19

Mid to late 30'is young!

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MrsTittleMouse · 15/02/2008 20:27

We have a friend who waited a long time to have children (her DH wanted to wait until "the time was right"). I think that she'd spent so much time thinking about children and wanting them that when she did have them she took everything very seriously.
On the other hand, I think that DH and I are quite relaxed and we're just as old as they were when they had their DC.

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evenhope · 15/02/2008 20:27

Mog I think the biggest difference is that with DD1 we were desperate to do everything "right" and took notice of mum and mil and the HV. We tied ourselves up in knots trying to make sure we did things properly.

This time we do what we feel. We have the confidence to know we can do it. My mum tells me DD2 should be in a cot and have a proper bedtime. Co-sleeping and no routine works for us (up to a point!) so I tell her I'm doing it my way.

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juuule · 15/02/2008 20:31

I think it's probably more to do with elements of personality and experience rather than age alone.

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vonsudenfed · 15/02/2008 20:32

I was over 40 when dd was born, and am definitely much less stressed as a result - I'm a much calmer person than I was in my 20s, and much more confident in my own opinions, both of which I think help a great deal.,

But I'm also less stressed - and this might not be true of everyone - because I'm not at all bothered about work now. I've done my time in the media and, to be honest, got bored of it, and got to a level I didn't much enjoy either. So now I am very happy to have downshifted - both in terms of job and location - in order to spend more time with dd and not service a career as well.

And now I must get off Mumsnet and tidy the house because my parents are coming tomorrow, and that still does stress me....

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bluenosesaint · 15/02/2008 20:33

Evenhope - i could have wrote that myself!

Thats exactly how it was for me.

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PaulaYatesBiggestFan · 15/02/2008 20:36

much less tsressed parent at 40 than i was in early 20's
so much more chilled - my priorites are different

difficult to quantify as i now have teenagers which cause a hell of a lot of grief BUT i am less stressed as a primary mum

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Psychomum5 · 15/02/2008 20:38

not read the other posts yet, so may repeat smeone.....

how the hell would we know tho????

the younger parents will still fuss and bother, but cos they are already parents before they get 'old', then there would be no way to find out ir they would have been worse or calmer IYGWIM.

I was HELL for worrying about SIDS when DD1 (DC1) was born, and as bad again when DS2 (DC5) came along 8yrs later.......and now that they need more freedom as they hit there teens I am still as bad, only in a differnet way as the risks are different.

one thing tho.....I drink more now I am older, so is that a sign.....