DS2's got no friends in his class[sad]

[MorocconOil]

Decided to post on here as it's difficult to tell RL friends as they know the individuals, also DH just doesn't think it's important.

Ds in Year 1, told me this morning that he has no friends in his class and he looked so sad when I dropped him off.
He has been friendly with a boy A in his class, but this other boy has a friend in Year 2(boy B) who he knows out of school. I know this boy's Mum, but she's never been particularly friendly to me. My DS tried to befriend boy B when he first started at the school( they had a term in nursery together) but was rejected by him.

I know that Boy B has no friends in his class and at break times seeks out Boy A to play with. He won't let DS join in. DS did happily play with Boy A in class but now they don't play at all. DS has told me that Boy B has said he is a baby as he watches CBeebies and he says other unkind things to him. I know DS is no angel he can be mean too, but I feel so sorry for him ATM.

Also BOY A's family have an annual party at this time of year and they haven't invited us when they usually do. I feel as though Boy A's mum is avoiding me.

I just feel sad for my DS and would welcome any advice on how to handle this situation.
TIA

[dooley1]

My neice tells my SIL often that she has been on her own at playtime , has no friends etc
SIL freaked out at the thought so asked the teacher who told her neice is one of the popular girls and has loads of friends
Could be that he isn't telling you the whole story, they do like to fantasize at this age
I would worry about the mum issue. Friends come and go especially as your dcs grow up, friendships change

[dooley1]

gah, wouldn't worry about the friends with the Mum thing

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[mrsmerton]

Definitly talk to the teacher. They are usually prety hot on everyone playing nicely and being friends. She /He can do a little talk to them all saying its nice to play togather etc etc. It hurts when its your child though, doesn't it?
P.S I don't know how to spell definately.

[my2cherubs]

oooh same happened to me. dd1 just started reception. When I asked who she's played with she always says no-one wanted to play with her and she ended up walking around by herself. I was distraught and had a word with her teacher. They've been watching her and she's had 'loads of friends to play with'. Hope this is the same for your ds. Best thing to do is get the teacher to keep a discreet eye on him and you should get the whole picture. Good luck!

[mrsmerton]

Or pretty, or together. Typing too fast

[MorocconOil]

I missed out that last year when Boy B's two friends left the school his Mum was really upset and said she felt he was being excluded by other children in his class. Other Mum's who she's friends with told me about this and one even told my DS to be kind to Boy B. I feel irritated as it just seems like they can't see when their DC are doing the same to other children.

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[GooseyLoosey]

I worry about this for ds1 too and sometimes he will tell me the same. I have come to the conclusion that I worry about it far more than he does and at 4 he is still working out how to form relationships and me stressing over it does not help.

Also, I second Dooley's point that they do not always tell the truth. My son is a sucker for reverse psychology and if I ask him who he has played with he will say " no one" but if I say "so you sat in a corner all day on your own?" he will respond with an indignant "no" and tell me who he played with.

I am not sure that you can do anything except stop worrying and help him with any friendships he does form.

[MorocconOil]

I have spoken to the teacher who is very good and knows them all really well. She said boyA and B are leaving him out but that in Ds is getting other children to have a go at them when they do this, I know he's not an angel.

[fondant4000]

Mmmm, my dd has an issue like this at the moment. She is pt at pre-school (4.5) and it just happens to coincide with the day a particular girl attends. She tells the others who they can/cannot play with and what they can/cannot do. I have heard other mums muttering that their dds are experiencing the same treatment from this girl.

I know that generally dd is quite popular, so am assuming that this girl is kind of bullying others to do what she says. I have thought about strengthening her relationship with the other kids outside school but as she's only going to be there until Xmas I'm going to leave it till she starts primary.

I would speak to the teacher, sounds like your ds doesn't have the problem here. I wouldn't expect the teacher to intervene directly but perhaps a class discussion on allowing everyone to join in might not go amiss. I hate all this "you're my friend, you're not my friend stuff"

[friendly]

This has happened with all of mine at some point. I can't bear the thought of them walking round the playground on their own. Like you, my dh doesn't seem too bothered about it and says things like 'School's a jungle' which is not exactly helpful (says to me btw not dc)

Talk to the teacher and ask your ds who he'd like to have back for tea maybe. Have something planned for them to do like decorating biscuits or making something. I've found that while they're still making friends with people it's good to have something organised to do together just in case playing with toys starts to flag.

Try not to worry too much. Friendships come and go at this age. It's hard though isn't it?

[MorocconOil]

Thanks for all your thoughts everyone.

I agree with you Friendly about asking other children back. Part of the problem is that the school is very Muslim and they don't generally do the after school stuff or if they do they do with other muslim families. There is a smaller pool of children for the non-muslims to be friends with. What upsets me is that the other non muslim parents of Boy A and Boy B are well aware of this(for their own DC).