Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

(616 Posts)
manuka Sun 11-Mar-07 16:06:59

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

NatalieJane Mon 12-Mar-07 13:49:37

"No I can't come and look after DS1 while you are in hospital, having DS2, as I promised I would, because my cat would have to stay home with my husband....." WTF? I am still pretty bitter about that one.

"I had five young children, and I still managed to keep my house tidy and clean for my husband" - She walked out on her 5 kids when the youngest was 5, and if she has ever had a clean and tidy home, DH doesn't remember it!

Why do I always have to open the MIL threads? I only end up getting cross with her all over again!

northerner Mon 12-Mar-07 13:46:37

"I'm not living in a council house for noone, I used to be somebody"
When faced with being homeless.

"My boys are not going to fight in Northern Ireland. No way Hose"
During a discussion about war. Her sons are not even in the forces FFS.

"We can't be in the same room as each other. The magic is still there. Can you feel it?"
About her ex h. They have been divorced for 20 yrs and he has been happily reamarried for 19 years.

Jenkeywoo Mon 12-Mar-07 13:44:47

Valnben - reminds me how my own sister accused me of 'hogging' my baby cos I was always breastfeeding her!

ElenyaTuesday Mon 12-Mar-07 13:43:28

My late MIL was the prophet of doom. This isn't as bad as the others but when ds1 was a baby he had some eczema on his face. MIL on several occasions said: "Oh no, how will he shave when he grows up?" Thank goodness the eczema was gone by the time he turned one! Her other classic was "Hasn't he a big head?" like he was deformed or something.

Jenkeywoo Mon 12-Mar-07 13:42:56

If MIL doesn't agree with me she adopts a kind of squeaky voice and talks as if she's one of my children. EG:
I go to breastfeed DD - "I can't possibly be hungry I only fed an hour ago"

I take off DD's coat "oh no mummy I'm going to be cold now".

I try to give DD lunch after a nap - "I don't want to eat now mummy, give me a chance I've just woken up".

When I dared once to complain that DD2 bit me whilst breastfeeding ' oh well that's it, then, you'll have to stop feeding her now, she doesn't need it anymore does she'

To DD2 who likes to be held "you're spolit, you never get put down do you?" - then proceeds to let DD sleep in her arms all evening when babysitting rather than try to put her down to sleep!.

I do love MIL though, over the years I've come to realise that she's just another mum herself and I know she had enough to cope with in her day even if she just doesn't get the whole breastfeeding, co-sleeping thing.

ValnBen Mon 12-Mar-07 13:42:36

DS’s father and I are no longer together so I don’t have to put up with EMIL anymore thankfully .

Had the normal corkers re BF’ing –
Shouldn’t he be on the other side by now (10 min into feed)

Surely you’re not feeding him again!! (4 hours after last feed)

You’re only doing that (bf’ing) so that he can’t ever be mine!! WTF – she had some belief that she had to feed him for him to like her.

I should point out that EMIL had 3 children and didn’t BF any of them.

Told me when I was carrying him that I was carrying HER child – he will always belong to her. “He will want to live with me when he’s older – and I will actively encourage it!!!” [barking]

But I think the best one was after finding out that we had done our Wills and appointed both our youngest sisters as guardians to DS should the worst happen -
“Oh good, that only leaves xx <my sister> to fight for custody then”
(like hurry up and die will you!!)

Northerner I've just read about your MILs dry vag.....bleeeuuughhhhh...

My MIL is lovely but she does come out with some classics.

When DS was a week old she stayed over and noticed that I seemed to be awake a lot of the night feeding DS, changing him etc. She asked "Are you sure that's normal for him to be awake in the night like that?"

I said No it's not normal. I'm just keeping him awake for the company really.

Yet she has 2 children of her own.

Tutter Mon 12-Mar-07 13:33:36

MIL quite sensible

FIL is the buffoon

not baby related but this weekend he did say "we have much better chinese food than the chinese do"

fibernie Mon 12-Mar-07 13:32:01

Some classics here... My MIL, who doesn't speak English and sometimes thinks I can't understand what she says, in reference to my ginormous pregnancy boobs, "She'll have no problems feeding that baby."
Before DD was born, when DP moved from abroad to be with my, she commandeered his dining room chairs, "so the grandchildren will have somewhere to sit". No pressure there then... my unfertilised eggs had somewhere to sit!

Furball Mon 12-Mar-07 12:56:49

not baby related but one christmas she gave me my present and I said - 'oh it's the same as the on you are wearing?' (but different colour) It was a tshirt type top she said 'yes they were BOGOF so I kept the free one!' - or did I have the free one?

kookaburra Mon 12-Mar-07 12:52:12

My MIL referred to me as a 'strumpet'.
I rather like the word.

My MIL is actually lovely, but she has some stock phrases that you can predict she'll say.
If she's ever ill she will stand with her hand in front of her mouth and say "don't come near me, if you get this it'll kill you!"

And the one that I love "I never made my kids eat anything they didn't want to eat" yes, which is why my DH is a 41 year old man who wouldn't eat any vegetables when I met him (at 35!)

And it's not something she say but if we go over for a roast dinner she will put the vegetables onto boil 3 hours before dinner! (Probably explains the above)

And I always get "are you feeding him properly?" he can bloody well feed himself actually!

I like her though, and her comments are usually just funny, especially their predictability!

southeastastra Mon 12-Mar-07 12:02:39

hehe at hrt!

my mil phoned this morning. do we want to come over sunday for dinner.
me: oh yes it's mother's day isn't it?
her: oh is it?
her: perhaps while you're here, you can do my lawn for me (not dp do it, me!)

GameGirly Mon 12-Mar-07 11:50:35

"It's very embarassing at the golf club, I'm the only one whose daughter-in-law works";

"This milk tastes peculiar - is it HRT?";

and the best one (with reference to her elder son leaving his wife, also very embarassing at the golf club, I'm sure:

"I don't understand it, I mean, X and I, we're both in or seventies, but we still have ... errrrm ... intimate relations."

Bless. She's a poppet really.

mouseman Mon 12-Mar-07 11:46:05

In front of 5 year old dd, my mil said, very loudly, 'so, does dd still believe in Father Christmas then?' - I could have killed her!

northerner Mon 12-Mar-07 11:43:06

"Oh well it's not the end of the world I suppose if you have to have a baby in that house"

She often referred to our old house as a shanty back.

To SIL who liked a house we were viewing with MIL, one that I didn't like "Ooh, I knew you'd like it, you see you've got class"

"I know just how you feel. I've aborted 2" To me in the hospital whilst having a miscarriage.

"I don't have sex anymore. DP has a terrible withered leg and I have a dry vagina" <puke>

whywhywhy Mon 12-Mar-07 11:32:38

god some of these are awful!! esp Sherbert's and LOTF's...
LOTF I have to say you are an angel to let your mil back in your house after all those corkers.
(I have also had the 'water!! give him some water now!!! one during the 2003 heatwave when ds1 was a week old. She marched up the stairs yelling at us then sulked for 2 hours because dh said 'mum that's not helpful'. What is it with women of a certain age and boiled water???)

manuka Mon 12-Mar-07 10:27:42

Ladyoftheflowers I know its not funny at all in fact its horrific but the way you say it is hilarious!! What a scary mil!!!

rarrie Mon 12-Mar-07 10:23:41

My Ils aren't mean, just very thoughtless and a bit selfish...

When I had DD2 rcently, I had a pretty traumatic birth - 3rd degree tear, haemorrage etc and was kept in hospital for several days, whilst I was on the morphine. As a result, we didn't have visitors to the hospital. I checked myself out after 3 days, and we then said that my ILs could come over to see the baby for the first time.

FIL refused to come as he had to go to his gardening club. MIL cam over, and only I was there, so I offerred her a cup of tea (thinking she'd say she'd make it ) out of politeness, to which she replied 'ooh yes if you're putting the kettle on'.. and left me to run round after her (despite still being on very strong painkillers!) whilst she ignored me and cooed over the baby!

octopussyintummy Mon 12-Mar-07 10:23:12


LadyOfTheFlowers Mon 12-Mar-07 10:09:31

meant to be a not a bloody !!!

LadyOfTheFlowers Mon 12-Mar-07 10:08:17

oooh,ive got a corking birth one, i will never forgive her for:

<to set the scene- me lying in hospital after ds2s birth and major heamorraging (sp?) still trying to get my head around the fact they wanted to take my womb, there and then to save my life, dh goes out to call his mother and tell her ds2 has arrived>

mil: you mean to tell me 'that baby' has been born for over 9 hours and you are just calling me now?!

dh: um, yes. we thought LotF was going to blled to death or have to have hysterectomy straight away. i didnt want to leave her. it was more important to stay with her and tell you later.

mil: well, we obviously have VERY different ideas about what is important, don't we?

<mil hangs up>

and then there was the time when she shunned my kids for 3 months beacuse we were late to bil's boxing day party......

if i start, i'll never stop. she is very strange indeed.

claricebean Mon 12-Mar-07 10:05:13

Not really in the same vein, but amusing non the less, MIL (who is German) to her grown up German nieces, while we were talking about baby names: You don't really here the name Adolf much nowadays, do you?

Twinkie1 Mon 12-Mar-07 10:04:36

Boring women have immaculate homes was a fave of my xmil - I said I don't mind being boring as long as I wasn't a dirty cow!! She even bought me a little plaque with it on - she was that dumb - it was supposed to be ironic I expalined to her - it was supposed to be in a dirty home but she may have been exciting but thick as shit!!

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