Question for sahm with approx 2 yr age gap. Can two be just as easy as one? Slightly irritated by MIL and SIL comments.

[DontlookatmeImshy]

I am expecting no.2 in March. Have told dh in advance to expect things to change and that he will have to start doing more himself re: looking after the children, and he has acknowledged and accepted this.

However over Christmas MIL and SIL were quite happily telling him how 2 are no more trouble/work/etc than one! Bearing in mind that MIL has a 5 year gap between her 2 so one was at school by the time no.2 came, and SIL had a 2 year gap between her 2 (our gap will be 2.5 years) but went back to work leaving them with MIL but for either of them it's hardly the same as dealing with 2 little ones on a 24/7 basis. (It doesn't help that MIL is bionic and has more energy than me and dh put together lol)

Made it quite clear to dh how I was upset by their comments, how their situations were different so not comparable, but also said I would be over the moon if they were right but if I do struggle with 2 then don't want him to think I'm just making it up. He was fine with this.

So, did you find 2 to be no more work than one or did you find the complete opposite?

[Dottydot]

Two children with a 2 year age gap is DEFINITELY more work than having one...

There's 28 months between our ds's and the first few weeks/months (years?!) were bloody exhausting. The older one's utterly jealous of the time you spend with the baby and you can't nap during the day with the baby because you've got the big one to look after.

Oh joy.

Have to say now they're 6 and nearly 4 they're wonderful - still catching up on the lost sleep though...

[tassisssss]

Hmmm, I'm a SAHM but with a 3.5 year gap and although it was all lovely i have to say that your mum and MIL are talking rubbish of course it's more work

on the plus side, after the first few months your older one will amuse your wee one completely and you'll hardly use all the baby toys/door bouncer etc etc that you thought were essentials last time!

[ThreeBluecubs]

When your second is a baby, I think you can reasonably expect it to be much more work. You have to fit in feeding/nappies etc alongside a first child who may be feeling a bit fragile.

However, once they get old enough to be friends and can both talk and play together properly, then I think you possibly get a bit more freedom as you can run off and do jobs in the house whilst they are playing. Plus they can amuse each other when you are out.

Were they trying to make sure you don't worry about coping with two?

[tassisssss]

why didn't my bold work??

will try again...of course

[tassisssss]

aaaargh, will give up now!

[LadyMuck]

The jump from 1 to 2 is less than from 0 to 1. And looking after 2 isn't twice as much work as looking after 1. Obviously the first few months are hard work, but as they get a bit older it is actually easier, especially if they play with each other. Mine are 4 and 6 and I would say that having 2 is in many ways easier than having one.

So on average I'd probably tend to agree, but there will be moments when it is much much harder than 1 - especially in the first year!

[Dottydot]

Hmm... I'm having flashbacks now to those first few months with ds2 as a baby and ds1 as a 2 year old. It was a nightmare! Yes, as they get older it starts to be easier to have two, as they form a little team and entertain themselves. But the first year or so is tough...

[soapbox]

I think it depends on the children really. I have an 19month gap between my two and actually it was very easy indeed. My DH started a new job and was away traveling much of the time when DC2 was little, including a week long residential course the week after he was born

I had a dying father to add to the equation too and TBH the children were the least of my worries.

I think most of the lifestyle changes happen with the first child and routines etc are already established etc so no2 just kind of slips into things.

Your SIL will have valid experience though, as she presumably didn;t go back to work the minute she gave birth!

Just wait and see what it is like - you might surprise yourself!

[holidaywonk]

Agree with everyone else so far - it's really exhausting (although also fab of course) for the first 18 months or so, but once the younger one can walk and becomes relatively independent, they amuse each other and leave you able to get on with things.

My DP definitely took on a lot of childcare over the first year or so, especially with our older son.

[lazarou]

I've got a year between mine and it's very hard work, especially in the early days. Not only more work but jealousy from the eldest and lack of sleep takes its toll.

[WinkyWinkola]

It's hard work.

Maybe not as hard as you might expect in the first few months when the new baby seems to be asleep a lot of the time.

But there's jealousy to contend with, the demands of two tiddlers - of course it's harder. But it'll get easier.

My DD is 9 months now and DS is 32 months and he makes her laugh all the time. He still thumps her when he thinks I'm not looking mind.

[DontlookatmeImshy]

Thanks for all the replies, wasn't expecting so many so quickly. In a way I'm quite releived that I was right to think they're talking rubbish.

SIL may not have gone back to work immediately but she does have MIL on the doorstep to help out, a luxury I won't have, (dh and I both think she takes MIL for granted and doesn't really appreciate how lucky she is, but thats a whole different thread)

[bumbleweed]

I have a 4 week old and a 2.2 year old and am right in the middle of the hardest period of my life - it is really hard make no mistake!

I hate it when people especially MILs are flippant as they gaze back at how brilliant they were as parents and how easy it was through the proverbial rose-coloureds.

[NKF]

Two childen are more work than one. And three more than two. I have it on good authority though that after four, you stop trying to measure the agony and just endure it.

[bigmouthstrikesagain]

Family members just cannot help commenting on things like this! My mum happened to be at my house the day I found out I was expecting no.2 (20m age gap) - she said 'stupid girl' you are enetering a world of pain or something (cannot remember exact words (dh wanted to kill her at the time!) nayway she had an exact 3 1/2 year gap between her three children, so anything else was clearly wrong!!!

It is hard at times but any gap has its advantages and difficulties - and I am looking forward to the toddler years being over sooner as they have been more concentrated iyswim (I will prob go and get pg again then and start over) - and when they are not annoying each other my dc's are lovely together - though ds did say he didn't want his sister anymore yesterday (we had asked him to stop playing with one of her toys!).

Anyway they will be your lovely children and you will adore them whatever the age gap - so good luck congrats and enjoy!!

[DontlookatmeImshy]

lol NKF, dh is already talking about no.3 and no.2 hasn't even arrived yet. I keep telling him to wait and see how we manage with this one first!! This is the man who only a few years ago would have run screaming from the house never to be seen again at the thought of 1 child never mind 2 or 3.

[pooka]

Oh god, 2 with a 2 year age gap was much much harder than 1. But then, I only really appreciate this when I occasionally only have 1 around. Is so quiet.
Harder initially, though I have found it easier since they've got older (4.5 and just under 2.5 now). Easier to the extent that I'm kind of thinking that 3 surely cannot be harder than 2

[MrsWeasley]

I have 4 DC's all close in age (gaps of 18 months, 23 months and 20 months) IMHO the jump from 1 to 2 children is by far the hardest.

[Shitemum]

I found the change from 0-1 far easier than from 1-2. (there are 3 yrs between mine)Sorry.

[Crunchie]

like others have said, of course 2 are harder than one, BUT they are far less than 1 + 1 IYKWIM

The only bit I found really hard was a few weeks at the start before DD2 had settled into BF and had colic. From about 8 weeks tbh It was relitively straight forward.

Our days went 6am feed DD2, go back to bed, DH got up with DD1 at 8am and looked after her until 9 or so when DD2 and I got up!! THAT was my saving grace - DH was at home quite a lot and therefore if I had broken sleep I got lie ins every day. This meant during the morning nap of dd2 I could play with DD1 and they both went down together in teh pm and I napped again!!

HOWEVER my PERSONAL tip is to (if you can and it feels right for you) get your 2nd into a routine asap. NOT a STRICT you will go down to the bottom of the garden thing. BUT By 3 - 4 weeks DD2 was feeding well every 3 hours, We gently pushed her into this by playing with her for 5 - 10 mins to push a little longer between feeds. This meant I wasn't always feeding DD2 and DD1 got plenty of attention. It also meant I could arrange my days aorund rough feeding/nap times. EG 6am, 9 - 9.30am, 12ish with lunch for DD1, 3 after their pm naps, 6 with dinner for DD1 and 9 after DD1 was in bed. It worked for us as DD1 could have a drink and a biscuit as I was feeding DD2 and it kind of meant we could go wherever/whenever

HOWEVER this was MY personal way of working and you maynot choose to do any sort of routine, but I am glad I did as I truely wouldn't have wanted to be feeding DD2 all the time ignoring her sister

[Nemoandthefishes]

Its hard as having 2 of course is harder than havine 1 however it is easier than starting again..lol 0-1 was horrible for me 1-2 and 2-3 was a hell of a lot easier even with small age gaps. However I think that is because I thrive on the noise and buisiness of it where I found it hard to entertain ds by himself entertaining all 3 is a bit easier.
I have a 4yr old, just 2 and 1 today so 3.2yrs from eldest to youngest.