I'm fed up of being a mum

[Jenkeywoo]

fed up of dd2 - she's one and has developmental delay and can only just sit up. She also has a very high-need personality and screams all day and wakes all night. dd1 - 2 1/2 - seems to be weeing and pooing anywhere but the potty today; always up to mischief like bringing in a bucket of compost from the garden and scattering it on the carpet. The only thing keeping me going is that they both have a nap at the same time - except today dd1 has decided she's not sleeping. On a good day I can make lunch and dinner and get a load of washing on the line. My bathroom stinks, my carpets are filthy but I can't do a thing. I spend all night up and down the stairs with DD2 and they only thing dH and I manage is to restore the kitchen to a state of hygiene every day. On a good day we sit down at around 10.30pm and watch an hour of tv together. Is this what motherhood is really about?

[PinkChick]

can you afford a cleaner a few hours a week?, then that fre time is for you to chill out?..how do you manage to get any work done?, or do you have a nanny?
for your own help, why dont you call your local homestart team and get someone over to help you with children, they are a free oganisation and are very very good.

[hunkermunker]

No, it's not - you sound done in, you poor thing

Do you have any support?

[Jenkeywoo]

Now we can't afford a cleaner as I have given up work to look after my little ones. My mum works but does come round one afternoon for an hour or two but by then I just want to sit down with her and have a cup of tea, I don't feel like going off and doing the hoovering! I want to contact Homestart but am really struggling with making the call, I'm a bit phone phobic and have hung up on them a couple of times. I do love them I just don't get how everyone else with two little ones seem to cope so well.

[Jenkeywoo]

off on a tangent here but how do I get DD to sit properly on the potty? - she (deliberately) leans forward and kind of tilts her pelvis so the wee shoots over the top of the potty and goes several feet across the room. on the plus side she did go and find a towel and clean up the wee.

[hunkermunker]

Can you get your mum to make the call for you? Might seem easier to do things like that if you have a bit of help first, iyswim?

Lots of people with two little ones don't cope - I didn't cope well at all and I wouldn't if I was home full-time either. I just don't have the tolerance needed and I get cross with myself for not being more patient - vicious circle!

[PinkChick]

im not surprisesd you feel how you do, you dont get any time and your running yourself into the ground...do homestart have an email address you could try?

[Jenkeywoo]

Thank you, I'm going to sort out talking to homestart as I have heard reallyv good things about them and it could be the thing that keeps me going! thanks for your support.

[PinkChick]

ive had them, and maybe even local cpn may be able to help with children..advice and tips etc, i also did this and i only have one child, i found it incedibly hard as i had v.bad pnd.they were all fab and would highly recommend you contact both.

[Littlefish]

Speak to your local surestart centre too. They may be able to offer you some respite hours through a childminder or nursery.

[nailpolish]

get someone else to phone homestart

and the potty thing - could you ditch the potty and go straight to toilet? you can get toilet seats for little boys that have a 'rim' to stop them peeing over the top of the seat (whilst sitting) that might help

[nailpolish]

i know you ahve a dd btw, i just thought the boys seat thingy might help

[DanZanes]

oh poor you
I think Homestart will be just the thing. can your mum phone them for you?
is your dd1 potty trained, because if not I would put he rback in nappies/pullups tbh and give yourself a break.
could you join a babysitting circle?
does dd1 go to preschool? have you got her name down, because it won't be long before she is entitled to her funding place
I sympathise about the high need personality. do you go out? I oten find whinging is easier to take in the open air.
also, does dh give you a break at the weekends? does he go up to dd2 at night/in the evenings? if not, oculd you start to take turns. I used to do all the night time stuff with dd1 and then again with dd2 until one day I said ENOUGH! and now dh does help and it has made a huge difference just knowing it isn't all my responsibility.
anyway mich sympathy [hug]
oh and put the tv on what a lifesaver a Disney dvd can be

[fizzylemonade]

Re the potty my DS1 used to forget to tuck his willy down and could wee quite far. Luckily I have laminate but put down a pampers caremat or if she can wee further than that a bed mat

It may be a deliberate ploy to get your attention, my DS1 was about to turn 3 when DS2 was born and although fully potty trained he would lie on the floor and wee into the carpet as he didn't like the wee going down his legs. This happened 7 times a day! I ignored it, cleaned it up giving no reaction despite wanting to scream.

Praise the good things they do, try to ignore the bad. Don't worry so much about the housework, I just kept the bathroom and kitchen as clean as I could. Tip for bathroom cleaning (I used to work as a chambermaid in a hotel) use a towel, wet one end and put cleaner on that -wipe over sink etc then use the dry end to dry. For the toilet I used disposable wipes/cheap pound shop sponges that I could chuck out.

Keeping stuff tidy - I had big storage chests and just chucked everything into those at the end of the day.

[ratclare]

id definately ditch the potty ,never used them for either of mine , at least if she uses the toilet and pees everywhere then you wont notice the smell as you already have a stinky bathroom

[Jenkeywoo]

the potty thing is definatively a ploy for attention and quite frankly I can't blame her! with her little sis crying so much and taking all my energy she does anything to catch my attention. I am trying to get her to go on the toilet but this morning I caught her leaning back and watching with glee as her wee foutained over the top of the 'wee guard' bit.. We do have really good days though with all wees on target, funnily enough they co-incide with days when DD2 is not so bad. I'm going to see if I can some grandparents help this weekend so DH and I can go out for an hour or two one evening. Thanks again for all your support, it's amazing what having a good moan can do to lift your spirits. I'm still procrastinating on the homestart front, no sod that I'm going to ring them now and be done with it.

[Jenkeywoo]

bugger, rang the number, pressed '0' to talk to someone then got put through to a fax machine!

[Limoncella]

Jenkeywoo...pls try them again - dont ket that courage desert you!

[skidaddle]

Jenkeywoo,

Just wanted to say that you sound like a fantastic mum and you are doing so well given the very difficult situation you're in. I really hope you manage to get through to Homestart and they can give you the help you need.
Best of luck xx

[zizou]

Jenkeywoo.
You're in a difficult situation, please phone Homestart and Surestart and get the help you need. As other posters have said, get your mum or a friend to do it for you if you can't do it yourself. Can your mum come any more than once a week? Does your DP have any sane/nice relatives who could help you out? Do you have any neighbours who could help? Bugger the hoovering, it's important to put your feet up and rediscover yourself from time to time.

Very best of luck

[hk78]

as well as homestart, some areas are looking for placements for nneb students , this would also offer you a bit of help possibly?

we never used a potty, for the same reason as you. both dd's were late, but when they did toilet train, they went straight to a toilet.

jenkeywoo pls be kind to yourself, i have just read your other thread on special needs: the state of the housework probably isn't that bad, but because you are so stressed waiting for dx, everything is heightened (i've been there)

one day it will all get easier. in the meantime, wear earplugs to muffle the sound a bit. when they have a nap, you have a nap and put your feet up: if putting a towel over your face is necessary to stop you looking around the room to see the mess, so be it!

[Rachmumoftwo]

One of the best things about Homestart is they will not make judgements. Ring them, or visit your local Children's Centre. Sod the house, go out and meet some mums and drink tea. The house will still be there when you get back, and they only mess it up again.
Really, though, it does get better.
As for the potty, have you tried stickers or a reward system. I bribed my niece to use the potty (even though she was a bit old for it) so my DD could see how it was done. It worked.

[Springadora]

Re: potty - give her books to read while she is on there.

[Busybean]

lol, god reading that was like listening to myself! ds1 is just turned 3 and ds2 16 months ds1 attention seeker/mischeif maker, ds2 winger/screamer/cling-on