Views please on MIL's bizarre smacking habit

[Lovecat]

This is probably a poorly-worded title but it's not a situation that's easily summarised.

Let me first and foremost state that I am 100% against smacking. I was smacked as a child and rather than the pain I remember the burning humiliation and sense of injustice it engendered, and I am determined never to do it to my child.

So how would you deal with this?

Whenever dd trips/falls over/wanders into something without looking and bangs her head/hand/leg etc, if MIL happens to be about, she will go over and repeatedly smack the object that dd has banged into and go 'Naughty table/whatever! Naughty to hurt dd!' and tries to encourage dd to give it a smack as well.

Now, while I can kind of see where she's coming from, given that our ethos is 'mummy doesn't hit, daddy doesn't hit, dd doesn't hit either', it flies in the face of everything we're trying to teach her. Plus I think there's something distinctly odd about hitting an inanimate object...

I'm not sure I can say something without it coming over as humourlessly pompous - although I have a very good relationship with MIL and she is excellent with children (she used to work for Barnados in their nurseries and is fantastic with all her GCs), I've never disagreed with her on parenting before because we've always been on the same wavelength, so I'm wary of causing friction over what may seem like a very minor thing.

However, equally I don't want dd to think it's okay to hit out at whatever hurts her (esp, as she's prone to tripping over the cat!).

Worse still, went out with a friend last week and she did exactly the same thing when dd walked into the chairleg! (Naughty Chairleg!!)

Have I lived a sheltered life or something? I've never come across this before and I find it very weird...

[FluffyMummy123]

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[FluffyMummy123]

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[zippitippitoes]

lol it's quite a common thing to do..just a form of distraction so child doesn't get into a big teary thing


naughty road coming up to hit your head etc

I wouldn't worry too much or just joke about it

[OttersPool]

i have seen it many times but have thought about it recently and thought it does send the wrong message..tell her

[SoupDragon]

She's a complete loon. Surely your DD should be apologising to whatever she's tripped over/fallen against, not smacking it. She may have hurt the chairleg and it was her fault afterall.

[Londonmamma]

I've seen this before and I distinctly remember it done a lot when I was an au pair in Germany.

I don't see how you can raise it with your MIL without getting her hackles up though. All relatives have different approaches to speaking to children and that's part of children's education. You're the one that will have a far bigger influence on your DD and if your MIL is good in other ways I would say grin and bear it!

I'll be interested to see what other people say!

[zippitippitoes]

this promises to be an entertaining thread with potential for regional differences and class attitudes etc

[Trinityrhino]

lol totally common

its just so the kid gets distacted and doesn't get too upset
itsharmless and not worth bothering about

[MintChocChippyMinton]

it's quite common, but not something i've done myself, as it takes responsibility away from the child. How will they learn to be more careful if they think it's the fault of an inanimate object (or the cat)?

[franke]

I've seen it - as zippi says, it's just a form of distraction. Whether you mention it or not depends on how much influence you think your mil has on your dd, I suppose.

[Blandmum]

I have seen this happen lots

Can I place a bet that this will, for totaly wild MN reasons, kick off????

[fortyplus]

How bizarre! But I wouldn't say anything to MIL - just say to dd what a funny thing it is. Maybe say that 'in the olden days' people used to hit children and Grandma is just playing a game to make her laugh.

[zippitippitoes]

mintchoccycipminot

are you ebing serious? about it aking responsibility away from the child? ironic I presume?

[Wotzsaname]

Is abit odd. However, I can't imagine MIL will continue with it for many years, that would be odd. I can just see the look on my dds faces if anyone did it (their school age), someting like this .
I am sure somethings adults do are a reflection of how they perceive the childs age to be - if you know what I mean. Like baby talk, you wouldn't keep that up would you!.

[Wotzsaname]

oh no, I don't want to be on a kick off thread

[Lovecat]

Oh, what have I started....

[Wotzsaname]

hopefully nothing!

[FluffyMummy123]

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[chocolateface]

My mother does this, and always has!
I

[MintChocChippyMinton]

LOL zippi, i stopped to think about it for about 30 seconds and that's what popped into my head!! Actually, i couldn't care less what other people do or say, but i tend not to go in for that kind of stuff myself
Is this thread kicking off then? Thought it was quite harmless.

[FluffyMummy123]

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[Trinityrhino]

lol @cod correcting herself

[FluffyMummy123]

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[Wotzsaname]

martianbishop thought it might!! "her miss she said first, not me, I was still typing ..."