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Parenting

Advice re: 2 DD's

12 replies

Winston · 26/01/2008 10:18

I have 2 gorgeous DD's but I am at a loss as to what to do with them. My problem is they can not be left alone for a minute, and when I say a minute I mean it. As I type this they are at war together screaming at each other and shouting for me! DD1 is 5 and DD2 is 2. When DD1 is at school DD2 plays well alone and usually very good. However together they are a nightmare. They CONSTANTLY fight, pull hair, scream at one another and I have no clue what to do with them. The added problem of not being able to leave them is getting me down as I literally cant get on and do anything and have no time for myself apart from bed time when I have to catch up on all the chores because they havent given me a minutes peace during the day. I have tried all sorts. I get them to play games together (always ends in tears), do activities together. I also allow time alone from each other. I think DD1 finds it hard as DD2 is bad for trashing her toys and as much as I try and stop her she still does it. Its ended up with me putting DD1 toys up in her room so she has to play up there but that makes me feel like I am punishing her.My DH works long hours. He has worked all week and now working all weekend so I am battling this alone. I feel like its an attention thing and they are both trying to get my attention but it ends in me locking myself in the bathroom listening to them. Its so odd they wont even get toys and things out unless I do it. They will just bicker and wait for me to come in an initiate play. We do get out and about but there are times during the day I need to get on and clean, cook iron etc. Where am I going wrong guys? Advice would be great.

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Alambil · 26/01/2008 11:41

Could you give them some sort of punishment (time out or whatever) EVERY time they do something wrong in this way? No matter if one of them ends up on the stairs a million times in a day - they will soon get the message...?

Could you get a toybox that the 2 yr old can't open so it can stay downstairs - then when the 5yr old plays, you keep an eye on the little one and take her out at the first sign of destroying a toy?

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Winston · 26/01/2008 11:53

Thanks for response LewisFan. I do punish them if they misbehave and it does happen many times a day. DD2 can be quite aggressive but because she is 2 she sees punishment as a great attention seeker and I seriously think she enjoys 'time out', it seems impossible to tell her when her behaviour is unaccpetable. DD1 does have a big plastic box for all her small stuff (chewable!) and other toys and before she started school and when DD2 was having day time naps she would get the box out and play away. Now being at school and the fact DD2 no longer has a nap that idea has gone out the window. I have read everything I can think of and get more confused as to what is the right way to sort it out. I am beginning to think its a question of leave them to fight it out and sort it themselves. Totally fed up with it all.

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bigdonna · 27/01/2008 11:44

my kids are older,they did not start fighting until about aged6 and 8yrs,but i found sticker charts worked when my ds son shared or did something kind for his sister he got sticker.have you tried (sorry this sounds patronising im not) teaching them how to play together.i was a nanny for sixteen years lots of kids i looked after just needed to be shown how to play nicely,to share and respect other people.good luck

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Winston · 27/01/2008 12:51

Hi bigdonna, thanx for responding. Its not patronising what you said and I totally agree. I have spent time trying to get them to play games together and they both love dolls so we usually do some sort of role play with them. It just always seems to end in tears so to be honest I had given up. I think its a question now of keeping on the ball all day and perhaps like you suggested use sticker charts to reward. I am just wondering if 2 is too young to understand the concept of sticker charts though? DD1 has had a star chart but dont feel its fair for one to have and not the other.I really want them to learn to respect each other and share and I realise it doesnt come naturally but fingers crossed we get there in the end!Thanx again.

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ConnieDescending · 27/01/2008 13:02

I've had this problem before so can totally sympthise! Can I suggest you get a copy of the book 'siblings without the rivalry'. Its a great book and really helpful.

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WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 13:06

What happens if you ignore the screaming and fighting?

It's hard, and you'd have visions of them killing each other, but it is attention-seeking behaviour as you said, and if the attention just doesn't happen with all the screaming and fighting it would take all the fun out of it for them.

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TheHonEnid · 27/01/2008 13:08

I think you are expecting too much of them tbh. At 5, kids are starting to play 'properly' and can often make very intricate worlds with their polly pockets etc which of course they dont want trashed by maurauding toddlers.

I dont think keeping dd1s toys in her room is punishment - it is sensible!

dd1 and dd2 know that if they want to remain dd3 'free' they must go to their rooms and play. any toys downstairs are open for dd3 to play with too if she wishes.

that often means I have to entertain dd3 (almost 2) myself while dd2 (5) plays alone but dd2 likes it that way

if your dd2 is only just 2 I would say she is too young for ANY sort of punishment re toys and games, let alone sticker charts.

They do have to learn to share you, and their toys. It does improve, I can promise!

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TheHonEnid · 27/01/2008 13:10

and as for getting things done when the girls are in bed - welcome to my world!!

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WendyWeber · 27/01/2008 13:12

Alternatively, keep them apart more - if they're only allowed to play together if they play nicely (horrible expression but they'll know what it means!) and are separated instantly every time they fight they might start wanting to play together.

Letting DD1 play with her own toys alone in her room won't seem to her like a punishment if it means she can play in peace for a bit.

(It's a long time since mine were small and at the bickering/fighting stage but I seem to remember trying that! Good luck anyway )

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TheHonEnid · 27/01/2008 13:15

dont try and treat them the same - they are at v different ages and should be treated differnetly

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Winston · 27/01/2008 14:56

Blimey, went off for my sunday roast and came back to more reponses, thank you. I have taken on board your advice. THE, you are right, they are different ages so they should be treated differently, its so easy to forget that, especially when DD2 seems much older than 2.WW, I do ignore them some of the time now, I tend to get on with other stuff and just listen to them battle it out. It always ends with one of them in tears because the other one hit, pulled hair, snatched toy etc. I think at that point I will try the whole "if you cant play nicely together then you have to play apart" and see how that pans out.I will see how DD1 gets on playing in her room too. Its good to hear people dont see it as a punishment as thats how it seemed to me but feel happier about that. Bless them, I love them so much but they drive me mental!

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Winston · 27/01/2008 14:57

Connie, havent read that book, am big on reading parenting books (not always a good thing!) so will give that a try, thank you.

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