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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

RISK you take with your children

264 replies

mylittleimps · 27/05/2007 20:27

Xenia said: "Anything can be discussed. Start a risk thread. Namby pamby look after children all the time parents who don't let them go out alone, run in forests, ride horses and risk death damage their children hugely. ", she also said that the case of Madeleine McCann would not change her in as much she would still leave a similar age child alone and go out to dinner in similar circumstances. Xenia also said it was just the same as putting them to bed and going down stairs to have dinner.

i let my young children ride horses, play outside witha river at the bottom of the garden or at their grandparents with a lake. they have lived in a "construction site" since birth, i let them sleep on their fronts BUT i would never ever leave them alone and go out to dinnerb or even leave my rpoperty boundary. and it is not the same putting them to bed and going down stairs.

i believe now the McCanns have pubilically stated that the quilt will never leave them and the poor child is still missing this is a debate that should be had now as if some people can still say it's acceptable is worrying (to me) and I believe children are still at risk if this message is left unchecked

so where fdo you draw the line at risks wrt your children (we all know that as parents we have to take them)

OP posts:

Report

NotQuiteCockney · 27/05/2007 20:30

I don't think there is much actual risk to children from being left alone. I have done this a few times (DS1, 5, alone and slightly poorly while I went to corner shop, both alone and asleep while DH and I danced at a wedding, and while I went running).

Normal rules about leaving kids alone vary a great deal from country to country - in North America, leaving kids alone is illegal. It's perfectly acceptable in scandi countries, from what I know.

Aitch · 27/05/2007 20:32

dunno. i think having a firm rule without actually judging the situation on individual merit would be the most reckless approach, tbh.

dissle · 27/05/2007 20:34

Im no mamby pamby mother but it just doesnt sit right with me to leave my child alone at all ever.

God, what if there were a fire?
What about the stairs...i could go on.
I am worried probably because of my job and what i see and hear about...i am SCARED to death because these things CAN and DO happen and can happen to you or me.

utterlyconfused · 27/05/2007 20:37

I don't think it is ok to do this. Just because they feel unending guilt doesn't mean they feel they did the wrong thing. If your child were involved in a car accident while in the car of another resposible adult, you would feel guilt, simply because it was your decision to let them go in that car. It doesn't mean that you "did the wrong thing". They would feel guilt if she had been taken from her bed while they slept next door, even though they could have done nothing about it. Parents feel an overwhelming sense of responsibility for their children, and it is human nature that this should be translated to guilt if the unimaginable should happen. Saying they feel guilt is NOT the same as saying they took an unreasonable risk. I don't think you should feel that it's ok to start a thread like this.

SaintGeorge · 27/05/2007 20:37

Sorry, but since I am apparently a member of 'the self appointed MN Gestapo' who 'seem to rule with bullyboy tactics' I'm not really in the mood for discussing anything with the op right now. I might regret what I say.

hippocampus · 27/05/2007 20:37

I don't know how anyone has hard and fast rules about what they do and don't do, what's safe and what's not.
Children change, what you do changes, I certainly make different decisions on different days, and live with the consequences. It's idiotic to judge people because what is risky for one child in one place is perfectly safe for another child somewhere else.

ludaloo · 27/05/2007 20:37

Ah ha...mylittleimps

This is probably much better placed here then....

I'm not a namby pamby parent by any means but I have 3 children all under 5 and until I feel they can sufficiently look after themselves I shall be doing the looking after bit myself. There is letting your kids "learn themselves" and there is "parental neglect"

Anyway...as I said on the other thread...this was a response to Xenias comment.

I think age is a big factor when deciding how or where to leave children to run the risk of death as xenia puts it!

My immediate thoughts are, that small children just simply do not have the capacity to think logically or intellectually in many potentially hazardous situations.

Its fine to say parents who watch after their children are being namby pamby but I prefer to think they are just being down right sensible...non????

What if your child runs the risk of death to its ultimate?? Bit of a stupid comment IMO!!

DumbledoresGirl · 27/05/2007 20:38

I have left my baby sleeping in his cot while I nipped to the playgroup and picked up dd. I guess the baby was left for a maximum of 15 minutes. I do feel I was naughty when I did that, but I knew he would sleep through as he always did sleep for 2 hours, every day. Yes, sure, he could have woken up, been ill, a fire could have broken out, I know.

I would never do what the McCanns did, not because of the risk to the child, necessarily, but because I don't believe in going ona family holiday and not being a family together at all times. But that is just me.

dissle · 27/05/2007 20:39

Having said that, i leave my child in the car when getting and paying for petrol. That is leaving him, even with the door locked and making sure im at a pump i can see from the window at all times. I am fidgetty and impatient and cant take my eyes of him.

That is the same as leaving him in apublic place alone isn it.

JoanCrawford · 27/05/2007 20:40

absolutely hippo. I also agree with what Xenia has said on this.

Aitch · 27/05/2007 20:43

agree completely with UtterlyConfused. they've admitted nothing and you should leave them alone.

dissle · 27/05/2007 20:44

Im not sure what i have entered into here.
Has there been a different thread on this?
I took the title literally and answered from a personal angle....im getting the vibes that this isnt what was intended???

mylittleimps · 27/05/2007 20:44

utterlyconfused, i was not saying that the two are the same, i recognise they are not, however if this debate stops other parents going through their heartache and stops another child going missing then i think it's the right time when it is current and in the news. yes i feel strong as IMO i wouldn't leave my child alone ever but i'm interested to know other parents views on this as it is not illegal to do so in the UK.

i am not critcising the McCann's, i'm not discussing why they did it, i just want poeple to be able to express their thoughts on what they do.

and if people want to discuss each others decisions then great, no need to sling mud.

OP posts:

Mog · 27/05/2007 20:45

NQC - you left your children when you went running? Really surprised by this. I run but wouldn't dream of it. What if you sprained an ankle/got knocked down or any other things that could happen. Even a stitch could delay you. I would judge the risks far too great in that situation.

DumbledoresGirl · 27/05/2007 20:46

Me too dissle.

Though the surge of people telling me what I can or cannot discuss with regard to the McCanns, only gives me an overwhelming urge to discuss it more.
Why can't we discuss the risks we take with children? Why has it become suddenly taboo?

Aitch · 27/05/2007 20:46

lol, why do you think it's up to you to warn us? there's been a big news story, a wee girl was snatched from her bed, it's absolutely tragic... you might have heard somthing about it yourself. i really think that what has happened to that family has made everyone think very seriously about this issue, so your crusade is unnecessary.

Aitch · 27/05/2007 20:48

i don't think that we shouldn't be allowed to discuss the risks we take, DG, not at all. but i do object to what that family is going through being trotted out again as if they've admitted some sort of culpability.

DumbledoresGirl · 27/05/2007 20:50

OH I am not involved in that argument Aitch. I have a personal view on the McCanns (more or less expressed below) but I am not into mud-slinging, especially not as I am hardly guilt-free myself.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 27/05/2007 20:53

I think all of us have different views about what is acceptable risk for us and that is influenced by what is in the news at the moment, our background, our neighbours etc.

I really don't think it's valid to say that because the McCann's have publicly stated that they feel guilt, that means that what they did was wrong. As utterlyconfused says, they'd feel guilt whatever the circumstances of their child's disappearance and there's something quite distasteful about using their words to pursue your arguments imo. Sorry.

NKF · 27/05/2007 20:53

There is no widespread acceptance that leaving children asleep in resort appartments is risky. That much I've learned from MN. Some people think it's risky, other people don't. It's not the same as discussing say at what age are children ready to take the risk of crossing the road alone.

caterpiller · 27/05/2007 20:55

12 year old: Leave him alone occasionally for an hour or so. He is still driven to school and will be allowed to go alone when he is in year 9, and nearly 14 (London). He goes around theme parks with a friend when we go, ie we meet up again at the end of the day. He can go into shops alone when we go shopping, but doesn't make a shopping trip alone.

10 year old: Still too scatty for any freedom.

The younger 2: Supervised all the time.

cori · 27/05/2007 21:08

Ok, last week DS 5 off school with chicken pox, I was also ill (tummy bug, nausea , sweats etc) my medication made me sleepy. Slept for two hours, 2 days in a row in the middle of the day. ( we live in a flat so the living room is next to the main bedroom) so essentially DS was left unsupervised during this time. However he is a sensible and well behaved child so felt ok about it. Do you think this risk is too much?

fondant4000 · 27/05/2007 21:09

I agree with NKF, quite a few people believe that this is not risky behaviour, and simply do not see it as such. Most of the time they are probably right - after all most of the time nothing happens.

It's surprised me to discover that quite a lot of people do this, I've even questioned whether I'm odd in thinking it is risky behaviour! Fire, accident etc. make me think that you should either be in sight or hearing of young children who would find it diificult to deal with the situation or hard to find you.

I hate the idea of my child waking up, not knowing where I am, and unable to let me know immediately - but it's only 'cos I think that would be scary, not especially risky.

SenoraPostrophe · 27/05/2007 21:11

I'm pretty sure that statistically, leaving your child alone (either because you're asleep or you've gone out) is less dangerous than taking them near a busy road.

toomuchtodo · 27/05/2007 21:13

I let my kids play out, in a grassy area and also some woods

Let them climb trees, get dirty, play in fields

Let them be young and free and adventurous

I'd never, ever leave them in bed sleeping and leave the house to go across the road to have dinner

Flip

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