Friends child is bullying mine

[lisjane2]

Hi, i go round and see a friend of mine about once a week and her little seems to forever snatch things of mine and the other day he actually pinched my son in the face! and all DS was doing was giving him a cuddle!! what should i do?! all my friend seems to do is say 'oh dear' while my poor little boy is crying!!

[fransmom]

i think that the least she should've done was got down on his level straight away to explain that it was wrong of him to do that because it hurt his friend. then she should've apologised to you

[RosaLuxembourg]

How old are they Lisjane?

[lulumama]

if they are under the age of 4, tis normal child behaviour and is not bullying

so age is relevant!

[lisjane2]

they're both 2 in august, she did get him to come over to DS and say sorry but he pinches her and today DS hit me in the face! i'd hate him to learn bad ways

[fireflyfairy2]

Well, my ds is 2.5 & my friends dd is 2.3. They fight all the time, not bullying


It is normal

[lulumama]

at that age it is not bullying, it is normal toddler behaviour

they don;t care that the other child is playing with a toy, the see it, they want it, they take it, end of!!

but yes , your friend needs to be firmer with regard to pinching

DD is almost 2, i know what it is like, but bullying implies doing it even though they know the behaviour is nasty and wrong, and that is not the case at this age!

[lisjane2]

it feels like bullying cos my DS is never like that to any of his other friends and he annoys me that my friends child always snatches off of DS. My friend has said that she tells him off then feels sorry and cuddles him!!

[pooka]

At that age, this kind of behaviour is perfectly normal and not bullying IMO.
Sounds like your friend had the right idea with explaining "no" and getting her child to say sorry, although think may be a bit young to understand sorry yet (good to say it though).
DS is the same age, and he can be a bit rough with dd (4), a lot of the time to get a reaction from me. I try and deal with it by saying "no - we don't hit" or "no - we don't pinch" while giving dd lots of attention.

[RosaLuxembourg]

Lisjane this is totally normal behaviour for this age group, I'm afraid. Your DS isn't learning 'bad ways' this is just normal child development. Of course you need to explain that it's not nice to hit and that it hurts, but essentially they do it, they grow out of it and it doesn't say anything about what sort of person they are.
From the practical point of view, all you can do really is keep an eye on them playing and try to intervene to move your DS away if you sense your friend's LO is about to do something - that and make a big fuss of your own DS if he is hurt.

[lisjane2]

maybe i'm being other protective but i just feel sorry for DS as i know he can be annoying sometimes as kids are but his always nice to other people, im DS2 is 11 weeks and DS1 is always kissing him and wanting to cuddle him.

[lulumama]

your child might well be the one doing the pinching in a month or two, please try not to see it as bullying

DD was doing this a while ago, coincided with not being able to talk , now she can say or at least show us what she wnts, and understands more, the frustration is gone, and so is the aggression

i didn;t for one minute think she was a bad child or a bully, but a normal toddler, struggling to communicate

[lisjane2]

thanks all, i was abit worried last night as i'm really good friends with the mum and i guess just wish she was abit more firmer with her son

[lulumama]

well, the way she parents is not something you can change, so just try to ignore and let the children have fun together !

[NotQuiteCockney]

I'm involved in a parent-run nursery with kids of this age - it's very much normal behaviour.

That being said, we do make clear to the 'aggressor' that nice behaviour is nicer, an adult will stroke the child on the cheek, talk about how nice gentle touches are, and try to get them to say sorry by stroking the other child on the cheek. (Hugs to say sorry turn aggressive too easily, and kisses are a no-go in case the child bites.)

We wouldn't do this for snatching (we'd just return the snatched object, if the child who'd lost it was bothered) - but we would for pinching.

[lulumama]

I have taught DD to say sorry, well, as near to sorry as she can, and to hug or stroke the child she has been unkind to

[RosaLuxembourg]

Lisjane - I see your DS is your first child so I shall just warn you now - the being irritated by other people's parenting skills or lack thereof does not get better as they get older - I have learned to keep a tight grip on my lip while inwardly thinking how I would SO have handled a situation differently!

[NotQuiteCockney]

Stroking is much nicer - hugging can seem aggressive.

Whenever I'm on shift, I seem to spend half my morning trying to convince small mad creatures to say sorry to other small mad creatures.

[lisjane2]

i don't ever say anything and i always let my friend tell her son off the way she needs to. i just feel sorry for mine. i know i will have much of the same trouble as DS2 grows up, but it still annoys me that my DS is the one getting things taken off him, pinched, and pushed.

I was 7 when i first got punched in the face by another kid, its still not nice to witness your child crying everytime you go round a friends. then maybe my son crys too much other nothing, maybe i should get him to do it back as it seems to be normal behaviour

[juuule]

Just because it's normal behaviour doesn't mean it should be encouraged.
If your ds keeps having things taken off him, then gently take it back off the child who took it and say why. Do this until your son is old enough not to give up something too easily. Encourage sharing between both children. If your ds is getting pinched, pushed, whatever and is unhappy then remove him from the situation. Don't go to your friends, tell her why. Your son is not crying for nothing.

[RIELOVESBACARDI]

just because you are friends does not mean that they have to be.. they are only little.. i had a friend and when we got together our ds fought all the time