Dd1 having anxiety attacks at night, doesn't want to be alone, refuses to share with sister - any advice?

[Enid]

She is 7.5. Always been sensitive and anxious but this had improved. Anyway she watched dr who a while ago and it freaked her out so much she had a period of nightmares/intense anxiety. This stopped for a while.

She has just had a massive anxiety attack as she saw a dr who dvd in the video shop (she went to cinema with dh then to dvd shop). Has settled now - I gave rescue remedy, lots of reassruing words, cat on bed, nice jolly story cd.

But she will inevitably wake int eh night and want to come into bed with me. I cannot sleep with her in the bed with us (she fidgets) and dh HATES it and flatly refuses - which means I sit up with her in her bed until she has gone back to sleep, so consequently feel like a zombie.

any advice at all?

[Enid]

anxious bump

[Ceolas]

Can't offer any startling advice but lots of sympathy.

My 7 year old DD is very sensitive to films, TV, etc. although not to the extent of having anxiety attacks as you describe.

Does she have a teddy/night light that might help when she wakes?

[Enid]

sympathy is good

I worry that she is nervous wreck

yes she has revolving horse nightlight thing

I really think she needs proper cbt style coping strategies [21st century parent alert]

[controlfreaky2]

sympathy.
talk about her fears with her. discuss what's real and not real etc. try and give her some techniques for self relaxation to get her to sleep. take her to a homeopath..... errr, cant think of any more ideas. good luck. had this for a while with ds1, also dr who related . it did pass!

[Enid]

I am sure it will pass. to be replaced by something else I expect. I had thought of a homeopath - i do use rescue remedy which seems to help slightly but then I worry she is becoming psychologically dependednt on it!!

[Ceolas]

we do lots of "stuff on the telly is made up and not real/enhanced by computers/could never happen" type talking which sometimes helps.

She goes through spells when she won't go upstairs alone, or runs up and down screaming when you send her to fetch something

[Dottydot]

This is slightly different, but ds1 (5.6) has started to get edgy recently about being alone - even going upstairs on his own, and settling in bed. He's devised his own coping strategy (bless him), which is to hum the Star Wars theme tune out loud (Star Wars being his favourite thing ever) whenever he has to go anywhere on his own, or feels scared.

We didn't teach him to do this, but I think he got it from 'The King and I' - you know, about whistling a happy tune.

Must admit we've also been very firm about not accompanying him everywhere and not staying with him when he's telling us he's feeling nervous. Sounds mean but I want him to be able to cope with being on his own.

So it's very sweet that we hear this Star Wars theme tune when he's going to the loo/his bedroom. Maybe she could have a tune in her head or hum it, to keep her company?

[Ceolas]

She also over-reacts to losing thing for example i.e worries for ages about what has become of the lost thing, where it is...

Sounds weird written down!

[controlfreaky2]

i think it is in part an age related thing.... intelligent / sensitive types more susceptible

[Enid]

lol yes we have that atm

I have done the made up stuff - tonight she said she wanted to sleep facing the wall but felt she had to watch the door in case someone came in

I explained taht they would have to get past me and daddy first (which of course with daddy being so macho would make a massive difference ) and that seemed to help.

[Enid]

dotty that sounds amazingly self reliant

a skill I yearn for dd1 to share

[controlfreaky2]

i think it's an aspect of separation anxiety, which resurfaces in some children at this sort of age..... she needs some coping mechanisms.

[Dottydot]

He is amazingly self reliant, and responds well to the logic of us telling him that he's been going upstairs to the toilet on his own since he was 3, so he can go up there now! (we're soooooo empathetic...).

[Ceolas]

I used to worry lots as a child too. Even as a teenager I felt insecure if I woke up and mum and dad were in bed.

I still get scared at eg. psychological drama on TV. I worry that I've passed this on to DD.

What about a teddy?

[puddle]

Enid my ds is very sensitive to tv etc and has had nightmares triggered by watching Dr Who (once! and a trailer for another one then set him off again!). I am really really careful about what he is allowed to watch.

Anyhoo - I did a thing with him where we sat in bed and thought of as many good things as we could. And I told him that when he gets scared in bed he's to think of so many lovely things that make him happy that it "squeezes the scarey thoughts out of his brain". We made a list, it's on the wall andfor a while he had a torch to hand in case he needed to look in the dark. It has really helped (and is kind of a CBT approach I think).

For him, giving him something practical to do (find torch, switch on, read list)was a good thing.

[Enid]

a good mood picture/board and a torch sounds like a great idea. Thanks puddle.

[BeatrootandBenedick]

I would talk to your GP or if you know someone in the business.

I developed terrible anxiety at this age and it was not handled well and went on the give me a hard time for many years.

[Boco]

Sounds like dd1 too. She won't go upstairs on her own atm, she's scared of monsters - something she'd grown out of 2 years ago. She's also aware that it's not real or logical, which then makes her even more upset. The other day she was crying and saying 'what's wrong with me? why am i scared of imaginary not real things?'.

I'm not sure how much i help, but to calm her and distract her at bedtime if she's upset, i sit on her bed and she imagines that her head is an empty room (sounds kind of daft writing it down), then i get her to imagine things to put in it. She often starts with a colourful light, red marble that glows, yellow flowers, a green bird etc. It just relaxes her and she goes to sleep with lots of nice images in her mind.

[Joppe]

I agree puddle's idea sounds really good. If it were me, I'd find a way of letting her co-sleep though. After all, that IS her coping strategy.

[Enid]

Joppe at the risk of putting the Mumsnet cat amongst the mumsnet pigeons, I would let her cosleep if I were on my own in the bed. Dh is totally opposed to it.

Beety I think I will take her to a homeopath if things dont improve but what I would like is for her to learn coping strategies of her own. She has been anxious generally, not just at night, follows me around the houes like a lost sheep and now hates me going out in the evening (something she never used to mind).

A lot of this is because seh stayed at a friends house for a sleepover and watched a tiny bit of a scary werewolf film

The dad turned it off very quickly and it was only on for a minute but has not helped the situation .

The combination of Dr Who and this film has made everything tons worse.

She also isnt eating very well atm so as of tomorrow I am going to get very strict about sugary stuff.

[BeatrootandBenedick]

Enid - she can be taught coping strategies form a trained professional - nothing hard core

[foxinsocks]

yoga for children (as in proper yoga, not just some wanky class) can also be good - it teaches them breathing techniques and relaxation

[rosylizzie]

was it the stone angels episode a couple of weeks ago?
my 6 yo dd had full blown panic attack after that all night to the extent she was sitting tryiing to throw up in a bucket.
she is also causing me geniune difficulties in this area, very anxious and nervy about going to bed, being in rooms with the door closed.
one thing i have which helped is a worry doll, basically it is a tiny little doll in a cotton bag, about 5cm tall. It is from Guatelemala ( i got it in one of those crafty fairtrade shops but you could easily make your own) the story goes that before you go to sleep you tell the doll your worries, put it in its bag under your pillow and while you are asleep it takes your worries away. only works under your own pillow though, not in mum and dads bed.works a treat most of the time

[Stigaloid]

It sounds like she has an over-active imagination (as a child who used to get freaked out by telly (and still do as an adult ) i can sympathise with Dr Who scaring her!) - perhaps you can find some way of channeling this which would be cathartic. A creative writing course or a drama course where she can use her imagination to a positive (and exhausting) outcome that should help her sleep better and take control of her thoughts rather than have her thoughts take control of her?