Handing over the 'baton of parental responsibility' to your partner....

[Legacy]

Is it just me, or do you find it's important to know which of you/your DH is 'responsible' for the kids at certain points in time?

I only ask 'cos this afternoon I'm getting cross with DH for not 'accepting responsibility' for the kids this afternoon at home, while I lock myself away to get some work finished. (other thread here

We both work from home, so we're in this situation a lot. When I'm 'on duty' I do everything I can to take the kids out/ entertain them/ stop them from disturbing DH/ keep them out of his office/ pre-empt requests for drinks/ snacks etc.

However when I think we've agreed he's 'on duty' he doesn't do the same, and invariably I get interrupted.

Sometimes it's even just something like "I need an hour to hem these curtains, can you keep the kids out of my hair" but he just doesn't get it! Yet he gets mad if he's trying to do some DIY and gets disturbed.

I like to 'know' I am going to be able to have a fixed period of time when I shouldn't need to be responsible for the kids because I have, theoretically 'handed over the baton' so to speak, but it only ever happens if I actually LEAVE the house.

Does this sound weird?

[foxinsocks]

what do you normally do for childcare if both of you are working?

[Legacy]

Well, both the DSs are in school, and the theory is that we each do 2 days of the childcare a week and they are in after-school club for one day.

But I'm thinking it's not working, for all the reasons I've mentioned. I don't think DH sees it the same way, and when I've tried to approach him about it he's quite hostile and tells me to stop nagging.

[SquonkyDonkeyHotCrossBuns]

When dp is looking after ours, I get a bit fed up of hearing him say "go and show that to mummy" or "go and tell mummy that" If I have to stop what I'm doing to look at the children, I may as well be looking after them myself.

And in my case, I'm just cooking tea, or doing the crossword or something, not trying to actually work.

[tigersEasterchick]

I don't think this is in the least bit unreasonable! I am a sahm and dh works very long hours ... so you could be forgiven for thinking that I haven't a clue where you're coming from! But I do understand and have a simliar situation where dh doesn't seem to think that I need 'time off' from dd. He sees his weekends off as 'family time' and that includes me. Tho I do love spending time with them he just doesn't seem to get that I need to have some time where he is solely responsible for her. It must be much worse if you're trying to work as well!

You have my sympathy but the only thing I can suggest is that you keep trying to talk it over with him as it is obviously getting you down and I can't see him suddenly 'getting it' if you carry on like you are. GOod luck

[foxinsocks]

ooh that's annoying - why does he get hostile? Do you reckon it's because he's aware that he's not keeping his end of the deal up?

the only other option is that they spend more days in the after school club - it wouldn't solve your problem now though.

Or you could let them disturb him for a bit and see how he feels about it (though that's a bit tit for tat but it might help get your message across).

Apart from work though, things likes DIY or hemming curtains (errm, not that I've ever hemmed a curtain in my life but for me, it would be something like baking), I tend to take the kids' interruptions as standard pratice. If I want to do something at home where I don't want the kids to interrupt, I do it once they are in bed or if it has to be done during the day, I get dh to take the kids out. Work is a different matter to things like this imo.

[Runninglate]

Just an idea - are you working in a separate room as it were? Even if not, perhaps you could put a 'do not disturb sign' up (or a cross face picture / red circle if they are too young to read) - 'for the kids sake' and it will also be in DH's face too...he may get the message? It's the same tactic that people use in an open planned office when they keep getting disturbed by colleagues. It does work.

My DH also gets very hostile about odd things - it drives me insane.

[FairyEdwards]

leave him then you don't have this worry