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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

Is it ok for a 10yr old to walk home on his own in the dark?

34 replies

cheeset · 15/09/2007 20:39

A new family has moved in up the road and their 10yr old is allowed to walk home on his own.First night he was round, I asked him if he had to be home at a certain time and he told me 'anytime'.I sent him home as it was getting dark.
The second time getting dark the same thing happened but his mum rang to ask me something, I told her he was at mine(she had no idea)and asked her what time she wanted him home and she said 'antytime, when youv'e had enough of him'. I pointed out that it was dark and she said it was alright to send him back when he was ready and was really casual about it. Tonight,I have just sent him home now and its dark,something could have happened on his way home and she wouldn't know what time to expect him? I don't think it's fair to put this responsibility on me. If I ring to check if he got home safely, she'll play it down and I will feel stupid for being so paronoid. Should I say something? Any suggestions?

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BeetrootBevan · 15/09/2007 20:40

I would walk him home.

southeatsastras · 15/09/2007 20:41

they start to wander about at that age. my son did, it's getting darker earlier now too and maybe he's used to it still being light at this time.

BBBee · 15/09/2007 20:43

um, their call I guess but I would ask him to call you when he got back so you know. If they think you are a twat it is nothing compared to the extent to which you think she is a twat.

BeetrootBevan · 15/09/2007 20:43

My nearly 14 year old wanted to go out to a mates last night and it was dark and I took him there.

BeetrootBevan · 15/09/2007 20:44

I would use my rules - they can do what they like but if he ws at mine I would take him home

3andnomore · 15/09/2007 20:52

Hm..you say up the road...so, I assume it isn't very far for him to walk then? I suppsoe I would be o.k. wiht that, personally!

Saying that, when my es is out, I like to know where he is, etc...and he knows when he's got to be home, too...

cheeset · 15/09/2007 20:54

God I feel sick with worry now, just rung and gone to answerphone,why isn't his mother concerned about where he is? My DS isn't allowed out when dark. I don't think it is my responsibility but obviously being a mother I do worry. When he was here earlier, I asked him if he was worried about going home in the dark and he said no, I said somebody could take him and he said nobody knew him? I said they don't need to and mentioned M.McCann. He started to wonder and said nothing like that would happen here where we live, I told him it could.It seemed as though nobody had explained the dangers to him, of course you don't want to scare the life out of them because they are young but you do want them to understand danger?

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BBBee · 15/09/2007 20:57

oh it sounds horrible but, well it really is not your worry - I think if it makes you feel this bad you either don;t have him round or walk him home.

controlfreaky2 · 15/09/2007 20:57

oh, i'm sure that made him feel better......!

newlifenewname · 15/09/2007 20:58

Do you ever think that no matter what we do, if something awful is going to happen it will happen whatever? I do and on that basis I wouldn't stress massively but would do what I could to look after him until I handed over care which includes walking him home or getting a call to say he's in safely at the very least.

stitch · 15/09/2007 20:58

if you are not happywith it, then walk him home.
however, it is up to the parents and him to decide on this. not you.

BeetrootBevan · 15/09/2007 21:00

I don't think you judge others but I do think that you live my your own rules.

I have a freind whose kids walk hoe form school in the dark, from year 4. I woujdl not do it, and if they are in my care i would walk them home.

I don't think you should be sick with worry - jsut decide how you willpay it next time.

she woudl have phoned if he wasnot htere

cheeset · 15/09/2007 21:04

BBBee, thanks. Iv'e got this horrible feeling that if I start walking him home, it will be everynight. Failing that, I will have to talk to the mother and lay some ground rules, ie he will have to go home before it starts getting dark, we will have to agree a time, she will have to agree it with her son. How is that gonna sound from one mother to another?I feel awkward already. Wouldnt be so bad but Iv'e only met her twice so hardly know her. They live about 200 meters round 2 corners.Not far but not in my road, quiet area.

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WideWebWitch · 15/09/2007 21:05

I think you could have taken him home but I don't think scaring him and mentioning child abduction was a good idea. Not at all.

WideWebWitch · 15/09/2007 21:06

So send him off before it's dark if it bothers you or take him home. Or ask her to collect him.

AbschaumMutter · 15/09/2007 21:07

cheeset- I'm certain you meant well but I'm afraid I'd be very cross if someone tried to instill fear into my children as you did to this little boy. It's very unlikely that someone would attempt to snatch him yet horrible for him to be imagining evil strangers lurking behind every bush. Does he live very far away from you or something? Or is your area very unsafe? If neither, would you say you are a fearful person generally?

southeatsastras · 15/09/2007 21:09

my son went through a stage of wandering about at 11ish. they don't realise that you're at home worrying about them

roisin · 15/09/2007 21:13

How far is it? I have a 10 yr-old and I want to know where he is and who he's with, and when to expect him home. But I wouldn't ban him from going somewhere because it is dark.

In many areas children suddenly demand, expect, and get complete freedom once they go to secondary. And many struggle to cope with it responsibly, because they've never had any in the past.

But feel free to set your own rules. My boys play out a lot, but I don't let them out - even if friends call for them - after tea (5.30), because they need some quiet/settling down time before they go to bed. Their friends have different rules, and sometimes call for them later in the evening, but they just accept it.

roisin · 15/09/2007 21:17

200 yards No problem
I wouldn't worry at all.

cheeset · 15/09/2007 21:26

I thought you girls were supposed to be supportive!, the mother of this child obviously doesn't give a monkeys where he is, she has no idea he is even at our house. I have enough to worry about without having the added responsibility of a child who isn't mine.
As for Abschaummutter, if your child was wondering the streets at night age 10, you wouldn't be cross you'd be insane. If children have no fear they have no concept of boundaries, this is why children will do things that adults wouldn't dream of.
The first time I sent him home, I gave him my name, add, tel no. to give to his mum as I am responsible, she gave me wrong no, thats why on a/phone earlier.Managed to get no now and he's safe n sound.

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3andnomore · 15/09/2007 21:32

well obviously it isn't great that teh mother isn't interested...i.e. doesn't know his whereabouts, etc...and that would nark me off, aswell....but your op was about a 10 year old waliking home alone in the dark, and obviously it isn't very far...

southeatsastras · 15/09/2007 21:33

do you have a teenage son cheeset?

there comes a time where your child will want to explore the world outside

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cheeset · 15/09/2007 21:41

No teenagers yet! I think that I am doing ok with DS wanting more responsibility.Allowed out around our road and only allowed to park with older boy as from today. Has to be in at certain time say hr later n so on. You tend to feel more responsible when you have other peoples children(apart from tonight of course)so difficult as this boy seems much older in some ways and I don't know the family and their boundaries and way of life if you see what I mean.We live in a safe area, so quiet you don't tend to see people. Nice in one way but not in another. I'm not a fearful person, I think just sensible.

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BeetrootBevan · 15/09/2007 21:53

I really would not let my 10 year old walk 200 yards in the dark.

and I am a relaxed parent

cheeset · 15/09/2007 22:04

Thank you BeetrootBevan,I remember the adverts back in the 70's? warning you of the dangers of strangers,they wander day and night and obviously less visable at night. I dunno, 100/200/300 yrds not far but out of sight they are on their own. I tell my son the danger of strangers cause I want him to know what may happen so I don't tell him its going to happen just to be aware-who else is going to. I didn't elaborate the m.mccan thing to the boy just mentioned it-he knew so that comment by controlfreaky 2 was IMO, unhelpful.I agree with other posts-I should have walked him home and will if it happens again, may get point accross to mother.

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