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So I have probably made a rod for my own back but i just couldnt help myself.

45 replies

MamaMaiasaura · 04/11/2007 21:45

Ds1 (aged 7) came shopping with me and dp to choose teddy for his baby brother due next month. He had already looked in catalouge and chosen mamas & papas monkey.

Got to shop and ds finds monkey, well actually he finds two. One for the baby and the other he keeps talking to and snuggling. He asked (begged) if he could have it and that he loved it sooo much. After a chat with him he did reluctantly put it back and buried it under all the other soft toys so no one else could have him.

He paid for his little brothers monkey (not with his money obviously) and we left the shop. Ds was desperately trying to hold back tear and a few leaked out. We had a cuddle and a chat. He said he wanted to match his baby brother with this and that the monkeys could play together. This is the first and only time he has ever behaved like this over something. He has also been exceptionally wonderful about the new baby and enthusiastic about choosing bedding etc for him. Dp was not impressed at all and felt that the baby should only have the monkey. After abit of time out thinking i spoke to dp who went back to the shop with ds and got ds the monkey he had buried.

I said to ds that this was in a way a present from the baby and the monkey the baby has is a present from ds1. Had a long chat with him and explained that the baby will be getting lots of new things, just like he did as a baby. That is because it is the babys acutal birth day. Ds seems to understand.

He is now asleep with his new monkey and I heard him playing with his new monkey and special teddy. He sounded ever so sweet and I think i did th right thing. I have never known ds be so upset over something, he was really trying to hold back the tears.

Was difficult to know how to handle it and i probably did the wrong thing, but did what i thought was best at the time.

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themildmanneredjanitor · 04/11/2007 21:46

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magnolia74 · 04/11/2007 21:47

I think he sounds wonderful and I would have bought the monkey for him the same as you

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MrsTittleMouse · 04/11/2007 21:48

Don't have any experience of this (DD is too little), but if he's being really good about the new baby in all other ways, then a small amount of slack for a toy monkey doesn't seem like the wrong thing. Especially as he's old enough to be understanding the reasons why he had it.
PS "rod for your own back" is what nasty people say when you treat your children as humans isn't it?

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Theclosetpagansbesom · 04/11/2007 21:49

Oh bless him - I think you did absolutely the right thing. Little boys are just so sweet sometimes.

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tillykins · 04/11/2007 21:49

yeah, go for it
So long as this isn't something he does all the time, then its obviously something important to him
Besides, I think not getting him the monkey would possibly have made a bigger rod for your back
or is that firmer rod?
well, mega rod anyway

Give said monkey a cuddle from Tilly and don't worry about it

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MaureenMLove · 04/11/2007 21:50

Thats lovely! You did just the right thing. Now he and his new brother will have something special together, just the two of them! It was soo the right thing to do.

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Nemo2007 · 04/11/2007 21:50

bless him
also agree twas right thing to do

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WinkyWinkola · 04/11/2007 21:51

You listened to your boy. You talked about it and you did what you felt was right. I think you were right too. He sounds like a wonderful little chap. Sometimes kids should get gifts out of the blue - makes them feel really special.

Rod for your own back? I don't think being a lovely, caring mum is making a rod for your own back.

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notjustmom · 04/11/2007 21:52

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onepieceoflollipop · 04/11/2007 21:54

Definitely you did the right thing. dd1 is 3.10 years (new dd is 11 weeks) and we have rarely bought her anything when out shopping so she doesn't expect it. When she was about 2 my mum bought her a toy as a treat whilst she was in the pushchair and she was really surprised and didn't understand!

On the rare occasions we have bought her presents when we are out she has been very appreciative as she knows it is a real treat. Your ds is that much older so will grasp this situation is a "one off" even more easily than our dd does. I bet you got great pleasure listening to him playing with his new monkey.

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 04/11/2007 21:54

Well done you. What a lovely day you've had, a memory for DS with a tangible reminder.

COngrats on the pregnancy, and good luck

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MamaMaiasaura · 04/11/2007 21:57

Can I just say I read all these comments to my DP and hearing your views he says he feels alot happier about the decisions we (er hum I ) made.

I realy thought i would have got comments like, well you shouldnt have done that, means he will keep asking etc. Thank you all so much, I actually had tears in my eyes when we were outside the shop i could see him really really trying to hold it together. I also wondered in hindsight if i had stuck with what dp said about not to and this was just for baby that it could have caused feelings of resentment etc.

I love mumsnet You have really really helped.

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kindersurprise · 04/11/2007 21:59

Of course you did the right thing. If it is not something he does often it must have been very important to him.

How sweet your little boy is. Your post brought a wee tear to my eye (since I had the DCs I get so emotional about anything to do with children) Hiding the monkey so that noone else would buy it...

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notjustmom · 04/11/2007 21:59

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pinkrangernowwobbles · 04/11/2007 21:59

i would have done the same, DS1 (5) brought ds2 (10 weeks) a Rabbit when he was due as ds1 has had one from day 1 and he also wanted their rabbits to play together! also like you this is very rare for my ds1 to be like this and it was a memorable moment

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somersetmum · 04/11/2007 22:01

He probably needs a bit of reassurance, what with the age gap between him and his new brother, and buying him the monkey will have boosted his confidence no end.

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StarryStarryNight · 04/11/2007 22:02

You did the right thing, absolutely. Imagine he may have been resentful to hand the monkey over to the new baby if he loved it so much himself. Now, there are two special monkeys.

My husbands aunt came over when my second was just born. She brough two jelly cat dogs, a spaniel and a yorkshire terrier. She let my oldest son chose, as the baby was too young. He chose the spaniel, and let his brother have the terrier. Both boys love their little dogs, and sleep with them each night. And they look out for eachothers doggies. They are 5 1/2 and 2 1/2.

Good Luck.

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Habbibu · 04/11/2007 22:16

How lovely! What a sweet mum you are, and your boy sounds wonderful - almost welling up myself at the idea of him trying to hold back tears...

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moondog · 04/11/2007 22:19

Gosh what a fantastic kid he sounds and soooo glad you got the monkey.
If you hadn't every time yuor name came up on MN I would have thought 'Oh it's that bloody Awen who never got her son the monkey.'

Truly I would.

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PandaG · 04/11/2007 22:23

Definitely did thge right thing. I always buy a little something for the elder sibling if I go to visit a new baby - just a comic or crayons or something, but a token so they dodn't feel left out. Some people did this for DS when DD was born, amnd we made sure that DS got a big brother present from DD too - all part of the adjustment process.

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pooka · 04/11/2007 22:26

Definitely the right thing to do. Good for you.

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MamaMaiasaura · 04/11/2007 22:27

lol @ moondog.

So.. can i still buy him a present from the baby whne the baby arrives too? If so, any ideas?

I am sooooo glad i went with my instincts on this one. He is in my bed right now, bear and monkey too, juist because the fireworks were really loud out the back and quieter in my room.

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fruitymum · 04/11/2007 22:29

Aah , what a lovely mummy! Well done.

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edam · 04/11/2007 22:34

Oh, he sounds gorgeous and I agree with Moondog.

Present from new baby... I'd just get him something he really wants. What does he like?

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MamaMaiasaura · 04/11/2007 22:37

Well monkey atm Although he has asked if he can buy the Foo Fighters latest album.

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