Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

(589 Posts)
manuka Sun 11-Mar-07 16:06:59

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

Hassled Mon 12-Mar-07 09:59:04

Re the fact that DS3 and DS4 have Dyspraxia and Verbal Dyspraxia respectively, my MIL-to-be said "But you were well into your thirties when you had them, weren't you?"
I wanted to make some reference to her in-bred Suffolk genes being more likely to be responsible, but managed to control myself.

nogoes Mon 12-Mar-07 09:53:43

Oh I have just remembered another. MIL - "you really ought to start giving ds some jars of food rather than that homecooked food, Cow & Gate have been making food longer than you have and it is much more nutritious. IF you keep feeding him healthy food you will turn him into a fussy eater and he won't want to eat `normal` food. Wtf?

octopussyintummy Mon 12-Mar-07 09:45:39

My MIL has just bought my ds's pyjamas - very htoughtful and kind - ds 1 is 5 and ds2 is 3 - the pyjamas are age 8-9 and 6-7 - said they'll grow into them - yeah in 3 years!

maisym Mon 12-Mar-07 07:58:53

bump!

I came out of hospital on New Years Eve just gone after having surgery for ectopic pregnancy/miscarriage. I was very sore, swollen and of course very, very sad.

MY MIL rang me, no hello how are you feeling but "I was wondering if you have had the chance to get DH some snacks for tonight"

ERrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr NO!

Sakura Sun 11-Mar-07 22:49:41

"Hahahhahahahaha"...
(WHen I told her I thought a car-seat would be necessary)

octopussyintummy Sun 11-Mar-07 22:07:23

No sorry - its called tsunamia (mum at local playgroup)

"isnt it shocking what happened to the poor people in tsunami?!"

She brought 12 people to our house 4 days after having dd and since I was little quiet and tired looking (eh obviously) she "whispers" (very loudly), to her b*h daughter, about a foot away from me... DONT MIND HER SHE MUST HAVE THE DEPRESSION...
(thankfully I didnt.. just a bit sleepy and had 12 visitors, just gave birth)

When dd was 5 weeks old... you should break a biscuit up into a bottle of milk for her and give it to her before bed, she'll sleep all night....

What do you say? she is without a doubt, the stupidest woman I have ever met..

Some little beauties from my MiL (she's 80 and barking bless!)

(1) If you learn one thing from me, learn this - never give kids fruit and vegetables. They hate them and it's really cruel to give kids things they hate.

(2) I used to pop a bit of whisky in their bottles each night to help them sleep.
(That'll explain the rampant alcoholism.)

(3) If they can't sleep, give them some morphine and Kaoline, that'll calm them down
(umm calm them down or sedate them?)

(4) Do you really need to breast feed her so often?
(BF a ten week old on demand)

(5) Of course, it's different now, you have more help than I did!
(she had a housekeeper who did all the housework and a nanny. I have a cat).

(6) You are making a rod for your own back if you make her reliant on you.
(for refusing to let her scream with terror at being left with people she didn't know).

Oh I feel better now.

steinermum Sun 11-Mar-07 21:16:11

It's always FIL with me.
1. After DS2: You're too old to have any more children (I was 35), he'd better have a vasectomy

2. How's Cruella? (because I limit the kids TV)

3. Why don't you iron his shirts? MIL still managed to when the kids were small

4. Sprayed evil-smelling flyspray all round my kitchen without asking me

DH tells me FIL really likes me though !!!!!!!

edam Sun 11-Mar-07 21:09:46

Some real shockers here. But don't understand ejt's objection to ''Thank you for giving me another baby to cuddle'. Sounds like a nice thing to say.

whywhywhy Sun 11-Mar-07 21:03:27

(supply screechy posh accent) 'but you CAN'T give birth in a pool! How would you CLEAN it afterwards!! It would be full of...' (MIL breaks off with look of utter disgust while FIL nods sagely in background)

Another classic (while 1 week old DS screeches incessantly in background) (booming voice) 'if YOU relax, then HE will relax'.

Oh, so helpful, so wise.

whywhywhy Sun 11-Mar-07 21:03:20

(supply screechy posh accent) 'but you CAN'T give birth in a pool! How would you CLEAN it afterwards!! It would be full of...' (MIL breaks off with look of utter disgust while FIL nods sagely in background)

Another classic (while 1 week old DS screeches incessantly in background) (booming voice) 'if YOU relax, then HE will relax'.

Oh, so helpful, so wise.

sophiewd Sun 11-Mar-07 20:54:31

I have an old friend who hss two boys and a girl. Husband siad that he would pay for two boys to go to public school, they are bothe currently at a private prep. He didn't want a girl which they subsequently have and has refused to pay for her education, saying that as a girl state education is more than enough for her.

nogoes Sun 11-Mar-07 20:24:38

"Paying for private schools is only something you need to think about if you have boys"!

"It is wicked to have a career if you have children".

xenabelly Sun 11-Mar-07 20:19:00

lovin this thread!

I love my parents in law but they do come out with some classics...

I suffer from depression and when i was pregnant with dd1 I was just recovering from a major nervous breakdown. Needless to say I was a tad concerned about getting post natal depression ( as were my doctors/pyschologist/counsellor etc) and my MIL said 'oh, don't worry, noone gets depression when they've had a baby, you just don't have time' !!?!

A friend of mine was pregnant with her first baby and her father in law said 'I don't know why you're worrying about Steve (her partner) having paternity leave, this baby's got nothing to do with him till it's older. Our Steve's got his golf to think about' !?!

('steve' is a weekend golfer, hardly Tiger Woods!)

wheresthevalium Sun 11-Mar-07 19:31:22

Never had a MIL as she died before I started seeing exDH, I did know her though and she was lovely. exFIL came out with some stunners though...

'If you don't stop feeding that baby soon you'll ruin your breasts' (I will add that DD1 was 2 months old) but anyway WTF!!!!!!

'We never allowed our children to sleep in our bed, you're both overweight and might kill her'

'You know love, it really might be time to think about losing some of that baby weight' (was pg with DD2 and he knew!)

And being told that DS had very much the same colour hair as DD ie brown (she's in Spain and never sees them), her comment was "are you sure there isn't any ginger anywhere, have you checked his eyebrows & eyelashes ?" I have red hair which is what generated that comment.

saltire Sun 11-Mar-07 19:01:02

Not as bad as some, but
"Oh well I thought you might at least have had a girl" after I had given birth to DS2, her 4th grandson.
OR

"I washed your kitchen floor as you obviously don't have time to do it"
"I bought some cleaning stuff at Tesco - i couldn't find yours, but then looking round I'd say you don't have any"
"How's the babysitting going then? Isn't it time you got a proper job" In reference to my childminding

Waswondering Sun 11-Mar-07 19:00:46

Mil, to me on the phone, morning after my wedding to her ds,

"did he sleep well? He seemed tired yesterday"

Wasn't sure how to answer that one . . ..

She still hasn't lived it down!!

On trying to explain exactly what dyspraxia & hypermobility are, shortly after DD was diagnosed, my MIL's comment was "well I would have been too busy to notice that sort of thing"

Blandmum Sun 11-Mar-07 18:57:57

Like maisym, I love my MIL. My mother has come out with some corkers though.

When I had a MC she said, 'Never mind, what you never had you can never miss' Which was a dig at me for leaving home!

Nikki76 Sun 11-Mar-07 18:55:56

My MIL is Mid Eastern and soooo disapproved of me (white English) marrying DH that she said to him oh and I bet she isn't a virgin either....

We get along fine now although she did say to DH when I was three months post baby and c section and still finding my feet, oh she is a bit messy isn't she......

twoisplenty Sun 11-Mar-07 18:52:51

My dd first weaning food ever was: strawberry cheesecake...given by a relative on my dh side (ok, not mil, sorry!)

She said, "well, I could see she really wanted some!"

maisym Sun 11-Mar-07 18:47:54

a quote from my mother (my mil is lovely)

I'd just had a c/s after a worrying preg follwing a missed m/c & fertility probs. My mother was seeing me at the hospital just after the c/s: "You look terrible"!! - needless to say I felt very sad and shocked.

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