How to get my baby son to settle for his daddy.

[alicet]

Your help would be appreciated ladies....

Ds2 (4 months) is going through a phase where he goes absolutely ballistic if dh tries to settle him at bedtime. Perfectly happy to be held / fed / settled / anything else by dh (who is a very hands on dad)during the day. We didn't have this at all with ds1.

This has happened the last 3 times dh has been putting him to bed (we alternate the boys bedtimes). Ds2 has settled as soon as I have gone in to help. Dh doesn't seem to be holding him any different or doing anything different to me. And I'm not bf and haven't been since he was 6 weeks old so don't think its anything to do with that.

Any suggestions as to what we can do about this and why it is happening? I have heard of children favouring one parent when they're older but not this little...

[benfmsmum]

Perhaps you could try both being there for a couple of nights, with your dh there first with you holding then the next night dh holding and you there and then gradually you withdrawing from the scenario till dh is doing it on his own? If your dh is anxious about it then ds2 will pick up on that - easier said that to not be anxious though when your little bundle is screaming I know!!

[alicet]

Thanks for that benfmsmum- we have thought about trying this. Only trouble is ds1 is only 2 (well 2 next week!) so it would be tricky to both be focusing so much attention on ds2 at a time when he is most clingy....

[benfmsmum]

Could you stagger the bedtimes? I only have one ds so its easy for me to preach! It must be difficult for you both to know what's best!

[benfmsmum]

Just thought, maybe you could put ds1 to bed and dh hold ds2 and you read a story to both before taking ds2 to his bed (cot) that way ds2 will hopefully be more settled with dh before he starts bedtime routine and ds1 gets quality time too?

[Dalrymps]

The only thing I can say is to 2nd the thing about being anxious, if ds is screaming I always make sure I force myself to relax my face even if I feel stressed and try my best to smile gently, I do this cause I saw a program (it was actually about pnd) and the therapist woman in it was saying our facial expressions make a lot of difference and that sometimes we look tense without realising it. Of course this might not be the problem at all but the other person mentioning it just reminded me

[alicet]

Thanks ladies.

Benfmsmum we already have slightly staggered bedtimes that the boys have kind of got into by themselves but unfortunately ds2 is shattered earlier!

Dal thanks too - dh says he already does something similar to this to keep relaxed as he is concious this could make a difference and anyway doesn't feel that stressed - he doesn't appear to either when I go in.

Think we will try one more night as normal and then if that doesn't work try to do a variation of what you suggest benfmsmum. Thanks all!

[benfmsmum]

Good luck!! I'm sure you'll all sort it out between you!! Let us know how you get on!!

[alicet]

Well we tried the both of us doing it with dh gradually doing more and ds2 screamed until I held him everytime. Then I had a meltdown on Thurs (supreme tiredness to cut a long story short) and we decided that for all our sanity dh just needed to get on with it and if he screamed and wouldn't take his bottle tough. Sounds harsh but it worked! So now he is back to being happy having dh settle him and I am very relieved! Lovely though it is to feel that you are the only person in the world your lo needs it's very restrictive too....