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Parenting

stupid things THEY've said to you

53 replies

mex · 28/06/2007 21:36

I don't like to complain. Actually, who and I kidding? I love to complain! I've got the most awful, stupid health visitor in the world. She generally leaves me in tears whenever I go to see her (so much for a health VISITOR) and the doctors have not been much better in this, my first year of being a mum. I want to know, what are the most stupid things any so-called expert has said to you about being a parent? To start the ball rolling:

  1. Health Visitor (when told that baby cries 14 hours a day every day for three months): "Some babies just cry."
  2. Doctor (after being told that baby cries for about 14 hours a day every day for three months): "She's not crying now, is she? There's nothing wrong with baby, but I think mummy might just be a bit tired."

    My personal favourite: I went to the doctor after the HV did an Edinburgh PND test on me and discovered that I had postnatal depression (which I'd been telling her for 8 months but she ignored) and told the doctor that I was miserable, I hated my life and I pretty much wanted to die. The doctor, a lady, said, and I quote, "Hmmm. Make sure your husband gets enough sex. If you're unhappy he's probably feeling a bit upset too." Then she held the door open for me to make sure I'd leave. ENOUGH sex? Not just some, but enough.

    Haven't been to a HV or Doctor since.
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mytwopenceworth · 28/06/2007 21:41

ds1 born with massive amount of hair. had to give it a trim after about few weeks as it was in his eyes. hv (who had seen him before) said oh, is it part of his culture? No love, it's cos it's in his eyes.

Same hv who on learning dh is from kenya, told us all about her trip to India and how she loved the dresses they wore.

India. I ask you.

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whomovedmychocolate · 28/06/2007 21:43

On hearing that DD (three months old) had cut teeth 'absolutely impossible' (then DD bit her) 'well of course if you overfeed babies they do develop faster'

WTF!

I have my belated 8 month appt with DD and the HV tomorrow at home. The house is a tip and I know she's going to try and tell me DD is too heavy. I will show her both exits when she arrives and invite her to use either if she does!

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mex · 28/06/2007 21:52

Hehe! I was born with teeth and when my mum mentioned to her health visitor that she had blood blisters cos I'd been biting her, the lady blushed at the word "nipple" and then ran out of the room!

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whomovedmychocolate · 28/06/2007 22:02

I was born with teeth too! I also had three sets - I'm on my third now- my parents were mortified when at age 10 the second set all started falling out! Bet the HV would have exploded had they had one then.

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whomovedmychocolate · 28/06/2007 22:04

Am I the only one who deliberately baits the HV with comments like:

"....Of course we take her (4 week old DD) to all sorts of parties so she gets exposed to a good range of germs and smells"

"...We did try muslins but the cat licks up the possets so they aren't really necessary anymore".


Perhaps you should try this to scare her away?

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mintchips · 28/06/2007 22:09

lol whomoved!

I just ignore pretty much everything they have to say.

The worst ones are the ones without kids of their own and are giving advice on parenting from a book

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rantinghousewife · 28/06/2007 22:16

When ds was 8 months, took him to be weighed and the hv handed me a diet sheet!! I said 'thank you', took the sheet, walked out, binned it and never went back. He is of course as skinny as a rake now.
And there was one hv in our town who made it her business to give every mum she saw something to worry about, dd not walking or crawling at 12 months, 'Ohhhh (sucking of teeth) if she's not started soon, it could be a brittle bone disease'. Someone else's, no teeth at 12 months, 'Ohhh (sucking of the teeth) if she's not got them in a month we ought to check it out in case it's a rare case of (unpronouncable disease)!!

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mex · 28/06/2007 22:18

I did it all wrong from the start. I couldn't breast-feed and giving baby a bottle was tantamount to feeding her anthrax; I had a three-month old puppy when dd was born, and the HV HATES dogs. She only came round once, but made me go and see her every week. I made sure I tied the pup to the pram outside the doctor's...

She hated that I got baby into a routine fairly early on (it's too restrictive for her tiny free spirit), and was astounded that she was sleeping through the night from 10 weeks. I laughed when HV told me I ought to clean my daughter's single tooth.

HV told me I should NEVER let my baby cry for more than 60 seconds. When I asked how I was meant to stop her screaming for 14 hours a day, she had no answer.

HV tried to teach me baby massage, but I refused to ask baby's permission and I only got one lesson.

Oh, and as for potty training, I think HV though I was trying to kill my daughter when I said I'd been putting baby on a pot from 6 months...

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themildmanneredjanitor · 28/06/2007 22:20

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whomovedmychocolate · 28/06/2007 22:24

MMJ - ROFL!!!!!

Mine asked me whether I was eating a lot of crap in case it was being passed on and causing weight gain.

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elfinblast · 28/06/2007 22:24

Mine came for her visit when baby blast was a couple days old. She asked me if I was alright changing nappies.
Fair enough for a first timer but it was my 3rd child in 3 years.

Never seen her or any other HV since.

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lucyellensmum · 28/06/2007 22:42

mex, i wonder if we have the same HV, mine taught baby massage and she went on about asking permission - well i guess we do have to be pc! I think they teach them how to be patronising if you ask me, they just cant help it. Mine was overly sympathetic when i had pnd, made me do some sort of questionaire (multiple choice, for example "do you find you can laugh as much as normal - FFS, im not getting any sleep"!""""") and told me i was clinically depressed - i told her, look lady, ive just had a baby, my father has just died, im trying to write my phd and its looking like im not going to get it (i did) and ive got fucking gall stones, of course im fucking depressed! Well actually i didnt say any of those things, well not to her, just to my long suffering dp. Oh and she likes to tell me how wonderful i am, amazing even - i felt quite proud about this, until i heard her say it to every other woman at the clinic To be fair, she is lovely actually and got things moving for me re dds speech where otheres might have not bothered. I just tend to avoid her cos she depresses me.

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mytwopenceworth · 29/06/2007 06:24

I hated the way they called me mum.

How's mum today?
Yours or mine?

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lucylala · 29/06/2007 09:21

yesterday i took baby to be weighed, as I walked in I said 'he's a bit upset cos he's just had his jabs' (he had blood on his leg and was screaming) - next question from HV - 'so when is he due for his jabs?' !?!

Same conversation:
HV: how many weeks is he now?
me: about 23weeks, he's about 5mths
HV: has he had his 7mth check?
me: no, not yet
HV: oh, that's not right, why's he not had his 7mth check?
me: because he's only 5mths
HV: oh yes

WFT?!?

I thought HV had to be alert to subtle signs of PND, child abuse etc - she couldn't even follow a conversation.

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whomovedmychocolate · 29/06/2007 09:46

Mine is in her 70s. She can't even work out which order we came in (you put your book in a basket) and it is absolute chaos so we don't go anymore.

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PussinWellies · 29/06/2007 11:31

At an appointment to 'help us to cope' with DS1's Asperger syndrome:
'So, what's Asperger syndrome then? I've often wondered...'

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mex · 29/06/2007 11:38

I saw the HV every week for about 6 months (I didn't realise it wasn't compulsory!) and every time I went, HV greeted me with "Red Book!" so it became a game to thrust it into her hand before she could ask. HV always called my daughter "he" even when baby didn't have her nappy on, and then would ask, without fail, "Are you still breastfeeding" when she's written in large capitals in the book that I'd "given up" at 14 days. She always tutted when I said no, until I realised she wasn't listening to a word I said, so I just said that I was for the next few months. (When I asked for advice after 8 months that I was gaining weight despite barely eating anything, she just shook her head and told me that if I'd have been breastfeeding I would have lost weight by now...)

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AlbusPercivalWulfricBrianSun · 29/06/2007 11:40

About three weeks after DS was born by EMCS I started haemorrhaging blood quite badly (it was pouring out of me when I stood up). I rang her and told her about it and she said 'There won't be anything wrong, there never is after a c-section. It'll just be the normal blood loss'. Two days later I'd lost so much blood I felt like death warmed up. I dragged DS down to a routine appointment at HV Clinic. HV took one look at me and got the doctor to see me. I was then rushed to hospital. Turns out they had left an 8cm by 5cm piece of placenta inside me which had become infected. I was operated on that evening.

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AlbusPercivalWulfricBrianSun · 29/06/2007 11:41

Oh and HV then told me I hadn't been pushy enough.

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LucyJones · 29/06/2007 11:44

I hope you reported the doctor about the sex comment, totally out of order.
tbh the screaming for 14 hours a day does seem a bit unusual!

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MamaD · 29/06/2007 11:44

I think I've said it before, but it was the 'Don't let her sleep on her side, she'll get a pointy head' that pissed me off

Especially when after I said - 'she prefers it and will roll onto her side herself if I leave her on her back'

she replied 'Don't be silly mummy, she is too young to do that, she can't roll yet'

Took her to one session of baby massage (didn't know it was that HV taking it or I wouldn't have gone) and as soon as I laid dd on the mat she rolled onto her side - queue me 'Look, there's that thing she can't do' very loudly to HV and room full of mums....

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Judy7 · 29/06/2007 12:03

Mine gave me a "books are wonderful things" at my son's 8 months check then told me not to use it because it had corners and he could poke his eye out with it..when we discussed sleep issues she told me happily that "some babies cry for three hours" as if that was a marvellous thing

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whomovedmychocolate · 29/06/2007 13:37

Nice HV came today for 8 month check. Said 'she's fine but please don't come to clinic for weighing till she is a year else (other HV) will give you a hard time as she's paranoid about weight'

I was quite impressed with her for admitting this.

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crokky · 29/06/2007 13:48

HV to me: At night, make sure you put 2 nappies on DS, one on top of the other - DS was only 2 weeks old!

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wulfricsmummy · 29/06/2007 13:52

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