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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

7 year old girls

20 replies

JackJacksmummy · 07/12/2007 22:16

I am tearing my hair out with her at the moment and i dont know what to do about it - sometimes i feel like just walking out the door without looking back.

I am sick of her attitude toward me, the arguing back - having to be right for everything and always having an answer, not tidying up after herself, leaving her empty wrappers and clothes lying around and then when i ask her to pick them up she whinges that i give her too much to do. She talks to me and treats me like a piece of crap that shes just trodden in, there is no respect at all. She used to be kind and loving and helpful until she started school and since she has changed.

Our relationship has gone to pieces compared to what it used to be.

I also have two young sons 3 and 1 and she loves them to bits and i think she does understand that i do need to do more for them because they are so young. I try to get some one on one time with her like take her out just us and read, help with homework etc so she does get attention. Another thing she does which i've told her is rude is that she will constantly ask for food round my friends houses - like biscuits/crisps etc - i tell her its rude to ask and she must wait until she is offered but it falls on deaf ears.

She says i dont tell her i love her and kiss her much which i can see but at the moment her behaviour is so awful pretty much all the time - i do tell her i love her and give her cuddles and kisses when she is behaving but i am not going to reward her bad behaviour by telling her i love her.

I've got to put a lid on this before she becomes an out of control teenager - the one that shes already acting like and will be a thousand times worse in a few years time!!!

Please tell me a way to make this better.

OP posts:

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DarthVader · 07/12/2007 22:18

Start with the basics - is she eating properly and getting enought sleep?

JackJacksmummy · 07/12/2007 22:24

she has always been a fussy eater - so probably not - its very hard to get her to eat, she has suffered with iron deficiency anemia in the past but has since been discharged from that.

As for sleep - she used to share with her brother til a few months ago and they both went to bed at the same time, now she has a bit later bedtime - 8.30 latest, and wakes up at 7. So maybe i should try moving that back so its a bit earlier.

With the eating thing 5 out of 7 nights i try to do a good healthy dinner - the other 2 nights i'd probably do a nuggets and chips type dinner (obviously not always that particular meal but you get what i mean) usually on the evenings i work. When i do cook proper dinners i cook us all the same, i am not going to give in to her not eating by making her a chip dinner just so she "gets something inside her"

OP posts:

DarthVader · 07/12/2007 22:26

I am asking because I think even the sweetest, most cooperative kids are a nightmare if they are tired or run down!

FranSanDisco · 07/12/2007 22:27

I have a 7 yo and as far as I can gather this is fairly typical of 7 yo girls. My 7 yo is not too bad but can be a little cheeky and condescending at times. She can also be quite spiteful as well as loving to her little brother. He is an annoying 5 yo I think I expect too much of her sometimes. Tidying up after herself isn't important I know and I certainly didn't do alot as a child. I just remember to tell her when she makes me proud which she does everyday and I listen to her when she's talking because I know how annoying it is when someone isn't listening when you're trying to talk to them. Do you ever just spend time with her alone?

fortunecookie · 07/12/2007 22:27

I AM SOOOOO GLAD I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WITH AN IMPOSSIBLE 7 YR OLD DD!

sorry for shouting but what a relief.

Must go to bed but will come back to commiserate some more tomorrow

DarthVader · 07/12/2007 22:32

I have just bought "Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves: Transforming Parent-Child Relationships from Reaction and Struggle to Freedom, Power and Joy"

It's a nice book and has helped my relationship with my dd aged 8.

I think it is just fabulous that she loves her brothers, you must be thrilled about that. Can you give her more of your attention and time - not just related to boring old homework but time for fun mother/daughter stuff? Do you treat her with the respect that you expect her to reflect back?

UnquietDad · 07/12/2007 22:35

Signing in with a difficult 7-year-old girl here too. No answers, just empathy!

DarthVader · 07/12/2007 22:35

Awww, she wants your love and kisses! Give it to her, whether she behaves well or not! When she feels loved unconditionally it will be easier to talk about behaviour that you find difficult.

JackJacksmummy · 07/12/2007 22:41

She is so brilliant with her brothers and the love they have between themselves is amazing, The 3 year old will go to her if he is hurt or upset, wanting a cuddle, it is so cute to see.

I try to plan things for us both to do on our own, we bake cakes, go to the cinema, over christmas i'm taking her ice skating and have got tickets for her and I to go to see high school musical on ice on boxing day so we do try and do things together.

I try and treat her with respect, i always ALWAYS say please and thank you when i ask her to do small things, and teach her to respect her belongings and other peoples belongings but she doesn't seem to care, i sat down and had a long chat with her this evening calmly and telling her how it made me feel and how much i loved her and how much i did these things for her because i love her etc - time will tell if she takes it on board.

OP posts:

DarthVader · 07/12/2007 22:47

I think she will!
If you keep actively appreciating the things she gets right - and it sounds as though she is getting a lot of really important stuff right - and keep talking about the other stuff - all will be well! Being 7 can be hard - how is she finding school?

NotquiteChristmasyet · 07/12/2007 22:50

Hmm - signing in with a seven year old boy who sounds very similar. No answers, lots of sympathy. However, he has been a lot better over the last month, having driven me to distraction over the summer. I think that we might try the old mantra - it's a phase, it's a phase, it will pass . . . .

Keep on expecting the basics of polite, reasonable behaviour, whilst not getting too discouraged when you don't get them. (Says the pot, to the kettle!) They are doing an awful lot of learning this term. KS2 has been much more tiring for ds than KS1 ever was. I'm sure that has a lot to do with it.

Best of luck

JackJacksmummy · 07/12/2007 22:52

she loves school - she is doing really well, at parents evening the teacher had nothing but praise for her - she had the literacy and numeracy skills of an 11 year old apparently!!!

The only thing she lacks in is her presentation skills, but she has shown that she can do it, she just tends to rush it and its untidy.

Thanks for the book recommendation - i've just ordered a copy

OP posts:

DarthVader · 08/12/2007 16:14

I bought that book after a mumsnet recommendation! It's about a different parenting mindset to the conventional reward and punishment/ consequences approach and I think there is a lot of good stuff in it - I definitely feel closer to my daughter when I use their approach. It is quite hard though to step out of the approach you have previously been using and which has become second nature.

It may or may not be helpful for you, I really think that all parents have to find their own style and that there is no one style fits all or "right" method. I hope you like it and you will have to post back what you make of it!

tartanchatterbox · 08/12/2007 17:30

Darthvader are you still there? I am not very good at this talk thing and want to start talk to someone.
I have a soon to be eight year old who is just the same.
I also have a 6yo, 3yo and nearly 2 yr old and am an absolute mess.
Hubby is away for the weekend and I am in tears every half hour shouting at them. Worse still he's bringing up very old fashioned grandma and uncle to stay for a few days. I have been cleaning and hoovering, but the kids just keep mucking it up again.
My 8 y o girl won't tidy her room and the 3yr old has just thrown at her all whole packet of dates around the GOOD living room.
Add to this that I have just come back from TESCO - nightmare trip with four kids- which ended with youngest walloping me 3 times on the head with toy telephone putting him into the carseat!
I honestly think TAKE THEM AWAY!!!!!! I have made a huge mistake having so many children and want to leave. I am so tired...

DarthVader · 08/12/2007 17:35

Sounds like a bad day!
I only have one child so I imagine that is a walk in the park compared to four! I salute you.

tartanchatterbox · 08/12/2007 17:52

I have managed to start a new thread so have moved - still on the parenting....
I think you are wise to have one child. My freind is a single mum and she's always borrowing one of mine to play with her little girl. Great to be able to give them back if they are fighting!

harrisey · 09/12/2007 03:14

I also have a wild 7yo dd (8 in Feb).

Today we had a fabby family day out, went on the train, CHristmas shopping (which she just adored, on fairground rides etc .....

Then on the way home she started shouting that it had been the 'worst day of her life' because we wouldnt go to the chippy for tea - we had gone to BK for lunch! -

ended up with the only thing that works for her - bed right after tea. She sat in there till the other 2 (younger) siblings went to bed. Then she came down and apologised - adn we had a great chat.

I really think that often the bad behaviour is guilt - after the first unreasonable thing she says, she feels guilty but doesnt back down (where could she possibly get the from not me and once she has worked that out and said sorry things improve.

But am totally dreading her with hormones!

Wallace · 09/12/2007 06:46

My 6 year old dd is so stroppy at the moment! [steam coming out of ears emoticon]

Alse · 18/12/2007 14:03

Message of support for Jacksmummy - I too have a belligerent 7 year old - have just had a stand off re dressing up for a school party - wouldn't even let me brush her hair!!
Hang on in there - at times my dd is a great laugh so if you can find some humour in what she does and get her to laugh along it may diffuse things - hope this helps

AandMsmum · 18/12/2007 23:47

My dd was exactly the same as you've described, she's 8 now and her behaviour has improved but it's slow going. Every mum I speak to in the playground has the same problem.

I had to deal with a totally out of the blue hissy fit for asking her to have a wash the other day! Told me she hated me and why did she need to wash every week? I reply you need to wash every day, she replies You're ruining my day and you never let me have any fun!

That's not an everyday occurance but does happen when I simply ask her to do something for her self or serve her dinner that does not consist of pasta or cheese.. Drives me crazy but as it has gotten better over the last year, I grit my teeth and try not to rise the arguments.

When she's not behaving like a horrid, spoiled brat she's the most charming, well mannered funny little girl you're ever likely to meet!

It does get better, like Alse, savour the good moments..

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