3.6yo DS1 asks to sit on the naughty step...a thread for people who have strange discipline problems...

[hunkermunker]

I've never used a naughty step. He has heard the term from other parents and obviously watched what happens. He often wants to sit with the other child to keep them company...

But the other day he chucked a toy car and it hit my leg, so I asked him to say sorry. He's very stubborn about sorrys in general - he used to say it easily, with no prompting, but then do exactly the same thing again, so I added "And what does sorry mean?" and he says "Mustn't do it again" - but he's taken that very literally, so if it is something there's an outside chance of him doing again, he won't say sorry. Man of his word or what?!

So instead of saying sorry, he wants to sit on the naughty step. He did this for a little while, telling me to go away when I went back to see him the first time, then saying sorry when I went the second time.

So whilst I don't object to him doing this in some ways - he's clearly found a way to calm himself down - I do feel a bit uncomfortable with him carting himself off to the naughty step, particularly as I've never done it "to him" iyswim?

I know, grand scheme of things and all that, not a "problem" as such.

[hunkermunker]

Ooh, he's 3.7yo. Doesn't time fly when you're, er, doing other stuff.

[moondog]

I wouldn't worry.
I've seen plenty of children (NT as well as with SN) adopt these sorts of calming strategies.
Peace and time to reflect are tremendously valuable and arguably of more worth than what is probably only a half understood repetition of what an adult thinks a child should say.

Chiiiiiiiilllllll.

[hunkermunker]

Oh, I'm not worried about him.
More the "oh fgs, I studiously avoided referring to a "naughty step" or using overbearing discipline tactics with you and you do it to yourself!" middle class angst

[moondog]

Oh i suffer similarly. Can you imagine how it pAINS ME TO SEE MY CHILDREN STRUT AROUND THE HOUSE WITH A HUGE PLASTIC MODEL OF sCOOBY dOO (ALTHOUGH ONLY COST ME 20P IN car boot sale) saying 'I'll have two cheeseburgers please!' in an American accent.

Tis a knife through my heart.

[onefootinthegravy]

Hi Hunker
My dd's 4.6 - we introduced the naughty step when she was about 3. It worked fine for a while and then we got to the 'I want to be in control of everything stage'
When she was naughty she would sit herself on the naughty step - as if to say 'I'm sitting here because I want to and not because you've made me!'
We don't use it anymore - we had a difficult few months with her when she wouldn't listen to anything we said so at the end of my tether i introduced the dreaded 'Charity Bag'
This is a bag where dd's toys go if she is really naughty - I've explained the concept of a children's charity shop to her and some of her things ended up there (to start with)
But very rarely now - the mere mention of the dreaded charity bag is enough to stop her in her tracks mean mummy alert !

[emmaagain]

I think there's a huge difference between a self-imposed strategy for being alone to calm down, reflect and recharge, and one which is imposed externally (and which is not necessarily interpreted by the person in the way the imposer intended - solitary confinement, withdrawal of parental presence equating with withdrawal of love ... who can tell what the actual interpretation is).

But here it's the child's decision, and it seems a really mature one to me.

If you don't like the terminology, you could always gently say "Yes, that sounds like a good idea. You sit quietly on your thinking chair and let me know when you want me". Nothing punitive in that, and it shifts the emphasis away from a judgement.

[lucylala]

enjoyed this thread. My daughter finds sitting on the naughty step most enjoyable, she thinks it's hilarious!

She quite often does something very very minor and then says 'oh you'd better put me on the naughty step now'.

Sometimes if she's really naughty and having a temper tantrum we out her on the naughty step and she ends up singing 'wheels on the bus' !!!

Am not complaining though, anything that stops the whining noise is fine with me!