Fibbing - how do you deal with it?

[MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear]

My dd1 is 3 years and 4 months.

In the last few days she's done a few naughty things. (drawn on a wall, biro'd her leg and dd2s face, drawn on her bed and ripp the wallpaper from my mums wall)

When we have questionned her about these incidents she refuses to admit that she did it and blames her sister. There is no look of guilt on her face nor does she look as though she would admit it anytime soon.

I was under the impression that little children cannot lie for toffee. I've been proved wrong.

Have you any tips on how to cope with lying please. She is (I think) a typical, demanding 3yo but I'm finding it hard to deal with this phase. Any help is greatly appreciated.

[Countingthegreyhairs]

There's a quote in "Raising Happy Children" by Jan Parker and Jan Simpson about 3 & 4 yr olds finding it difficult to separate fantasy from reality - but I share your experience. DD (4.5 yrs) knows exactly when she has done something wrong and tries to deflect the blame quite skilfully by blaming it on her "imaginary" friend ... I find it quite hard to keep a straight face sometimes.

However, the book goes on to say that you shouldn't worry too much about it at this age and advises that we should:

• talk about lying and explain why the truth is important (crying wolf etc),

• understand power of child's imagination,

• encourage truth-telling eg "If you were to tell me you drew on the wall I'd be sad because we have to re-paint it, but I would also be pleased with you for admitting it". (I've definitely gone wrong here because I think I've been too strict/over-reacted when dd has admitted to taking something without permission in the past - hence her story telling now.)

-set an example!!! (explain why you have told a white lie if you are caught out). Think long and hard before covering up for a child's lie.

• let them know you know - but gently (humour works - pretend their nose is growing etc!) - so story-telling doesn't become a habit. If story harmless say "I used to wish things happened that way too". If you know for sure she is lying say (calmly) "I saw you draw on that wall, what do you want to do to clean it up?"

This book is my bible!! Hope it helps ... Your dd sounds very bright to me ....

[MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear]

"- encourage truth-telling eg "If you were to tell me you drew on the wall I'd be sad because we have to re-paint it, but I would also be pleased with you for admitting it". (I've definitely gone wrong here because I think I've been too strict/over-reacted when dd has admitted to taking something without permission in the past - hence her story telling now.)"

This sounds good I've been trying to work out what and how to say it.

Thanks for the advice. I'll certainly be talking it over with dh.

[MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear]

Any more tips/advice?

[MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear]

Now I'm jealous - just me and Greyhairs who have dcs who fib?

[Alambil]

My DS (5 yrs) tells the occasional lie - he gets 2 punishments then. 1 for the misdemeanor and 1 for lying about it.

If he tells the truth, he only gets a punishment for the misdemeanor (if it warrants it).

It works - he rarely lies now and at worst, comes clean on first round of questionning!

[MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear]

Thanks LewisFan - My DH reckons boys are bad liars!

[cherryredretrochick]

My Dd always blames her sister, even if you saw her do it. I just ignore.

[MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear]

Bump

[missnevermind]

My friend tells her son that his tounge is black when she knows he has told a lie.

If he is telling the truth he will stick it out so that she can check it. If he has told a lie then he wont......

[MargoWishesYouAHappyNooNooYear]

Aah, that's an old one (tried and tested on me)