Techniques for dealing with cheeky 5 year old ds1 please

[popsycal]

He has morphed into Kevin the teenager in a matter of months. He can be delightful but has always been loud and boisterous.

Recently, he has become really cheeky and I know I have become more shouty which is perpetuating things. We have just had a manic afternoon. A friend bought her boys round - 5 boys under 5 (well, ds1 was 5 last week). The house is a tip, my head is spinning and ds1 in particular was just loony!!

I am making sure he has plenty exercise, I am trying to give him attention (including trying my best to fit in some one to one time). His manners have vanished and I feel like I am pulling him up all the time. He backs chats. He talks in a teenager like voice.

Strategies and techniques welcome
BTW it is in parenting rather than behaviur/development as I am hoping that changing the way I am dealing with it will change his behaviour.

Just to add into the equation, I am still a sleep deprived mummy....

[popsycal]

I have my 'How to talk so kids will listen' book poised (bought but only skim-read in the past)

[HectorsHouse]

zero tolerance

sit him down when you're not enraged or knackered and tell him you want to talk to him. Tell him what being cheeky means and how it makes you feel. Tell him that you are going to give him a new rule and that is no cheekiness

or try a tally chart .. 10 points for great behaviour, - 10 points for cheeky .. get to 100 and win fabulous prizes

[FLIER]

The Caroline Webster-Stratton book "The incredible years" is full of ways of dealing with "problem behaviours". There is also a website, you should take a look.

Also, have you looked at his diet?

hth

[popsycal]

Diet needs looking at. He eats a variety of food but he eats very little. He is constantly asking for sweets and ice lollies even though we don't buy them very often.

[popsycal]

Right - we have decided that we are having a competition. We have talked about cheekiness and have come up with rules.
SPeak nicely
Speak quietly
Have good manners
Speak very politely
Walk for your turn to talk
Play nicely
Be helpful

Ds1 has decided these. You get a smiley face when you keep to a rule and a sad face when you break a rule. I am taking part too

[popsycal]

Thanks Hectorshouse and Flier! I wil lhave a look at those books!

We have just had a lovely hour together. DS2 fell asleep on the floor at 5:45 (don't ask) so ds1 and I had a lovely time. We challenged each other to tidy the mess that was everywhere following this afternoon's shennigans and had a lovely chat. We both earned lots of smiley faces on our chart

[popsycal]

Any tips for 'there and then' responses to cheekiness? Or what you would ignore and what you would reprimand?

For example, if ds1 says a flat 'no' to a reasonable thing I have asked him to do. And then repeatedly says no......

Also, 'zero tolerance'. I know what it means, but at times, zero tolerance would mean I am on at him all the time.

[popsycal]

Gosh - give 34 10 years olds at work any day!

[popsycal]

no one else got any experience or ideas?!!?

[Millie1]

I've got a 5 year old just like yours Popsycal ... his favourite expression is 'whatever'. Some good ideas here though which I'll also try out.

[popsycal]

The competition thing is going well. We have had one petulant moment but that went quickly. But I think that the main thing is that it did not escalate due to my reaction (or lack thereof...)

[Tommy]

I tell my 5 year old DS that some talk is "playgorund talk" and he should leave it there (poo, bum, willie, you're silly Mummy etc". That seems to work.

I also tell him that if, when he talks to me, he is being rude or whiney then I ignore it.

I have also found the "How to talk" book very helpful

good luck - I'm sure 5 year olds are sent to try us although I'm pretty sure he's been like this since he was 3...

[HectorsHouse]

I well-lifted eyebrow and a "please don't talk to me like that" or "remember what we agreed about cheekiness" or "don't you dare" every time he's being cheeky

might feel all the time at the start but he'll get a grasp of it

[mustsleep]

oh my god have you got my ds he has just started over thelast couple of months and at first it was a little amusing but now it;s doing my head in so know how you feel

the current favorite when asked to brush teeth or anyhting he'd rather not do is "I'd rather die!"

[popsycal]

Until I nipped it in the bud a few months ago, ds1's favourite phrase, if I suggested something he did not want to do was 'Is she maaaaaaaad?!?!!??'

[Anchovy]

I think you have to be quite careful about not laughing at some of the things they say which are genuinely funny but also cheeky/disrespectful.

My DS (5.10) can be extremely funny with his sassy retorts, and in one sense its quite fun them having a "richer" vocabularly and tone than just you asking a factual question and them giving a factual response. But I did think that we were sort of creating a climate in which cheekiness was somehow ok, so I am trying to put a stop to that, while still encouraging the mischeivous and "fun" side of his personality. Its quite a fine line!

I also do the "no, we don't talk to people like that, that is cheeky" in quite a firm voice.

I deffo like the idea of everyone having to abstain from being cheeky.