Behaviour worries with my 1 year old, help please

[Poppychick]

My little man seems to have a really bad temper and already shows signs of tantrums etc. He is just one and will scream as soon as he can't get his own way. He regularly stamps his feet, flails his arms around flapping and today I'm sure he was deliberately trying to hit me out of the way.

Can anyone suggest how to approach this? I am so far using terrible twos tactics but he doesn't understand a lot of what I say.

When he messes me around is it better to ignore him, be firm turn away???

Would you be worried about long term behaviour problems?

[Twiglett]

what are you doing at the moment?

I would say ignore the tantrum and distract to something else

if he's hitting you then pop him on the floor at your feet and then after a few seconds distract with something else

I think at 1 distraction is best .. it's mainly frustration over his inability to communicate what he wants .. you could consider some form of sign language (but I never did this)

and I think it's fairly normal behaviour not a problem at all .. this is why people say raising children is tough

[chankins]

No don't be worried - my 8 mo old ds displays all the things you have described !
I think of it in a good way, ie he is ahead of himself developmentally ! At that age he can't possibly have any notionof good and bad behaviour and is just displaying his emotions and frustrations. I would say 'no' when you need to, but distract, ignore, cuddle, talk or sing him away from the tantrum. He does not know what he is doing.My little man crawls towards the dds and whatever they have he wants, and cries andscreams when they say no, or take away something not suitable for him.
I just feel kind of proud that he is determined and strong minded. You can shape it in a positive way later on.
Sorry I think I rambled on a bit then... have ha d a few wines ! (It is fri night !)
But do not worry, he sounds like a little character and that level of determination will be great later on x

[Poppychick]

Well I try positive discipline like "Oh DD is being a good girl, well done you're showing DS how to eat his tea aren't you".

Then when DS is being good lots of attention and laughing with him. When he starts I'll kind of say "Oh dear" and wander off returning after a several seconds to try an distract.

Do you have boys? I am still not reassured that this is 'normal'

[Poppychick]

Chankins - thank you the behaviour you describe is identical to my DS with his sister.

Just to know it's normal is good, yes I think he is a bright button but then I also think maybe everyone thinks that of their own child!!!

[chankins]

Well ds is my first boy, and he is very similar to dd1.
TBH it was great later on, her determination and strong0mind has helped her to so many things very quickly, while dd2 is much more laid back and relaxed so has done everything a lot later.
I don't think it is a boy thing !
Just character. And age of course. I bet he'll be a sweetie once he can talk !

[Twiglett]

what's boys got to do with it? he's a baby

yes I have one of each .. the girl has always been more challenging than the boy

it is normal, whether you wish to believe it or not

[Poppychick]

The fact that he is a boy and so different to my DD is the reason why I feel it may or may not be something that is particular to boys!

[qwertpoiuy]

Poppy, my DS was the exact same at 1. He is now 7 and doing well at school, great around the house and at entertaining his 14-month-old sister.
It annoys me now when I recall others telling me he was going to be a problem child, and implied he would be a delinquent.
Like the other mumsnetters say, he's only a baby and can't communicate properly yet.

[Poppychick]

Thanks I do think it's definately the communication thing!!

It's a shame that others feel the need to comment about others' children saying they'll be naughty or whatever, no one has said it to me. It's just that I'm such a worrier and always think the worst.

cheers

[PortAndLemon]

It is normal (not all children start this early, but plenty do). DS kicked off the terrible twos when he was around 10-11 months. Distraction or ignoring seem to be the best approaches, and DS got a lot easier once he could talk and could communicate better. Now he's three (well, three in a couple of days) he's certainly no worse than his contemporaries in terms of behaviour.

[mrspnut]

I often point at nothing in particular and say "what's that" which usually works because she will want to look as well, otherwise I ignore.

I let her lie on the floor in supermarkets and shop because I couldn't give a stuff what other people think. If anyone said anything to me they'd get the death stare.

[colditz]

Perfectly normal, shows an understanding of cause (tantrum) and effect (attention and own way) or is simply frustration.

normal normal normal. You may find he has a slightly hotter temper than his peers, but he's probably a brighter child too

[Poppychick]

No idea where he gets his temper from!

oh dear ...

[Vmama]

I was just about to post on a similar subject. My DS is nearly 1 and at times just seems really willful. I'm currently battling to get him drinking milk out of a cup instead of a bottle and I swear he knows how to drink out of a cup (has water from it) but flatly refuses to have milk from anything other than his normal bottle -I even tried one of those Avent bottle to cup trainer things today and he screamed at me

He also flings himself back if he's annoyed about something and bats me away with his hands almost hitting me when he's not getting what he wants.

I feel like he'sonly like this with me and it must be because he doesn't love me in the way that other babies love their mummies. DH has an amazing bond with him but after difficult birth ending in emergency CS and loads of drugs I feel like i missed out on the initial bonding with him and now I just feel like another person in his life -I don't feel special to him at all. DH tells me that I do have a bond with him and I can make him laugh all the time -he's generally really happy but when he's not you really know it and it seems like this is usually directed at me -I feel like he hates me which i realise is totally irrational but I do. I don't always feel like this but when i do i just feel like crying. I often wonder if because DH is so close to home it's somehow interfered with the maternal bind im supposed to have with him.

It all stems from when I was home all day with him and he used to fight his naps to the point where he was screaming at me and I was sobbing -sometimes it would take an hour to get him to sleep for 20 mins and it almost destroyed me. Then suddenly he just started doing it.

Am I going mad or does anyone else have moments like these?

[Poppychick]

Oh yes, I do. They are less often now but I can relate to some of what you said. I have no 'excuse' as in I had a perfect homebirth experience with my DS so no idea why this is.

My instinct is that they take us for granted a bit you know when they say we hurt those we love most. That's what I tell myself.

[HaventSleptForAYear]

It gets better when they can talk (from my exp. with DS1.) Vmama - I had this with DS1, I think it's just first time round stress, there's such pressure to feel this perfect love for their kids and noone else ever seems to get fed up/frustrated/feel unloved by theirs.
With DS2 I'm more relaxed and don't take it so personally iyswim - hope you can get past it - I had a really bad stage with DS1 til he was 18 mths or so - felt like selling him and was genuinely glad to hand him over to childminder in the morning .
Am gritting my teeth for it to happen with DS2 but despite same behaviour I seem to be coping better this time.
sorry if this is unhelpfuL?

[HaventSleptForAYear]

maternal bind Vmama - says it all !!!

[Vmama]

oops meant maternal bond! Feel bit better now thanks everyone -feel bad for passing my insecurities onto him maybe it's me who needs to get a grip! Just scared of being a less than perfect mum i guess -though DS is actually teaching me so much -have always been a perfectionist and am quickl learning that the one time you can't be a perfectionist is when you have kids! Just hate myself for getting impatient with him when i should know better!

[PortAndLemon]

Vmama -- typically they are actually like that with the person they feel most secure with, not least. He knows he can rely on you 100% so doesn't hold back.

[cory]

Vmama, your ds sounds exactly like my dd at that age. The tempers, the arching back...yeah, we've been there. And usually perfectly well behaved with other people.

Well, DD is now 11, and I don't think there are many daughters and mothers that are that close. So being angry with me was sign of a special bond. And she has never been in trouble at school, never had problems getting on with other children- in short, there was nothing wrong with her! In a way, it made it easier to have had those early temper tantrums; the preteen years haven't come as a dreadful shock.

Apparently, I was similar: my mum went around muttering 'I'll never rear that child!'. But from the age of or 5, she thought me very mature, which is what I feel about dd.

Ds, on the other hand, was a very laidback toddler, but is more angry now at the age of 7. With us, not with friends or school. I don't think it's a sign of bad parenting, just something he has to go through.

[Vmama]

oh thank you that makes me feel loads better. He was so cute this morning that it made me feel very silly for worrying but hey I guess I wouldn't be a mum if I didn't!

thanks everyone