thread to show cod how terrible my parenting really is

[Cappuccino]

ok two examples

dd doing homework decides that this is the homework where you needed a tray of things (it is not that is last week's)

me: no we don't need a tray this week see the picture we only need a clipboard and a pen
dd: you are WRONG you are WRONG we need a tray Mrs Teacher said
me: no this week we just need a clipboard the tray was last week for all the bits of stuff
dd: no (waves around homework sheet) we need a TRAY

pokes me with pencils
on removal of each pencil picks up other pencil to poke with
on removal of all pencils starts pulling off tablecloth

shed is threatened

Example 2

We are eating

dd does not want to eat and narks about pouring stuff on table to get attention

food is removed; no attention

dd continues narking about begins to poke sister with finger-end since I am ignoring her

sister is put off dinner

two children narking about

dd1 on naughty step

much wailing then crawls off

shed is threatened

(dd is 6 btw)

[CODalmighty]

dd doing homework decides that this is the homework where you needed a tray of things (it is not that is last week's)

me: lets read the sintructions again
dd: you are WRONG you are WRONG we need a tray Mrs Teacher said
me: ok well you do ti then
dd: no (waves around homework sheet) we need a TRAY
uyou - have you read it?

pokes me with pencils
you walk away
its not YOUR probelm dd is a pita

[CODalmighty]

Example 2

We are eating

dd does not want to eat and narks about pouring stuff on table to get attention

food is removed; no attention

dd continues narking about begins to poke sister with finger-end since I am ignoring her

sister is put off dinner

send dd to her room

go up later and tell ehr she will nto be allowed out till she cna thin what she did wrong
t hat you warned ehr and she carried on

if she huffs and siulks lseve her to stew in her own juice

[CODalmighty]

so you put her on a naughty step she LEAVES it and you do nothing?

[Budababe]

Ooh - can I join?

DS (nearly 6) - two of his shoes in different places on floor

Me - remembering cod's thread about HTTSKWL - "I can see 2 shoes in different places"

DS - kicks both shoes under table.

Me - realise I am doing something wrong.



There were another few episodes over weekend but I can't remember them now!

[CODalmighty]

then " if shoes are ont he floor i may trip over htem"

then " SHOES"

tehn sanction

[Cappuccino]

but if you spend all your time putting dd1 back on the naughty step again and again then dd2 is ignored and dd1 gets all the attention surely?

oh this is too hard

shed works better

[Cappuccino]

ooh what is sanction

[CODalmighty]

we are havign a crakc donw on mentalsit ds3 atm

he neevr does a hting you say - well he does but wiht a twist to show you who is th boss

dh away and so he is always tetchier

yesterday
*ate int he lving room
*helped himself ot apple juice midafternon
*snaffled a packet of sweets
*let the cat in a 6 30 am
*went down to mates house wihtout tellgin me

all criems in htis parish

repeated what he did wrong all day
then at bed time we hada big cuddle and chat abotu it all

[Cappuccino]

oh bugger dh back

have to go to work

have not left forever

[CODalmighty]

adn my poiny is cappy that every so often a GOOD TWO PRONGED attack form you adn dh works really well
my dhd never ever shouts and onece did and they ALL rememerb it and refer back to it
so oyu need one time to refer back to

so for eg wiht the food
id haev sne ther to her room and shut the door and fakring TOLd her off

then soome sancton( hwoeever oyu do it)

[CODalmighty]

what are our sacntions?
removign a toy for a day/afternoon?
bannign tv or games?

[WendyWeber]

DD2 was a Very Naughty Little Girl and used to get far more attention than Saintly Little Girl DD1 because of it. It's very unfair.

Shed excellent idea, cappy. Could you install a bed, table and chair?

[Cappuccino]

ooh you are a hard one

will reapply Thick Skin on arriving home

[DimpledThighs]

I really understand what you are saying capp - 'tis so hard sometimes - cod is right but it is easy when someone else explains it. Cod have you always been good at this side of parenting or is it becuse of the book? Does it fit in with the F&Z touchy feeling hippy parenting style?

My problems are sanctions are always way over the top (Do that again and there will be no supper at all) or rewards and fun are too readily offered so working for them seems pointless as they come anyway.

maybe I should just buy the book.

[DimpledThighs]

ideas of sanctions please!

[mamazon]

if you go in too hard with your sanctions what happens if they are badly behaved later?

getting good reasoned sanctions is second only to persistance as teh key to cracking challenging behaviour.

When they are being naughty try and say as little as possible so they aren't getting that negative attention. explain its wrong, warn them once, then sanction.

if you decide to use a naughty spot then you must see ti through (as with all sanctions) so if he gets off do not speak just take him by the arm and place him back on the spot/chair.

the first few weeks are really hard as you will need to show him that you mean what you say. once youhave shown that you wont back down he will not try and push the boundaries of teh naughty spot and will learn to accpet that if his behaviour is bad then this is his punishment.

[OtterInnit]

[mamazon]

no tv
removal of game/toy
naughty spot

it all depends on your child and what it is they have done wrong. i think one sanction that is used most of teh time for the typical bad behaviour is good with a back up of something much more serious if they do something very naughty iyswim.

[OtterInnit]

I think the naughty step is over used.
For a child or 4 and over - if i used the naughty step - i would say
' You can come back when you can aplologise for your behaviour'

Apology does not mean a muttered sorry but and explanation of what they did wrong ..

IE
' I am sorry Mummy i pushed the baby over i wont do it again' and a kiss for baby....

[mamazon]

im not a fan of the naughty spot either but accept it is a valuable tool for many parents.

[ahundredtimes]

We don't have sanctions, we have Consequences (always with a big C). So I say 'If you carry on doing that after I've told you to stop, you'll have to take the Consequences'. These are also know as Loss of a Life. So, banned from computer for a week, television for a week, games- or two days, depending on the crime, no pocket money etc. Then I say, annoyingly, 'well, it's your decision'. This does work, and we follow through.
But after HTT am much better at giving them an 'out' before wading in with Consequences which makes us all happier. Like the way it avoids confrontations - such as the that blardy homework tray (why are you doing her homework with her Capp? Step one, don't do their homework unless asked.)
I HATE the naughty step. Don't get it. Hate star charts too. Sooo patronising and annoying.

[OtterInnit]

i DO use it but have found it to be a short term fix
frequent use of it means it is not working and by frequent i waould say one or two times a week

[ahundredtimes]

Hmmm. Just so confrontational, and then it's all punishment, punishment, humiliation. And then you're into all that 'sit on the step' malarky and they're eye-balling you and thinking they've got to fight their corner.
Super Nanny's got a lot to answer for. HTT is the way forward. Am evangelical now.

[mamazon]

i think you just need to pick a "technique" and stick to it.
if its always the same routine they will leanr the rules and know how far they can push.

I dont think consequences instead of sanctions ifs a bad thing...its certainly a lot better than punishment.

[ahundredtimes]

Pick and mix techniques perhaps.