"No! STOP!! Take your hands off the door handle! DO NOT COME IN! I am ALLOWED to go to the toilet ON MY OWN!!" I

(70 Posts)

"... read it in parenting book!"

I didn't.. I made it up. But if it isn't in a parenting book, it should be!

This is what I have taken to roaring at my kids each time they I sit down for a wee and, like magic, one (or more) of them comes bombing up the stairs with the intention of hurling themselves into the bathroom to do any/all of the following: a. Tell me what one of the others did/said to them b. request food/drink c. bring me the ringing phone d. use the toilet themselves (even though there is one downstairs but-there-was-a-spider-in-there-a year-and-half-ago-so-they-can't-go-in-there)

It has worked every time so far, in the last week! They have halted at the door and not barged in! I don't know if they think the Toilet Guards will arrive and instantly arrest them or what.

It just suddenly occured to me a couple of weeks ago as I sat there is mid-wee, with my knickers and jeans round my ankles, observing not only 8 yr old DD's mud and tear streaked face which was square with outrage as she spouted a tale of woe about DS1 (14) drinking her juice.. but also his outraged face as he followed her into the bathroom, in order to defend himself and tell me the "correct" sequence of events.

I just thought FFS! This has to stop!! I am going to the toilet for heaven's sake! I CAN do that on my own! These things can WAIT!!!

I may create a stash of Nice Things To Do While I Sit There.. seeing as I seem to have found some sanctuary.

Actually I wish there was some magic portal ......

You do remember what happens when you touch a Ferengui's ears don't you?

You get up the duff don't you ???

Hmm.. maybe. Not sure. But they definitely have an orgasm.. so if your knickers were still down from the loo experience..??

God - I only wanted a quiet pee - and now I'm giving a ferengi the good news and possibly about to provide an alien sibling ....

What's a girl to do !!

kateyp Mon 04-Jun-07 14:30:49

OMG. I was just thinking about this this morning. DS1 can be happily colouring/watching TV/playing when I say "mummy just going to the loo!" and at that point EVERYTHING he has ever wanted becomes urgent and NOW. Whether that is having a wee or needing some juice he has to come and get me and tell me.

And come to think of it, if it's not him it's the dog.

I said to my mil the other day actually that the 2 things I would most like in the whole world since DS2 was born (12 weeks ago) were a full nights sleep and a poo on my own.

Glad I am not the only one!

And as for having the toilet door opened - Christmas day several years ago my 3 year old nephew flung open the toilet door (no lock available) - the toilet was just off the lounge. Whole extended family looking at me with trousers/pants round ankles.

PMSL Katey

There seems to be something of a unexpected theme arising... dogs in toilets.. not just kids. Our dogs also seem to want to intrude upon our private toilet moments! And aliens too.. (Vulcans! Feregeui!) It's getting beyond a joke! Who do these creatures think they are!?

Perhaps we should request a bill be put to parliament.. Parents Need Pees! We Demand Some Private Toilet Time!

seamonster Mon 04-Jun-07 16:52:18

Nbg Mon 04-Jun-07 16:57:33



This thread is funny.
I too have a waste disposal spectator.

I lock my door but the kids work out how to unlock it from the outside (one of the locks that you can open with a knife or coin) so now I have taken to shouting 'i'm having a wee, do not open the door' I haven;t had a wee in peace in nearly 10 years

Ladymuck Mon 04-Jun-07 18:00:15

Sorry but whilst this thread makes me laugh I can't believe that so many of you are in situations where you can't come up with some sort of mechanism that keeps your children out of the toilet for 5 minutes. And if you can't manage that then what so you do about other items that you need to keep them away from (bleach, emdicine, chainsaws....). I would be embarrassed to admit that I couldn't keep my kids out of the toilet for 5 minutes. If they're old enough to be able to climb up and open locks with coins, then they're old enough to understand that they need to respect you.

Ladymuck, I think you have to read it with your tongue in the region of your cheek. (Franny too perhaps). You lose the essence of it otherwise.. I imagine most of us are merely using the thread to vent about one of the many indignities of parenting, which is of course an otherwise completely spiritually enhancing and all encompassingly positive experience

But to be fair, I have to say I have no wish to lock myself in a 3 foot cupboard under the sink to pee.. because that's where my bleach lives..

FrannyandZooey Mon 04-Jun-07 18:28:19

I wasn't really concerned that you were doing them "any real irreparable damage nor altering their perception of how loved they are", to be honest

but I thought life might be nicer all round without all the "roaring"

JustineRoberts Mon 04-Jun-07 18:29:14

I'm just suggesting that you might consider a similar locking mechanism. Or consider some other optons. Yes there are humourous moments in parenting, but the OP seems to suggest that the idea of weeing in peace has come as a Eureka moment. Hopefully you won't have to keep roaring, but there are other ways round it too.

ladymuck Mon 04-Jun-07 18:31:12

OK - confused name change there .

Oh lordy, I am not seething with resentment here, I am smiling.. (and not nastily!) but I must ask.. don't either of you ever raise your voice? Because if you don't, could I respectfully suggest that your children are going to have the living daylights scared out of them at some point by someone who does! And not necessarily a mean nasty ogre-type-person like me either .. just someone who shouts!

For the record, when I, the OP, stated that I roar, perhaps you should make that "raises voice in pathetic, shrill desperation in order to be heard through the closed door and above the narrative of child-in-full-"I'm-telling-on-you"-throttle".

Do I sound slightly less of a shit parent now? (Pardon the pun )

Do I care?

FrannyandZooey Mon 04-Jun-07 18:46:10

It just sounded stressful

and there are locks in the world

that's all

your choice

ProjectIcarus Mon 04-Jun-07 18:46:58

well that answered that q lady muck lol!

ProjectIcarus Mon 04-Jun-07 18:49:19

I don't say where i am going normally.

DD1 will generally hunt me out but it can take a while (3 loo's). I would like to wee in peace without the cries of "Mummy, Mummy, where are you?"

But I can live without it for a while anyway. Eldest dd is 3.

Pixel Mon 04-Jun-07 20:36:21

My children don't bother me in the toilet as a rule but I never get to go without the cat watching me. If I shut him out he cries and claws at the carpet, not exactly relaxing! I've even had to shorten the string on the light-pull because he kept jumping up at it and leaving me sitting there in the dark .

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