10 weeks hols starting Monday, how do I stay sane with a 14mo and 3yo?!

[oneplusone]

I'm really dreading the holidays, I have DS 14mo who is into everything despite child locks etc and who will not allow me to do things with DD (nearly 4) like baking, painting etc as he will not play by himself for more than about 5 mins and won't sit in the highchair or anywhere else for more than 5 mins.

DS has one nap per day which is when I could do things with DD, but i also need that time to make lunch, dinner, do bits of housework etc.

I've booked as many activities as I can for DD but there are still whole days in calender with nothing planned. Day trips in the car are ok but not on public transport. Plus DS gets up at 5.30am every day and it's been tiring but ok til now as DD is practically full time at kindergarten but she'll be home all day from Monday.

Have no family nearby to help out and have just moved to the area so not that many friends as yet.

Btw, it's 10 weeks hols as DD starts reception in Septembe but not til the 21st!! DH has just started demanding new job so won't be taking time off over summer.

Help!

[Scootergrrrl]

I've got more or less the same ages and temperament and I too am dreading it! We do a lot of walking to the shop for an ice lolly, walking to the park (especially as DS is at that want to walk everywhere but not in a straight line phase)
Can you go to visit family for a week or so to break it up?

[oneplusone]

Hi Scootergrri, I'm sure we'll also be walking to the shop for ice lollies and sweets, my DS also will not walk in a straight line and he also stops to pick up and eat anything in his path that looks vaguely interesting!

I'm getting really stressed about the whole thing, I keep telling myself to take one day at a time and bot to think about the whole 10 weeks but I can't help it! I still have bad memories of previous holidays where I have been tearing my hair out but they've only ever been 4 weeks at the most so I managed somehow but this one is 10 weeks, pretty much 3 months.

Maybe I'm being a wimp but I am just absolutely dreading Monday.

I do have my DH's family and we could go and stay there but staying with inlaws is not that much better than staying at home IYKWIM.

Looks like we're the only two then that are dreading the hols, does that mean everyone else loves spending 24/7 x 10 weeks alone with their kids?!

[FillydoraTonks]

oh you sound stressed.

Does your DD need structured activities? Can you not just do stuff as a family to let off steam?

here's how I handled it when i had a 14 mo and a 3 yo:

lots of letting off steam stuff. Park, soft play, etc.

painting. a 14 mo CAN paint, but they will make a mess. So get loads of newspaper out first

baking. Ditto.

I think the key is not to feel you have to occupy your dd. Let her just get on and play. Its ok for her to get bored, good even, IMO.

[Jas]

I dreaded the holidays when mine were smaller, too.

Do you have a garden? As soon as we got nicer weather I moved all the messy activities outside....painting is much less stressful in the garden. Just put a huge roll of lining paper out and strip ds down t his nappy!(And have a bath ready for when you are finished)

I also went for lots of walks and picnics in the park.

I do agree with Filly that it is also good to let your dd entertain herself sometimes, and even be bored occasionaly.

[Jas]

I dreaded the holidays when mine were smaller, too.

Do you have a garden? As soon as we got nicer weather I moved all the messy activities outside....painting is much less stressful in the garden. Just put a huge roll of lining paper out and strip ds down t his nappy!(And have a bath ready for when you are finished)

I also went for lots of walks and picnics in the park.

I do agree with Filly that it is also good to let your dd entertain herself sometimes, and even be bored occasionaly.

[oneplusone]

Thank you for your responses. I am quite happy to let DD be bored and to entertain herself, trouble is she doesn't like being bored and will come and bother me constantly. Just this morning all I did was go into the utility room to put some washing on, I shut the door behind me so DS couldn't get in and play with all the dangerous 'toys' in there. I was in there for about 10 seconds when DD started banging on the door demanding to come in and screaming and crying. I just lost the plot and shouted at her to go away and let me put the washing on. I feel bad for shouting but I know it was just the thought of having to endure similar scenes for next 10 weeks.

DS will play by himself although he is quite clingy and very often comes looking for me and wants a cuddle which is understandable at his age, but DD will not be left by herself for longer than about 30 seconds. She always wants me to play with her, she just cannot seem to play by herself and that is why I'm dreading the holidays so much.

I have tried in the past to give her some paints in the garden and left her to play but within 5 minutes she is back indoors wanting me to go out or wanting to come in.

Is this normal? Why is she so clingy? I feel so suffocated at times, I never get a minute to myself even to think never mind read or anything else. I'm only on MN now as DS is napping and DD is at kindergarten, once she's at home all day I will not get more than 30 seconds undisturbed on the computer or anywhere. I can't even go to the loo without her following me up and banging on the door, or screaming at the bottom of the stairs if I've closed the stairgate behind me. I seriously think her behaviour is not normal but have no idea why she's like this or how to reduce her clinginess.

Please help, any ideas, advice or tips would be gratefully recieved!

[Scootergrrrl]

How's your DD with (whispers) telly? Will she sit and watch for a while? Mine's not too bad for clinging although she's rubbish at playing on her own.
What about getting phone numbers for some of the other children at nursery and having a regular playdate? You could drag it out over lunch and everything!

[oneplusone]

DD is ok with telly, ie will sit and watch by herself for a while. I had a chat with my cousin this morning and she thinks DD is simply missing spending time with me as she's at kindergarten (which she loves)nearly full time, which I think is probably the cause of her clinginess at home.

Well, the lack of time with me will certainly be made up in the holidays and she might even be sick of me by september.

Trouble is I'm the sort of person who really needs their own space and time (although I know everyone does) and that's why I find it sooooo hard that I have 2 kids who want my 100% attention ALL the time.

It's been getting to me to the point where I'm thinking of going back to work, but trouble is I don't know what to do as i didn't like my pre-baby career......so it's all just so difficult....or at least it is for me, I have this horrible feeling that anyone else would not find all this as hard as me.

I hate moaning all the time but I'm just not happy being at home anymore

[FillydoraTonks]

ok am preparing to get shot down in flames here but-

Am cruel mummy. I do expect my kids to play independently. I think its a vital life skill. In particular I CANNOT play imaginatively as well as them, I'd love to be able to but I just CAN'T, I don't have the mind of a 3 yo.

don't turn on the tv. Its fine for vegging out with imo but not regularly.

If you want her to play independently, here is what I would try first

1. Set yourself up with an activity that she CAN participate in. Examples might be simple cleaning, obv not with bleach or anything (have doubles of the equipment you are using). Tell her that you need to clean and that afterwards you will go and do exciting activity eg park.
   
   
2. Let her participate for as long as she wants. Stress that YOU NEED to do the activity, which of course you do, at least kind of. After a bit she will probably get bored and wander off.
   
   
3. If she asks you to organise an activity, reiterate to her that you need to clean, that you will go and do exciting activity x when you are fininshed.
   
   
4. Hopefully she will then go off and play.
   
   If she is really unused to playing independently then don't leave her too long.
   
   I do think kids really benefit from independent play. But they are all different.

[Marne]

Sorry, i know 2 young kids can be stessful (i have 2dd's 3 years and 15 months), they don't go to nursery so i spend most of the week (i work part time) with them and i enjoy evry moment, the will both play on their own but i also spend time painting, taking part in roll play, clean with them and take them out.

My mother looks after them for half a day a week and dh and i do the rest. I have a whole week of work next week and can't wait to spend more time with them. I de enjoy a break from them as they can be hard work, im lucky that dd1 will play by herself (shes sat in the kitchen now with hamma beads) and dd2 is a very easy baby, if all fails i put the TV on for an hour and put my feet up

[FillydoraTonks]

I apologise, I hadn't read your last post fully.

If you think this is related to the kindergarten separation then I wouldn't make her play on her own. I'd give her LOTS of 1-1 time and reassurance.

My ds is not typically clingy but ds is much more so after a morning in kindergarten, though it only lasts half an hour or so. But he only goes 2 mornings a week and he does love it. I think he would be if he went full time.

I do think that if this is the reason, your swiftest way round it might be lots of cuddles and 1-1 time and also cookies. Can you just say sod the housework for a week, go to the library every day, and sit reading books? See if that helps? Stick ds in the pushchair and go for long walks and do lots of talking and eating ice cream, that sort of thing?

If you can manage it, I'd try being VERY patient with her for a bit. Re the chores-get her to help. Use that as time together. She is easily old enough to be loading the washing machine, and its often easier to talk to kids "sideways" iykwim

[FillydoraTonks]

I ALSO find that if I shower them with attention for a bit, then they generally bugger off and do their own thing after a while anyway.

[oneplusone]

Thanks for all your suggestions, I do feel better at the moment, have spent afternoon in the garden and had tea together sitting and chatting at the table.

I'm sure you're right that if I spend some time with her doing things she will go off eventually and do things by herself. I almost feel like she wants me more because maybe she can sense that I'm desperate to have time on my own, but I think if I do give her lots of time after a while she will be a bit more independent.

DS is a bit of a problem tho, for eg. DD is as you say old enough to help me load the dishwasher, but whilst we're doing that I just know DS will either be unloading (and smashing) as fast as we can load or if I keep him out of the kitchen he will be screaming to be let in, I think he gets jealous if he sees me and DD doing something and is desperate to join in! It is kind of sweet but makes life very difficult as well.

For some reason I feel better now that the holidays have actually started, they start tomorrow not Monday, can't beleive i almost forgot that, but it's almost a case of the build up being worse than the reality IYKWIM.

I went to Woolies today and bought a ton of card, paper, glitter and glue and I'm sure that will keep DD busy. My plan is for us all to sit at the table, she can be glueing and glittering, I'll be MN'ing and DS will be in the highchair happily playing or else wandering around getting into everything like he normally does, but if I can have half an hour to myself like that per day I think it'll make all the difference.

Let's see how it goes, will post again in 10 weeks time to let you know how it all went, and if you don't hear from me you can assume I've been sectioned and am in an instittion somewhere far far away!

Good luck to everyone for the hols!

[FillydoraTonks]

best of luck