So, serious question, at what age is it OK to leave a child in the car alone while you go shopping?

[ViciousSquirrelSpotter]

DS hates hates hates shopping, with a passion. Every single time we go shopping, he wants to stay in the car and read his book. And I refuse, and he argues that he's eight, but I argue that he's out of sight, I can't see him and I don't know exactly how long I'll be, so he has to come with me.

So, when should I agree? At what age would I not be considered an irresponsible neglectful parent?

I am just not happy about leaving him at the moment. Not for any rational reason at all. He's not irresponsible, he's not going to release the hand-brake, he'll stay in the car and read and not be lonely or scared. I think that part of responsible parenting is about swallowing your fear and allowing your children independence and I don't feel able to do that. Partly because I'm slightly neurotic and partly because I fear that I'll be condemned by the string 'em high brigade for being lazy and irresponsible. For me, leaving my child would not be lazy and irresponsible parenting, on the contrary I'm slightly uneasy that I'm being lazy about insisting he comes with me (it saves me from being anxious about him all the way round the aisles), it would be a terrifying leap of faith which I am dreading doing but know I must at some point if I'm not going to be a neurotic loon.

So what does the mumsnet jury think? What age? And how long for?

[FluffyMummy123]

Message withdrawn

[maisym]

never! - not my idea of being independent.

[sparklygothkat]

I have left DS in the car before when he was 8. He just wanted to read his book and not walk around the shop. He is 9 now and I will leave him if he want to stay in the car.

[BishyBarneyBee]

left mine at 6 - went into shop for bits not a full weekly hour long job - but might do this with an 8yr old.

Borrow a mobile to leave with him if you are worried.

[fillyjonk]

pmsl at never

can my mum leave ME in the car?

I am 29

[maisym]

fjonk - ok - I assumed the op meant a child rather than a grown up who is the child of someone.

[fillyjonk]

thank you for clearing that up, maisy

my mum will be relieved

[haarpsichordcarrier]

I was going to say 7 if sensible child
so eight is fine

[fireflyfairy2]

I would say if he is a responsible 8 then fine

I was always a mature child & very academic, I loved nothing more than to get stuck into a good book.

I remember my mams friend used to take us to do the shop once a week as my mam didn't drive & I would sit outside in her car, with my wee sister & read a book My sister used to get fed up & be moaning for mam but I would snort at her to shush as I couldn't read my book.

I remember one day a wasp got in the car &^ stung me on the armpit. I opened the car door & crossed the road to get my mam & her friend..... I got slapped as I had left the car & crossed a busy road alone

[unknownrebelbang]

I'd let my 8 year old, if I was nipping for a few bits.

I don't take them shopping for a full shop, I either do it online, or leave them with DH.

[sparklygothkat]

oh only for a few bits, I do my main shopping while the kids are at school

[LynetteScavo]

I leave DS1 (8 1/2)in the car whild I pick DS1 up from pre-school. It's in a quiet area he knows, and I know I won't be more than 2 mins. I've only just started doing this, and I'm not sure I would go into a shop. I think DS1 would be scared of being left alone anyway.

[maisym]

my kids would get fidgety in their seat - they just prefer to be out & about. In the post office they can read, in the supermarket they can help with the shop. Plus I'd worry about them stuck in the car.

[ViciousSquirrelSpotter]

Oh I'd worry about DS as well.

But lots of parenting is about worrying. You still have to do it, however worrying. It's just when.

[divastrop]

when they are old enough to get out of the car and safely cross the car park to go into the supermarket and ask customer services to call you over the tannoy,should they need to IMO.it would depend on the child,how sensible/mature they are etc.

for my ds and dd1 that would have been about age 6-7.

for my ds2,that will probably be when he is old enough to have his own car

[serenity]

I've been leaving DS1 since he was 8, if I go in for a small amount. I'll leave DS2 with him as well (he's 7 now), but I wouldn't leave DS2 on his own - he wouldn't want to anyway, plus he'd get nervous. I wouldn't leave them for a long time, primarily because I can remember how bored I'd get when Mum used to do to leave me and bugger off shopping for what felt like hours.

If I was going to feel OK leaving DS1 for ages, I might as well just leave him at home, and I'm not quite ready for that yet.

[maisym]

but I generally come across someone I know & have a quick chat - wouldn't want to be rushing all the time - so take my kids with me.

[ViciousSquirrelSpotter]

Hmm. DS hasn't crossed the road by himself yet, so that's probably a good tip.

[nappyaddict]

i'd say about 6ish. my friend leaves her 6 almost 7 yo and her 4 yo.

[adath]

Hmmm not sure I think the poster that said as soon as they are old enough to leave car, cross car park and get you if needed.
I think I was about 9 or 10 when I was left in the car while my paretns were shopping. I suppose it depends on the child some 7 year olds would be safe enough to leave 11 year old couldn't be trusted.

[belgo]

as long as they're trustworthy, from the age of seven.

my brother burnt his thumb on the cigarette lighter in the car once - he was about ten - and investigating all the controls in the car - he had a huge blister.

[ViciousSquirrelSpotter]

I really don't understand this "never" business.

Seriously. How do people expect to raise confident, capable children if they never allow them to be by themselves? [bewildered]

[mumblechum]

I've been leaving my ds since he was about 9 with no probs. As other posters have said, they'll often prefer sitting with psp or a book for 15 or 20 mins than trailing round Waitrose.

Even now he's 12, though, I always tell him to lock the doors on the inside.