Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

(590 Posts)
LemonLovely Mon 02-Jun-14 20:25:46

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LadyBoleyn Thu 29-Aug-13 03:05:18

My DH has got her checked out for any mental illness or cancers but she is all clean so she is just a nasty bitter twisted old BITCH!!!!

LadyBoleyn Thu 29-Aug-13 03:00:37

Hay guys sorry is might be long as my MIL is a nightmare....ok my DH and I have been married for two years and his mother was fine with me until dec 2012 Mil and Fil had used some of there air points to send me and DH on a small holiday it was very thoughtful of them as they could have used the points for themselves so we went on the trip and we where delighted to discover i was pregnant again ( i had lost our daughter at six month invetro two years before we married) and I started to think something was up with my MIL as she would ring every hour on the hour to ask what we where doing "have you been to the beach?" "Have you tried that restaurant?" It was intrusive but I let it go I think she was just trying to make sure we were having a good time we stayed there for four days and when we got back all hell broke loose in my personal life I had to go out of town for four days for work and when I got back my father told me that my sister (18 yrs old)was in the ICU in hospital and the doctors had just told him to start the arrangement for her funeral my partners where devastated! so I when to stay with them for a week and a half mind you it was getting close to Christmas so I ran my mothers house for her as she did not leave my sisters side until she pulled thought thanks to god! Now three days before Christmas DH told me that my MIL expected "personal" gifts so I went out and brought (from the both of us) my FIL a few books that he wanted $150.00 and my MIL $200.00 worth of cooking oils so Christmas Day comes around and I started to bleed I was having another miscarriage I was crushed mum helped a lot hugs and what not so I made it thought the day but when we got to my inlaws house my MIL corned me demanding why I not called her or written to her to thank her for the holiday? I said that I had been very busy with my life and my business but we both enjoyed the holiday very much she just would not shut up about how much I had disappointed her she even got her bitchy daughters to add there two cents worth when my DH stated "can you leave LadyBoleyn alone we have just lost another baby for gods sake!" She states "oh my god! I'm so sorry for you MY son this bitch is murdering your children!" " turns to me "put a fuc*king sock in your crying you murderer!" She then turned back to DH "I'm the only one who can give you kids!" I was shocked as her daughter started to laugh and point at me! That was the Christmas from hell a few months after that she called my DH to see if he was still alive for fear I had killed him "like the b*tch had done to YOUR babies!" She had called the police and everything stating that I had killed his children and was scared for his life the police can around to our house demanding to know where the bodies where I had to call my doctor (thank god she is a kind lady) to tell them what ACTUALLY happened the police then sent me a gift basket to say sorry! Lol sorry that took so long! Wow that feels better! Oh and they didn't think the gifts I gave them where "personal " enough and what did they get me? A pair of socks from the dollar store! Lol there are so much more but I think I might run out of room soon lol

superbabysmummy Fri 23-Aug-13 23:51:25

This is a corker, haven't read all messages on thread but of the ones I have, I know some of you will relate!

Not MIL but an Aunt talking about my now 25yo cousin... "Completely potty trained by 5 months".

She was aghast that 9.5 month old DD still needed a nappy change - WTF!

lotsofcheese Fri 23-Aug-13 21:50:55

My MIL is a real gem. Here's a few of her classics:

"Women with young children work for foreign holidays & fancy cars". Yeah right, I drive a clapped-out piece of shit which we can't afford to replace. Even with me working confused

"Pre-prepared vegetables are wrong. It doesn't take a minute to peel & chop a carrot". Fuck off!

"You are pathetic, just pathetic" to my unwell 2 year old. Bitch.

slenderman Fri 23-Aug-13 21:47:55

dh said he wished he had a dog to take out for a walk, mil said 'you can take slenderman'

when i said i was tired, told me i didn't know the meaning of the word.

Notsoyummymummy1 Fri 23-Aug-13 21:43:19

After we announced my pregnancy to MIL she said "but I thought you were saving for a kitchen?!" Literally that was the first thing she said!

Soundofraindrops84 Thu 22-Aug-13 22:11:19

Dp, mil, mil husband, dps grandmother and great aunt and I out for a meal and had 10 week old ds with us. I was having dessert and mil turns round and says "go and stick his dummy in the cream and put it in his mouth and see what his face goes like"
She repeated twice after dp and I both ignored the comment!

I was mortified as you'd expect shock angry

happydaze77 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:28:28

crabbiepattie what is it about MILs and wanting us to bottle feed? Jealousy perhaps? They want to get their mits on our babies!

Pixielady83 Thu 22-Aug-13 19:21:59

Some of these are hysterical and some are downright awful!

My MIL has improved but some classics include:

upon the birth of a (much longed for) DD: 'oh well maybe you'll have a boy next time'. Said TWICE in the first week!

She once tried to correct me on what month DD was born.

After we resorted to ff after a terrible fortnight of trying and failing to establish bf and DD losing a scary amount of weight: 'well that's not going to help matters is it'

The worst was when DF now DH waiting for the offer to be accepted on our house 'I don't know what you're worried about, it's not your money is it'.

angry

exoticfruits Thu 22-Aug-13 19:05:56

I find it very odd that it is only the mother's of boys who have peculiar sayings. Why are mothers of girls immune? My mother has just as funny quotes as my MIL- most would.

Jammee Thu 22-Aug-13 18:49:11

I did not realise this thread existed! This is made for me. I truly dislike my MiL.

I was holding by 7m/o DD when she arrived at our house. Without saying hello to me she stretched out her arms to grab my DD and said emphatically, "Come to Mummy."
I shot her a filthy look and made sure not to let go of my DD.

crabbiepattie Thu 22-Aug-13 18:36:26

Said to MIL on the phone whilst still in hospital after having DTGs that the midwife had advised me to put the girls on a bottle beause of my inverted nipples and numerous attempts at latching on failing...

"Oh good!"

SarahLou78 Wed 21-Aug-13 19:54:13

Brilliant - I thought I was the only one with a mother in law like that!

Mine constantly mocks my decision not to feed ds sugary crap until he is bigger and knows what he's missing out on (he is 11 and a half months).

I could post 100s of comments but will stick with the latest one. During a visit to their house with a very active, full on ds she said to me "you SHOULD be really slim chasing him round all day like that". Im only a size 12!

justanuthermanicmumsday Tue 20-Aug-13 22:27:52

When I lose my rag and raise my voice with the kids or husband mil says " should a lady speak like this? She should have a soft gentle voice" . That really makes me mad so I shout louder up the stairs and methinks she needs to take the plane home and live with like minded idiots.

baggyb Tue 20-Aug-13 22:17:23

When we told my MIL that we've been referred to the assisted conception unit and the "when are you making me a grandma" comments had to stop she replied "Ooh, that means we can put a cot in the spare room"...um, no, actually, for the moment it means the exact opposite...

DIddled Tue 20-Aug-13 22:09:14

From my mother in law (May God rest her Soul) on meeting me for the first time- 'ooh you have lovely teeth-are they your own'?

It could only get better from then. It did, and I loved her to bits!!!

perplexedpirate Tue 20-Aug-13 22:03:21

On my wedding day: 'Why are you worried about a career?! You're married with a baby now!'.

shil0846 Tue 20-Aug-13 21:51:58

I love this thread; it has helped put my MIL into perspective. Recent quotes:

"You keep taking him away from me". When DS was 6 weeks old and needed BFing.

"I gave my 2 Calpole all the time. You should give it to him [DS aged 8 months and sitting playing happily on his mat] just in case." Just in case of what???

Holding DS out to me and saying in snooty disgusted tone: "This child is smelly". Well go and change him then and give me a break!!!

On being told we had bought a stair-gate for our top floor flat: "I didn't need a stair-gate, I taught my 2 to go up and down stairs when they were 6 months old". Yeah right!

Out of no-where, patting my arm and saying "don't worry, you'll lose it [the baby weight]".

On me saying DS wouldn't eat his lunch: "He always eats his food when Grandma feeds him". She's only bothered to feed him once and that was yogurt which he always eats.

CalamityJ Tue 09-Jul-13 20:21:01

My MIL is thoughtless rather than mean but whenever she comes round she criticises something about the house. Lawn needs cutting - well yes but we have a 3 month old, DH is looking for a new job and we're a bit busy really. She says "right, let's get the lawn mower out then". I tell her I've never mown a lawn in my life and I'm not about to start today when I'm in the middle of BFing my DD! She says "nor have I but it can't be that hard" (she's a size 8 and in her 70s!) She then phoned her gardener to make him come round and do it for us. Which she paid for to be fair (although we didn't know this till we went to pay at the end). Today she criticised the hanging basket she's done for us muttering under her breath that she hopes that'll rescue it (rooted around in our bin for a plastic bottle when there's a watering can outside the back door...) I specifically watered it yesterday so she wouldn't criticise it!!!!! She insists I should top up with formula before bed to get her to sleep through every night instead of most nights (why?? I can cope with 1 night feed in 7 nights!) She bought 3-6 month clothes even though when she asked I said 6-9 as we already have loads. I know I should be grateful but why ask?? I know none of mine are as bad as some on this thread but no one likes to be criticised or ignored and that's what she does a great job of. She's also incredibly racist which does my nut in (DM reader of course!). She patted my tummy the other day and said "it's nearly gone hasn't it?" Which might sound nice but DON'T TOUCH MY TUMMY! I didn't like her doing it when I was pregnant but I sort of picked my battles and left it. She baby sat DD and instead of keeping her in her room to comfort her when she woke up she brought her down stairs with all the lights on and the TV blaring! Bless my DD she was falling asleep with a bottle (of EBM despite MIL's best efforts) in her mouth in front of the TV! And the final one "don't worry about me I'll make myself a cuppa". Yep, just herself while I BFd DD. So glad I don't have anyone else on this thread's MIL but I think they are a special breed of insensitivity!

Giraffinalaugh Tue 09-Jul-13 11:59:48

Happyfirsttimemummy do we have the same mil? Golden ones from mine...

When we told her i was pregnant (she already has 6 gc) "oh no.. well its early days.. something might still happen" "you're not really maternal are you"

"He doesnt have tounge tie you're holding the bottle wrong"

She also txt my dh saying that she thought i wad deliberately leaving ds in a hot room (21º) anf that our ds was precious and needs proper care.

As if!!

Xihha Mon 08-Jul-13 18:22:11

my mil comes out with some great ones, my favourite 2 lately are:

having heard I'd asked my mum for some advice about dd starting primary school in September 'Oh I wouldn't listen to your mother's advice, she's got absolutely no experience with children' (I'm one of 8 kids and mum has worked with primary school age children all her adult life)

having come round half way through lunch 'oh i see you haven't washed up yet' (id only stopped eating to open the door!)

Mockingcurl Fri 05-Jul-13 22:48:47

My mil when my third son was one day old " oh but you've got to have another one and get it right next time. I like girls, they're very special".

honeytea Fri 05-Jul-13 22:40:29

My mother is also bonkers, she says I must praise ds every time he poos as it is the only thing he creates at the moment and we should help him feel proud of his poos.

honeytea Fri 05-Jul-13 22:39:09

My mil told me that if I breastfed ds and didn't give him a dummy he would get so fat that he wouldn't learn to walk.

Mil also told me that I couldn't use cloth nappies because ds would have red hair ( he was not yet born when she made this comment, neither me or dp have red hair) and because of his red hair he would have sensitive skin ( sadly ds doesn't have red hair I think it'slovely)

Mil wanted 8 week old ebf ds to co-sleep in her bed with her and fil whilst me and dp slept in a cabin in the garden.

Mil accused me of being a bad mum because I didn't support ds's next when he was 4 months (!!) old. Ds was a very strong baby and was sitting unaided at 4.5 months there was no need to support his neck.

She blamed me when ds was hospitalized at 5 weeks old with rs virus because I once caught the bus with him.

Mil and fil came to visit when ds was 4 days old, I had been sleeping and dp woke me up as ds needed a feed. I came intovtge living room where everyone was I said hi and smiled and then sat quietly feeding ds ( dp, mil and fil were speaking Swedish which I can speak but it takes some concentration on my behalf and I had had about 3 hours sleep in the last week) mil was very offended and accused me of having a bad attitude.

I could go on.

Dp has said he understands if I don't want to see her anymore as she is clearly bonkers but I make the effort to put up with her for ds's sake.

sharond101 Thu 04-Jul-13 22:13:39

She came round for dinner, sat on the sofa whilst I cooked it, laid table and entertained bay. Ate dinner then retreated back to sofa shouting, "I'll have a cuppa when your done there." As I was left to clear the table, wash up, entertain baby, bf baby and make tea!

123oap Thu 04-Jul-13 18:24:07

I spent 10 days in hospital, five days prior to DS's birth, with preeclampsia, and five after a horrendous birth that went wrong for me and DS. I was on morphine, and all sorts of medication. Her first question when she came to visit was, " Did you see the final of I'm a celebrity last week...."

foryonisonly Fri 19-Apr-13 22:58:43

mil often comes for tea, invariably turns up as i Am bfeeding. I will say, sorry - you ate welcome to make a cup of tea (hint hint) & she replies "its ok i can wait".

ridiculius things like she will say to ds1 "i like your jeans, much nicer than those normal denim ones" ...... ds2 will be right there on normL denim ones.

foryonisonly Fri 19-Apr-13 22:23:44

My mother in law went through a phase of saying the most ridiculius things. She has calmed it down a but now . A good one and 100'/, true is "I know you vegetarians dont eat dripping so I cooked the yorkshire puddings in lard" (after I had eaten 2). Dh kindly reminds her of this everytime we eat there, poor mil is mortified. She also tells me every time she has a cold sore, that they are not infectious. I have to remind her not to kiss dcs. Every time we see her she asks if ds3 clothes are new or hand me downs. Then follows up with a pitiful "well I suppose he might as well wear them" - you know like ds1 & 2 probably wore some things about 6 times before they outgrew them. She will die when i tell her I have sold them or passed them on to yet a FOURTH user!!!

happyfirsttimemummy Fri 19-Apr-13 22:05:57

My MIL is full of these types of remarks every time she visits!

'Well I'm never allowed to hold the baby for more than 5 minutes' yeah, because when he's hungry and needs changing you don't hand him over...you just let him 'cry it out'!

'Oh, he can have all the sweets and chocolate he likes at our house. He can watch whatever he likes on TV for as long as he likes.' Umm no he can't!

'Wow, I'm really suprised at how healthy he looks!' ...

After listing all of the reasons why I will not be giving my LO dummies: 'well I don't want to seem like I'm teaching you to suck eggs here, but it's much easier if you give them a dummy. Just to shut them up.'

Me: 'I don't want the LO to watch much TV'
MIL: well when he (OH) was a baby, I just used to stick him in front of the TV for hours...never did him any harm'

After explaining why I respond when LO cries: 'Oh sometimes I would just have to put him (OH) in the kitchen and shut the door to get some peace!' He had colic for god's sake!

The thing that winds me up the most is that she treats my OH like an idiot and won't believe that he can do ANYTHING! It drives me mad! He's a fantastic dad and is so hands on with LO. He is amazing, and has a no confidence in himself all because of he constant nitpicking and belittling of him his whole life.

Umm rant over :/

tanyaandflynn Thu 18-Apr-13 21:24:07

My mil is lovely, mental but lovely.
My mother is the one who caused problems. We didn't speak for years just the occasional text that she rarely replied to.
On hearing I'd got married "I'm guessing it wasn't xx(my dh) as that would be terrible) confused
Thanks mother.
She passed away two weeks ago and no one told me for two days apparently she'd known she had terminal cancer for a month but wanted to wait till she felt better to reach out to her kids.
She never saw ds and only ever saw one picture sad she never asked for another or asked to see him.

BellyChancer Mon 15-Apr-13 18:57:00

She's not german? (just checking)

my xmil gave my dd a top and trousers and said 'they match'. my dd said 'what does that mean?' and my xmil said 'oh yes your mummy doesn't do matching'.

:-0

I liek to think my ecclectic choices don't clash though.

BelfastBloke Mon 15-Apr-13 18:52:51

My MIL thought we were at war with the French during WWII.

You know, that war she was alive during.

Mominatrix Mon 15-Apr-13 18:40:14

My MIL told me (after our wedding) that men marry women who look like their mums - I am a petite oriental, she is an obese blond French woman.

andrews81 Mon 15-Apr-13 18:37:37

My MIL asked if I had a bottle of something for my 6 month old as he was unsettled (he was full of cold) when I'm ebf!

GoSuckEggs Sat 13-Apr-13 19:15:41

thank god i dont have a MIL!

Sunshine200 Sat 13-Apr-13 16:16:41

That my baby had acid reflux because I am a vegetarian.

matana Thu 11-Apr-13 14:58:55

When DS was 9 months: "Has he had two packets of raisins?! No wonder he has chubby wrists!"

And at 2 yo: "Matana - were you a naughty baby?"
Me: confused "No..." [wondering how a baby can be 'naughty']
MIL: "Oh, i just wondered who he gets it from because Matana's DH wasn't naughty."

angry

can6342 Thu 11-Apr-13 09:48:29

My god, some of these are awful!
My MIL also comes out with some crap, she really can't help herself.. One of her best was in a phone conversation. I had just made a big purchase and I said to MIL "I had wanted to talk to my Mum about it but..."
(MIL interrupts) "Well that would be a bit difficult seeing as how she's dead... Ha ha!"
shock
My Mum had died suddenly, just three weeks before.
It was the casual, light-hearted laugh at the end that got me. She genuinely thought she was making a funny joke. Silly cow. I've never forgotten that angry

theonewiththenoisychild Tue 09-Apr-13 17:54:16

I have no MIL but SIL used to more than make up for that
me and dp had a row he went to her house for some space she told dp to come home and throw me out and keep dd. still feel a little bitter about that one but then in the next argument she would butt in and defend me she used to be a bit like that but haven't had any problems from her for over 3 years since she fell out with me and dp and we both let rip about how we feel about her grin now we all get on ok since we have set the boundaries. we are not actually married but apart from the big day and bit of paper we are the same as any married couple

TheSlug Tue 09-Apr-13 15:45:00

my favourite... after telling me I was 'a problem' because she didn't know what to feed me (I'm a veggie but have been eating with them occasionally for 2.5 years!) then went on to say she didn't know how being vegetarian was healthy because..

when she changed her dog's food from meat to fish and rice, she had to give the dog loads of supplements!!!

SunsetMojito Tue 09-Apr-13 14:22:32

Another one regularly trotted out is how me and dh's marriage won't last because my parents were divorced so I don't value marriage.

Yep it was my fault that my parents got divorced!

SunsetMojito Tue 09-Apr-13 14:20:19

In the hospital the day I had dd1 'Well you haven't got your figure back', followed by 'you're holding her wrong'.

Subsequently so so frequent including 'dd has a runny nose, oh mummy never bothers to wipe it. At least we care'. Many many 'We're the only ones who care for you' directed at dds.

When I went back to work 'You can't put a price on staying at home with your children.'

MIL is a master of the dig via the grandchild. She is a bitter old cow.

cooper44 Tue 09-Apr-13 13:48:34

After an Emcs. "Oh I'm so glad that they gave you a section." Mmm yes always great to have major surgery!
After having DS1, losing both my parents over one summer and being the bloody sole earner at home. "have you thought about losing some weight yet?"
After each child. "well he's obviously a xxxxxx(Dhs name)!" actually no they both pretty much look like neither of us.

PhyllisDietrichson Tue 09-Apr-13 08:04:08

When I'd just had our second child that week, MIL said to my best mate:

''Gosh she's really got her work cut out to shed all those pounds hasn't she?''

Liara Mon 08-Apr-13 20:09:46

When we announced we were expecting ds2 (ds1 had already been a 'miracle baby' as we were told we would never get pg naturally, we were chuffed to be able to have a second at all):

'Oh dear, Liara, couldn't you have tried for a girl?' Said in front of both her son and mine angry.

Yes, MIL, we know you only love your dd but the rest of us love our sons.

Octopus37 Mon 08-Apr-13 19:57:06

1)The day after I got back from hospital after having DS2, "don't forget that you've got three boys to look after now", meaing my DH as well.
2) When I was pregnant with DS2, you're not going to feed this baby all the time as well are you, I breastfed both of them on demand.
3) Also told me that if I had gone back to work, I would have gone way down in her estimations, alas I now work for myself part time and youngest DS is at nursery part time.
4) Has said several times, I'm glad you've got to bring them up not me, they've both got minds of their own, you're going to have some battles,, They are so determined, they take after you.
Also doesn't understand why I can't just leave the housework and play with the kids and do it all in the evening after they are in bed, yeah right. Opposite to me thinks there's always tomorrow, when to me there isn't even enough time today to get everything done.
Love her really, just harder as I don't have my own Mum.

rachi1990xx Mon 08-Apr-13 10:08:23

My mil felt the need to tell me at 5 months pregnant you will never lose all that weight, bearing in mind i was lighter than before i was pregnant! Now DS is here she came to my house saw my DS asleep in cot (at 6pm which is the tyme he always goes to sleep) said hes always asleep and proceeded to wake him up which she then tried to deny! Does my bloody swede in interfering cow ! Wow i feel lots better now x

Babycino81 Sun 07-Apr-13 20:09:47

Thank you so much everyone! I am of with first baby and having loads of issues with in laws and this thread has made me laugh so much I don't think I'm that badly off!!!

deleted203 Fri 14-Sep-12 17:39:35

OMG, some of these are hysterical! I actually get on quite well with my MIL, but only due to my saintly nature wink. I remember her once saying, 'You're not at all the sort of person I hoped my son would end up with'...hard to take that as a compliment! I said rather weakly, 'well we don't fall out much'. (She wanted him to have someone organised and complains that I'm as laid back and disorganised as he is, lol). Last time we went up there I hadn't closed the door behind me before she had siezed me by the love handles and said in horror, 'Hen! Look at the size of you! What have you been doing?' to which I replied acidly, 'Stuffing my face, obviously!'. grin

HiHowAreYou Fri 14-Sep-12 17:35:43

Me (answering the door in tears): Oh, hello MIL, I'm sorry, sob, I've just got off the phone to my mother. My parents are divorcing. She's met someone else. I just don't know what to think!

MIL: Oh no, my poor DS. Now you have divorced parents, it's more likely you'll get divorced too.

That was literally the first thing that she said. hmm

I think she lacks a fully functioning brain-to-mouth delay button, or something.

issimma Fri 14-Sep-12 17:33:28

Oh god, had forgotten that MIL bought me loads of Diet and Fitness magazines when DD was a few days old!! I was shock, but she honestly meant well!

issimma Fri 14-Sep-12 17:32:47

A FIL one. Every time I saw him while pg, he asked 'Epidural?' in a really condescending way. I'd answer 'I don't plan to, but will if I need to', and he'd roll his eyes and say 'We'll see' in the smuggiest smug tone.
DD was born on 2 paracetomol. I dropped this into conversation, thinking 'fuck you'. grin

There is NOTHING wrong with epidurals, it was just his tone and general misogynistic attitude that irritated me. He believes women are incapable of doing anything.

wafflingworrier Fri 14-Sep-12 17:30:22

ha! she technically didn't SAY anything but she did give me a "low fat recipies to get the figure you always wanted" cookbook for me for christmas last year. her idea of a "subtle hint" angry

amybelle1990 Fri 14-Sep-12 17:19:14

Amazing thread. My family is fab but I've had a few back handers...

FIL (after hearing that I was pg straight after m/c the month before)- 'It's a shame you didn't learn your lesson last month <hangs up>'

MIL-'You're pg! But I thought that you wanted a career'

My dad is a well meaning old fart but occasionally he comes up with corkers such as

'You're pg not ill' (after being discharged from hospital with HG and absolutely exhausted.)

For some reason he keeps on telling me to look after DH... He's an adult and I have SPD and back pain, I'm sure he can take having a bit more housework and cooking to do until baby comes!

Fortunately my mum doesn't talk to me, I'm sure she would have met or exceeded some of the horror stories in this thread!

BambinoBoo Thu 13-Sep-12 22:11:13

From my mil/ SiL. I had pnd and anxiety so was a bit PFB, still, this one made me roar.
'god, you was such a twat with that baby, you never put him down'.

And my SiL called me a c**t. We havent spoken for 2 years.

saulaboutme Thu 13-Sep-12 10:29:53

I never knew my mil as she passed away when my dh was young, but these have got me pmsl. I have a bil ones, who is a pathetic wimp! Married to dh's sister and he is tight as f***! Dh was out of work, sil's birthday and bil insists in us all going to a really cool restaurant, he will pay. I tell Dh to tell him it's pretty pricey and is he sure as Dh not working. He calls him (twice to make sure) and he says "yes yes no problem".We go, and as soon as he opens the menu his eyes pop out of head, he gets flustered and in the end me an Dh pay for ourselves, he pays for the two of them and at the end turns to her and says "we can sort it out later" so she will be paying him back!!! F***ing can't stand him and told Dh I VOW NEVER to go out with them again. There are many more.......

madbengal Thu 13-Sep-12 01:25:27

MIL when OH explained to her that she could n't drive woth DD in the front as the airbag is dangerous she would have to sit in the back

"Oh but thats where my handbag sits"

Ex MIL on getting caught looking through my underwear drawer "don't be silly everything belongs to my son so i'm allowed" and he said nothing (you can see why that marriage failed!)

modifiedmum Wed 12-Sep-12 23:25:35

oh and after the birth of my baby i lost 2 litres of blood and went to a high dependancy unit and was really ill very anemic etc told the ex that i didnt want visitors (not even my own parents till i felt better) but found out the mil had been at the hospital since 1pm (when i was given a sweep) and was still there at 8pm she asked to come in and i said no sorry tomorrow as i've told everyone else that and im tired and had only just got my baby latched on to the breast but she just barged straight onto the hdu with my ex telling her to leave i was speechless the midwife looked horrified to she was just topping up my drip!! thank god i dont see her no more and current mil lives 70 miles away haha

modifiedmum Wed 12-Sep-12 23:21:50

er some of these mils sound like headcases!! my EX mother in law said this to me when i was 8 weeks pregnant (just saw first scan) "dont get too excited, its really common to miscarry at this stage!" thanks for that fattie.

fuckbadger Wed 12-Sep-12 23:09:23

I'm not interfering but .....

I don't mean to be nosy but.....

I don't want to offend you but.....

I do love my mil really grin

Fuzzymum1 Wed 12-Sep-12 21:21:36

I think my favourite from MIL (To DH) is "But why can't you come your dad is going to be 70?" when invited to his birthday party. She didn't get it that I didn't fancy a 500 mile round trip in a weekend when the party was 2 days before my due date!

She followed it up with "see I knew you could have come" when DS3 was 10 days late!

IA71 Wed 12-Sep-12 14:35:04

After my two year old and 5 month old didn't go to sleep at the same time 'You must have done something very wicked. There's no rest for the wicked'

During a heated argument (my first with her after I exploded) 'I'm not trying to take away your children, I could but I won't'.

So many more I could repeat and she would deny ever saying!

Herecomesbod Wed 27-Jun-12 21:10:08

"just because we're going to be grandparents doesn't mean we're OLD!" when we announced I was pg with DD.

On letting her know I would be having a NT scan on the NHS and wasn't it great that you can now have this test in our area without having to go private "Are you having that done because you're so OLD?"

Soon after moving in with now DH, we invited the whole of his family over for a bbq including some from overseas who happened to be in the UK at the time. MIL stood holding court and telling anyone who would listen about the fab holiday she & FIL had had with DH & his late wife. She went on & on while I refilled everyone's glasses, feeling like the hired help. I quietly retreated to the kitchen to start washing up.

She's lovely really & a fantastic GM, just doesn't think before speaking!

DancesWithSockPuppets Tue 26-Jun-12 14:59:12

(On seeing me when I was around 7 months pregnant) "Oh! You look less than 7 months."
Me: (Surprised) "Thanks! I'm flattered."
Her: "Actually, now that you've turned sideways I can see that you are very big."

Later that day, when I got back from walking the dog in the rain, she opened the door to let the dog in and then closed it in my face.

Tambasher Mon 25-Jun-12 20:26:49

Me: Yeah I am seeing Womens Aid now, they come fortnightly, I have a book named "Living with the Dominator"

Her: Yes you really should read the book it will help you a lot I think!

Hahahahahahahaha

<gonna stick a pin in her bubble one day and tell all>

ormaybenot

In Gap shopping for some new work clothes after maternity leave.

"come on mammoth", this is just for young slim women".

I'm a size 14 and 31.

FamiliesShareGerms Mon 25-Jun-12 20:23:52

"your house is lovely, just big enough for what you need"

"what do you mean you have cotton sheets, I assumed you would have polycotton"

"yes, that's nice enough for you"

Double edged compliments, anyone...?

hmm

LeoTheLateBloomer Mon 25-Jun-12 20:18:52

Ex-MIL when I bumped into her on my way into a waxing place: 'aving yer minge done are ya? shock

She was with a friend of hers. Cheers for that.

While I was struggling to fit (at the time) 4 day old DD's carseat, 'can't I just hold her in the passenger seat?'.
Uh, no. No, a gazillion times NO!
Also I was being 'ridiculous' for not giving her chocolate at 9 weeks old hmm

loube80 Mon 25-Jun-12 19:51:40

When my ds was two weeks old, and was asking for a feed about an hour after the last one. She said "he can't possibly be hungry again yet, when mine were little I fed them every 4 hrs and would push them in the pram if they were crying before then".

I bit my tongue and didn't say that is why she only managed to breastfeed both her two for 10 days before her milk dried up!

Julie999 Mon 25-Jun-12 19:49:09

coudn't resist this one.. after my 2nd C section, Mil visited that very evening, first thing she said was...

"when's the third one! we like having grand children..."

AHHHHHH I've just had a bl***y c section, a bit of tlc or a cup of tea would be lovely thanks!

Julie999 Mon 25-Jun-12 19:44:48

on the birth of my dd several years ago, after an emergency c section and in complete agony... the first thing she said to me in hospital was"

" thank you for giving me a grandchild"...

this wasn't followed by anything about my major operation or how I was feeling..

when I didn't call for a couple of weeks, and then thought I'd better say hello.. my response to hi how are you was..

"well we're not dead yet, but you don't call so you don't know"

And the classic, one, the introduction to the family like after 2 weeks of marriage my Mil said to me:

"I think I have a lump.." <crying hysterically>... "but I haven't told my husband or children yet, I will only tell you because you're calm about it, and you'll help me won't you..."

I freaked out.. and told my husband to take his mum to the dr!

ok... venting done..

thanks for listening!

insertwittyusernamehere Sun 26-Feb-12 14:11:07

My MIL came to visit when our baby was 6 weeks old. She brought a coat for her and tried to put it on her then looked disapproving and said "she's very small isn't she?" Well yes, she's 6 weeks old, a coat aged 1 1/2-2years won't fit her.

"When mine were babies I never allowed them to cry" in response to my colicky baby.

"You have to give her a bottle of tea, she's crying because she needs the nutrients from it." She's 6 WEEKS old and nobody needs tea.

Looking through a parenting magazine: "This is how you should hold a baby (cradle position which my baby hated) not the way that you do it." I'm not swinging her round by her ankles!

Now, off to finish reading the rest of this post.

mum80 Sat 25-Feb-12 20:30:44

Not MIL but SIL who is normally lovely. Was spending Xmas with IL's after losing my mum earlier that year. Dad passed away many years before. When MIl said something daft she said, at least your mum can't embarass you or words to that effect.

Elabella1401 Sat 25-Feb-12 18:03:13

BIL asked me (two days after giving birth) "Will you be getting a nanny?", and when I replied "No", said, "Oh, (looking around at mess), only it looks like you need some help around here!"...Grrr.

Alltheseboys Sat 25-Feb-12 17:46:07

My MIL told me not to breastfeed after eating grapes as my DS wouldn't be able to digest the pips. Had to think for a minute.grin

MrsJangles Thu 23-Feb-12 21:03:12

My personal favourite. 'Make sure you give her jars of baby food because they have more nutrients than anything you could make at home.'

Hmmm.

lizzywig Thu 23-Feb-12 09:19:22

Manuka - my Gran (my mum's MIL) said to her the same thing about my sister. My sister would not take an afternoon nap point blank, so Gran said "oh just leave her she'll cry herself to sleep. She screamed for 3 hours until my Gran said "hmmm I think maybe you should get her up...."

Some you win some you lose. Mostly you win!

pinkpeony Wed 22-Feb-12 17:14:00

on seeing me in a bikini when 4 months pg with DC2: "are you sure you're not having twins?"

tinysock Tue 21-Feb-12 09:01:32

Yay, a thread to rant about MIL on, where do I start?....

On my 2nd Christmas with dh, then dp, I took her some pressies as you do. She stood in her kitchen, fists clenched shouting 'No! I give the presents!! You don't give the presents! I GIVE THE PRESENTS!!!! {Not your 'oh you shouldn't have' kind of reaction} Then she gave me them back with various excuses the next time I saw her.

On us telling her we were getting married 'NO!!! NOT LIKE THIS!!!!' Then every time she saw dp afterwards 'Look what happened to Joe'. Joe is the cousin whose wife divorced him and took him for half the house.

So we went ahead and got married without her and she pretended she didn't know. For 3 years. 'I didn't think you had gone ahead with it.....'

To be fair, she spoils our daughter rotten, so I don't really care much anymore. Oh, but then she did try to get my daughter to call her 'Mama' when she started talking.

Ah, I could go on day......

Great thread Manuka

"Well you didn't even give birth did you, I don't know what you're complaining about"...ten days after I had a proper crash EMCS.

"I've got some nice fabric to make you a suit, I've been waiting ages for you to loose the baby weight but you're still really fat", when DD was 10 weeks old.

But my MiL cracks me up, it's all very tongue in cheek. We can both give as good as we get and enjoy a bit of banter without any malice - and I can see exactly where DH gets his sharp tongue from!

Mjtay Mon 20-Feb-12 01:28:08

Can't believe some of these comments!!! Who do they think they are. This thread is totally addictive. My MIL is amazing, but my mum is the tricky one. She's very firm in her ways, and I find her quite difficult to disagree with. When DD was under 4 months and I guess having a growth spurt, solely bf at this point and unsure why she appeared to be hungry again. She started 'mashing' up some carrot left on her plate after dinner (with the fork she ate with) and saying to my bil 'can u get me a teaspoon pls'
Me... Mum pls don't that's too chunky
Mum... no it's not it's mashed
DD with chunk hanging off her lip was luckily not interested!

But today I've just had a similar experience. Ready brek with cows milk and a chunk of apple put in her hand!!
Had to txt her when I got home Cos hubby was fuming (didn't even tell him bout cows milk and apple!!) and all I got back was ok sorry. Hmmm well see sad

And only found out this eve that oats is gluten sad she's 5 months x xx

GreenEyedMunster Sun 19-Feb-12 05:07:01

A woman that has to work is just bad at budgeting. There's no need for mothers in the workplace.
Why have children if you hand them over to strangers to bring them up (in reference to using a childminder)

She hates cooking and only eats because she has to. Convenience foods all the way.
She gave me the cardboard sleeve of a ready meal one day so I could find it in the shop and try it. It was, in her words, gourmet grin

Alligatorpie Sun 19-Feb-12 04:02:38

My MIL is lovely, but...

When we told her I was pg, she was very excited and " your mum must be thrilled", i said " yes, all the grandparents are" ( we told my family in person and then waited a week until we went to to England to tell dh's family in person) her comment, "yes, but it's different when it's your daughter!"

I am still not sure what she meant by that, but luckily has been amazing to dd.

Matou Sun 19-Feb-12 02:13:32

My MIL is giving me more and more trouble. angry When I started going out with DH, I was like a daughter to her, but things have soured since we got married. She completely ignored me during my 1st pregnancy as she was so thrilled about having a grandchild and becoming a grandma.
I had a difficult labour and banned my PIL from the maternity ward. When they were allowed to call 4 days after the birth, they did not even wait for me to get out of the shower: they saw the baby and left! shock That was nearly 3 years ago and I still haven't got over it - silly me.
Now, after the birth of DS2, they repeated the 'we're not going to pay into the savings account you set up, we're going to get some NS&I bonds of our own' thing. We dared complain.
The quote: 'this is between us and our grandchildren'.

Thank God we are planning to move abroad. grin

Yama Netherlands Sat 18-Feb-12 14:33:03

Mine is a fil one. Upon learning that I had kept my name he was shock and asked "Are you allowed to leave the country?"

Sigh.

Kailumsmum Sat 18-Feb-12 14:24:38

My ex MIL I never got on with. She never seemed happy that My son was healthy!

Orange juice will give him asthma

Orange juice will hurt his privates when he pees

Why doesn't he have a lazy eye like my daughter?! (Her only daughter had a slight hardly noticeable lazy eye)

By tickling his feet I will kill him! He's 2

Shouldn't give him proper food yet as he might choke and die!! She wants a 2 yr old to live on baby food??!

The best one has to be " are you sure he's yours" said to her son in ear shot of me! I told her that I wasn't sure my self but her son will raise him as his own anyway! That shut her up.. my son is the double of his dad!

Glad I don't have to see her any more!

MooncupandPizza Fri 17-Feb-12 21:41:37

Also with my MIL who I only met the week before the wedding.
I said I'd show her my dress and I wanted her opinion too as we were having a conservative religious ceremony for his side and I wanted to be sure the dress woudl be ok:
"oh, it looks small, what size is it?"
"size 10"
"you don't LOOK like a size 10"
"erm, well, I tried it on and it fitted really well, do you want me to try it on for you? YOu could tell me if it's long enough too?"
"No"
She didn't even have the grace to make any positive remark about it

She also commented to DH, while I was in the room, about the size of my bum (in her own language but I could understand a bit)

DH, thankfully, did say she wasn't being very nice but between that being my first trimester of pregnancy, our wedding, first time meeting her AND moving house - it was a difficult time!

matana Fri 17-Feb-12 19:44:37

"My two were potty trained by 10 months" hmm

Ill not I'll sorry.

My MiL is wonderful but whenever one of the dcs gets I'll it's always because we have taken them swimming?! Even if it was 3 weeks before! confused

Also before I married dh she pulled me aside to ask if I really though dh was good enough for me. I thought that was my mum's job. smile

MooncupandPizza Fri 17-Feb-12 19:16:19

In early days of pregnancy, had only met MIL a few days previously, she asked about cravings, I think and I was trying to be bonding over pregnancy and kind of laughed and said "oh, I don't think I have cravings, or maybe just cravings for everything".
Her: "imagine how fat you'll get, you're only 12 weeks now"

She was so proud of the fact that she barely looked pregnant with her first (my DH) even when she was full term...but DH was born TINY and had to be in hospital for 2 weeks...so that may have explained some of the reason she wasn't showing much, that and the Kaftans!

CrumblyMumbly Thu 01-Sep-11 23:39:36

MIL looking at baby DD "She's got big eyes hasn't she?"
Then studies me and says - "You've got big eyes Crumbly" - me "yes" (proudly!) She then says - " I like big eyes...on a baby!" Many many more <sigh>

NormaSnorks Wed 31-Aug-11 17:11:19

When looking at the wedding photos after DH & I's wedding...

"This one is PERFECT - we'll have a copy of this one for the mantelpiece.."

It was a photo of DH's family (him, MIL/FIL and his siblings) which for some reason didn't have me (the bride...) in it!!!

angry

SmilingandWaving Wed 31-Aug-11 16:29:01

When MIL saw 4 month old DS for the second time she said 'oh he looks just like you'. Which I thought was lovely, 10mins later she followed it with, 'he's definitely losing his looks' hmm thanks.

She really is lovely though, she's also my boss so she must see some good in me.

sieglinde Wed 31-Aug-11 10:47:51

I could contribute, but I just want to thank you all for making me feel so much better about my awful snide, smug MIL. grin

Zoidberg Wed 31-Aug-11 10:39:51

We have a catalogue of minor things, a lot of them food related such as:

after I explained why 9 month old DD wasn't having cow's milk for now, she got up extra early to make porridge and feed it to DD (with DP there) then only later say, "Porridge had cow's milk in it, because that's the way I make it." Even now, when we visit, she always makes a roast dinner even though she knows DD won't eat meat. MiL says "Can't she just eat the vegetables then?" Erm, not really a meal, that. Nothing else is offered.

On Sunday she told me I cut bread too thick (I cut it just thick enough that it doesn't fall apart), this will make DD fat.

The worst was about DD not having DP's family name, PIL rang and had DP in tears saying things he has never told me so I assume they were slagging me off as it Must have been up to me. They started with, "We want to get on record our disappointment at you not using our name." So DP decided he wanted to include it after all, is DD's second middle name. PIL never mentioned it again - didn't even know this is what happened. That's the worst thing for me, they go all emotional or passive-aggressive over the phone or email then when we see them it's all swept under the carpet, while I am still seething.

Sorry, rant over.

dubaipieeye Tue 30-Aug-11 15:55:00

Oh a quickie, can't stop myself - very cathartic moaning about MIL.

She had mentioned that she felt left out of our wedding planning (bear in mind she lives upt North and at the time we were in London) so I promised to call her as soon as I chose my wedding dress. I was absolutely made up to find the perfect dress as I had a VERY specific idea of what the dress should be...when I described it too her she said:

"oh. I couldn't be MORE disappointed".

HUGE emphasis on MORE. Nasty old cow.

Empusa Tue 30-Aug-11 15:45:06

Around the time we were planning our wedding we bought a car, the car cost more than the wedding itself.
DH - Buying a car is costing more than getting married!
MIL - Yes, but it'll last longer.

She did then explain she meant it'll last longer than the wedding day.

There've been quite a few, she tends to talk without thinking. So you have a moment of "should I be offended?!".

dubaipieeye Tue 30-Aug-11 15:41:04

My Dad to MIL: we didn't have much money when the kids were young so we mainly had camping holidays...

MIL: Really? We were always a lot more cosmopolitan than that.

It was the first time they had met and it has gone downhill since!

I have MILLIONS of these but alas no time to type. I'll pop back.

popcal Tue 30-Aug-11 15:37:30

Just thought of another one- after the birth of DS1 I had a PPH and had a blood transfusion. We were talking about it a few years later and she was horrified by this fact and came out with- "you did have DH's blood"!!!!!!

popcal Tue 30-Aug-11 15:28:00

After the birth of DS1, MIL said to me "do you feel grown up now?"-I was 32 and her son 34!grin

meloncholy Tue 30-Aug-11 14:18:24

One week after birth of DC2: "Hope you're done now and not going to have any more" hmm

kerala Mon 29-Aug-11 22:27:25

"We will definitely be moving abroad there's nothing to keep us in England" said to her 2 England dwelling sons and me pregnant with her first grandchild.

DooinMeCleanin Mon 29-Aug-11 09:41:39

"You shouldn't be feeding her (dd1) sandwiches for lunch before Nursery, she needs a nice hot, home cooked meal like Chicken nuggets and smiley faces for a long day"

hmm grin

BingBongSong Mon 29-Aug-11 09:39:46

After 8 years of marriage, I'm still trying to work out whether my in-laws like me, or if I am paranoid! Things got confusing after the birth of our children. I get big disapproval for daring to dream of a career still.....

However, my contribution to this thread is from 5 days after dc3 was born. He was a week early and MIL was staying to "help"....

"Bing Bong, it's (your) dh's birthday the day after tomorrow. Will you be baking him a cake?"

grin

JanetPlanet Mon 29-Aug-11 08:06:06

Thought of another one! I have loads but try to forget so I dont get consumed with rage. Mil lives miles away so when we go to visit we have to stay over. The night we stayed over I was up every hour during the night with diarreah. The next day (while I was in the same room as her) Mil rang her friend, mother and sister to tell them I had the 'squits' blush

She also described my wedding dress to dh before we got married! Going to supress these memories now before it all starts flooding back! Thank god for the distance!

JanetPlanet Mon 29-Aug-11 06:21:29

'I've got steak and chips for ds. I've made you a salad.'

halohasslipped Mon 29-Aug-11 06:16:22

After a pariculalry harrowing birth abroad, our son was brought over to Grt Ormond Street. We asked MIL PIL to come to London to help with our other DC and meet, maybe for the only time, their new grandson (who has now happily bounced back and is wonderful).

MIL 'Oh no, there's no point. He'll just be in hospital'. Needless to say, i have not forgiven them and it has destroyed my relationship with them.

Hazelnutz Mon 29-Aug-11 04:56:40

On the eve of my wedding day and on my wedding day I was introduced to many of my husbands relatives. As I was introduced to each one, my MIL would comment "yes, but she doesn't usually look like this". Obviously I was looking too nice as I'd lost weight and been down the gym.

When my child was born she told me that "..in her day she didn't need books, she just knew what to do" and that "I know you have your own way of doing things, but quite frankly I prefer to do things properly".

And she wonders why I have no inclination to hand out with her...

Davsmum Fri 08-Jul-11 16:16:27

My MiL, when she heard I was going to breastfeed my baby said 'Well I think thats very selfish because that means Dave ( my husband) won't get a turn at feeding his own child' !

She also told a relative (in front of me) that she didn't used to think I was good enough for her son and she still didn't but we understood each other better now !

Limy Sat 02-Jul-11 21:33:00

Love this thread made me giggle with some of the things MILs come out with.

My MIL is great the only thing she does that drives me and DH mad is when she asks a question and does not get the answer she wants she will repeat the question but in a different way!

dyzzidi Fri 01-Jul-11 23:59:58

My MIL told me not to breastfeed as my titties were for her son! She once asked me how often we had sex as she want it al the time and was wondering how highly sexed her son was! I actualy told her to mind her own bloody business.

Me and her DS have been together for 16 years but live in my home town a couple of hours away from her and when I was pregnant she went on and o about how I didn't hve to go to back to work as her DS was such a provider and paid for everything and i could just ask him for 'housekeeping' money. The look on her face when i said if that was the case maybe she should have mentioned it to me sooner as I had paid half of every bill with my wages since we met.

On one of her visits we went to a shopping centre and she told me she was quite worried walking round as there was so many darkies (her word for anybody not white) and was my DD not scared WTF!

faintpositive Fri 01-Jul-11 22:21:28

me mc number 5. In hospital all night contracting every 10 minutes all night till i had passed the baby. i was dizzy, sick and washed out.

telephone rings....twas mil...
Me "hello" groggy, in pain and feeling shite, dragged myself off the sofa to the phone hoping it was dh ringing to see how i am.

MIL " ooh, you dont sound good?"

Ds at my feet, "mummy mummy mummy mummy"
Me "no, got out of hospital this morning after mc, ive got pain but cant take the tablets they gave me because they knock me out and i have got ds"

MIL "Oh, is xx (DH) there, my car needs MOT.
Me "SILENCE......." why dont you text him, he has had to pop to work, will be back in about an hour"
MIL "ok, will do, see you"

chunner chunner chunner.....feck fuck feck....

BenRoo Fri 01-Jul-11 22:13:04

My MIL accused me of having PND because I kept picking my DS up when he cried.... He was 2 months old hmm

scarlettsmummy2 Fri 01-Jul-11 22:12:00

"I hope you aren't going to breastfeed, you will ruin your breasts and they will be horrible forever". I breastfed.

FunnysInTheGarden Fri 01-Jul-11 22:11:42

"'I'm just going down the Paki shop, oh you can't call it that anymore can you.............'"

33goingon64 Fri 01-Jul-11 22:11:07

My MIL is a saint. The only strange thing she said to me was, about 3 months after DH and I had met and the first time I met MIL and FIL, 'you know we wouldn't mind if you got pregnant without being married...'

A friend's XMIL visited a few days after her DD was born and, watching friend bfeeding the baby, said "does she always feed at this time? It's just that I have to go in 10 minutes" and (also whilst friend was bfeeding) "can you hold her in a different position? I can't see her very well like that".

Unbelievable.

notcitrus Fri 01-Jul-11 22:09:33

My MIL is lovely but has no concept of Too Much Information.

I was quite impressed to hear that orgasmic birth really is feasible and not a myth.
I could have done without the half hour explanation of how great MrNC's brother's birth was and how this compared to her usual orgasms with FIL.

Actually I could have also done without hearing said orgasms most nights when staying at their house... thank god they've moved and the guest room is now on the other side of the house!!!

OnlyMe1971 Fri 01-Jul-11 21:41:43

Oooh, mine were all on smoked salmon on brown toast at that age (12 weeks)

lady007pink Fri 01-Jul-11 05:30:13

My DH's nephew started walking at 9 months. I commented to MIL that is a record in the family, she replied "That's because his mammy doesn't work and stays at home with him".

annbenoli Wed 18-May-11 13:09:58

She was a school secretrary, I am a teacher and work part time, I am a member of the senior leadership team . More than once she has said, "of course I could have progressed in my career but I always chose to put my family first"!

eagleshepherdess Wed 18-May-11 12:57:09

The day after delivery my MIL took me aside in the hospital and seized me by the arm - whispering "do you have enough milk??' Followed by endless comments as I struggled with BF in the first few weeks such as 'Is your milk rich enough?' and 'He's probably crying because there isn't enough milk'. Or 'he's crying because you feed him too often', 'the reason he feeds so much is because the milk isn't rich enough...' With that and the mastitis it's a wonder I am still BFing now at 5 months.
Oh and after my waters broke three weeks early and I had to be induced, 'it's because you were still working - or did you have gum disease, that causes premature labour."

Lotkinsgonecurly Wed 18-May-11 12:46:49

Classic from my MIL, ' you really take me for granted, doing all these jobs for you, I'm constantly cleaning and making meals and you do nothing'. She is a complete control freak so I've learnt to take a back seat in my own home and just let her get on with it. Well no more, lesson learnt, she can sit down and I will do it all when she's here.

upahill Wed 18-May-11 12:30:39

I've got thousands from my mum but the morning after I had DS1 Dh had arranged visiting.

He arranged for my best friend to visit at lunch time because she had 3 buses to catch and there was none running in the evening also she was skint and a taxi would have been very expensive for her. He arranged for my parents to visit that evening because they lived 200 miles away and it would give them time to come up and have the longer visiting time.

Good plan? No my mum dad, nan, grandad, sister, her son and 2 brothers turn up at lunch time shoving best friend away.

I had been stiched, had a diffficult birth, just had a bout of diahorea before they came in. Mum starts taking loads of pictures.A few weeks later looking at the pictures she says ' you have an awful sulky face, would it of killed yu to smile!!!'

upahill Wed 18-May-11 12:14:30

We were in the process of doing the house up when DS1 was bborn.
We had no central heating in and we had no internal doors.
Bearing in mind it was August I thought my mum was being a bit over the top with ' Oh Upahill, how will this baby survive' She was dead serious.
I did try and explain that babies are born within the arctic circle and people do have children despite living in Siberia but she wasn't convinced!

emilie89 Wed 18-May-11 12:08:40

Some of these are awful but grin.

My mil and fil aren't too awful but were literally jumping for joy when I finally gave in and topped my ds up with formula (on health visitor's advice) as bf is "just not enough for babies" hmm.

The worst in my family is my grandmother, who seems to think she has ownership of ds. She sulked and sulked after I asked if she would mind not coming to the hosp after he was born and visiting us at home. We were only in for 3 days! She didn't even ring me to congratulate, instead sending me a message on face book! When she did come to visit she made stupid comments the whole time like "don't you ever put that baby down?!", errr no he is a few days old ffs and I don't actually want to. "oh my god oh my god, his hands are freezing, they've turned blue!! Ring an ambulance!" His hands were a little cold as we had just come in but they were definitely not blue! This was followed by "well I just worry that he's cold because I love him." Yeah and we hate him. And "where does that baby sleep?", "in bed with me and oh.", "that's just wrong and disgusting!" hmm. "it's 7pm, why is that baby not in his crib yet? Babies need to know that bed is for bed time!" He was a few days old!

goshreally Mon 16-May-11 12:52:55

"He's absolutely gorgeous all over...except he has your nose" sad

TrudyVotion Sun 15-May-11 08:39:26

My MIL is pretty benign but she's very eccentric and a heavy drinker. She had an identical twin (now dead) who was less benign though - I discovered after her death that she held me responsible for the demise of DH's second marriage, which though untrue explained a lot. Anyway, 10 years ago I was just pg with DD, my first child, DH's third and her umpeenth grandchild. One evening when she'd been round to ours (she lived nearby) and was fairly drunks, shortly before she squatted in our drive and had a pee, yes, really, she had a massive go at me for sitting too near a computer screen. I remember the words "she cares about hummus and orange juice but she doesn't care about that!" hmm A fairly normal evening with MIL.

Another frequent refrain of hers to DH "I know you're not happy" - oh eff off!

On the whole though she's very well-meaning and has the tact to live a couple of hundred miles away and doesn't drive grin Having said that, she still managed to get to the hospital within 36 hours of DD's birth. She didn't do anything wrong, but I really could have lived without her throwing in her two penn'orth when I was at my wits' end trying to BF - I don't like letting it all hang out emotionally in front of people I don't know really well, which wasn't helping.

Her twin I never liked and tbh don't mourn, cruel though that sounds. She once licked - yes, actually licked DD - and said "there, she's mine now", evil cow. DD has no memory of her and thank god DH didn't want her name included in DD's middle names. I was glad the next one was a boy as I could see that one rearing its head again! When DH and I went off on honeymoon, leaving then 4 yo DD in my parent's eminently capable hands, evil twin texted me - ME! - to say we were dreadful and wrong for leaving DD as she was so upset that we'd left. Thanks, hope you enjoyed our special day too angry

lovecheese Sat 14-May-11 21:02:03

Mine said, on a visit to her and FIL's when DD1 was about 8 weeks old,

"We need to teach mummy how to pack for baby, don't we?" whilst holding DD, dressed in a warm outfit but WITHOUT A VEST! MY GOD! HOW WILL THIS CHILD SURVIVE! and cooing at her in her patronising-fucking-way. I pointed out that I had packed about 3000 vests, but DD had decided to either wee, poo or vomit on EVERY SINGLE ONE and that the child was not going to die of hypothermia in centrally-heated suburbia.

Fucking old cow. angry

medicmommy Sat 14-May-11 20:14:11

FloweryBoots - looool, that's hilarious, about the wedding dress. Sounds like something my MIL would do and say.

FloweryBoots Fri 13-May-11 21:06:52

With a 'I know what the answer's going to be, I know what you're like' sort of look and tone of voice mine said just before starting weening DS 'I suppose you'll be wanting to make your own baby food' and when I said yes I got 'well, you should really use the jars at least at first, you just wont know how bland baby food needs to be'. Err?!

And one I shall never really be able to totally forgive her for was about my wedding dress. It was not white but was quite bridal looking and a sort of tarnished gold colour. I had told DH the dress was not white but was still quite bridal looking. MIL had seen the dress (clearly wasn't keen) and knew that I was not letting on details to anyone, including DH. When she thought I was out of ear shot I heard her say to DH 'I think I should really talk to you about FBs wedding dress, I don't want you to be disapointed on the day, well it's (dramatic pause) brown' Grrr. It was NOT brown. And she knew I'd already spoken to DH about it and told him all I wanted him to know. Goodness knows how many other people she felt it necesary to prepare for the shock!

She's alright really though.

wizzchick Fri 13-May-11 16:30:19

My MIL said about my inconsolable baby DD:

"Just put some brandy in her bottle, it used to work a treat for mine" (i.e. my DH, no wonder he gets a bit ratty at 47 years old without a little daily dose of alcohol)"

And MIL being a skinny size 10, she regularly insists to me in relaying gossip about other people that she is surprised that "big people are actually quite nice". I am a size 22, trying not to take it personally though angry

speakercorner Fri 13-May-11 12:00:45

My MIL at the christening of my first dc, six weeks after I had miscarried:

'I wonder if I'll have any more gcs. DIL1 is no good [SIL had emergency hysterectomy and longed for more kids] and DIL2 doesn't want any more... i I guess it is down to third DIL3'

<glares from my sister, best friend and me>

I am DIL4 and did have the next gc

Idratherbemuckingout Fri 13-May-11 11:17:25

As a new young mum we were having work done on our house so when I came out of hospital we stayed with MIL and FIL for a while (too long). She tried to take over the baby (DD). The one thing she could not understand was feeding on demand (I breast fed). She would constantly look at her watch every time I fed the baby and ask rather accusingly, "Is this the ten o'clock feed then?" when it was plainly quarter to nine. Every single time. She was a great advocate of the "let them cry" regime and the "they can only be hungry when I say" one. God knows how she successfully breast fed four children - they must have done a lot of crying.

lettuce1 Fri 13-May-11 09:40:45

Glad to read it's not just me then...
A couple from my mil-
just under 2 weeks since I had given birth to beautiful twins (and with a three year old already) she comes to visit. First thing she says to me (bearing in mind we hadn't spoken on the phone since the boys were born)- "oh my god you look exhausted!" Really!? Well that's a surprise...!
The second one which was whilst I was pregnant with the twins- "well you won't be so precious about these ones- you won't be able to wait to hand them over." er.... From the woman who only left her child for a moment (my dh) and found him pouring a bottle of bleach over himself aged 2...
Aaargh!

sleepyhorse Thu 12-May-11 22:21:44

Think my one has to be the following....
after MIL returned from a walk in the buggy with DS when he was about 6 months old (the days when I was still breast feeding him). I say to DS "Ahh did you miss mummy whilst you were out?"
MIL butts in and says the following " No because he wasn't hungry"

partyof52010 Thu 12-May-11 22:14:05

Oh, oh and also....

She repeatedly tells my DD that my DS1 is such a clever boy for being dry day and night (not that amazing considering he is 3), she then says to DD (6) every time, "Its such a shame you'll never be able to do that"

DD has physical SN but is very bright and the last time she said it DD turned round to her and said "Yes, but he'd look totally stupid in a dress" grin

partyof52010 Thu 12-May-11 22:09:53

Ah, I need to join this one!
I could go on forever but mine and my SIL's fave (our husbands are her sons) goes as follows...

We both have one DD each who both have SN but of a wildly differing nature. Their DD is adopted, ours is not. They have a DS, we have 2 none of the boys have SN.

When we discovered the full extent of our DD SN we sat the whole family down to tell them. Most were quite upset but MIL said "I can't believe there are 2 girls in this family and both have something wrong with them. Thank goodness the boys are ok.

Cheers for that.

hillyhilly Thu 12-May-11 21:14:21

"You can't call her that, its a ridiculous name" 1st phone call with DH after DD's birth
"ah, never mind, you can try again" 1st phone call with me after DD's birth
She used to sit right on my elbow staring in fascination at me breastfeeding, unnerving!
There are far too many others, she has never learnt to think before opening her mouth!

LizzyA Thu 12-May-11 21:04:00

My mil suggested to me that I should give DH more blow jobs to get rid of my double chin.......I'm a size 8-10 and this was very shortly after dh and I got together!

dillon Thu 12-May-11 20:57:55

Sorting out the Christmas present list MIL said "well, what are we going to get you this year, that very expensive anti-wrinkle cream we splashed out on last year has obviously been discarded at the back of the drawer"

amanda9271 Thu 12-May-11 20:43:18

I've decided that I also have to join this post. My MIL can be a nightmare! She's still upset her only son married an American.

Some of my MIL's classics:
1. After just having DS, "I don't think you need that!" She then took away my danish!

2. My DH had his birthday a few months ago and MIL called and said "We've booked a meal for FIL, DH and myself for DH's birthday. I'll expect you to stay home with DS. It's a very nice restaurant."

3. Upon meeting my lovely parents (who are really lovely), "Ooh. How quaint. It's always interesting meeting people who come from a peasant background."

4. I'm currently 5 months pregnant and upon going over for a Sunday lunch she said this one. "I've given you a small portion. I don't think you need to put on any more weight. I decided you don't need a pudding either."

These are some of her more mild things! She's pretty outrageous. She wonders why we're planning to move back to the states!

jfa99 Thu 12-May-11 20:01:51

Ooops, sent by mistake
And finally, told my husband that our daughter keeps getting ill because her feet are cold and she doesn't wear socks.
Grrr.Grrr.Grrr.

jfa99 Thu 12-May-11 19:58:24

My MIL
1 Left my daughter in a cafe with a stranger when she was 3 months old to use the public toilet. This involved walking through the shopping mall, up a flight of stairs. Why she ever told me I will never know.
2 Gave my daughter a chocolate biscuit before I ever gave her chocolate - because she thought she might like it. I only knew because when I took her out of the buggy, some fell out. Foiled.
3 Told me that my daughter wasn't the same with her after spending weekend with my mum and dad.
4 Told me that her hairdresser said I should get my daughters hair cut to "thicken it up".
5

magiclucille Thu 12-May-11 19:45:34

Ha, Jux, my ex MIL said almost exact same thing: "My children NEVER had tantrums - because I LISTENED to what they wanted." Did not bother pointing out that after such extreme mollycoddling 2 of her 3 sons were still having tantrums well into their thirties.

SeriousWispaHabit Thu 12-May-11 19:38:55

MIL: What's that rash on DD's leg?
Me: Just a bit of eczema she gets sometimes.
MIL: Oh.....are you sure?
Me: erm...yes.
MIL: Are you going to get it checked out by a doctor anyway, just to see what they think it is
Me: erm...no

I am a GP.

I actually did this face confused

Jux Thu 12-May-11 18:08:59

DD at about 2yo, screaming her head off having a tantrum.

MIL turns to me astonished and appalled "What on earth is she doing?"
Me (calmly amused) "she's having a tantrum".
MIL, horrified. "That's terrible. What do you do about it?"
Me "Nothing really, I'd be more worried if she never did..."
MIL - haughtily, " MY children never had tantrums" grin

berylmuspratt Wed 11-May-11 22:45:13

I had - well I don't think you'll ever get pregnant while you live at number 13 - it had nothing to do with our fertility problems obviously!

When I had ds and was struggling with breastfeeding, she said I was so good at it I used to donate my surplus milk to the local premature baby unit - righto, thanks for that.

medicmommy Wed 11-May-11 18:03:15

This thread is Hilarious - I haven't finished reading it yet so will have to save it, I hope people keep posting.

Here's what mine has said

Before we got married and had been co-habiting for a few months
"Do you have savings or will you be relying on DH"

"I was meant to have girls" - She has two boys and she hates they both live overseas. This was after she had come to terms with the fact that I was pregnant.

"I need to go and have a lie down" - This was when we told her I was pregnant.

"Have you tried to lose any weight for your wedding" - This was said to her other son's bride to be, just two days before the wedding.

"DH shouldn't be taking that much time off, don't you have a creche where you work so you can take the baby" - said the week after we told them we were expecting.

FIL said he would rather speak to his "own son" after I told him to stop nagging, he lives overseas and sometimes it's impossible so I offered my other numbers in case there was an emergency.

Some of it is not meant for MN, it's quite rude and upsetting so I'll stop now.

Bradyboo Tue 09-Nov-10 15:21:41

My DH is Irish and I'm from South West London where we live near my Mum.
MIL - 'DS1 has such an English accent. Pity.'

Sitting in my lounge, she said that it wasn't too late for her son (my DP) to have a family of his own. i can't have anymore children and she knows this hmm

moajab Mon 08-Nov-10 23:20:05

At my (then future) BIL and SIL's wedding, just after she'd raved about how lovely SIL looked. She said to me "And what colour will your wedding dress be? Dirty grey?"!

As I strapped DS2 in his sling round me. "Can you manage? I'm not saying you're fat exactly but....." This was less than a week after I'd given birth!

HollyBollyBooBoo Mon 08-Nov-10 03:13:01

The first time I met my MIL, at their house, she opened the door, I walked inside, she embraced me in a bear hug (I so don't do hugging strangers), she took me by the shoulders, stood back and said 'We thought (insert son's name) was going to marry (insert previous serious girlfriends name), oh well'!!! They split up 2 years previously FFS!!

Needless to say I've never really warmed to them.

littletinkers Thu 04-Nov-10 21:17:16

When I was suffering from pnd she said to me ..."they didn't ask to be born you know"

She also works in a nursery and thinks she knows everything about kids. Nightmare.

LadyBlaBlah Thu 04-Nov-10 20:34:01

"DS1 is a little distant and sometimes difficult to get on with"

Few minutes later

"DS2 is so bubbly and sociable, just like DH. DS1 is just like you"

< deep fucking breath>

onceamai Thu 04-Nov-10 20:31:17

1. "my children were all university material" Two of them just weren't going to work material.

2. "women who can't perform can have a caesarean nowadays".

3. "I would never expect my daughters to look after me when I'm old". Should have said that's because you're so nasty they moved to different continents!

sneakapeak Thu 04-Nov-10 20:06:36

Don't even get me started on my Mil.

Came into the house when DD was a newborn, done her usual slobbering over DS - way too much kissing on the mouth for comfort!

Then came into the livingroom and did same with newborn DD - Oh yes.

Then sat down and I saw the dirty big cold sore on her top lip.

Me "Is that a cold sore"

MiL " I think so,it's not in my usual place"

Me "but you've kissed the kids"

MiL looks at me with contempt "it's only a cold sore".

Needless to say I got my very forst cold sore a few months after that incident at 33 yrs old - thick cow.

sneakapeak Thu 04-Nov-10 20:01:49

At in-law meal for FiL 65th Birthday in one of those crap restaurants where the food is suspiciously cheap....

Had under 2 yr old DS with us and the kids meals were the usual..Nuggets, sausages bla bla.

I said "hmmm, maybe he'd eat the sausages but id imagine they will be the sawdust off the floor and a few toenails"

SiL "IT DOESN'T MATTER IF IT'S JUST FOR A KID THOUGH"
hmm.

DuelingFanjo Thu 04-Nov-10 15:39:53

PMSL at the company trying to get mumsnetters to appear on TV to poke fun at their MIL! rich pickings indeed.

TheLadyIsNotForNapping Thu 04-Nov-10 15:37:34

double oops. Didn't realise it was an old thread!

oh dear zeppo, do try harder.

TheLadyIsNotForNapping Thu 04-Nov-10 15:35:06

oops sorry for double post

TheLadyIsNotForNapping Thu 04-Nov-10 15:34:44

About my dd: "she's such a happy, engaged child. It's wonderful to see all my years of hard work parenting [dp] pay off" !!!!!
Yes, she basically took the credit for dd's happy nature.

TheLadyIsNotForNapping Thu 04-Nov-10 15:34:13

About my dd: "she's such a happy, engaged child. It's wonderful to see all my years of hard work parenting [dp] pay off" !!!!!
Yes, she basically took the credit for dd's happy nature.

nickytwotimes Thu 04-Nov-10 15:20:09

You need to post this in the Media/Non-members section.

Though I wouldn't recommend that you do...

Zeppo Thu 04-Nov-10 15:17:23

Message deleted by Mumsnet.

poorbuthappy Mon 15-Jun-09 08:26:01

On finding out that her daughter was pregnant with a boy...

Oh it will be so lovely to have a grandson...

and it was pointed out that she already has a grandson from her eldest son...but it obviously doesn't mean as much coming from your son instead of daughter...

berrysmum Mon 15-Jun-09 08:22:46

my IL's never help out unless we are desperate and have to ask them. We both work, our kids (6 and 2) are at school / child care, we have no other relatives to help care for them and therefore haven't had a night alone since 2004 (hubby had op so not exactly a break)and never go out. When 2yr old recently playing up at night and we were both knackered MIL said, grinning, "welcome to parenthood!" WTF?!!!! She had one son (hubby) and by all accounts palmed him off to a different relation every weekend, and he more or less lived with his gran!!!! Cheeky cow !

numal Sun 14-Jun-09 18:39:06

Had 8 years of fertility treatment, 6 miscarriages and a river of tears. Not to mention the huge financial cost.
After birth of beautiful healthy miracle baby daughter MIL phoned and asked "aren't you sorry you didn't have a boy?"
Upon visiting said beautiful miracle baby daughter, MIL's *first comment* "what's that red mark on her eyelid?, is it going to go away?" (tiny red mark). It may be possible to forgive, but I can never forget.

gingertoo Sun 14-Jun-09 15:52:11

This thread is SO funny grinI can't believe some of the things these women say!
My MIL called me by DH's ex girlfriend's name for the first year we were together.
When I had DC1 she came to visit one day while I was feeding him. She had to leave the room because breastfeeding 'turned her stomach' shock

summerbird Sun 14-Jun-09 15:44:52

Not my MIL but my mum's now MIL. My mum was a single parent with me when she met my (step)dad and i was 2 years old.

On meeting my mum and 2 year old me for the first time:

'Oh when i heard my DS was dating a single mum (horrified emoticon) i wasnt happy at all, but now you have introduced me to little summerbird she makes up for it coz she is cute.....' shock

Spose it was 1975 but WTF??

notcitrus Sun 14-Jun-09 13:51:58

My MIL is lovely and thinks I'm fantastic. She is, however, prone to TMI.

#1 being telling me in graphic detail about all of her labours, particularly the orgasm during BIL1's birth...

smallblessings Sun 14-Jun-09 12:47:02

MIL said that my DH never cried as a baby. hmm

lagaanisace Sun 14-Jun-09 12:16:47

Mine thinks that crying is good for babies - it helps to mature their lungs! So, when they cry, it's great therapy to just leave them to it with no intervention...

Peaches174 Sun 14-Jun-09 03:23:10

My MIL is an absolute horror, ds was a flexed breech when he was born and for a week or so his legs used to stick up in the air...when visiting us on the post labour ward she told me to swing ds round by his feet to correct the problem.

Don't think she was entirely serious but I had reeeeealy bad baby blues and wanted to throttle her!

She also loves a really stupid/ignorant observation:
On visiting Sistine chapel: 'I don't know what all the fuss is about, it wasn't that good and it gave me neck ache'!

On discussing her lack of payrise at work: 'I think it's because my boss is Indian'

It goes on....grrr!!

Mizza76 Sun 14-Jun-09 01:20:48

-- Before our wedding, my then-fiance, myself, my parents and my MIL had all agreed that there would be just two speeches - my father and my husband. My MIL was (apparently) not happy with this but went along with what everyone wanted.

At another family event, a couple of weeks before the wedding, her brother spoke. My MIL pipes up: "Oh, that was beautiful! You'll have to speak at the wedding, What do you say, [Mizza76]?"

Luckily I had the guts to say no and didn't mind at all looking like the mean one in front of my new family, who didn't know about our arrangement... angry

-- A few weeks before I gave birth to DD1: "Oh, do you need me at the birth? I'm planning to go on holiday but will stay if you really want me to"

-- At a meal with a cousin visiting from abroad: "Why don't you come to dinner at my house on Tuesday at 6:30 - you can go to [mizza76] and [DH]'s first, say at 5:30, for drinks"

I had already asked her several times not to invite people to my house without asking me first (as she had already done this several times), but apparently this was unreasonable.

-- "I really need you to call me, it's an emergency" - message she left on my husband's mobile several times one day while we were on holiday. When we couldn't get through to her we completely panicked, called his siblings overseas, considered coming home early... Turns out she couldn't work out how to use her fax machine.

-- Too many others to count.... Other favourite incidents include her giving me a book she had bought for herself at an airport and read on a plane as a birthday present, and not visiting or helping out at all after I had a miscarriage (and lived less than 5 minutes walk from her).

Hormonesnomore Sat 13-Jun-09 22:29:40

yeah I love mine too hmm

Dragonfly74 Sat 13-Jun-09 22:14:40

After DH and I have explained for the 100th time that i'm happy to be a SAHM and DH is happy to support us MIL still continues to say, "I'll take early retirement and look after the DC so you can go back to work"

DS has a Lazy eye and when we moved home recently MIL walked into the new house and said infront of DS...Well now you have the new house all you need is HIS eye sorting out and everything will be perfect.angry

When DS started pre school he didn't take to it very well in the beginning and MIL said "See I told you you should have gone back to work like I had to, you wouldn't have had this problem then"

And the most recent "You must send DD 14mths to a CM otherwise you will have problems with her aswell when she goes to pre school.

She's my most favorite person... Honest!!!

Hormonesnomore Sat 13-Jun-09 21:49:57

and my ds is allergic to nuts - when he couldn't attend a family function because he was unwell, the only comment mil made was 'oh, we could have had nuts' angryangry

Hormonesnomore Sat 13-Jun-09 21:45:29

when we were having trouble ttc dc1 & both dh & I were undergoing infertility investigations, mil poked her nose in saying 'nothing like that runs in our family'

when I was pregnant with dc3 & dh told her he intended to help out more (about bloody time too!) she told him he 'did too much at home' - he had the nerve to repeat that to me too angry

SarahL2 Sat 13-Jun-09 21:33:26

My MIL is generally fantastic but every now and again she really upsets me..

For my wedding - if she ever disagreed with something we'd chosen, she just offered to pay for it (far too many people in suits, her preferred photographer, having a video etc) saved us a fortune but I ended up regretting quite a few bits of my wedding.

On telling her we were expecting DS1 - "Oh, but I'm not ready for number 6" DGC 5 was only 6 months old at the time.

On telling her we are expecting DC2 (no other GC's since DS 2 years ago and due on 27th December) "Congratulations. Bad timing though" She's re-iterated the bad timing thing a few times since too!!

PIL's also insist the teams for xmas Trivial Persuit are "bloods" versus "outsiders" too. BIL's and I enjoy beating them cause at least we can prove that we're improving the gene pool grin

oldraver Sat 13-Jun-09 20:06:49

MIL...On the morning of the funeral for my first DS.. "BIL and SIL wont be coming as she gone into labour) very tactful hmm

To my neice complaining about me "she has a bath every other day"

I hated to tell her I usually had one every day but didnt want to inconvienience her even though I was putting a pound in the meter each time, and actually giving her hot water for the day rather than having to boil a kettle

Jux Fri 12-Jun-09 23:10:30

MIL, when I had said tantrums were normal and I'd be more worried if dd didn't, said "My children never had tantrums" grin

slummymummy36 Fri 12-Jun-09 22:49:43

In reference to DH ex wife

"I really don't know what he sees in you. Lorraine was so much prettier"

When we got engaged

"well it won't be proper wedding will it? I mean * has had his proper wedding with Lorraine, yours will just be some little affair. Not proper. Oh how beautiful Lorraine looked on that day."

Upon seeing me cutting carrots for our Xmas dinner one year

" Hmmm! Batons! Hmm" long pause "* (fil) can't eat carrots cut like that, he can only eat them cut in circles the way normal people cut them"

Upon asking to be passed the dish of cranberry sauce down the table over Xmas dinner last year...

"I was 10 when I started my periods" Long pause followed until one of then kids broke the embarrassing silence!

And one of my alltime favourite insults I received from the witch

"Good grief. The diet obviously isn't working then"

As you prolly have guessed I dont like the woman much!

LadyAga Fri 12-Jun-09 20:45:37

"the mongol" !!!!!!!! shock shock shock

gremlindolphin Thu 11-Jun-09 22:41:28

My FIL was working a lot when my dh and sil were growing up but he has forgotten that now.

When I was potty training dd2 he was horrified that she had done a poo somewhere other than the toilet apparently dh and sil just went straight from nappies to using the toilet no problem!

I imagine my sadly departed mil would have been turning in her grave!

My god daughter has downs syndrome and despite having many discussion/arguments about it my step mil insists on asking after "the mongol" which drives me mad.

Step mil has made so many classic comments over the years I can't even think of any others! Tend to give her the benefit of the doubt as she has no children and got married for the first time age 65 so she doesn't really have a clue!

roseability Thu 11-Jun-09 19:42:20

Great thread! I love my MIL, she is like the mother I never had so I would like to add some corkers from my own mother

'I think breastfeeding is a load of old crap'

'Britain is an island. If we allow any more immigrants in it will sink'

The first time I spoke to her after DS was born she didn't congratulate me or sound happy. She told me she hadn't been kept well informed and didn't even know what hospital I had given birth at. I had told her several times!

HarryB Thu 11-Jun-09 18:03:18

My Mil can be a total cow but she does come out with some corkers. DS has blonde hair like my side of the family but she wasn't having it. Mil says: "oh his hair is just like my [dead] husbands". DH: "err mum, Dad had dark hair". Mil: "No, he had light hair but used a lot of brylcream so it looked darker".

WTF! FiL's hair was jet black grin

Bump as this is funny as well as shock !

tamarto Thu 05-Jun-08 16:51:16

Talking about her first GD"She has blue eyes and you and DP have brown, where would that come from?hmm"

On being reminded BILs son has blue eyes too, with both parents having brown eyes that was ok because "SILs sister has blue eyes"

Never mind the fact her ex hubby has blue eyes!

On seeing her First grandson for the first time "who does he look like?"

He was and still is the spit of his dad angry

Cezzy Thu 05-Jun-08 16:14:42

Not a comment but a Xmas present: a book on how to go and live abroad! I may have to dig it out as she has got house particulars for a house for sale next door but one!!!!!!!!!!!!!aaaaggggghhhhhh!!!!!!!!!

munchiesmama Thu 05-Jun-08 16:05:09

Less than 12 hours after giving birth to my DD, my MIL walked in and prodded my stomach asking if I was sure there wasnt another one in there!! If I hadnt been so exhausted after a 52hr labour I think I might have killed her wink

minouminou Thu 05-Jun-08 15:43:05

caught the tail end of a comment about me to DP when ds was a few weeks old
"well....she'll fall to bits after the menopause"
she's usually quite harmless, so i can only assume they were talking about how i left the hossie in size eights
obviously this crime against wimmim everywhere WILL be punished eventually

2HotCrossBunnies Thu 05-Jun-08 15:25:22

This thread has made me grin and shock - some total shockers out there!! My mil is ok, she has her moments of being very helpful but I think she thinks I'm a useless wife! And mother sometimes! And that DH does everything...hmm...

Her worst quote has to be when she said that I (and DH) would be "mad" to have a 3rd child as she didn't think I "would be able to cope". This was when DS2 was 4mo and she was clearly suggesting I wasn't coping then. I was very insulted.

No DC3 yet - it's a work in progress!

scottishmummy France Thu 05-Jun-08 13:27:12

do many!

""och disnae look like daddy...wonders whos he does look like" shock btw he is mini-me of daddy look likey

"dont pick the baby up all the time you will just spoil LO"

"massage wee bit whisky on gums for teethache"

"dinnae buy a cot a drawer will do"

"Ach reading (to baby) no you dont want wan o they bookish baby's"

"put a wee bit SALT in thon dinner (my weaning) it is tasteless

"you modern mums know nothing"

TheUnsinkableMB Thu 05-Jun-08 13:15:57

My xp's mother to xp a month after I'd had a miscarriage "Haven't you got any good news? You're depressing me and your dad!"

cmotdibbler Thu 05-Jun-08 13:08:34

MIL told DH that it was cruel to just have one child. We'd had 3 miscarriages before DS, and couldn't face going through it again. Her reply ' but you have to do it for DS'

SIL - 'you've really slimmed down havent' you. I hardly recognised you'. I had been, gasp, a size 14 and am 5'10"

Roskva Thu 05-Jun-08 09:15:17

When I asked MIL, who was staying with us, why she had to wash up under a running tap rather than use a bowl of water, her response was "oh, it's only cold water, and that's free!"

Since when??

ALMummy Thu 05-Jun-08 09:02:27

On meeting me for the first time she dragged DH into the kitchen and said "She seems nice but I tell you now she is A LOT older than thirty". Was in fact just turned thirty.

FIL in an exasperated tone _ "When are you going to give that baby normal milk" - when I left the room to breastfeed two week old daughter.

To DS, in the bath at 11 months, in a sad tone "Yes I know its bad darling but your Mummy likes you to have COLD baths for some reason" after I cooled the water down from scalding.

whatwoulddollydo Thu 05-Jun-08 01:43:26

With the caveat that I have a very lovely MIL & FIL they have recently had some corkers:-

1. Me, 1 hour after arriving in Australia to live from UK, 6 months pregnant, lovely SIL saying "turn around, I am good at predicting sex of baby from pregnancy body shape" MIL = "Don't be thrown by her backside, X has always had a big bottom its not just pregnancy" - I WAS PREVIOUSLY A SIZE 10!

2. FIL over dinner conversation on Mother's Day re his son "When he was younger DH used to bring home model types...see what he gave up to marry you"

3. MIL On 6 week old DS "I thought babies arms and legs were supposed to be the same size (???)...his arms are shorter than his legs are they a bit withered"

4. FIL on 6 week old DS not turning around when called "Have you had his ears checked, is he deaf?"

5. FIL on 6 week old DS not gazing into his eyes on demand "Have you had his eyes checked, is he blind?"

6. FIL on several occassions...."When I look at your nose and at DH's nose and when I think of my two sisters noses, poor thing hasn't got a chance of keeping that cute nose has he"

Hey ho...

qwertpoiuy Wed 04-Jun-08 22:46:34

Seashell, what a witch your MIL is!!!!!
Missorinoco, that reminds me of when my ds suffered colic at 2mo, he was screaming his head off and wouldn't settle with anybody but DH, FIL remarked "DH is far better with that baby than you". What was I supposed to do, reverse my motherhood status?

Seashell71 Thu 29-May-08 21:22:06

Years ago my dh's cousin came to visit me, at the time she had a ds and so did I. After telling me the great news that she's pregnant again, my MIL pops in to see me. We say to her "One of us is pregnant, guess who?" and MIL, looking at me "not you, I hope"!!!
After we told her that it was her, she says to cousin "Oh, congratulations, YOU are such a good mother" with the enphasis on "you", as opposed to me.

After they'd left I sobbed uncontrollably.

missorinoco Thu 29-May-08 19:24:50

MIL came to see ds (my PFB) at 1 day old. He was crying and settled with dh. "Oh, he's clearly a daddy's boy."

MindingMum Thu 29-May-08 19:13:24

My MIL once told me she had been to the gym and was "doing 60mph on the exercise bike"
I told her that was impossible and she got really stroppy - still to this day she won't have it that it must have been rpm!! grin

tuttuttut Mon 26-May-08 20:50:27

When ds had reflux as a newborn - "oh dh was no solids at 6 weeks" (she was a nurse!) When i was suffering from severe pnd and hadn't slept all night because i was having panic attacks all night she comes round to see me "oh you look terrible. why don't you put some make up on and do your hair, that'll make everything better" yeah i'm sure. Now get out!

Nessamommy Mon 26-May-08 20:38:51

I have many from my MIL...but my father in law also told me once when I was pregnant..that I better eat properly b/c that's his granchild! Ya! Like his being a grandparent ups me being the mother! Of course I want what's best for my child!

PearTart Mon 26-May-08 20:25:34

WTAuPair- PMSL! hmm

pelvicflawed Mon 26-May-08 19:22:01

When we left DS with MIL/FIL for the w/e we asked when we got back how teeth cleaning went (he was about 1 yr at the time) and they said 'oh we didn't bother with that - anyway they get new ones don't they when they are about six!!!!!!' - agggghhhhhhh!!!

lotuseener Mon 26-May-08 16:15:04

When I was drinking a can of regular Coke, my mil said " I never,ever drink any kind of soda, but have you tried Coke Zero? You should try it, it has zero calories."

barnical Mon 26-May-08 13:52:26

I was pregnant with DS2 and ex MIL said You'd better make sure It's a girls this time, I don't want anymore boys"

I nearly told her to F off.

If i add an ex FIL comment. " I don't think (ds2) is my sons, he has blonde hair!"
( he was being very serious)

WheresTheAuPair Mon 26-May-08 13:49:22

My DS (then about 8mts old) had a red mark on his willy- as I was changing his nappy she looked over my shoulder and remarked "ahh that'll be the teeth". Still makes me laugh today.

Even now everything that has ever been wrong with him gets blamed on "those damn teeth". Even colds, coughs, toddler tantrums and croup!

cali Sun 25-May-08 18:25:47

After having to miss a big family meal following a serious car crash on m-way on way to visit them.
"Oh we had such a nice meal, it was lovely having all the family round"

Just one of dh's stepmother's classic comments angry, our car was completely written off and dc's were trapped in car, was so pleased that we managed not to ruin the meal for her!

BalloonSlayer Sun 25-May-08 18:20:52

When I saw the consultant, worried sick when 6 months PG that DS2 wasn't growing properly. I proclaimed tearfully; "EVERYONE says how tiny I am and I'm getting so worried and upset."

"Everyone?" he drawled in that patronising way peculiar to all consultants. "Even your mother in law?"

That made me think. And by Gawd yes! She was the ONLY person who had said, "Well you're getting to be quite a size!"

And she is usually lovely.

(She did say one day recently that she liked my blouse. hmm not wildly flattered - she is 86. Five minutes later she attempted to thrust a tenner into my hand. "Buy yourself a new blouse, go on." she urged.)

SparklyPiliPala Sun 25-May-08 17:00:38

Love this thread. I am going to be a nice MIL grin.

Whilst DD was having a tantrum because she wanted to play with her umbrella indoors and I said no, MIL took her by the hand and gave her a different one to play with. She told me that DD would turn into a drug addict or worse if I was too strict with her.

DD was 8 months and banging a toy against MIL's glass cabinet. I moved her away and MIL says, "You always stop her having fun!"

She also STILL has the first photo of me after giving birth in her front room in a frame. It's fairly x-rated and I look awful. DD is 2.6 so you can imagine the amount of people who have seen it.

glitterfairy Sun 25-May-08 16:54:00

I gave birth at home to dd on my ds's third birthday. I managed to still have a birthday party for him and 8 little friends. My MIL phoned to complain that I ahd not done enough!!!! angry she is my XMIL now, wonder why?

alexpolismum Sun 25-May-08 16:40:17

Said to me after being told that dh and I were getting married - "I told him when he went away to study not to get mixed up with any girls from far away, it's nothing but trouble, and now look!" (I am from a different country and we have different first languages)

On being told that my mother (a dressmaker) had made my wedding dress for me: "Oh you won't want to wear that, it will be so embarassing for me. Let's go out and find a proper one"

She won't eat anything I cook, and even comes to my house with food ready prepared in plastic containers so that she won't have to eat mine.

"My DD always looks beautifully dressed and turned out, these foreign girls can't compete with us" (Of course I'm the only foreign girl she knows)

"SOME of us like to iron things so that we look nice" (this is something she likes to repeat fairly often)

When my son was born she went on and on and on about giving him a dummy...

"Don't speak to the baby in English, it'll confuse him" (She doesn't speak English)

"It's just as well he has me here as a proper grandmother" (What does that make my mother then?"

hatrick Sun 25-May-08 07:20:58

My mil died before we had children so no mil quotes- however fil is fairly full of classics.
On hearing we would probably be calling ds Nico he piped up "Nico? why? sounds like a slimey Italian mafiosa name to me." My dad who is Italian was sitting next to me. He merely looked t fil, looked at me and raised one eyebrow knowingly.

My MIL is lovely. It's my mum who's a pain.

She shouted at my 7 year old daughter who promptly burst into tears. Whan I pointed out that she'd upset her, she says "mmm she obviously needs to be shouted at a bit more often..."

Things she says are along the lines of "Well, you could say that me once but you can't now"

SK

eidsvold Sun 25-May-08 04:56:04

ExMIL - of course he would have left you - you were a bitch to live with.

Yes I can see that - how silly of me to think it was about him not keeping it in his pants and having an affair with my best friend ( from high school but now ex) who also happened to be married!

puffylovett Sat 24-May-08 23:50:48

Oh I got - 'It's good that you're breastfeeding, it'll get rid of your belly'.

What belly ? I was dead skinny at the time !!!!

micci25 Sat 24-May-08 23:42:59

my mil is lovelty and means really well but drives me nuts sometimes her best quote? well when she found out that dd1 sometimes gets taken to the sarnie shop for her lunch she said 'do you ever cook her any proper meals? she really likes birdseye chicken nuggets i give her them when she comes here!'

since when have chicken nuggets been classed as 'proper cooked meals'?

my dd2 at about 7 months old when i told her she was eating cheesey pasta with dd1 'does she still get baby jars though? they need baby food you know?' hmm

and am still wondering when dd2 will be old enough to eat mild lamb and mushroom curry coz apparently she is not old enough yet! she is 1 this week

cupsoftea Sat 24-May-08 23:38:42

lol barnstaple - bottles of ribena!!

Tortington Sat 24-May-08 23:38:11

she told me that when her and FIL die they are leavin their house to One partic grandchild - out of 13 grandchildren

thing is she didn't say it out f malice - it just kinda came out!

woodstock3 Sat 24-May-08 23:36:17

my late mil was absolutely lovely. fil, on the other hand....
'In my day it was breakfast, lunch and tea and that's that.' (disapprovingly when i was bfeeding ds for the umpteenth time. he was 4 weeks old)
he will never visit us - we have to make five hour round trip to him everytime go to him, as his cat wouldn't like him being away apparently.
agreed to come to us for ds's first birthday and then rang the week before to announce he'd changed his mind.
dh: but it's not about you, it's about your grandson
fil: no, it's about me, and im not coming.
sometimes i understand why dh can be a pain in the arse
mind you, my own father whom i love dearly greeted me in the hospital 12 hours after my caesarean by pointing at my stomach and saying: 'I thought THAT would have gone down a bit by now!' perhaps we tolerate more in our own parents than our inlaws?

frazzledgirl Wed 21-May-08 18:47:18

My MIL:
*Scared the bewhatsit out of me during my pregnancy by reminiscing repreatedly about her many, many babies being an average of 10lbs-plus (my baby weighed in at just over 7lbs, thank the gods);

*Got quite sniffy about these 'modern girls' who can't take a bit of pain and go for epidurals (guess what I had, go on...)

*Hinted strongly that I should start giving (bf) DS rusks and formula in a bottle early as she started at TEN WEEKS. When said, nicely, that was going to follow the six-month guideline she acted quite insulted and said HER babies were hungry.

barnstaple Tue 20-May-08 14:12:41

sFIL when he heard I had a Blue Badge (ms): "Cheat, you look alright to me"

MIL re my 4 week old dd: "You should start giving her bottles of Ribena now"

MIL re dd a few months into weaning: "Oh she's far too young to have fish" (she popped it into the bin when I went to the loo)

MIL throughout weaning process: "you really should be using those jars they sell in the supermarket; you really shouldn't be making stuff for her, I'm sure it's not good"

dd is about 2 and having a very small tantrum MIL "what on earth is she doing?"
me (laughing) "having a tantrum!"
MIL (shocked and horrified) "is that normal?"
me "completely. They all have them at this age. I'd be more worried if she didn't"
MIL "MINE never did" - grin dh even remembers being dragged all round town kicking and screaming and having a worse tantrum than dd ever did, at about the age of 4!

Sadly they really are both very stupid people without two braincells to rub together; happily they live a long way away and we don't see them much.

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain Tue 20-May-08 13:28:26

(While I was threatening prem. labour, no one else at all to look after DS1, she was living with her now DH, and had already agreed to basically being on call for when I went into labour)

"I can't come and watch DS1, I can't leave my cats over night"

Inquisitive Tue 20-May-08 13:09:04

My MIL is lovely, just a bit dappy, but she came out with a corker the other day:

"Obviously I'll want to see my new grandchild as soon as possible, but just after it's born it's really important to have some family bonding time - that first half hour should be just the three of you"

HALF AN HOUR?! I mean, it's lovely that she's interested and excited but I can only assume both I and DH are going to be a bit shell-shocked since it's our first - might want a bit longer to get ourselves together!

pleasechange Mon 19-May-08 12:28:05

I have a few examples
When I was about 5 months pregnant - "Oh you really are big" - I said "Well the baby is growing". Her reply - "Yes but it must be a very big baby"

When we were getting married and I was going dress shopping "Well whatever you do, don't get anything in white"

Some other random occasion when discussed clothes "Well as long as you don't get brown, you really don't suit brown"

DH wonders why I find her annoying

quokka Mon 19-May-08 07:17:05

"Do you want me to turn the chair facing the wall so you can cry without the others seeing?" Honestly shock!

waycat Mon 19-May-08 05:42:13

Oh dear, if you've got a month I can tell you hundreds of things my MIL has said before putting her brain into gear.

However, the two that really stick in my mind are when I told her I was pregnant:

DS1: "Huh, thought you might be".

DS2: "What? Surely not yet? It's far too soon after the first one. You should have waited at least six years. You can't possibly afford two. You won't love the first one as much when the second one arrives".......

The master of tact, that's my MIL - NOT! angry

my MiL is lovely. But one time when dh and I had been together about 3 years, we arrived at the ILs' place for Sunday dinner and as we walked in the door, she said, "Are you two getting married? Because I've got some money saved and if you're not, I'll spend it on a new washing machine." lol

bohemianbint Sun 18-May-08 20:11:32

MIL to me at 7 months pregnant:

"Oooh, you've put on weight!"

WTF?!

angry

2Happy Sun 18-May-08 20:03:57

Having refused to pay anything towards our wedding except the flowers, on the day before the wedding MIL presented dh with a cheque for exactly a third of the cost with the words "spend it on something that will last" angrysad

jafina Sun 18-May-08 19:51:26

My MIL has had some corkers but the one that really left me speechless was this one....

After I told her that one of my uncles had been a paedophile and abused 3 of my cousins: "oh that sort of thing didn't happen in my day!". hmm

And every time she walks past a "coloured person" she feels the need to say "you'd hardly know you were in England anymore would you?". Argh!!!!

NoBiggy Sun 18-May-08 19:33:43

"I don't know what I'd do without my legs"

????

deaftowhingeing Sun 18-May-08 19:29:09

these are fab

Fortunately for me my MIL is generally OK and I'm v fond of her. Tho she is a complete hypochondriac and has bred another in the form of her son (DP).. PND? Not as bad as what she had? Laid in bed for 6 weeks after PD1 with a hideous infection? Not a patch on the hell she went through...

And when pregnant in later stages with DD2, a phone call every day "have you had the baby yet?"

FFS - oh yes, sorry, forgot to mention it....

Liz79 Sun 18-May-08 18:35:33

MIL lovely but my mum, well. During the early days of my pregnancy, the first thing she would say every time we spoke was "are you still pregnant?" It was a much wanted pregnancy all round, I don't know what she meant, she would of been upset if I'd lost DD too. when i pointed out that it wasn't a nice thing to say, her retort was always "oh lizabeth, I'm only joking, get a sense of humour, you're so insecure"!!!

mosschops30 Sun 18-May-08 18:34:22

'im of the opinion that if ur big enough to have children then u should stay at home to look after them'

stupid bitch

qwertpoiuy Sun 18-May-08 18:30:05

shock at mybrainaches! Never mind how you might be feeling, but to lump all the guilt onto you!

mybrainaches Sun 18-May-08 17:00:38

Your ds is autistic because you sent him to a childminder til he was almost 3 years oldshock

qwertpoiuy Sun 18-May-08 16:56:22

Bumping this up again!
I've spent the past few hours reading through these classics! Unbelievable to know there are people like those around. And to think they're your loved ones nearest and dearest!

shortshafe Tue 20-Nov-07 15:26:56

not my offical MIL, as she died before I met DH, but DH's auntie takes on the MIL role soooo well.

I was in hospital after having dd, less than 24 hours after ECS, I'd begged for a shower but the ward was so short staffed there was noone to take my drip, morphine etc out. Eventually someone came to unhook me, I shuffled down the corridor, holding my catheter bag (lovely) as DH's aunt and uncle burst through the doors into the reception area and ask to see me - the midwife says - 'she's just going for a shower and can't have visitors at the moment' DH's auntie says in a very loud voice - 'well she'll have to wait - I want to see my new baby!' angry
I still haven't forgiven her and she adds insult to the injury every time we see her!

Oh just recalled another one!

After telling close friends about BIL's new baby A DD to match the DS he had first.....

"yes isn't it clever of dear X & Mrs X they now have a pigeon pair whilst C (my DH) is going for a bitch pack!!" (beaming round at shocked company)

I'm afraid I hissed at her "My DD's are NOT bitches thank you!" & stormed out to hear
"oooh what have I said?" in arch mock-concerned voice as I left the room.....grrrr!

OFSTEDoutstanding Mon 19-Nov-07 23:01:09

My MIL said to my best friend when they were discussing whether my next child would be a boy or a girl shortly after having ds1.
"It will be a boy darling this family doesn't do girls" wtf there is 2 boys and 10 girls on her side of the family and 1 boy and 6 girls on my side. Needless to say I am now trying for TWIN GIRLS to really p**s her off wink

hickorydickory Mon 19-Nov-07 22:17:41

thank god I'm not alone grin

3 days after getting home from hospital with ds (and after having undergone emergency cs) my mil said - in faux jokey voice - to new ds, as she surveyed my living room " You'll have to learn to walk soon so you can use the hoover, mummy's forgotten how" shock

This was the first of about 3 visits she's made to me since I had ds 9 months ago - she lives 2 mins walk away, (and no, she didn't offer me any help round the house or with ds) Maybe just as well grin

pollywollybauble Mon 19-Nov-07 21:13:16

oh and she barged into dd's 1st birthday tea for her little friends (i'd deliberately kept the family one separate) and every child got "isn't she big" "isn't she hefty" "hasn't she got a big tummy" "is she going to eat all of that chocolate,she'll have a big belly" etc,etc

and later she offered me a t shirt because "it's too big for me, i thought it would fit you..." we are about the same size

(except her arse is bigger....and one of these days i will forget my manners and say something!!!! )

teuch Mon 19-Nov-07 14:22:04

many, many, many, many..

just a few off the top of my head hmm

"I NEVER had a labour pain with any of my 4...just a sore knee with the first"...erm, ok...

"oh doesn't he look so SEXY like that" referring to my 10m DS as he glanced back at us.

"oh, you don't iron your bedding...I suppose it is just the way you were brought up"

"You fell on your feet the day you met (DH) didn't you! Just after his money" (he's a farmer...nuff said!)

"your degree was totally mickey mouse though wasn't it?" (after I got a first)

Don't get me on a roll!!!

MissusH Mon 19-Nov-07 14:05:51

shock at some of these!! my mil is a star in comparison...

The only contribution is not an insult but here goes...while sitting down to dinner at pil's house:
MIL - "I hope the meat is okay - it's one of those Bernard Manning roast things..."

DH to me "does this taste funny to you?"

i am trying not to rofl and dear mil totally oblivious grin

Nip Mon 19-Nov-07 14:04:31

when i was pregnant MIL said, i really hope the baby will have Nip's brown eyes and Mr Nip's personality. (So what wrong with my personality!!!!) LOL

And only yesterday again commented how they put their 'order' in and got what they wanted!!!!

God forbid DS would have had blue eyes, and even worse, my personality!!!! hmm

AnAngelWithin Mon 19-Nov-07 13:59:06

mine asks how i am and if i say anything but 'im good thanks' i get the reply of:

'well YOU chose to have 4 kids what do you expect?!?!'

how nice of her to care how i am feeling hmm

hazygirl Mon 19-Nov-07 13:56:18

pml on friday took my two eldest granddaughters to mil /dreaded visit who r we going to c says oldest i said their christian names oh they r the same as great grandma she says,anyway half an hour later leaving i said to the girls say goodbye, eldest girl turned round and said goodbye WORSE GRANDMA i pml ,doesnt it say it all .

My mum once asked my mil, trying to make conversation really, whether my sil was 'courting' yet. I was cringing so much at the question, it was only afterwards that I really realised how racist and insulting to me her reply was - she said " I don't care who xxxx {sil} marries, as long as they are not white !!! My mil is Indian and has never accepted me and I think that was the final straw in my struggle to try and be the daughter in law she really wanted. Obviously I could never do the one thing that she deemed important, which was to make myself Indian.

RosaLuxMundi Mon 19-Nov-07 13:39:44

I think MN Towers needs to move this thread to classics.

MuffinMclay Mon 19-Nov-07 13:08:44

On holiday with MIL. Ds 4 months old, lying on sofa, rolls and falls off onto tiled floor, colliding with cup of tea as he does so. He screams as loudly annd hysterically.
MIL, sitting on sofa with head in a book, looks up briefly, says 'the dishwasher needs emptying', and returns to her book.

More recently, when advised that dc2 will be a boy says 'oh dear, I am sorry'. WTF! (she had 3 boys herself).

God this thread is good for making me feel better about my MIL (she's not so bad compared to some of these!!)

I was about 5 months pg & VERY big with DD2. DD1 had been 9lbs 9oz. The midwives were clucking about the size of DD2, & I commented to MIL that as DH & I were both tall & large framed it wasn't surprising the baby was on the large side.

" Yes well dear if you breed from carthorses you're not going to get thoroughbreds are you?"

shock

dooley1 Mon 19-Nov-07 12:22:50

megglevache - after reading your post in March I'm surprised you let her anywhere near you sad

On discussing the fact that ds may be colour-blind as it runs in my family 'oh well you won't get anything like that from our side' - forgetting the genetic testing dh and I had to go through because of the severe genetic disorder that runs in his family...

Feel duty bound to add she is an absolute gem in every other way but that really annoyed and upset me sad

Walnutshell Mon 19-Nov-07 12:14:37

Well, perhaps he's the nicest of the grandchildren, custardo. Come on, be reasonable grin

Tortington Mon 19-Nov-07 12:05:12

"we are leaving the house to xxx" - thats grandchild number 7 out of 7 youngest and favoured brothers child.

Walnutshell Mon 19-Nov-07 12:02:14

Reading this and feeling really grateful for my MIL...!

Still, you'll all have some corkers to pass on to your own DIL's if your son is foolish enough to get married! grin

morningglory Mon 19-Nov-07 12:01:50

My MIL is an ignorant, self-obsessed cow...and that's me being charitable.

Upon meeting me "Oh, men often fall for women who look like their mothers. I have small eyes too." (i'm oriental, She's French).

When DS was crying with colic at 6 weeks, "Put a piece of bread in his mouth. He's just hungry." This is after she criticized me for BFing DS every 2 hours, telling me I was feeding him too much.

To DH referring to me because I was skipping out on going to lunch to pack our things and take care of DS as we were going back to the UK after DS's first Christmas with them in France (he was only 6 weeks old "Oh she just can't cope, can she. I was working the day after I gave birth to you." (Yes, and she had sent away he elder daughter of 15 months for 3 months and hired a FT nanny to take care of DH when he was born because it childcare was too much for her!)

MIL: Oh, your neighborhood reminds me of Canada! (we live in London)
Me: Why do you say that?
MIL: Because the houses are made out of brick and there are trees on the sidewalk.

peacelily Mon 19-Nov-07 11:03:22

"Ooh that pink lipstick suits you, it's loads better than that red you usually wear" (been waering reddish lipstick/gloss most of my adult lfe, including on my wedding day when a make-up artist designed my "look")

Everytime we have a meal with her to 14 mo dd "I'd let you have it love but your mummy would kill me" when dd tries to snatch food from her plate a habit we're obviously trying not to encourage...

Anna8888 Mon 19-Nov-07 10:59:01

Not my MIL but a friend's. 6 months after the birth, when my friend arrived to stay at her MIL's house in South of France, the MIL said by way of a greeting as my friend got out of the car "Oh gosh, you still haven't lost the extra weight from your thighs". shock

To me and my SIL before our BIL's wedding

"I'm so thrilled to finally be getting a glamourous DIL"

LilianGish Mon 19-Nov-07 10:54:49

Just remembered some more words of encouragement: "Of course the problem with breast feeding is noone else can do it for you."

bogie Mon 19-Nov-07 10:52:50

grin haven't seen this thread for ages really making me giggle again my mil is lovley so i haven't got any to add

LilianGish Mon 19-Nov-07 10:52:18

"I think people who want to find out the sex before the baby is born need psychological counselling" - after I'd got the results of my amnio and the news that I was pregnant with a girl.

Megglevache Mon 19-Nov-07 10:39:25

Message withdrawn

batters Mon 19-Nov-07 10:30:33

"My son goes like a greek god in the sun"
"You've lost lots of weight. Of course you are still appallingly overweight you know"
"oh yes, she (dp's former girlfriend) is so beautiful, I bet all her old boyfriends want her back"
"I am going to smoke a cigarette in the same room as your 2 day old baby, is there a problem?"
"I don't go for that breast feeding malarky, you are passing all your toxins on"
"The role of me as grandmother is to undermine you two as parents"
"Why can't I talk about paedophilia" (said in front of 9 year old dd)
"Why can't dd watch Jerry Spinger" (said when dd was about 3)
"Why can't dd watch tv and have you reading to her at the same time?"

OOh I feel better now.

Blu's legs are lovely by the way!

CranberryMartini Mon 19-Nov-07 10:04:18

Not a nasty comment... but one I will never forget:

If you can imagine my MIL, she's tiny, just turned 70, posh, loaded, submissive to FIL.

Dishing out the roast dinner, she drops a couple of sausages. What did she say? Golly gosh? Whoopsadaisy?

No...













"Oh Fuck!"

shock grin

I nearly choked on my boiled cabbage!

hazygirl Mon 19-Nov-07 07:45:03

i had a retained placenta when i had my ds 22years ago ,nearly died haemoraged massive ,hooked up to a machine ,tubes everywhere and mil comes in with grapes sat next to my bed and says youll never want sex again ffs and she ate my grapes since i was nil by mouth

Columbia Mon 19-Nov-07 06:22:05

While I was trying tactfully to explain why I had left her son for being an abusive b*stard:

'Oh that was just silly. He's been under a lot of stress.'

'I hope the new year will bring some forgiveness and understanding'.

'Well you've got your revenge, he's in a bad way'.

I was pregnant, had HG and severe depression and he had buggered off leaving me to rely on my poor parents.

enough said...

laurliemonkey Mon 19-Nov-07 05:36:07

at our first ever meeting, i was 18 and she said 'oh i always imagined dh with a tall, slim girl'. she also invited dh's ex to our wedding ( i was fuming).

once we had children, in addition to the usual 'rod for your own back' business, she fed my dd formula when out with 5 wk old dd instead of the expressed i'd given her.

and she wonders why we see her twice a year, and won't be having her around whenever the next one comes along.

CalifraundingFathers Mon 19-Nov-07 01:58:19

"I think she took it as an insult that her son strayed so far from her image "
Amen Jeremy, Amen. My EMIL is decorative but shallow, empty headed and self centred. I am absolutely totally positively not like my MIL. I am the complete opposite. Thank God!

JeremyVile Mon 19-Nov-07 01:23:53

How funny - My MIL asked DP the same thing thing.
I'm 5.9 so have not been petite since I was 8!
She's tiny herself, 4.10 I think so I think she took it as an insult that her son strayed so far from her image grin

CalifraundingFathers Mon 19-Nov-07 01:07:08

I shall hark back to the 1st question my EMIL asked of me before she met me. She didnt ask what I was like, where I was from or anything useful. No. My EMIL asked if I was petite. hmm

DH said "wait and see"

I am a size 22. The look on her face when I got out of the car was pure HORROR.

OverRated Mon 19-Nov-07 00:39:27

Squonk, my ex MIL said the same

"You know us, we don't like to interfere..." hmm
"Well, we don't like to say anything..." (to your face but we'll bitch about you when you've gone) angry

"Well, I bottlefed my kids" said in a holier than thou tone angryangry

"He's a mummy's boy, isn't he?" about 4 month old DS when he stopped crying after she handed him back to me

I could go on but it's making me stressed grin

RosaLuxMundi Mon 19-Nov-07 00:38:57

Blu - thanks a lot for that little vignette of family life chez your PIL - there is a half-eaten Rolo all over my screen now!

leftmyironon Mon 19-Nov-07 00:18:19

"You'll rue the day you marry that girl"

- to DH 24 hours before the wedding.

"Well, you're a MacXXXXX now, we'd better make the best of it"

- to me, ten minutes after.


Twelve years, still married, yah boo sucks grin

lemonaid Sun 18-Nov-07 23:42:09

My MIL is fine. But DH's grandmother, to DH, in what she fondly imagined was a whisper, just after meeting me: "She's a lovely girl, but she doesn't have your looks..."

Jacanne Sun 18-Nov-07 22:59:08

Mine's not to bad - I think the worst when pregnant was "I wouldn't be surprised if you got post-natal depression" - I didn't fortunately.

I've had a few since about how fussy my children are about food, a couple about their behaviour - luckily she doesn't say the choice ones to me but to DH who has a huge row with her everytime she criticises. Still, she hasn't mentioned the fact that I'm still BF - actually I'm not sure she knows.

TBH though, my Mum has come out with a few choice ones in her time too.

claraenglish Sun 18-Nov-07 22:46:02

Message withdrawn

Blu Sun 18-Nov-07 17:47:40

FIL - on meeting DS for the first time, to my DP: (i am an older Mum)
'you should have another baby...Des o'Connnnor had a baby when he was 73 - he found a new woman who was younger...'

MIL, to me, about some nieces
"oh they spend so much time ironing their cloths and making sure they look nice - not like you"

MIL, to me, on FIL's habit of watching women's wrestling videos
"Oh he really enjoys his wrestling videos, he shouts 'Blu could beat her, imagine Blu with her big legs, sitting on top of her...Blu would win easily"

(I think that was meant as a compliment)

Ispy Sun 18-Nov-07 17:29:21

My MIL is Greek, mother of 4 boys, no daughters. I should be sainted...

Whilst struggling to bf colicky dd (my first child). "Maybe she's allergic to your milk".
(Needless to say she didn't breastfeed).

Sitting practically on my lap whilst bf'ing dd: "Are you sure she's getting anything?"

About dd as a baby "She has the same body as me, very short legs"

"DD has bow legs just like her grandfather. (DD was a few weeks old at the time. All babies are bow-legged at this age....).

After ds was born "We don't have flat heads on our side of the family".

She decided recently that ds was constipated after he hadn't poo'd for 24 hours and wanted to give him a laxative.

robinredbreast Sun 18-Nov-07 15:16:16

background me 37 weeks pg dd arrived that week

mil blimey you are getting really big arnet you? how much do you weigh now?
me about 11 and a half stone
mil oh my god ! you dont do you !interrupping dh and fil shes 11 and a half stone shes catching up withyou t fil!

then the second time i saw mil after dd was born still having problems after [quite difficult birth 4th degree tear pph etc] have you lost much weight yet ?

then the day before going hospital about repair job mil so have you lost much weight yet,look as though your nearly there
this was met with stoney silence got bigger things to worry about at the moment was less than 10 stome anyway

pollywollybauble Sun 18-Nov-07 15:02:21

"ooh both my two were using the potty at 6 months....you can't wait until shes 2 and a half"....said about 2 minutes into every visit until dd was....over 2 and a half!

"i can't bear to leave my little baby..." when visiting me and dd 48 hours old in the hospital. dh and fil gave up...i had to evict her!

and "i saw this and thought of you"....about the most passion killing gingham nightdress i have ever seen in my life (to my credit i kept my face neutral and said "you keep it...i don't actually wear anything when i'm in bed"....she was shock)

and.....stop now polly

Message withdrawn

qwertpoiuy Sun 18-Nov-07 14:07:16

Well said, colditz. angry at MALO, YorkshirePudding and JV's posts!
I'm glad I revitalised this thread!

MALO Sun 18-Nov-07 14:07:08

Me being referred to as...

'My son's so-called wife'....sad

JeremyVile Sun 18-Nov-07 14:04:10

"Oh, you dont mind do you? We are very particular about potatoes....."

Said when I walked into kitchen to find her taking the potatoes off the hob and putting them in the oven.

MY potatoes, MY kitchen, SHE was the guest!!

Message withdrawn

MALO Sun 18-Nov-07 13:59:06

The day before I married her son....

'Remember, he is MY son'.

sad

colditz Sun 18-Nov-07 13:58:44

When these MILs say things like "She has to... He must learn to ..."

The answer is "Why? What will happen if she doesn't learn to walk in those shoes? She will grow out of them, and then I will buy her some new ones and she can learn to walk in those instead .. I don't really understand your concern?"

qwertpoiuy Sun 18-Nov-07 13:40:23

My DD2 has started walking with the aid of a baby walker activity toy. MIL bought her new shoes and put them on her last night. Poor DD2 got up, grabbed onto her toy but couldn't move because the soles were gripping the floor and stopping her from shuffling her feet along the floor. She got frustrated so I went over to remove her shoes. MIL exclaimed "Leave her! She has to learn to walk with shoes on!". FFS, she isn't even walking independently yet! I waited another few seconds, and after more crying I just said "She'll lose all her confidence in walking if she's restricted like this!" and pulled them off her. I noted MIL shaking her head with the side of my eye when I removed them!

Acinonyx Thu 28-Jun-07 15:18:27

Hardly see my MIL who is pretty much OK - but my mom has said many annoying things. Just before I got married she gave me this advice: 'Just don't have any children - it's not worth it'. Gee, thanks mom.....! Jill

RibenaBerry Thu 28-Jun-07 14:10:54

Not parenting but still classic MIL.

My father had been engaged before he met my mum (had been single for about a year when they met, so his mother wasn't bitter about overlap or anything like that). When she met my mother she looked her up and down and said "well I hope that she lasts longer than that last one".

Libra Thu 28-Jun-07 13:18:00

DH has been married before. For his first wedding, MIL gave his wife some rather nice underwear. Very expensive.
When we got married about ten years later, MIL wrote to first wife and asked her to send the underwear back so that it could be given to me.

roseycozy Thu 28-Jun-07 12:44:54

Well much as I love my MIL, she is rather eccentric and not overly blessed with tact. Luckily she really likes me for some reason so her comments are never directed at me.

When I was pg with DD she told me that she never interferes with people's child rearing, then in the same breath went on to say how she walked up to a crying baby in a shop and took the dummy from his mouth! Baby stopped crying unsurprisingly!

And she upset BIL (my sister's DH) at our wedding by poking him in the tummy with boney finger and saying "you've got big!" BIL is not fat and hardly knows her. She does same to DH tho all the time (he's also not fat), but not to me or my SILs (and we could all loose a few pounds )

Chirpygirl Wed 27-Jun-07 19:30:11

(I think someone else's said this further down as well)
I told MIL about braxton hicks I had been having at the weekend and she said 'well, I never bothered with having them, I just gave birth.'

Like I asked for them!?!

Waswondering Wed 27-Jun-07 19:20:29

Morning after our wedding, to me -

"He was tired yesterday - did he sleep well"

lady007pink Wed 27-Jun-07 19:18:31

Recently, we took DD2 swimming for the first time, but she didn't like it and she got shivery, so I took her out after a few minutes.
MIL said "You should not have taken her out - don't let her rule your life!
FFS, she's only 6 months old!

"That baby is your passport into this family" - gee, thanks

and

"We've a right to a say about ...., she is a quarter ours!!'" EH???

belgo Wed 27-Jun-07 14:33:15

Oh I get it now - thanks Attila!

bohemianbint Wed 27-Jun-07 14:27:13

ooooh fantastic.

Here's some from mine:

"Ooooh, you've put on weight" (on seeing me at 20wks pg after not having seen me for about 15wks)

"I hope you're not still planning on a silly homebirth/waterbirth"

"I imagine you'll be calling the child something weird?"


I dunno why we don't see her more...

bakedpotato Wed 27-Jun-07 14:26:56

[when I said I had to buy some vinaigrette, as we were going on to a holiday cottage after leaving ILs]
'Oh, do you buy it readymade? I always make my own.'
(Which is peculiar, as she has only ever put out salad cream when we visit)

"Oh we're just on the way out to the garden centre to get some lunch. Don't forget to get yourself something to eat".

Hi Belgo

I shall explain further
MIL and co (i.e her husband and useless BIL) alll decided to go out to lunch so she phoned her sister to tell her. The "don't forget to get yourself something to eat" comment was also directed at her sister - MIL did not even bother to ask if she wanted to come along with them!.

LoveAngel Wed 27-Jun-07 13:36:11

Where to start? According to my MIL I should have weaned at 2 months, dipped my son's dummy in brandy to help him sleep and never picked him up when he cried (I 'spoiled' him by picking him him up in the night when he was 6 weeks old, apparently). My son also doesn't eat enough because I can't cook, which is going to make him weak (he is on the 98th centile and always has been), and his constant runny nose isn't due to his dust allergy, oh no - he has had a permanenert cold since he was a few months old that I wickedly haven't cured by dosing him up with calpol every night ('like I always did with my boys'). Oh, and I am ruining my son by not smacking him ('they're never too young to understand a smack' apparently...my God, how she producded such a lovely, balanced son as my husband I do not know...)

A few others:

My first day home from hospital with my son, she turned up and sat their watching me breastfeeding (I mean REALLY eyeballing me) shaking her head and tutting and said: 'That child needs a bottle. Your breasts aren't big enough to feed such a big baby."

...fast forward to a few months later, after I'd stopped breasteeding, and I heard her telling her friend on the phone that '...No, my daughter in law didn't breastfeed. She was always too impatient." WTF???


(On seeing me for the first time in months, after I'd lost about 2 stone of 'baby weight' and dropped from a dress size 20 to a 14-16):
"You've lost weight? I hadn't noticed." and then "A size 16? No! You're at least an 18!"

After turning up unannounced for 'a month's stay, to help with the baby' when I was 8 months pregnant, then extending her stay by another a month, my husband finally asked his mum if she would mind staying with her other son for a few days while we adjusted to new parenthood. She was mortally offended and said 'You've always been jeaous of my special bond with my sn, now you're jealius of my bond with your own son.' OMG. I had to grip the table not to slap her one.

Last one (I could give you hundreds I reckon, but I'll stop here)

Observing my son's nose, which is a sort of braod button-nose shape: 'Such a shame about his nose. Why don't you put a clothespeg on it for a few hours a day?'. I had to laugh or I would have committed an act of violence.

MamaG Wed 27-Jun-07 13:29:11

MIL once made me a cheese & ham pizza for lunch, telling me to "pick teh ham off"

I'm a vegetarian

DaisyMOO Wed 27-Jun-07 13:26:22

No quotes from me - MIL just doesn't really say anything at all to me, even when I answered the phone on my due date with ds3 she didn't even say hello, just asked for dh She's a very odd woman.

lady007pink Wed 27-Jun-07 13:08:39

Emilyandlola, has she actually seen your daughter since she was born?

EmilyandLola Tue 26-Jun-07 23:11:38

best quote, when she found out I was PG -

"you got yourself into this mess, you get your self out of it, and I dont expect to see you again"

(whilst pointing at me, with her arm around her son's neck...


and her lovely grand daughter is now 9 months old, and I still hate her for that comment. cow

FIL when 3 week old DS had collic. "perhaps your breast milk isn't right for him".

Chelseamum Tue 26-Jun-07 10:00:42

haven;t read the whole thread tbh...some quotes have really put me off....

WinkyWinkola Tue 26-Jun-07 09:58:00

But the quotes don't all have to be negative, do they? There are some classic ones on here that aren't really that negative - just funny.

Chelseamum Tue 26-Jun-07 08:30:07

I adore my MIL.... I am quite upset reading some of the post and if all you say it's for real I think that I've lived a very sheltered life.

The best quote my MIL has said to me is as follows;

"Housework and gardening are boooorin and life is just to short, just pay someone to do it"

I love her to bits!

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 08:22:01

Attila, I don't get it.

This is my MIL (lovely woman NOT) on the phone to her elder sister:-

"Oh we're just on the way out to the garden centre to get some lunch. Don't forget to get yourself something to eat".

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 08:15:22

that shouldn't be funny, ggg, but lol!

ggglimpopo Tue 26-Jun-07 08:13:05

This isn't a mil quote but it should be - First heard it from a french midwife at an antenatal class.

"You can breastfeed for six weeks if you want to. After that your bosoms belong to your husband". Knowing smile and nods all round.

One of my husband's aunts later said exactly the same thing, as did a friend of mine's Parisienne mil (the fil was a paediatrician and the baby was three weeks old!.....)

GooseyLoosey Tue 26-Jun-07 07:57:49

To dh recently (who is adopted): "I would have loved a baby of my own" or "your father never wanted children anyway" or "I think an adoptive relationship is quite different from a normal one". There are quite a few more in similar vein. I have to bite my tongue to avoid pointing out how crassly insensitive this is, infact increasingly I have to resist the urge to violence.

stoppinattwo Tue 26-Jun-07 07:38:36

Is it ok if the kids have S.. W.. EETIES.....................trying to spell it out so they dont realise what she is saying


Ooops did i just say sweeties...........oh I will have to give them some now!!!

TrinityRhino Tue 26-Jun-07 07:32:14

recently when Gecko was 4 months

"well, you can give her rusks now"

amateurarsedoctor Tue 26-Jun-07 07:31:05

On the evening of our wedding she said to me,
"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into dear".

On reflection they were wise words. At the time I was deeply hurt.

itwasntme Tue 26-Jun-07 07:29:02

On telling MIL I was pregnant with no.1

"Well you'd better look after yourself, or else the baby will die"

On dd:

"My grand daughter is beautiful, beautiful... but her nose is DISGUSTING! It's a negro nose.
(dh's family is mixed race). "
"While you breastfeed you must squeeze her nose to give it a better profile".

Err, yeah right, and suffocate her

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 07:18:20

Anna - they may feel differently when the baby is born!

AnnainNZ Tue 26-Jun-07 07:14:41

Not as bad as a lot on here, but my MIL and her husband normally come over from UK once a year to visit us, in about Feb. I am due 6th Nov and she has just informed us that they won't be visiting next year as "small babies aren't interesting". I'm actually quite pleased they're not coming but slightly annoyed they're describing my (as yet unborn) baby (and their first gc) as not very interesting!

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 07:05:41

Kinki, that's bad.

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 07:01:13

'You've put on weight. Or is there another one in there ?'

said MIL patting my stomach, just THREE months after giving birth to DD2!

lady007pink Tue 26-Jun-07 06:29:49

Quote from Nogoes -"If a man cheats it is because his wife is not making enough effort in the bedroom."

Actually, that reminds me of a discussion we had with my grandmother years ago about domestic violence. Her response was that it's the woman's fault if a man hits her, especially in this day and age when women are too fond of asking men to help out with the housework and the children.

DaisysGotABigBump Mon 21-May-07 20:39:39

My MIL is just a bit batty and comes out with some real corkers like <talking about heartburn in pg> "I had so much bisodol when PG with our S that he came out covered head to foot in white chalk" (no dear, that was vernix)...and after my recent hospital visit due to very painful Braxton Hicks contractions at 33 weeks..."oh, we never had those in my day"....
....that and she fervently believes that if you eat anything cooked in a pot that eggs have been boiled in you'll "get warts on your insides". She even has a seperate pot for the job, LOL.

My mum on the other hand......on seeing my dear dear sis in her wedding dress for the first time, I had tears in my eyes..."you're just jealous" and at the wedding when I complimented her outfit that she felt a bit uncomfortable in "you look Ok as well I suppose...for a bridesmaid"...nice!

kinki Mon 21-May-07 20:13:00

Just thought of another, but this one was from drunken FIL.

He says "so how much weight have you lost altogether then?"
"About 3 stone"
"That's a lot. Bet dh (his son) is proud of you"
"He says he is"
"You've got to admit it couldn't have been very nice for him"
"What do you mean? Me being on a diet?"
"No, I don't mean that. I mean you being the size you were."
"I don't think he minded. He's always loved me whatever size I am"
"No, what I mean is, it couldn't have been nice for him in the, you know, the bedroom, you being that size."
I splutter "I've never had any complaints from him in the bedroom or anywhere else about my size."

It took me about 3 years to tell dh what his dad had said to me. I still feel ashamed and dirty that he could think that lowly of me. Thankfully dh gave me all the reassurance I needed and continues to make me feel gorgeous in the bedroom, whatever size I am.

monkeyandcheekychops Mon 21-May-07 01:23:43

Love this thread! Had to post again after seeing MIL today.

She has started calling my DC's kiki and boo, short for their real names.

This may not annoy some people but she specifically named her 2 DC's names that could not be shortened and I thought mine were like that too!

GRRRRR!

boo64 Sat 12-May-07 16:14:28

After the birth of ds:
me: "ooh I'm quite pleased with the way my tummy's gone down"
MIL "actually you look like you are having twins and the second one hasn't come out yet"

This from a lady who herself isn't exactly svelte....

midnightexpress Sat 12-May-07 13:58:16

My mother spent most of my second pg telling me how sure she was it would be a girl and about 2 weeks before I gave birth said she was sitting with her fingers crossed for a girl. She even started to call the bump by a girl's name I'd mentioned as a possibility for a while. We had another boy. When I was talking to her about ds2 and boys in general a few weeks ago she said to me 'ah you should have had a girl!'

Cheers, mum, that's helpful.

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House Thu 10-May-07 22:57:10

now my MIL isnt too bad, am so at some on here!!!

only major grievance i have is she still hasnt seen our flat, we've been here a year, its her eldest sons first flat, took us ages to sort it out a lot of hard work etc and shes not even bothered to come and see!!! whats worse is she promises and dh gets himself all worked up like a child and then she lets him down again.....

monkeyandcheekychops Thu 10-May-07 21:49:08

Its lovely seeing you two so smartly dressed together, I should take a picture.....




























Just before leaving for my gran's funeral ffs!

redclyffe Thu 10-May-07 20:36:55

on announcing we were expecting dd1 2months before wedding - "I'm sure I'll love it when it comes". I've never been told what else she said that day.

apeainapod Thu 10-May-07 16:52:13

On announcing we were expecting DS2 - "NEXT time you want a baby I suggest that you ask my son (my DH) FIRST'.


A classic amongst oh too many.........

Zola78 Thu 10-May-07 16:48:30

After the birth of my second son, one of my dh's uncle's asked me if I would like any more children? To which I replied "Yes". MIL then said to me a SAHM of two "Money doesn't grow on trees you know!" Thanks for letting me know.

crokky Thu 10-May-07 16:37:39

MIL to DH - "You treat me like a skivvy" - we have seen MIL once this year and on that occasion I made her a cup of tea and she sat on the sofa. She has done absolutely nothing for us this year

MIL to DS (at 6 months old) - "You're not still hanging off those titties are you?" in response to my breastfeeding!

RedLorryYellowLorry Thu 10-May-07 14:54:07

MIL told me dh didn't like needles and so I shouldn't make him attend the birth . Also none of her "boys" (ffs they're all in their 40's hardly boys) liked vomit so I shouldn't ask him to clean any up if the baby was ever sick. Also they didn't like poo so no nappy changing. Dh has coped with them all and I've enjoyed telling her. Also when PIL came to stay when dd was 2 weeks old she would tell me to stop the baby crying if dh arrived home as it wasn't nice for him after a long day - erm I am trying to and he hasn't sat here all day listening to you you looney I wanted to say!

smallwhitecat Thu 10-May-07 14:34:24

Message withdrawn

babyonboard Thu 10-May-07 11:53:19

Mine also refused to introduce us to her new boyfriend, they had been together for over a year and turned down many dinner invitations, then 3 hours after DD was born she arrived at the hospital with him in tow!
He was clearly awkward about the whole thing, and we were in no fit state to make getting to know you conversation. Talk about throwing the poor guy in at the deep end!

MamaMaiasaura Thu 10-May-07 11:30:13

Omg but LOL nogoes.. she sounds horrendous!!!

babyonboard Thu 10-May-07 11:29:03

So so many..
a classic was soon after DS was born and she said 'You shouldn't take him out on your own, someone might knock you out and kidnap him'

nogoes Thu 10-May-07 10:12:07

"Food in jars is more nutritious than home cooked food. Cow & Gate have been doing it for years and know more about what a baby needs than you do."

"You cannot have a career and a child, you can forget all that silly nonsense now. When ds goes to school you can get a cleaning job."

"Dh must come and live with me when he has a cold/flu. You don't know how to look after him because you don't have dinner until 8pm and eat foreign food (pasta!)".

"If a man cheats it is because his wife is not making enough effort in the bedroom. If a women cheats she is a slut."

"I still have sleepless nights because I worry that you are not looking after dh properly". (he is 34)

"We should all sell our houses and buy a big place together". On hearing dh's resounding NO! "Yes well I might have known that Nogoes would scupper our chances of being a really happy family".

"I wish that I could bring up your ds and SIL's children as I could give them a lovely life and make them happy".

I could go on an on.

LilRedWG Thu 10-May-07 10:03:34

Saying that, she's normally okay - just wants me to produce another grandchild for her!

LilRedWG Thu 10-May-07 10:03:08

Due to various medical reasons we have decided that it wouldn't be fair on DD (or me) if I were to go through another pregnancy as there's a strong chance I'd be in a wheelchair/bedbound, so we're thinking of adoption.

FIL totally agrees and says my health must come first etc. etc. MIL on the other hand said, "Well, I think you should have another so that DD can have a proper brother or sister. After all you're walking now (a year after DD's birth and I'm still in pain when AF here EVERY month) and it's not that much of an inconvenience to be in a wheelchair again!"

She doesn't seem to think that the pain itself of severe SPD is worth worrying about the risk. Yes, I may not get it again but have been told the chances are it would come back, be earlier and a lot more severe - ie, in a wheelchair the whole pregnancy. Now, if she can explain to DD that Mummy is in too much pain to play with her, pick her up and even have her sit on her lap, then she's welcome! We don't think it's worth the risk.

Flamesparrow Thu 10-May-07 09:53:29

Mine isn't desperately evil, but during the entire 12 months BREASTfeeding, she would say it with a capital BREAST...

"He's looking so well - that'll be because of the BREASTfeeding"

"Look at how he does x - the BREASTfeeding has helped him so much"

"She's still BREASTfeeding you know"

It was wonderful and supportive... but when it was to aunts, uncles, neighbours etc and their eye automatically goes to my BREAST and then they keep drifting back because the subject has been raised - it got a bit

Roskva Thu 10-May-07 09:49:14

My MIL lives on a different planet to the rest of us. The last time she was here, I noticed that she leaves the tap running constantly when she does the washing up, so I tactfully explained that our water is metered. Her response: "Don't be silly, you only pay for hot water!" I wish!

sputnik Thu 10-May-07 09:34:13

Love a good MIL thread.
When DD was born nearly 3 tears ago mine repeatedly bemoaned the fact that she hadn't kept baby clothes from my SIL. SIL will be 50 this year

About a week post-birth she looked at my ex-bump and said "perhaps you can look on the internet for some exercises for that. We used to have to wear corsets". She meant well I suppose.

LadyOfTheFlowers Sun 06-May-07 20:28:26

whilst bfing ds1:
'he needs water to drink, no question about it'
'i dont know why you bf him'

'when we move to spain, you can send the kids over for weeks at a time'

on me giving up work:
'if you not working forces you into a council house what those boys turn into will be your fault'

on me dying of post partum haemorrage in hospital after birth of ds2: (said to dh)
'if you think accompanying LotF to theatre is more important than telling me ds2 has been born, we obviously have very different ideas about what is important dont we Daniel'



there are tons more, most on here will know i hate her. those are her very best ones to date.

christie1 Sun 06-May-07 20:19:10

I fixed her, I had another one at 41! (not the reason, I wanted another one of course but I can imagine the talk around her dinner table).

When my sister got pregnant, her MIL sat my sister and DH down and said, "So, when are you having the abortion?"

No joke.

My sister's MIL loves her GS now, of course [simle]

Chandra Sun 06-May-07 00:18:10

Christie

Chandra Sun 06-May-07 00:16:26

When I was about 5m pregnant:

- "you must have put on a lot of weight by now! that's terrible!
-No, I haven't I don't even look pregnant yet.
- Are you taking good care of yourself??? I know you think you can do as you wish but that baby is not only yours, it belongs to us too and you better take good care of it!




Obviously, I just told her that that baby belonged to himself and anyone else before putting the phone down and refusing to pick up the phone when she was calling for the end of the pregnancy.


Another classic now that we know DS is allergic to nuts:

Me: He can't have almonds, he is allergic to nuts

MIL: But this almonds are from my place and will not make him any damage, they are the best quality in the world!


AAAAARGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! what did I do in my past lives to deserve such a MIL???

christie1 Sat 05-May-07 23:41:58

How about this one. After looking at my newborn ds, she said, Well, nothing wrong with him" When I gave her a strange look she said, well I worried your whole pregnancy he would be born with downs syndrome because you are too old to have a baby (I was 39).

gingerbabe Sat 05-May-07 19:48:32

When I had just got home from hospital with DD1, never having held a newborn baby before in my life, not knowing what to do, DD1 started crying (as newborns do). DH took her and she stopped. At which point MIL said 'I think she likes Daddy best'. Talk about how to make a new Mum feel inadequate!

rabbleraiser Sat 05-May-07 18:47:51

My mil can be a bit of a 'mare, but nothing specifically comes to mind.

Mind you, I was talking to a lady on the bus the other day who said, ruefully about her mil, 'Well, put it like this. How many brides do you know whose mil is cutting the cake on all the photo's?'

pmsl

WK007 Sat 05-May-07 18:29:08

These are amazing. My (now ex) MIL once came round to my house, wouldn't come in but sat outside in the car outlining all my shortcomings, of which there were obviously many. After all that she says "I've just changed the curtains in the living room, would you like me to make you a dress out of the old ones?". I just sat there with my mouth open.

And wwb, your MIL needs a massive smack and I willingly volunteer myself for the duty. What planet is she on?? Your dd is cute as a button, elastic is (as far as I know) still available everywhere in the UK, and you're a real mother when you have a real child - I didn't realise there were stages relating to number and gender of kids!!!

WigWamBam Sat 05-May-07 17:15:51

I've told most of these before ...

When dd was 5 weeks old, feeding for England and crying 95% of the time: "That baby needs a smack, and if she plays up for me like she plays up for you, she'll get one".

On being told that we were getting some professional photos done of dd: "I wouldn't bother dear, she's not that attractive when all said and done" (for the record, dd is gorgeous).

On breastfeeding: "I don't know why you're bothering dear, why do you think scientists spent millions of pounds on developing formula if we were meant to breastfeed?"

On toys: "Little girls shouldn't be given trains and cranes to play with; you'll make her gay".

On me: "But of course you haven't made a proper career out of having children like I did; you're not a proper mother until you've got two. And you'll never be a real mother, you've only got a girl".

And on the famous 34 metre Christmas present: "Elastic is very hard to get hold of these days ..."

Ooooh, I could go on ...

kinki Sat 05-May-07 17:11:15

When I worked full-time with young ds, MIL says "its not right that you're working, he needs you at home, you'll ruin him for life if you put him in that nursery".

When I worked part-time, MIL says, "you're messing with his head, he doesn't know whether he's coming or going, never knowing if you'll be around".

When I gave up work, MIL says, "We don't think its right that you don't work. Don't you realise that you've put all financial responsibility for your family onto dh's shoulders."

Talk about damned if you do, damned if you don't.

Not being funny canmummy, but has he got some form of Dementia and is living in the past???

canmummy Mon 30-Apr-07 14:08:59

My dad says such clueless things sometimes - when my step-brother's wife had a baby girl last year he rang me to say "it's the 1st little lady in the family" - hello? what about me and my 2 girls? He also came to stay with me a few months back and arrived very late. On our way up to bed he said I could have a lie-in in the morning as there was nothing to get up for. When I said the kids would wake me up anyway (and it was a school night!) he honestly said - "oh I forgot you had children"

Sackache Thu 26-Apr-07 21:13:30

my xMIL told me that I shouldn't have phoned the police when her son broke my nose... cos apparently.. and I quote:

"your nose will heal, his criminal record won't!"

WTF?????

she has a point......ho hum.

jomist Thu 26-Apr-07 21:12:03

The day before our wedding MIL "He's a good boy, you won't nag him will you?"

Eaglebird Thu 26-Apr-07 21:10:12

A bit of background: My DP has a brother & sister. My DP & I had been living together for 10 years when MIL said this, when I was sitting right next to her, at DP's brother's wedding.
MIL to her new daughter-in-law: ' Oooh, now I've got 2 daughters...'
Obviously I'm not classed as a 'proper' daughter as DP & I aren't married

lady007pink Sat 24-Mar-07 13:29:09

Shinypeople, What a wally your FIL is! Sounds like himself and Prince Philip would get on like a house on fire. How your MIL puts up with him I don't know.

shinypeople Sat 24-Mar-07 10:39:56

my dad came out with the classic (you haven't tried very hard to lose the baby weight yet have you?"

DD was 6 days old

my MIL is a dream and i would love to be like her. My FIL lives on a different planet.

Before having children, i was a small 8 (now a 10) and was eating a packet of crisps....he told me to stop before i got as fat as his wife ! Charming

When bf my newborn he made comments like "bf is definately the best thing for babies as the milk is at the right temperature and it comes in such lovely packaging" ! WTF?

UniSarah Fri 23-Mar-07 21:15:31

Last weekend - Boys 1st birthday, inlaws round for tea. I was in ktchen making said tea and in teh living room but could hear boy grizzling , whinging in hungrey wheres mum mode and MiL saying " shut it Boy, just shut it, shut it, why don't you shut it" . I was quietly fumming till i came round corner and realised she was encourageing him to play with the door.

talcyone Fri 23-Mar-07 19:54:21

Last night on phone
"how's your pms? I think you need a hysterectomy"
Bit extreme i thought

cathcart Fri 23-Mar-07 19:42:49

I do believe she would applaud this idea! (seriously)
Today I took my dd to see some of the children at a special needs school where my friend is a teacher, before going mil rang and reminded me to 'don't let them near her!' !

lady007pink Fri 23-Mar-07 13:34:24

lol, Cathcart! What are you supposed to do when your DD starts playschool, give her an oxygen bubble????

cathcart Fri 23-Mar-07 10:46:46

"keep her away from all the other children, you never know what she might pick up!"

- when telling mil i was planning on going to a post natal group.
Any wonder that her own dd, age 24, still lives at home and can't even make her own dr's appointments or organise her own car insurance?

lady007pink Fri 23-Mar-07 10:27:01

I'm a hospital paramedic, and (when I was 4 months pregnant with DD1) I was after working 24-hours on-call - and it had been brutally busy. I'd been running all night and doing a lot of heavy lifting, was absolutely exhausted but at 9am had to get in my car and collect DS (then aged 18 months and very active) from MIL's house (I had to mind him myself for rest of the day!). Told MIL about my brutal day and night - she told me to put DS in a buggy and go out for a 2-mile walk "and make it a brisk walk because the exercise is good for you"!!!!!! Even thinking about minding DS was too much exercise for me at that moment!

prampusher Thu 22-Mar-07 13:31:50

blimey, shoemania, what a MIL! I didn't know people like this existed! Nutter... definitely best avoided. Well done to you.

Hattiecat Thu 22-Mar-07 11:04:38

lol at that one lady - mine shoved rock (they had jsut been on holiday) into my 3 month old and couldn't understand why i flew across room to remove it!!!!

lady007pink Thu 22-Mar-07 10:10:54

When my DS was 6 weeks old, we went to MIL's for dinner. We were sitting down eating dessert when she got up and started feeding ice-cream to DS!! When I tried to protest, she said "Your child needs to get used to different tastes"!!
Of course they do, but you don't want them getting addicted to sugary foods so soon!

Summerfruit Thu 22-Mar-07 07:38:59

Message withdrawn

hk78 Wed 21-Mar-07 21:43:49

sugarmagnolia, your mum sounds v.similar to my mum! she is an endless source of frustration/amusement
inanidealworld: cp=cerebral palsy
and on that subject: my mum and her pearls of wisdom on dd1 having cp

'is it your fault because you didnt have the cut?'
(she means episiotomy, can't you tell she gave birth in the 1970's and never got over it!) errr...no, no-one mentioned doing that!

(on first telling her 'oh no what will i tell my dad?' err...what about dd1 and her life?

------------------------------------------

on other subjects:

(on telling her i'd been accepted into university
"well, your dad had a vasectomy when you were 12 because i couldn't go through it again"
eh? (she left school at 15 with no qualifications, needs to put me down at every opportunity)

(sitting on sofa with my then boyfriend when i was 15 and all done up ready to go on a special night out)
"you're about to start your period aren't you, i can tell because it makes your breath smell"

(on asking her if she wants to come to the big shopping mall with me)
"you can't drive on the motorway"
(she can't drive anywhere cos she cant pass her test)

-------------------------------------
you can see our relationship is great

wellieboot Wed 21-Mar-07 21:36:14

Can't remember them all but do remember her calling me by my DH's ex-girlfriend's name the first time we met.

More recently we were staying with them and I was up all night dealing with my 6 week old baby who was suddenly crying alot more than usual - the next morning I was exhausted and worried about dd and was met with - oh please don't worry, it didn't keep us awake atall. Grrr....!

glittercaz Wed 21-Mar-07 17:38:20

needless to say, i meant !

glittercaz Wed 21-Mar-07 17:37:21

1. me, admiring an engagement ring left by granny to my dh's younger brother: 'xxx will make a girl very happy with that one day.'

mil - 'oh, it's not the sort of thing to give to a wife as that way it might not stay in the family.' (niiiiiice thing to say as dh and i had just got married!)

2. (when we spent hundreds of pounds on plane flights to tell her face to face i was pg with her first grandchild) - 'i feel disappointed that you didn't tell me sooner...i told my mother on the phone as soon as it was confirmed' (bear in mind i was only 7 weeks gone and had told my own mum the day before) later she said she 'didn't feel old enough to be a grandmother (dh and i are in our early 30's).

3. when i saw her this weekend 'my goodness, you are putting on weight'. i was a bit thrown by this - am 5 1/2 months pregnant and haven't balooned or anything, so i just said 'what?' and she said 'ha ha ha, as in, that's not weight, it's a baby....' whatever she meant, what a bloody [hm] thing to say to a pregnant woman! tsk!

Hattiecat Wed 21-Mar-07 11:10:07

About my dh (her ds2) - "never forgiven him for being a boy - i wanted a daughter - he was such a mistake"

About my dd2 - "i wanted a grandson,not another granddaughter"

on looking at my engagement ring "you don't get much for your money these days do you?"

to my mum and dad when discussing wedding arrangments "your daughter is evil, she should have xxx as bridesmaids (her nieces on her side) rather than xxx (mixture of BOTH families). strange how my parents would never have her in their house again.

to my mum about my dh (then boyfriend) "she's going out with the wrong son you know, ds1 is much nicer than ds2". how wrong she was when in hospice her ds2 didn't visit for 6 weeks when we all knew she terminally ill.

CP cerebral palsy

inanidealworld Wed 21-Mar-07 10:01:09

hk78-what is cp?

pirategirl Wed 21-Mar-07 09:55:38

MIL, on visiting from abroad, when my dh had left me and dd 2, looked around our rented home, and pointed out well 'you 've got all this, he hasnt got anything',
(ffs)
I looked at her incredulously, said what, 'oh you mean i have a sofa, a tv, a table, a fridge and a washing machine'

oh goody gumdrops after ten yrs of marriage!!!

That makes up for it then, I have no dosh no transport and have been dumped!! But I can sit down watch tv and keep clean.

Sugarmagnolia Wed 21-Mar-07 09:55:05

mrsm - our parents sound the same. When dad visits he's always helping - offering to do baths, change nappies, walk the dog, whatever. My mum offers to help but really what she means is "I can set the table or make a salad if there's nothing really good on telly right now". Anything else is pretty much too much trouble.

mrsmalumbas Wed 21-Mar-07 09:48:45

My favourite quotes would be from my Mum as well not my MIL. Love my Mum to bits but she can be a bit idiosyncratic. She also loves to give parenting advice which is a bit rich as she only ever had me and I can't say she did all that great a job with me. Anyway she loves to comment on DD's eating habits. Once she said "So are you giving her a proper lunch today or just bits of rubish?"

Also when DD1 was first born and I was dropping with exhaustion, breastfeeding issues, up all night pumping milk and with very little support from DH, she came to stay and spent the whole time complaining about how the house was a mess, and then took herself off to bed with a big yawn saying "oh I hope I sleep well tonight I am quite weary".

Dad, bless him, sat up all night with DD in his arms so I could get some shut eye.

Sugarmagnolia Wed 21-Mar-07 09:36:01

For me it has to be my mum rather than my MIL, who I really like quite a lot.

When DD was first born she used to give us lots of sage advice like, "Why do you need a baby bath - once a week in the kitchen sink should be good enough" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I looked shocked at this her reply was "Well, why not, I bath the dogs in the kitchen sink"

Also, more recently (and nothing to do with the kids) I had arranged for DH's grandpa to pick my folks up and take them somewhere. I warned them well in advance that he is always at least 10 minutes early. So as he's pulling into the driveway, my mum starts making a coffe. I ask her what she's doing as she has to leave now. "Well, I'm sorry but I can't possibly go out without my coffee" - um, she drinks decaf.

And on another visit she insisted on bringing her own walnuts in her suitcase becauase a)she couldn't possibly survive a week withtout walnuts and b)the ones that I could buy for her here simply weren't good enough. WTF?

My all time favourite though is my DAD (who as you may have guessed has never actually given birth) telling me when I was pregnant the first time that childbirth didn't really hurt that much it was just uncomfortable!!!

Still, they're not as crazy as some of your lot.

hk78 Wed 21-Mar-07 01:30:55

where to start?

(on us announcing 1st pregnancy)
MIL (blank silence, looks at FIL)
FIL (blank silence, looks at telly)

a month later when we were all arguing about their non-reaction, "what do you want me to do, jump for joy?" (FIL, complete with little jumping gesture)

short while later, when showing them our precious first scan picture
"oh. it doesn't look anything like SIL's scan pictures. hers was much better"
(well it would be wouldn't it!)


(on why she fills the kitchen full of crap which she forcefeeds dd's with)
"children need sugary drinks and biscuits to give them energy"
(err..a massive hyper followed by a crash you mean?)

"Ooh you are cruel to the kids, why don't you get them any childrens food?what do they eat?" (meaning stuff like turkey twizzlers and other assorted crap
(err...normal food, cut into smaller pieces?!)

(on being told by the doc to stop smoking/drinking cos she's got high blood pressure and 'funny turns')
"i cant have high bp-i've never been fat" (disregarding the 20 a day/bottle of wine and brandy etc!)

"you can't breathe in someone else's smoke"

(FIL)
"it doesnt cause cancer, doctors just say that cos they dont know what else to blame"

(me lying in hospital after cs with dd2, after dd1 had been born with cp)
"well, you've missed your chance of a boy now. even if you have another baby, it wont be a boy cos they have to come in the right order [girl,boy,girl,boy etc] and you've messed it up now"

(about dd1, whose cp hand moves on its own accord)
"oh what have you been doing to her to make her so nervous[that her hand is twitching like that] ?!"
(err...it's brain damage, how many times/ways can i explain it!)

(MIL and FIL, playing with dd's, play-fighting)
"come on, put 'em up, put 'em up [etc] i'll fist you! i'll give you some fist!"

(wtf? even if joking, please dont say that!)

(in car, dd2 crying in carseat when she was a baby)
"oh what's mummy done to you, putting you in that thing, come to nana and sit on my knee...." [starts undoing harness]
(err...NO!)


ooh this feels good to get it off my chest, i might come back another day when i think of the next lot

manuka Mon 19-Mar-07 19:28:27

Guitargirl- thats a great name for a band! Might nick it if that's ok with you? Think our band could do with name change. What did you play?

manuka Mon 19-Mar-07 19:25:01

My god eemie she's really mental!!!! My friend's mother was like that. they cut her hair short when she was little and called her Jack!!!!!???!!!!!! sickos

MassiveBoobs Mon 19-Mar-07 18:08:40

Haven't read all of these - love my ILs but Grandpa-in-law (95) came out with a classic when I was BF DS. 'If I scream loudly enough do you think I could get on there too?'. When he came to London for BILs wedding he took all the 'naughty' business cards from the phone boxes to show his friend.

MoosMa Mon 19-Mar-07 16:31:48

Not MIL, but FIL. We named DD1 Eleanor, a name I'd chosen when I was about 12, there was no question that that was what she would be called. MIL and FIL came to see me in hosp after the horrendous birth and we told them what we called her, but FIL decided that he didn't like it and that he would call her Enema

He's stopped now as DH told him it really upset me and that I would hit him next time he did it

eemie Sun 18-Mar-07 21:05:42

Ha! I've looked everywhere for this thread!

I've already said this on MN but it truly is a classic...

She said, of my beautiful 8-week-old daughter, her first and only grandchild...

'I always think of him as a boy'

She did, too, (or pretended to). Bought her a train set when she was two months old.

even after eight years

lady007pink Sun 18-Mar-07 18:06:46

Anytime mine calls to our house she arrives with a big shopping bag full of cakes, buns, icecreams and chocolates for the kids! It drives me crazy as I'm trying to get my kids eating healthily, only rewarding them when they've eaten all their meals. Sometimes, they could be eating their dinner and she'll arrive with all these goodies, then they don't want to know about their food anymore!
At the same time she's had the cheek over the past few years to lecture me on how I feed my kids - she criticised me for giving them crisps at "parent and Toddler" group years ago, yet I only went there once weekly and it was the only time they got crisps in the week!
I do get sweet revenge though (been the cause of many an argument with DH!) - when she leaves I get the buns and cakes and put them on the bird table. Within minutes the crows have them all eaten!

Kateaw Sat 17-Mar-07 19:20:25

Shortly after DD was born MIL told me that while the love of a mother for a daughter is good, the love of a grandmother for her granddaughter was very special!

I was totally boggled and very hurt.

Now I'm no longer so hormotional (love that word) I realise she was not saying that she loved my daughter more than I did, but just trying to let me know how close the bond between grandmother and granddaughter can be. She was very close to her Granny, I on the other hand never knew either of my Grandmas because they both died a long time ago.

We get on very well and she rarely says things that p*ss me off any more.

Actually to give her her due, she took the news that her oldest son was going to marry a woman that she had never met, who is eleven years older than him and who also had tattoos, pretty well

carrotcake Sat 17-Mar-07 11:20:45

When I first moved in with dp, mil hated me and when we did a dump trip she said, 'perhaps we should leave Hayley here'. Honestly. She said it, dp reckoned he hadn't heard

booge Fri 16-Mar-07 23:43:15

MIL to DH (when we first got together on hearing I expected him to help with the housework) "Make sure she looks after you properly"... What apart from providing the roof over our heads supporting him through a period of unemployment and doing all the cooking

chocolateface Fri 16-Mar-07 23:31:07

When I was 4 months pregnant with my first child ( we wern't yet married) MIL had a quiet word with my DH and told him he didn't have to keep the baby if he didn't want to.

jampot Fri 16-Mar-07 22:58:43

i still thought it was nice though

jampot Fri 16-Mar-07 22:57:56

when dh rang his parents to tell them we were expecting again, I didnt actually hear what they said but the next thing dh said was "oh we saw him the other day, he didnt look very well" or something. They had asked how a family friend was who had cancer so presumably no congratulations or anything.

Also, the day after the birth of ds, my MIL came to the hospital with a bouquet of flowers. I thought this was nice until she said "These are from JOhn ** (a family friend of theirs)" so not from the woman I had produced a grandson to but from a man who they met when his company was laying their garage floor a few years before

vicdivechic Fri 16-Mar-07 19:53:43

Havent had time to read whole thread, but evening after wedding to her son my mil said, as I suggest opening a bottle of Dom Perignon for the family to share "shouldn't we save that for a special occasion?"
She is usually lovely and laughed when she realised what she had inferred.

Guitargirl Fri 16-Mar-07 19:35:33

Manuka - no, am not a musician any more (used to be) but DP's guitar was in my eye-line when I was sitting at computer thinking of a nickname!

Guitargirl Fri 16-Mar-07 18:45:02

Spudmasher - at least your MIL asked first . Mine just used to grab my breast in one hand and DD in the other and tried to push us together. She would also keep holding part of my breast back with one hand during feeds as she reckoned DD couldn't breathe properly. After asking her several times to please stop touching me she would instead bellow instructions at me via DD, i.e. 'DD, please ask Mummy to make sure you can breathe' and 'tell Mummy she's going to suffocate you', etc...

crinklechunk Fri 16-Mar-07 17:51:13

When we were planning our wedding I walked in on my mil and dh's sil (as thick as thieves as usual) 'making a list of who to invite to the wedding' - MY BLOODY WEDDING!

When I announced I was pregnant with dd1 'Oh dear that is a blow' - favorite daughter in law was still childless at the time

'Are you feeding that baby again?' Er no I though I would let her make her own tea actually (baby was 2 weeks old and I was trying to establish BF)

'I bet you'll be glad when you don't have to do that anymore' BF at 6 weeks old

docket Fri 16-Mar-07 17:47:24

'I'm sorry to tell you that men just don't stay with women'. She imparted this gem when I was about 8 months pregnant with ds. She has a particularly dim view of the world and everyone in it and likes to make sure she spreads it around....

Boobsgonesouth Fri 16-Mar-07 17:43:52

various at different times....

"Oh that'll put paid to your sports coaching then"

.....on our announcement that we were expecting child number two, no congratulations or anything

"I can't believe you let DS watch this rubbish...you can't even understand what the characters say, it was much better when my (DS) XXX watched Bill & Ben" Her comparison in the articulation of the Teletubbies and Bill & Ben

"I can't stay and look after DS for the rest of the afternoon, I have a hair appt"
after we'd returned from the hospital having been told that our DD then 8 wks old had a hole in the heart and that we needed to return that afternoon for a scan to find out whether she'd need an operation to fix it

spudmasher Fri 16-Mar-07 17:35:59

Let me squeeze your nipple and then she'll latch on....

onesock Fri 16-Mar-07 17:35:02

Don't let him play with that Thomas the tank engine train set, you'll make him autistic!'

3monkeys Fri 16-Mar-07 16:43:12

My MIL is fab! But on telling her I was pregnant with no. 3, she said, "Obviously we won;t look after it on a Wednesday (when she has the other 2)- it was your choice to have it, you can look after it!"
BTW, now he's here and cute with blond curls and blue eyes, she loves him to bits - but she still doesn't have him on a Wednesday!

thethirdwisemonkey Fri 16-Mar-07 16:26:36

that should read SILLY not SILYY !!

thethirdwisemonkey Fri 16-Mar-07 16:25:53

jampot - that's awful

a few more of my MILs

we had problems conceiving and we're told we had a very small chance of success without fertility treatment. MIL said the doctors are just being SILYY (wtf?)

when I had ds (the treatment worked - yay) I had problems bf, and she said oh I produced so much milk my midwife said it was a shame there wasn't a local premature baby unit so I could have donated some !!!! thanks for that.

She currently has a hang up about ds being left handed because I am - good lord !!!!

jampot Thu 15-Mar-07 20:24:03

well i got over it pretty quick by telling her that she's lucky she was coming at all as dh wanted to go to Gretna Green and not invite them

lady007pink Thu 15-Mar-07 20:11:46

Jampot, I can't get over what you MIL said to you . It must have been a difficult day for you without your mum, having died so soon before your wedding.

cornsilk Thu 15-Mar-07 14:06:53

After a miscarraige, 'There was probably something wrong with it anyway.'

chipmonkey Thu 15-Mar-07 14:01:14

MIL: "But children need sugar don't they?" when I said that our children hardly ever have sweets.
"Oh so you're still doing that 'demand feeding' are you?" (she'd been trying to persuade me to put ds1 on a 'routine'. I told her sharply that if they're not fed on demand then your milk supply doesn't increase. There was a pause.
"Oh, maybe that's what happened to me, then, my milk dried up at 6 weeks." Good job I didn't take that advice then!

Psycho Thu 15-Mar-07 13:53:46

She was like the daughter I never had

(talking about Dh's ExGF!!)

MagicGenie Thu 15-Mar-07 13:51:17

Another gem of a MIL here but, below, a conversation we had at Christmas.

MIL: Have you bought everything?
Me: Yes, think so.
MIL: Got the joint?
Me: Yes.
MIL: Stuffing? Cranberry sauce?
Me: Yes
MIL: Veg?
Me: Yes.
MIL: Christmas pudding?
Me: Yes.
MIL: And what will you be offering for your second pudding?
Me: (Short silence) Second pudding?!
MIL: (Incredulous) Yes! Second pudding!!
Me: (Pissed off) What, you want a full Christmas dinner, then Christmas pudding, then a second pudding??!!!
MIL: (Incredulous and mightily pissed off) Oh yes! That's what I would expect to be offered.

Shortly after this, we had a 'spontaneous' conversation about what makes a good hostess and what doesn't.

I did poached pears. I didn't have any on principle and I know she didn't want any herself but she prised half a one down to save face.

BibiThree Thu 15-Mar-07 13:01:59

MIL is a gem, even though I moan about her, but my faves are:

"I like your trousers, very slimming ... not like the ones you had on yesterday"

"If I were you I'd crush up a rusk and put it in her bottle" - about DD who was about 3 weeks old.

She also justified giving dd sweet things like cake, ribena (!) chocolate biscuits etc by telling me that it's because she's vegetarian. Becuase she doesn't eat meat, she craves a bit of sweetness and it's "feeding" for her. WTF? Has anyone ever craved sweet things and gone out for a bacon sarnie or a steak?