Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

(613 Posts)
manuka Sun 11-Mar-07 16:06:59

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

squizita Thu 21-May-15 09:00:44

My MIL passed away a few years ago. sad

My mum is great but has a skill for suggesting the obvious as if I hadn't thought of it eg.
Baby won't eat solidd "have you tried feeing her baby food?" No mother I handed her 12 oysters on ice and a shucking knife and she just sat there saying goo.
Baby is sleepless "have you tried wrapping her up warmly in a quiet room?" you mean the scary ride at Alton towers isn't the best place to rest a baby?!

5YearsTime Thu 21-May-15 07:05:33

After my LO nearly dying at birth and being in the NICU and having some post-birth complications myself in the 24-48 hour window after birth.

On hearing this would be my only child DM said

"But if you die they'll be all alone"

Really Mother?! Given that yesterday we were both at risk? Really is this the right time? My DH just sat there looking so fucking unimpressed.

Wheres, DMIL was even more spectacularly inappropriate by constantly asking when it would be time for "Nana cuddles"... I haven't held her my fucking self yet and I carried her and gave birth to her. She's currently wired and tubed up to lots of different machines and I'm concerned she has brain damage. Do you reckon you might be able to calm the hell down?

annatha Wed 20-May-15 21:25:21

My MIL is amazing, she's been like a mum to me for years and I don't know what I'd do without her. My own mother on the other hand...

On breastfeeding: I never bothered with any of that. Its a bit weird isn't it? Don't you want (dh) sucking on there instead?

After hearing that I had a wonderful, natural birth: in this day and age theres no need to do it without drugs. I just asked them to knock me out with you. I slept through it and can't remember being in hospital at all, I was too spaced out.

When meeting her granddaughter for the first (and last) time, she had to be told to support her head constantly and gave more of a shit about the dog. When leaving she said an elaborate goodbye to the dog then went to leave without saying goodbye to dd or dh. Dh pulled her up on it and she said oh well I've already got my shoes on, I don't want to take them off again. Ffs.

imwithspud Sun 17-May-15 15:03:50

Not child related but my mil rang me at 10pm on Friday night after she had realized that my Facebook profile had gone. A few days prior I had decided to take a break and deactivated it for a while. The conversation went something like this..

Me (confused): ..Hello?
An almost hysterical, annoyed sounding MIL: imwith, can you put me and my sister back onto your facebook please?
Me: Er no I can't, because I've deactivated my account
MIL: Oh, what does that mean?
Me: It means I want to take a break from it for a while
MIL: Why?
Me: Because I have
(what I wanted to say was it's non of your fucking business, if I want to close my account I will without having to answer to anyone, especially not at 10pm on a Friday night when I have enough on my plate at the moment as it is)
MIL: Oh okay, it's just I wanted to show my sister a photo you had uploaded recently and we couldn't find you on there.
Me: awkward pause

Bearing in mind my due date for baby number 2 is just days away and I am currently dealing with a family bereavement, I find the fact that she was more concerned, and even somewhat offended that I had dared to remove myself from Facebook than how I am doing pretty low. I wouldn't have minded so much if she had rung at a more reasonable time and had taken the time to see how I'm doing, rather than go in all guns blazing.

There have been loads of corkers over the years that I can't remember specifically right now, although child related ones include encouraging us to wean DC1 from 8 weeks old as that's what she did with her boys (we didn't). I'm sure with a new baby due imminently there will be plenty more to post in the future.

Only1scoop Sun 17-May-15 07:50:27

"Should you be drinking wine if your trying to lose weight"

bambi07 Sun 17-May-15 07:49:29

I enjoy reading and rereading this thread, makes me feel like I should/could let my mil live, just for entertainment purposes! grin

apintofwhine Sat 16-May-15 20:23:53

Repeatedly asking if she could take ds at 1 week old out shopping in the pram for the day so people could ' see her with her baby' and I said no as was bf. She told me she was willing to take him into the shops and not leave him outside in his pram as" she knew how fussy I was" ��

YouCanButImNot Sat 16-May-15 19:04:56

'You're looking slim today, have you got your fat pants on?' fuck off mil

proudmama2772 Sat 16-May-15 12:24:14

TandemFlux

That's like my MIL. Her daughter perfect mum/perfect children. Mine - obviously not as well-behaved, as smart in school. I feel like reminding her they are her son's kids as well.

mika2 Fri 15-May-15 21:03:43

MIL : "is her milk any good?" To my doula a couple of wks after I'd given birth to DD. WTF!! No it's rubbish, let's ask the next door neighbour if she can breastfeed your granddaughter instead!

Poppy84b Fri 15-May-15 20:53:39

You aren't a real woman if you don't want kids

TandemFlux Fri 15-May-15 20:48:20

'Theres nothing like your own daughters children' so mine obviously came second!

bambi07 Fri 15-May-15 20:46:03

" it's no wonder your baby is obese, if you pump her full of breast milk everytime she squeeks"- beautiful DD is 11 weeks old!

"with your terrible genes should you really be having any children?" shock

SmirnoffVice Thu 14-May-15 21:50:53

"What was your name again?"

Treesandbees Thu 14-May-15 21:45:53

Recently had our 20 week scan for DC #2. Called MIL with update and told her we were having a girl. Her response was a long pause before saying 'oh how disappointing I wanted another boy'.

Then for my birthday she sent me a newspaper clipping which was titled 'Suffer sleep deprived hell when you welcome your second child'. Our current DS isn't the best sleeper so that hit a nerve and pretty much ruined my birthday.

She's a peach!

PopTarts Thu 14-May-15 21:27:33

And I think that killed the thread, such was the effect of the mils venom grin

PopTarts Thu 14-May-15 20:08:35

Oh I've had a few gems from
Mil before I managed to put her in her box !

'If I tell my son to leave you, he would because he's a good boy who listens to his parents' (he didn't)

'You had children to stay at home on benefits' (I don't)

Nasty cow.

CPtart Thu 14-May-15 19:56:51

"Gillian recommends you have a look at that Gina Ford book, write this down, have you got a pen? Gina Ford. She uses it, she was struggling like you. Have you written that name down?" I wasn't struggling hmm

"Eat your dinner. Sit down. Eat your dinner. Leave him to cry. Sit down.".and on and on and on...

"Never mind this internet nonsense. You just can't beat a good old Pears dictionary".

"If you're just prepared to wait, you don't need to pay full price for anything". Damned right though!

Lozy79 Thu 14-May-15 19:40:08

Mil, 'I can't help but find breastfeeding discusting'
Me, shock

proudmama2772 Thu 14-May-15 16:47:38

'You don't need a car'

THen SIL said, "No mum she has three kids and she will need a car." As if I wasn't even there.

When I was at her house once my 13 year old started getting lippy with me. I told my daughter that she shouldn't speak to me that way - I wasn't yelling or anything but clearly displeased.

My MIL practically shoved me out of her house saying she didn't need to listen to us fighting with each other.

Trooperslane Wed 13-May-15 16:34:02

My MIL is awesome. My poor departed DM not so much.

She tried really hard but came out with some corkers.

Re my wedding. Lovely neighbour down the road's dd got married same day as us.

DM "me and dneighbour were talking about the weddings... I told her it was an AWFUL day" (it rained for about half an hour).

Me: DM, how would you feel if someone said that about your wedding day?

DM don't be so bloody self absorbed.

My. FUCKING.WEDDING DAY!

littlefrenchonion Wed 13-May-15 10:48:33

Also, the most recent one would be in hospital after pre-eclampsia, failed induction, traumatic c-section an early baby in the special care unit and DH and I emotional and physical wrecks, I received a delightful text to remind me that "I know you are having a lovely time getting to know DD in hospital but it's not fair of you to keep her from us. She's our granddaughter, we need to see her!" I asked for no visitors, I was in no state to see anyone. Her need to see her grandchild when I'd only held her a few times myself was the least of my worries!

That one will not be forgiven quickly, I'm sure.

littlefrenchonion Wed 13-May-15 10:38:04

DH (then DP) and I saying goodbye to PIL at the airport as we were about to go backpacking to India for 3 months:

MIL: "Ohh! Look at all the paki's going on their holidays!"

At Christmas, after handing me two advent calendars, one cheap and cheerful, the other quite lavish:

"This one (the lavish one) is not for you, it's for my boy, ok? You aren't to eat it!"

About 8 years ago on being introduced to MIL and co: "You need to know, if you fall pregnant, you are to tell us immediately, you won't be having an abortion, you'll be giving the baby to us". My face must have been a picture!

The phrase that currently sends me into a silent seething rage is: "Where's my baby? Let me hold my baby!" (DD is 12 days old).

Oh I really can't stand her.

LemonLovely Mon 02-Jun-14 20:25:46

bump

LadyBoleyn Thu 29-Aug-13 03:05:18

My DH has got her checked out for any mental illness or cancers but she is all clean so she is just a nasty bitter twisted old BITCH!!!!

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