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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Parenting

I need to become a better mum

87 replies

NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:28

I am crap, really I am.

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LadyTophamHatt · 07/05/2007 18:29

no you're not.

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Enid · 07/05/2007 18:30

why do you think you are?

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FiveFingeredFiend · 07/05/2007 18:30

so am i.

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ScoobyDooooo · 07/05/2007 18:30

What makes you say that nutty? i am sure you are not a crap mum x

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NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:33

Because I am far too irritable with them, don't hardley ever play with them for fear that it will all go tits up anyway so whats the point.

Today for example, I have been on MN alot, took some pics of stuff to sell on ebay, had a general tidy round and that is it, no playing , no going out, no nothing and then I moan at them for screaming around upstairs like demented animals, which is obviolusly because they are bored.

I can't even say that the above example is a rare thing as it happens nearly every day.

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NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:33

It's like, I do what I have to do and no more.

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NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:35

Right this minute they are all fighting upstairs, driving me nuts.

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NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:37

Back later, ww3 has broken out.

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NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:44

They were fighting, Dd2 pushed Dd1 into the post on her bed and now she has a huge scrage all down one side. Dd1 then pushed dd2 who hit her nose on the floor and has a nose bleed.

Ds got sat on apparently.

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LucyJones · 07/05/2007 18:46

Maybe give Mumsnet a miss until kids are in bed/ I know tis easier said tha done!!

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moondog · 07/05/2007 18:48

I think an outing of some sort has to happen every day or they do go nuts.
Really sympathise Nutty.I'm on my own with two and that's hard enough.

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Chloe55 · 07/05/2007 18:48

A bad mum would be someone who couldn't give a shit that their kids were screaming upstairs because they are bored - it obviously bothers you so therefore you are not a bad mum.

Do you get much help from your dp? Do you dread family days out or are they generally pleasant occassions when they happen? Why don't you set aside one day a week to do something other than stay in the house - go swimming, have a picnic, visit the local adventure park, etc etc.

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Enid · 07/05/2007 18:49

yes it is crap if that is how every day goes

but I feel for you as I know how addictive mumsnet can be

how old are they?

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TerribleMuriel · 07/05/2007 18:51

It's easy to get sucked into doing the bare minimum, we're all tired and busy etc. But you've already said they're going nuts because they're bored. Why not try to make a habit of an hour or two at the park in the morning at weekends, take a book for you and let them use up that energy. Or go swimming with a mate and her kids so you can both do a bit of swimming and bit of watching the kids. Everyone wins.

It easy to get lazy, we're all guilty of it but at least you know you need to motivate yourself so you're halfway there.

For now, stick them in the bath, sit on the floor with them, get them all singing or something. They will remember the mummy time not the mummy shouting earlier and you can tuck them into bed and feel free to come on here and have a chat.

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Aloveheart · 07/05/2007 18:56

Think we've all been there some more than others. Try not to beat yourself up about it and try to take some postitive steps. I know exactly h ow you feel though.

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NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:57

Some of this has been said before, but I don't have hardley any friends and the ones I do have, have got lives and are normally far too busy to go on days out with their kids and mine.

Swimming is a great idea, but 1 adult to 3 kids isn't allowed, and as mine don't swim well I wouldn't be confident enough to take all 3 on my own anyway.

Park I can do, but I dread the coming home as Ds (4) will have a right tantrum because we are leaving and it just spoils the whole day.

Games always end in disaster because Dd2 is a very bad loser and so it's generally stressed from the start.

MN is the only adult company I get in a day, occasionally my mum pops in or obviously I speak with the mums at school, but other than that it's just me here doing everybloody thing that needs doing, and neglecting my kids.

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NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:58

Sorry, forgot to say they are 9, 7 and 4.

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NuttyMuffins · 07/05/2007 18:58

Am off to bath them now, will be back once they are in bed.

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MoreSpamThanGlam · 07/05/2007 18:59

We are all guilty Nutty, dont be hard on yourself

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moondog · 07/05/2007 18:59

Are they all inschool during the week?
If so it really is only fair to devote some time to them at w/ends.A good walk/mess around in the park is the best. So what if yuor son has a meltdown?It will be over soon and nowhere near as draining as hours of bored whingeing.

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FLIER · 07/05/2007 18:59

nuttymuffins i could have written your post. how old are you children?

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Aloveheart · 07/05/2007 19:02

Do you think you maybe suffering from depression?? I suffer from this now and again, and in my head i want to go and do stuff with my kids but i just can't make myself go and do it.

You recognise there is a problem so that's good you've got to try to take action on it now.

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LucyJones · 07/05/2007 19:05

don't worry, Nutty. We all have days when we wish we'd done something but don't know what iyswim.
I can't iagine how hard it must be with 3 on your own... and bank holidays suck at the best of times
Just put it down to experience and tell yourself tomorrow will be a great day

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mamma2kids · 07/05/2007 19:07

Nuttymuffins

Don't be hard on yourself, you've got alot on your hands. No body is the perfect parent and we all assume everyone else is playing happy families all the time. BH weekends must be the pits when you're alone.

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TerribleMuriel · 07/05/2007 19:07

Can you try to explain to your 4 year old that if he behaves nicely and leaves the park when you say you can all come home and have an ice cream or something? A bit of bribery usually works for a quiet life Nutty doesn't it!

Thing is, you feel miserable because you didn't take them out so you will feel much better if you take them out and they have fun even if you have to drag the little one home having a paddy!

Can I say that another plan to increase your motivation generally is do something for yourself every day. Just for you. So, tomorrow when they are at school/nursery, go for a brisk walk and get some fresh air or go for an hour's swim or meet someone for coffee or window shop or something. Get out of the house basically. This might fire you up to do something nice with them when they come from school.

I'm not meaning to criticise you in any way Nutty, hope it doesn't come across like that! Just trying to help!