no light at the end of the tunnel

[arabella2]

To cut a very long story very very short, dh (after the 100th argument this month, we are going through a bad patch) has just told me to buggar off infront of ds (3 in November). Ds then immediately told me to "buggar off stupid old lady". I am upset about lots of things here, but just wanted to know if it was not uncommon for 3 year olds going through all kind of challenging behaviour to also be spectacularly rude to parents without really meaning to be or meaning what they say??? I am in dire need of some support (also have 6 month old dd) but my parents are only coming over from Belgium on the 10th of October... help! Might go and see MIL this weekend but though that is a kind of help it's not really support because dh is her son and one of her main concerns is the grandchildren I suppose.

[Yorkiegirl]

Message withdrawn

[arabella2]

Yes both your messages help thank you. He is definitely copying dh as in the past dh has called me "stupid woman" in front of him. I told him this morning (ds that is) that it's not a nice thing to say what he said to me and he said "but Daddy has to say it". I said that NOBODY should say things like that... anyway he is going through a very testing time (especially for us!) but at least this morning I can see clearly why he would say something like that. Last night I was just upset. Thanks.a

[Angeliz]

My dd is 3.6. The other week she told us that we were both naughty as we couldn't play with her right then. She also told us she was going to pack her bags and go live with the windowcleaners

I think 3 is a funny age.
Hope you're feeling better soon++++

[Angeliz]

Also, you can tell him that you told daddy off for it. It doesn't hurt to know that aduly=ts make mistakes too!

[pixiefish]

kids do repeat things. My dh and I have arguments and he swears a lot but I've told him that he must stop as I don't want dd to see/hear this. He's actually stopped and in temper he storms out now which is preferable to swearing. Have told him that I WILL leave him if he swears at me in front of dd again. Try that

[lulupop]

Hmmm, the "threenager" phenomenon seems alive and well.

My DS is 2.9 months and repeats everything naighty that he hears. Although I swear too much in my adult life, I make a real effort not to in front of the children.

DH on the other hand says what he likes and then tells me that if the kids swear it's because they picked it up from me as I am the one with them all the time. Cheeky so and so.

Anyway I never say bugger off, but DH always does, and just yday DS says to DD (5 months) when she was crying "Oh, [DD], stop bein' so silly, and just BUGGER OFF!"

Not what I'd expected for at least another 10 years...

[JanH]

DD2 works in a care home atm. The residents have a lot in common with toddlers. One, invited to come for a bath, said "bugger off, you bugger, I don't want a buggering bath, leave me alone, you bugger."

DD2 loves her!

(She went for a bath later and had a lovely time in the bubbles.)

[lulupop]

LOL, JanH!

Think I will be just the same when I'm an old dear (though can be now, given the right circumstances and enough gin!)

[marthamoo]

I will be an old lady like that, Jan! Can't buggering wait.

My almost three year old said to me the other day "Go way, Mummy, I not like you nenny more!"

I said "Oh that's a shame, because I like you, and I'm not going away."

He replied "OK, let's have a cuggle instead then!"

Your dh shouldn't say things like that in front of your son, it does set an example of being generally disrespectful which could cause difficualties as your son gets older. But at 3, I wouldn't take anything he says too much to heart - he will repeat what he hears without any real understanding of what he is saying or the feelings his words might arouse.