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Can we statrt a Biters Anon Support Thread?

7 replies

mezzer · 12/02/2008 14:55

Hi, my name is Mezzer and my dd (2.1) is a biter.

And, it's killing me. Not physically, of course, but mentally. She started nursery yesterday and in the space of 3 hours bit two of the other kids. One had a nasty bruise. I am so embarrassed. And, I just don't know how to make her stop. She almost never bites me (has a few times) but sometimes suddenly decides to take a chomp out of other kids. When she does, I move her to the other side of the room, say NO BITING and give attention to the poor victim and then I go and have a talk with her about how it's NOT ok to bite, etc. But, it doesn't seem to be working. And, I'm mortified. Almost tempted not to go back to nursery.

I need advice and probably just a bit of hand-holding. Other mums of biters - how long did it last? Please tell me they don't always turn into aggressive bullying children? Please!

Anyone else want to join me?

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MrsEi25 · 12/02/2008 15:04

hi mezzer my DD is also 2.1 and a biter/scratcher. she does however direct it almost exclusively towards me FWIW you sound as if you are handling it quite well. just be unwavering in her 'punishment' and she will grow out of it. my DD is getting alot less biting urges nowadays but a few months back it was awful as she just wanted to take a chunk out of me all the time. i think she is starting to grow out of it now (hopefully) and your DD will too HTH (oh and il gladly join the biter anon group if you want
xx ei xx

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Flamesparrow · 12/02/2008 15:09

I raise my hand.

My name is Flame, and Flameboy (2 in a couple of weeks) is a biter.

Not a lot seems to fix it - he does it in temper - either when I am removing him from something he wants to do (turning the tv on and off), making him do something he doesn't want (clip in the car seat), or his sister is picking on him.

He has only bitten once at nursery. The mood he is in today though, I am wary about sending him tomorrow.

DD was a spitter and hair puller. I have blocked out how long the stage lasted - probably because I was pregnant with DS at the end of it and I was too tired to care!!

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mezzer · 12/02/2008 15:11

Thanks MrsEi25. I really wish it was directed at me. It would be easier to discipline her (I'd always be there in the heat of the moment) and I wouldn't feel so awful about her hurting other kids.

I was wondering if it would help to get her a bracelet or something similar that she could bite. Like, teach her to bite that when she feels the urge to bite. Does that make sense? Or, better to try to get her to stop having the urge itself? but, how would I do that...

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mezzer · 12/02/2008 15:18

DD does her fair share of hair pulling too, Flame. More of a pounce on the victim and grab hair by the roots and hold on. Sigh. She does seem to have stopped doing that as much though.

I'm hopeful that the nursery thing won't be constant. fingers crossed that it was just an issue of being unsettled during the first day. hopeful...

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Shannaratiger · 12/02/2008 15:28

My DD is 4 and still bites. She does have language delay though and as her speech is improving her frustration and bitting is reducing.

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MrsEi25 · 12/02/2008 15:41

i think its more of a frustration thing TBH and is a phase alot of toddlers go through. she is at the point where she wants to say what she means but isnt quite as articulate as that yet. (my DD is better behaved when she knows the word for something or hasnt been told off for being a little minx) they generally find a way of venting the frustration and unfortunately it is usually in a mildly violent way i sometimes wish her frustration was directed elsewhere but i dont know if i would deal with that any better (i would like to try though sometimes) its all down to consistency and perseverance and it will fade away eventually
xx ei xx

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mezzer · 12/02/2008 16:17

I've also been trying to teach her what to say when she's upset "Stop it!" "Don't do that!" "Don't touch me (she doesn't like being touched, especially on her hair, when tired)". So we have little "what do you say if you are angry?" conversations. And she now answers "Stop it!" etc. Hopefully that will help her. I agree that it's probably largely a frustration issue at not being able to communicate their anger.