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Suitable punishment for a 7 year old?? Very disappointed in her behaviour :o(

7 replies

RudolphtheBluenosesaintdeer · 14/12/2007 21:09

Just looking for advice really on what is a suitable punishment for a 7 year old who has, to my mind, behaved dispicably

I had to meet with her class teacher at the end of school today. She told me that a little boy in dd's class has been going home very upset because dd, aged 7, had been teasing him about his reading (the level that he is on).

She has told him that he is a baby because he can't read properly and has really hurt his feelings

TBH i am absolutely disgusted in dd as she has been on the receiving end of such taunting before now and knows full well how hurtful and upsetting it is - she knows damn well how she has made this little boy feel and has been in tears at home because of similar incidents with other children in her class.

She struggles in some elements of school herself (particularly with reading(!!) and also maths) and has been the butt of some nasty comments - this is why i am really struggling to understand how she could be so mean to this little boy.

I have spoken to her at length with regards to how what she did was wrong and she has been made to stay in her bedroom all evening (maybe not the best way to deal with it ...) and has written a letter of apology to the little boy as she said he turns his back on her when she tries to apologise.

So my question is, what would you do? How do i get it through to her that it is totally unacceptable behaviour?

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fingerwoman · 14/12/2007 21:16

I think you have done all you need to do.

it is often the case that a bullied child can turn into the bully- is it possible that she is still being targetted by people herself and has done this in an attempt to make herself feel bigger/better?

you've talked to her, given her a punishment and made her apologise- I think that's enough personally

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DaphneHarvey · 14/12/2007 21:18

I think you have done the right thing Rudolph, ie. not let her get away with it. I am sure you already have emphasised how important it is to "do unto others as you would be done by yourself" thing. Hopefully this will teach her an important lesson in life. But always remember that she would not have behaved like this had she not experienced something similar herself. So for a day or two keep up the remembering how bad she felt herself when it happened to her, and how bad it feels for other kids when she does the same thing to them. But don't forget the hurt she has suffered and don't overload the guilt. Just say in a "rules is rules" kind of way that we don't treat other people that way ... that's what I'd do FWIW

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walkinginaWILKIEwonderland · 14/12/2007 21:19

I think you have done what is necessary and I wouldn't go on about it with her.

I would ask the class teacher to keep a close eye on your daughter.

IME (I was bullied), sometimes bullying someone else can give you the feeling of control back. He is obv an easy target and she has decided to take her hurt out on him.

I went the other way and retreated into myself but I would have loved to have bullied someone else to take out my resentment and hurt.

HTH

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Eliza2 · 14/12/2007 21:19

I agree. I think she's got the point.

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PortAndLemonaid · 14/12/2007 21:20

I tend to agree with fingerwoman -- leave it where you have it at the moment and what she will most remember is how badly she behaved and how disappointed you are. If you layer on another "punishment" you risk having that displaced by her feeling hard done by.

If you do feel you must do something else, you could do worse than ask her what she thinks an appropriate punishment would be.

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pantoinghousewife · 14/12/2007 21:20

Yes I agree and it's also a really good thing that you've made her write a letter of apology, so that she faces up to what she's done. I really don't think you need do anymore.
Although, you might want to have a chat when it's all calmed down, check that everything is ok with her too.

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RudolphtheBluenosesaintdeer · 14/12/2007 22:06

Thanks for your replies and advice.

Yes, i had thought that is was rather a case of her making herself feel better by 'kicking the dog' so to speak, but in a lot of respects that seems worse to me ....to know how hurtful it is to have done to you and then still do it to someone else

I guess i need to bear in mind that she's only seven and probably still smarting from being hurt herself. Doesn't excuse it though ...

Will speak to her again tomorrow and then maybe have a quiet word with her class teacher on Monday.

Thanks again xx