Classic mother in law quotes...What's yours?!

(590 Posts)
manuka Sun 11-Mar-07 16:06:59

Mine has just said this beauty - [with reference to 8month old dd who had woken from nap and was grizzling, clearly not going to go back to sleep] "Why don't you just leave her until she's screaming her head off?" !!! I thought that was a real corker and had to share that with you all!!!
She had in fact pooed herself and got stuck in a crazy position in her cot so on reflection I'm glad I didn't follow mil's advice.

PavlovtheCat Sun 11-Mar-07 16:09:30

on being told that 8 month old took first steps:
'DO NOT encourage this. Keep her inactive for as long as possible. You will be making a rod for your own back if she is mobile too soon..'
WTF?

manuka Sun 11-Mar-07 16:10:54

Hilarious!

fryalot Sun 11-Mar-07 16:10:57

xmil used to say (on a daily basis) "now, you know me, I'm not one to interfere, but....."

McDreamy Sun 11-Mar-07 16:14:01

I'm sure loads of people have had this one but the classic from about 12 weeks on when DC's are crying irritable etc - ">>>do you think it is because they are hungry, do you need to top him up, start weaning him?"

LazyLine Sun 11-Mar-07 16:15:01

When they were visiting and I ordered take-away (DS was a few weeks old) she said "Being lazy are we?"

i told my mil that i wouldn't be at dinner on christmas day
b/c my bil and just (and i mean just) started seeing a new girlfriend who happened to have bullied both me and my sister at primary and secondary school i was told i was
"breaking up her family".

i was 5months preg. and feeling like shit. the new girl had only been around for a couple of weeks!

octopussyintummy Sun 11-Mar-07 16:16:41

MIL - directed at me ...
'I was a perfect mother'

FrannyandZooey Sun 11-Mar-07 16:17:59

About my dp, her son, who has given up drinking, drugs, and all other naughtiness and become a fantastic reliable father:

"I would like to have my son back and not this bloody vicar"



silly mare

PavlovtheCat Sun 11-Mar-07 16:18:23

LOL, bloody mother-in-laws!

PavlovtheCat Sun 11-Mar-07 16:18:46

Franny! well done your DP!

McDreamy Sun 11-Mar-07 16:19:38

LL

ejt1764 Sun 11-Mar-07 16:24:03

I have 3:

After ds's birth, she said:
'Thank you for giving me another baby to cuddle'

After I suffered a mmc last year which wasn't detected until the dating scan at 13 weeks, MIL said:

'Oh, you had one of those phantom pregnancies did you?"

Secondly, after various procedures had gone wrong and I'd had to have a D&C and bled lots, she said:

'We haven't told anybody in the family - we don't want them to think you can't carry a child'

nice one ... needless to say I don't go to see them very often - if dh wants to go and take ds with him, he's welcome, but I don't want to go and put myself anywhere near the bullying comments - which only come when dh is out of the room .... funny that!

quanglewangle Sun 11-Mar-07 16:24:22

This isn't a mil quote but have to share it as I still can't believe she said it.

Friend (?): Why don't you apply to go on 'Ten Years Younger'? I don't think they would have me as I already look 10 years younger.

Me: Gob-smacked silence.

Thanks, carry on, hijack over. I feel better for that.

ejt1764 Sun 11-Mar-07 16:26:43

would this be an ex-friend by any chance?

sophiewd Sun 11-Mar-07 16:27:27

Step mil said to DD when she refused beef stew at lunch but happily had ham, potatoes and carrots, a lot better than the slop[ your mother gives you, needless to say was annoyed that DH didn't stick up for me.

Megglevache Sun 11-Mar-07 16:33:48

Message withdrawn

ejt1764 Sun 11-Mar-07 16:35:59

wow Megg - I thought my mil was a bitch - but yours just tops it!

do you still talk to her?

PavlovtheCat Sun 11-Mar-07 16:36:09

Meg - whats the third, you said three?
WHAT a cow

calvemjoe Sun 11-Mar-07 16:36:25

SIL is 7 months pg, MIL saw a friend she hadn't seen for years and said 'yes this is DD, she's giving me my 1st Grandchild'. And the two I've had??

LazyLine Sun 11-Mar-07 16:36:25

I can see this thread running for a while....

PavlovtheCat Sun 11-Mar-07 16:36:43

I think I love my MIL now...

Califrau Sun 11-Mar-07 16:38:31

I tend to shine in EMIL competitions as mine is a class act bitch so I will only use my absolute fave - the only question she asked dh (then DBoyf) b4 she met me...


"Is she Petite?"


I am a 20-22.

LazyLine Sun 11-Mar-07 16:38:47

Meggle -

ejt1764 Sun 11-Mar-07 16:39:24

califrau ....

Megglevache Sun 11-Mar-07 16:39:41

Message withdrawn

Califrau Sun 11-Mar-07 16:45:40

oh meggle - <sigh> you may alsoo use the E on the front of yours. She's right up there.

Classic random quote - not related to me or mine rom EMIL. remember those refugees from East Timor stuck on a boat that Australia refused to take in? Years ago now - maybe 202...it was world news.


according to EMIL Australia couldnt possibly take them in - "we don't have enough resources to spare to doll them out to that sort of person. I have restrictions on my aircon you know"


I was trapped in a car on a motorway with nowhere to escape for that one.....

Megglevache Sun 11-Mar-07 16:48:16

Message withdrawn

NAB3 Sun 11-Mar-07 16:48:51

Mine said I shouldn't have any more kids "because you can't cope with the ones you've got."

Megglevache Sun 11-Mar-07 17:07:39

Message withdrawn

NAB3 Sun 11-Mar-07 17:11:15

Yes, she wanted three and her husband said no.

thethirdwisemonkey Sun 11-Mar-07 17:48:09

Mine said - you'll never get pregnant while you live at number 13 - well I did so knickers

MamazonAKAfatty Sun 11-Mar-07 18:03:41

whilst watching her son get me by the throat against a wall, and having just seen him slap me in the face she said

"if you keep making him like this im going to phone social services, your not capable of caring for a youmng child if you can act like this"....TO ME!!!

twoisplenty Sun 11-Mar-07 18:26:33

MIL entered the house singing loudly, "We Wish You a Merry Xmas", and I said, shhh, the baby has only just gone upstairs to sleep. "oh, don't you know anything about babies, once they're in bed, they're asleep in no time"

Baby: "Waaaahhhh!!!!"

paros Sun 11-Mar-07 18:36:50

On first meeting my MIL at a family BBQ my BF (now DH) offered to get me a glass of wine as I didnt know where anything was . When he had gone to get it she said : you can tell why your fat and his thin :

Megglevache Sun 11-Mar-07 18:36:58

Message withdrawn

manuka Sun 11-Mar-07 18:36:59

I think so far ejt and meg have the worst! UNBELIEVABLE WITCHES!! Some mils are clearly extremely maladjusted people who need to be issued with a government health warning!!!!!

manuka Sun 11-Mar-07 18:38:33

I've just read mamazons comment. I am stunned and speechless.

QueenofTarts Sun 11-Mar-07 18:43:40

Message deleted

maisym Sun 11-Mar-07 18:47:54

a quote from my mother (my mil is lovely)

I'd just had a c/s after a worrying preg follwing a missed m/c & fertility probs. My mother was seeing me at the hospital just after the c/s: "You look terrible"!! - needless to say I felt very sad and shocked.

twoisplenty Sun 11-Mar-07 18:52:51

My dd first weaning food ever was: strawberry cheesecake...given by a relative on my dh side (ok, not mil, sorry!)

She said, "well, I could see she really wanted some!"

Nikki76 Sun 11-Mar-07 18:55:56

My MIL is Mid Eastern and soooo disapproved of me (white English) marrying DH that she said to him oh and I bet she isn't a virgin either....

We get along fine now although she did say to DH when I was three months post baby and c section and still finding my feet, oh she is a bit messy isn't she......

Blandmum Sun 11-Mar-07 18:57:57

Like maisym, I love my MIL. My mother has come out with some corkers though.

When I had a MC she said, 'Never mind, what you never had you can never miss' Which was a dig at me for leaving home!

On trying to explain exactly what dyspraxia & hypermobility are, shortly after DD was diagnosed, my MIL's comment was "well I would have been too busy to notice that sort of thing"

Waswondering Sun 11-Mar-07 19:00:46

Mil, to me on the phone, morning after my wedding to her ds,

"did he sleep well? He seemed tired yesterday"

Wasn't sure how to answer that one . . ..

She still hasn't lived it down!!

saltire Sun 11-Mar-07 19:01:02

Not as bad as some, but
"Oh well I thought you might at least have had a girl" after I had given birth to DS2, her 4th grandson.
OR

"I washed your kitchen floor as you obviously don't have time to do it"
"I bought some cleaning stuff at Tesco - i couldn't find yours, but then looking round I'd say you don't have any"
"How's the babysitting going then? Isn't it time you got a proper job" In reference to my childminding

And being told that DS had very much the same colour hair as DD ie brown (she's in Spain and never sees them), her comment was "are you sure there isn't any ginger anywhere, have you checked his eyebrows & eyelashes ?" I have red hair which is what generated that comment.

wheresthevalium Sun 11-Mar-07 19:31:22

Never had a MIL as she died before I started seeing exDH, I did know her though and she was lovely. exFIL came out with some stunners though...

'If you don't stop feeding that baby soon you'll ruin your breasts' (I will add that DD1 was 2 months old) but anyway WTF!!!!!!

'We never allowed our children to sleep in our bed, you're both overweight and might kill her'

'You know love, it really might be time to think about losing some of that baby weight' (was pg with DD2 and he knew!)

xenabelly Sun 11-Mar-07 20:19:00

lovin this thread!

I love my parents in law but they do come out with some classics...

I suffer from depression and when i was pregnant with dd1 I was just recovering from a major nervous breakdown. Needless to say I was a tad concerned about getting post natal depression ( as were my doctors/pyschologist/counsellor etc) and my MIL said 'oh, don't worry, noone gets depression when they've had a baby, you just don't have time' !!?!

A friend of mine was pregnant with her first baby and her father in law said 'I don't know why you're worrying about Steve (her partner) having paternity leave, this baby's got nothing to do with him till it's older. Our Steve's got his golf to think about' !?!

('steve' is a weekend golfer, hardly Tiger Woods!)

nogoes Sun 11-Mar-07 20:24:38

"Paying for private schools is only something you need to think about if you have boys"!

"It is wicked to have a career if you have children".

sophiewd Sun 11-Mar-07 20:54:31

I have an old friend who hss two boys and a girl. Husband siad that he would pay for two boys to go to public school, they are bothe currently at a private prep. He didn't want a girl which they subsequently have and has refused to pay for her education, saying that as a girl state education is more than enough for her.

whywhywhy Sun 11-Mar-07 21:03:20

(supply screechy posh accent) 'but you CAN'T give birth in a pool! How would you CLEAN it afterwards!! It would be full of...' (MIL breaks off with look of utter disgust while FIL nods sagely in background)

Another classic (while 1 week old DS screeches incessantly in background) (booming voice) 'if YOU relax, then HE will relax'.

Oh, so helpful, so wise.

whywhywhy Sun 11-Mar-07 21:03:27

(supply screechy posh accent) 'but you CAN'T give birth in a pool! How would you CLEAN it afterwards!! It would be full of...' (MIL breaks off with look of utter disgust while FIL nods sagely in background)

Another classic (while 1 week old DS screeches incessantly in background) (booming voice) 'if YOU relax, then HE will relax'.

Oh, so helpful, so wise.

edam Sun 11-Mar-07 21:09:46

Some real shockers here. But don't understand ejt's objection to ''Thank you for giving me another baby to cuddle'. Sounds like a nice thing to say.

steinermum Sun 11-Mar-07 21:16:11

It's always FIL with me.
1. After DS2: You're too old to have any more children (I was 35), he'd better have a vasectomy

2. How's Cruella? (because I limit the kids TV)

3. Why don't you iron his shirts? MIL still managed to when the kids were small

4. Sprayed evil-smelling flyspray all round my kitchen without asking me

DH tells me FIL really likes me though !!!!!!!

Some little beauties from my MiL (she's 80 and barking bless!)

(1) If you learn one thing from me, learn this - never give kids fruit and vegetables. They hate them and it's really cruel to give kids things they hate.

(2) I used to pop a bit of whisky in their bottles each night to help them sleep.
(That'll explain the rampant alcoholism.)

(3) If they can't sleep, give them some morphine and Kaoline, that'll calm them down
(umm calm them down or sedate them?)

(4) Do you really need to breast feed her so often?
(BF a ten week old on demand)

(5) Of course, it's different now, you have more help than I did!
(she had a housekeeper who did all the housework and a nanny. I have a cat).

(6) You are making a rod for your own back if you make her reliant on you.
(for refusing to let her scream with terror at being left with people she didn't know).

Oh I feel better now.

"isnt it shocking what happened to the poor people in tsunami?!"

She brought 12 people to our house 4 days after having dd and since I was little quiet and tired looking (eh obviously) she "whispers" (very loudly), to her b*h daughter, about a foot away from me... DONT MIND HER SHE MUST HAVE THE DEPRESSION...
(thankfully I didnt.. just a bit sleepy and had 12 visitors, just gave birth)

When dd was 5 weeks old... you should break a biscuit up into a bottle of milk for her and give it to her before bed, she'll sleep all night....

What do you say? she is without a doubt, the stupidest woman I have ever met..

octopussyintummy Sun 11-Mar-07 22:07:23

No sorry - its called tsunamia (mum at local playgroup)

Sakura Sun 11-Mar-07 22:49:41

"Hahahhahahahaha"...
(WHen I told her I thought a car-seat would be necessary)

I came out of hospital on New Years Eve just gone after having surgery for ectopic pregnancy/miscarriage. I was very sore, swollen and of course very, very sad.

MY MIL rang me, no hello how are you feeling but "I was wondering if you have had the chance to get DH some snacks for tonight"

ERrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr NO!

maisym Mon 12-Mar-07 07:58:53

bump!

octopussyintummy Mon 12-Mar-07 09:45:39

My MIL has just bought my ds's pyjamas - very htoughtful and kind - ds 1 is 5 and ds2 is 3 - the pyjamas are age 8-9 and 6-7 - said they'll grow into them - yeah in 3 years!

nogoes Mon 12-Mar-07 09:53:43

Oh I have just remembered another. MIL - "you really ought to start giving ds some jars of food rather than that homecooked food, Cow & Gate have been making food longer than you have and it is much more nutritious. IF you keep feeding him healthy food you will turn him into a fussy eater and he won't want to eat `normal` food. Wtf?

Hassled Mon 12-Mar-07 09:59:04

Re the fact that DS3 and DS4 have Dyspraxia and Verbal Dyspraxia respectively, my MIL-to-be said "But you were well into your thirties when you had them, weren't you?"
I wanted to make some reference to her in-bred Suffolk genes being more likely to be responsible, but managed to control myself.

Sherbert37 Mon 12-Mar-07 10:01:08

We have a recurring problem with MIL which is acutally quite sinister. She is determined that DD, age 12, will come to no good (drink, drugs, teenage pregnancy etc etc). Said to DP again yesterday "You will need to watch that one". This follows on from similar comments such as when DD was 8 and looked lovely on Christmas Day in her new dress. I just can't understand how she could be so horrible about her only granddaughter who is just so 'normal'. DP was really cross yesterday and asked her what she meant by her comments, but she doesn't elaborate. It is as if MIL is willing DD to go off the rails. Never says anything similar about our boys though.

LadyOfTheFlowers Mon 12-Mar-07 10:01:40

in reference to ds1, who was 8weeks old at the time:

if you pick him up all the time he will rule you. you are making a rod for your own back.

in ref to ds1 who was being breastfed:

you must give him some water, sterilise a bottle now and give him some. you'll be up the hospital with him next on a drip.

in ref to both ds' at some point, last week i think towards ds2 who is 6m:

see? he is getting sneaky already. he gets worked up and starts coughing because he knows if he sounds like he is choking you will go to him.

in ref to my cloth nappying addiction:

it is quite a filthy way to do things isn't it? i mean we only did it beacuse we had to.


she is such a twat, im sorry. she drives me up the wall and back again. she is coming tonight so i have to clean this bloody place up for her arrival.

Twinkie1 Mon 12-Mar-07 10:04:36

Boring women have immaculate homes was a fave of my xmil - I said I don't mind being boring as long as I wasn't a dirty cow!! She even bought me a little plaque with it on - she was that dumb - it was supposed to be ironic I expalined to her - it was supposed to be in a dirty home but she may have been exciting but thick as shit!!

claricebean Mon 12-Mar-07 10:05:13

Not really in the same vein, but amusing non the less, MIL (who is German) to her grown up German nieces, while we were talking about baby names: You don't really here the name Adolf much nowadays, do you?

LadyOfTheFlowers Mon 12-Mar-07 10:08:17

oooh,ive got a corking birth one, i will never forgive her for:

<to set the scene- me lying in hospital after ds2s birth and major heamorraging (sp?) still trying to get my head around the fact they wanted to take my womb, there and then to save my life, dh goes out to call his mother and tell her ds2 has arrived>

mil: you mean to tell me 'that baby' has been born for over 9 hours and you are just calling me now?!

dh: um, yes. we thought LotF was going to blled to death or have to have hysterectomy straight away. i didnt want to leave her. it was more important to stay with her and tell you later.

mil: well, we obviously have VERY different ideas about what is important, don't we?

<mil hangs up>



and then there was the time when she shunned my kids for 3 months beacuse we were late to bil's boxing day party......

if i start, i'll never stop. she is very strange indeed.

LadyOfTheFlowers Mon 12-Mar-07 10:09:31

meant to be a not a bloody !!!

octopussyintummy Mon 12-Mar-07 10:23:12

lotf

rarrie Mon 12-Mar-07 10:23:41

My Ils aren't mean, just very thoughtless and a bit selfish...

When I had DD2 rcently, I had a pretty traumatic birth - 3rd degree tear, haemorrage etc and was kept in hospital for several days, whilst I was on the morphine. As a result, we didn't have visitors to the hospital. I checked myself out after 3 days, and we then said that my ILs could come over to see the baby for the first time.

FIL refused to come as he had to go to his gardening club. MIL cam over, and only I was there, so I offerred her a cup of tea (thinking she'd say she'd make it ) out of politeness, to which she replied 'ooh yes if you're putting the kettle on'.. and left me to run round after her (despite still being on very strong painkillers!) whilst she ignored me and cooed over the baby!

manuka Mon 12-Mar-07 10:27:42

Ladyoftheflowers I know its not funny at all in fact its horrific but the way you say it is hilarious!! What a scary mil!!!

whywhywhy Mon 12-Mar-07 11:32:38

god some of these are awful!! esp Sherbert's and LOTF's...
LOTF I have to say you are an angel to let your mil back in your house after all those corkers.
(I have also had the 'water!! give him some water now!!! one during the 2003 heatwave when ds1 was a week old. She marched up the stairs yelling at us then sulked for 2 hours because dh said 'mum that's not helpful'. What is it with women of a certain age and boiled water???)

northerner Mon 12-Mar-07 11:43:06

"Oh well it's not the end of the world I suppose if you have to have a baby in that house"

She often referred to our old house as a shanty back.

To SIL who liked a house we were viewing with MIL, one that I didn't like "Ooh, I knew you'd like it, you see you've got class"

"I know just how you feel. I've aborted 2" To me in the hospital whilst having a miscarriage.

"I don't have sex anymore. DP has a terrible withered leg and I have a dry vagina" <puke>

mouseman Mon 12-Mar-07 11:46:05

In front of 5 year old dd, my mil said, very loudly, 'so, does dd still believe in Father Christmas then?' - I could have killed her!

GameGirly Mon 12-Mar-07 11:50:35

"It's very embarassing at the golf club, I'm the only one whose daughter-in-law works";

"This milk tastes peculiar - is it HRT?";

and the best one (with reference to her elder son leaving his wife, also very embarassing at the golf club, I'm sure:

"I don't understand it, I mean, X and I, we're both in or seventies, but we still have ... errrrm ... intimate relations."

Bless. She's a poppet really.

southeastastra Mon 12-Mar-07 12:02:39

hehe at hrt!

my mil phoned this morning. do we want to come over sunday for dinner.
me: oh yes it's mother's day isn't it?
her: oh is it?
her: perhaps while you're here, you can do my lawn for me (not dp do it, me!)

My MIL is actually lovely, but she has some stock phrases that you can predict she'll say.
If she's ever ill she will stand with her hand in front of her mouth and say "don't come near me, if you get this it'll kill you!"

And the one that I love "I never made my kids eat anything they didn't want to eat" yes, which is why my DH is a 41 year old man who wouldn't eat any vegetables when I met him (at 35!)

And it's not something she say but if we go over for a roast dinner she will put the vegetables onto boil 3 hours before dinner! (Probably explains the above)

And I always get "are you feeding him properly?" he can bloody well feed himself actually!

I like her though, and her comments are usually just funny, especially their predictability!

kookaburra Mon 12-Mar-07 12:52:12

My MIL referred to me as a 'strumpet'.
I rather like the word.

Furball Mon 12-Mar-07 12:56:49

not baby related but one christmas she gave me my present and I said - 'oh it's the same as the on you are wearing?' (but different colour) It was a tshirt type top she said 'yes they were BOGOF so I kept the free one!' - or did I have the free one?

fibernie Mon 12-Mar-07 13:32:01

Some classics here... My MIL, who doesn't speak English and sometimes thinks I can't understand what she says, in reference to my ginormous pregnancy boobs, "She'll have no problems feeding that baby."
Before DD was born, when DP moved from abroad to be with my, she commandeered his dining room chairs, "so the grandchildren will have somewhere to sit". No pressure there then... my unfertilised eggs had somewhere to sit!

Tutter Mon 12-Mar-07 13:33:36

MIL quite sensible

FIL is the buffoon

not baby related but this weekend he did say "we have much better chinese food than the chinese do"

My MIL is lovely but she does come out with some classics.

When DS was a week old she stayed over and noticed that I seemed to be awake a lot of the night feeding DS, changing him etc. She asked "Are you sure that's normal for him to be awake in the night like that?"

I said No it's not normal. I'm just keeping him awake for the company really.

Yet she has 2 children of her own.

Northerner I've just read about your MILs dry vag.....bleeeuuughhhhh...

ValnBen Mon 12-Mar-07 13:42:36

DS’s father and I are no longer together so I don’t have to put up with EMIL anymore thankfully .

Had the normal corkers re BF’ing –
Shouldn’t he be on the other side by now (10 min into feed)

Surely you’re not feeding him again!! (4 hours after last feed)

You’re only doing that (bf’ing) so that he can’t ever be mine!! WTF – she had some belief that she had to feed him for him to like her.

I should point out that EMIL had 3 children and didn’t BF any of them.

Told me when I was carrying him that I was carrying HER child – he will always belong to her. “He will want to live with me when he’s older – and I will actively encourage it!!!” [barking]

But I think the best one was after finding out that we had done our Wills and appointed both our youngest sisters as guardians to DS should the worst happen -
“Oh good, that only leaves xx <my sister> to fight for custody then”
(like hurry up and die will you!!)

Jenkeywoo Mon 12-Mar-07 13:42:56

If MIL doesn't agree with me she adopts a kind of squeaky voice and talks as if she's one of my children. EG:
I go to breastfeed DD - "I can't possibly be hungry I only fed an hour ago"

I take off DD's coat "oh no mummy I'm going to be cold now".

I try to give DD lunch after a nap - "I don't want to eat now mummy, give me a chance I've just woken up".

When I dared once to complain that DD2 bit me whilst breastfeeding ' oh well that's it, then, you'll have to stop feeding her now, she doesn't need it anymore does she'

To DD2 who likes to be held "you're spolit, you never get put down do you?" - then proceeds to let DD sleep in her arms all evening when babysitting rather than try to put her down to sleep!.

I do love MIL though, over the years I've come to realise that she's just another mum herself and I know she had enough to cope with in her day even if she just doesn't get the whole breastfeeding, co-sleeping thing.

ElenyaTuesday Mon 12-Mar-07 13:43:28

My late MIL was the prophet of doom. This isn't as bad as the others but when ds1 was a baby he had some eczema on his face. MIL on several occasions said: "Oh no, how will he shave when he grows up?" Thank goodness the eczema was gone by the time he turned one! Her other classic was "Hasn't he a big head?" like he was deformed or something.

Jenkeywoo Mon 12-Mar-07 13:44:47

Valnben - reminds me how my own sister accused me of 'hogging' my baby cos I was always breastfeeding her!

northerner Mon 12-Mar-07 13:46:37

"I'm not living in a council house for noone, I used to be somebody"
When faced with being homeless.

"My boys are not going to fight in Northern Ireland. No way Hose"
During a discussion about war. Her sons are not even in the forces FFS.

"We can't be in the same room as each other. The magic is still there. Can you feel it?"
About her ex h. They have been divorced for 20 yrs and he has been happily reamarried for 19 years.

NatalieJane Mon 12-Mar-07 13:49:37

"No I can't come and look after DS1 while you are in hospital, having DS2, as I promised I would, because my cat would have to stay home with my husband....." WTF? I am still pretty bitter about that one.

"I had five young children, and I still managed to keep my house tidy and clean for my husband" - She walked out on her 5 kids when the youngest was 5, and if she has ever had a clean and tidy home, DH doesn't remember it!

Why do I always have to open the MIL threads? I only end up getting cross with her all over again!

happypiglet Mon 12-Mar-07 13:55:12

Too many to remember but my personal favourite (when she was pushing for potty training- all hers potty tained by 8m or something!)
'I'm sure you would find it easier to pedal that trike without a nappy on' !!!!!!WHAT!!

chipkid Mon 12-Mar-07 14:01:30

mil is fab, my mother on the other hand comes out with some priceless stuff. Recently-"I love my dog as much as you love your children" WTF from a non-parent the comment is understandable-now at least I know where I stand in the hierarchy!

ValnBen Mon 12-Mar-07 14:07:36

What is it with these people Jenkeywoo??

Unfortunately EMIL had to prove the point by persuading me and now xp to go out leaving DS (5 weeks old) with her ( away less than 1 hour. Had just fed DS)
On arriving back home –

EMIL “you’re son (glad he’s mine again) was absolutely starving. He’s just taken a whole 4oz of formula – told you you weren’t giving him enough”

(I was given a couple of ready made formula cartons by the HV in case I had milk probs – lived miles from nearest shops- DS was born by CS, so couldn’t drive for a few weeks – DP worked away so was on my own most of the week – she was trying to be helpful – I’d just shoved them in the cupboard and forgot about them - bottle came with the breast pump)

Me: “erm, what formula? How did you give him it?”

EMIL “The carton in the cupboard. With the bottle in the cupboard – how else?”

Me: “oh, you mean the un sterile bottle that came with the breast pump?”

EMIL “eh? – oh how was I supposed to know you hadn’t got round to sterilizing it yet? I used to just put them in the cupboard”

Me “well, it’s not sterile…let’s just hope he doesn’t get a stomach upset now”

EMIL went on and on and on about not knowing, how could she etc….don’t know how I managed to keep quite or my hands off her!!

BeautifulAva Mon 12-Mar-07 17:00:59

I too love my MIL but I think it may due to Stockholm Syndrome.

The old trout has always been snidey for whatever reason and I'm the one she gets 'on' with too!


'But to put that amount of weight on' as DD had gained over a lb in three weeks only minutes after arriving to 'help'me for a week after emergency CS ( I didn't need it - thought it would be nice for her to stay)

In baby voice to screaming dd she was holding
'your not hungry, you have just been feed' (another visit)

em, she was, she was cluster feeding - did the biatch hand her over? - no. I sat and with my head in my hands in the toilet.

'Is it feed time already?' ......this was a snidey rhetorical question. (another visit)

'Does she really need it' when I am about to put dummy in
'Your floor is dirty'
'Yes ,the way they are hanging down', when I made an 'oof' sound when dd kicked my boobs when I changed her on the sofa. She thinks I am too fat you see but that is a whole other thread.


Also had to listen to her stupid rubbish like putting a rusk in a bottle etc after I'm sitting stewing about her comments about my actually very successfull bf.


I could go on!

alibubbles Mon 12-Mar-07 17:57:17

Mine used to ask "Why do you sleep together when you don't want children yet?" She said she onlyt had sex three time, it is actually quite believable!

My DH says his mum told him there was always a room for him at home. This was after we had moved in together and got engaged.

mrspitt Mon 12-Mar-07 18:11:00

36 hours after i had given birth to my 3rd child she said:
" I thought your belly would have went down by now" !!!
and even more!

Bellie Mon 12-Mar-07 18:12:39

MIL always thought that I was never going to be able to look after her son and used to ring to check that I had cooked him something to eat everynight.

After having an ectopic and having to have emergency surgery at 7 weeks rang me 3 days later and asked if "I had got over my little mishap yet"

ssd Mon 12-Mar-07 18:20:34

good thread!!

mine include "oh I would never wake a toddler from his daytime nap" - yeah like you'll be up till 11pm with him tonight!!

"I hope your next baby is a girl, I'm surrounded by boys" (I have 2 boys, she has a daughter still at home )

general tutting when I asked to keep the sweets till after lunch........

will be loads more, can't think....

ladyoflincoln Mon 12-Mar-07 18:24:33

my mil's comment when she found i intended to bf was

"i don't think breastfeeding is necessary, or natural for that matter"

to be honest i thought it was such an ignorant and laughable comment that i could not even be arsed to be cross!

her racist/homophobic comments continually made in front of the dc's do antagonise me but now ds is 12 he will often 'politely but vocally' disagree with her when she says things like this, so i suppose in some ways being exposed to her prejudice may have done him some good!

Prettyfull Mon 12-Mar-07 18:32:34

Such a great thread!!!

My partners mother says things along the lines of,.. (at 9 months old)

" ofcourse she can try coke cola, its fine, nanny says its ok, and when she with nanny she can have whatever she wants"

GRRRR God i went mad!!! 9 MONTHS OLD AND DRINKING COKE, glad me and her son are split up now!!!

Same goes with chocolate,..AFTER i had cleary said i didnt want dd having chocolate at that age :@ grrrr

manuka Mon 12-Mar-07 19:12:51

These are just getting better!
Mine said a similar thing to yours PrettyFull regarding dd's 1st birthday. [in a very commanding Scottish accent] "She has to have cake on her birthday" like its the law to introduce a baby to shit food on her birthday when she's only just starting to have solids.

Prettyfull Mon 12-Mar-07 19:16:14

exactly,...what is it with the "have to" have certain junk foods?? God if they loved them that much, surely they'd say no shes too young for that!! Grrr im winding myself up lol,...def gona keep an eye on this thread!! x

manuka Mon 12-Mar-07 19:17:53

Forgot to add Ladyoflincoln that made me really laugh!!!!!
I've just remembered what she used to say when I was pregnant " Your face is getting fatter" "Ooh you are getting big you want to be careful."
Yes I'll just have a word with my body and tell it to stop growing during pregnancy!

sniff Mon 12-Mar-07 19:27:07

mine phones me every day to make sure I have taken DS1 to school and every night to make sure I picked him up lol I really want to say "oh shit I forgot" and put the phone down !

she doesnt like me breastfeeding and finds it all really unnesarsary(sp)

she told me now I was a mom there was no need to go to the hairdressers

and when I found out I was pregnant with DD my thir she said that nobody needed three children and knowing her (me) she will be having another after that tutting

JodieG1 Mon 12-Mar-07 20:09:24

My mil said to dh after I had a miscarriage and hadn't called them straight away as they were on holiday and were due back in a few days, "I thought we still had a baby to look forward to". Never will forget that This was because we hadn't called them while they were away, nevermind that we were extremely upset ourselves and were also looking forward to another baby.

imnot27 Mon 12-Mar-07 20:13:01

When I was 5 months pregnant, my MOL (mother-out-law, not married!) said 'oooh, are you 5 months? Exactly? That's just when this woman at work lost her baby, it just died! At 5 months! But don't let that worry you!' ffs!

maisym Mon 12-Mar-07 21:08:57

bump again!

stinkymalinki Tue 13-Mar-07 01:47:51

imnot27 - my MIL sounds as bad as yours!! She works on a maternity ward so should know better, but when we went to see her when i was 20 weeks pregnant, she took great delight in telling me how they'd had 2 recent patients at 20 weeks, both of whom sadly lost their babies!!! Talk about inappropriate!

PavlovtheCat Tue 13-Mar-07 10:41:58

on bf - 'its not natural you know, we are not animals!'.
on new baby and sleeping - 'my dr told me i needed to rest after giving birth to [dp], he said i should put ds at the farthest room in the house. I slept very wel as he could not disturb me'
rofl.

starz78 Tue 13-Mar-07 10:44:08

Love this thread!

My MIL sent me a lovely fridge magnet when I had PND after ds1 with a picture of a dog in shades with the caption "Its okay,in my own world everyone knows me here" WTF!!!!!

totaleclipse Tue 13-Mar-07 11:04:46

My mil told me the reason why ds (6) has aspergers and little bladder control is because I sent him to a childminder for 20 hours a week until he was 3 (so I could work)

Booboobedoo Tue 13-Mar-07 11:35:11

On being told I was planning a home birth: "Oh, but the baby might die!", followed by the (oft-related) story of my DH's birth. (I was 38 weeks at this point).

To my Best friend on my wedding day, knowing that DH (her son ffs) has a rare genetic condition which means he doesn't produce any sperm "Have they mentioned anything about trying for children? I'm desperate for more grandchildren".

Also to me: "DD (my SIL) would carry a baby for you if you can't."

She's a trout.

Actually, she looks a but like a trout .

Albert Tue 13-Mar-07 12:03:01

Having not seen my FIL for 4 years he invited himself to stay for 10 days with 2 days notice. The first thing he said was 'My God, you've put on weight!' I was a size 8 FGS
MIL is just too bad to mention.

runnyhabbit Tue 13-Mar-07 12:05:13

There are some very strange people in this world

Out for a walk on weekend with most of the il (who I get on very well with) Mil tells dh to "bugger off because no-one gets a look in with ds when he's around" thought she might've been joking, but was deadly serious. WTF? ds is 22 mths and loves running around with his dad.

Usually she's ok, and I know there are a lot worse.

The thing is, one day I will be a mil (well at least I'll know what NOT to say)

Anchovy Tue 13-Mar-07 12:22:54

Thought I'd just redress the balance with a dreadful thing I said to my MIL.

My MIL is extremely lovely and was a great support to us when the DCs were small. She clearly has views about me working/keeping my own name etc and has never once mentioned them. She told me that her own mother in law was so truly poisonous that she resolved never to be like that and supportive, appreciative and entirely non-judgmental.

How have I repaid her? Well, when the new pope was elected about 2 years ago I had a long diatribe about the fact that he was obviously a stopgap and probably wouldn't live that long and that people of that age tended to have very black and white views but the world has moved on etc etc. Ooops - he's two years younger than she ie!

To add insult to injury, I'd just come back from dinner and she had been babysitting as well!

RanToTheHills Tue 13-Mar-07 12:25:20

well mine can be lovely is always fascinating but is extremely eccentric and (unwittingly it seems)very blunt!
She told me that bfing beyond 6mths was inappropriate & unnecessary
I still fume about this 1 yr on!

catASTROPHE Tue 13-Mar-07 12:30:36

When we named our DS she was not impressed. Her comment was "Well, I don't like that name! I'm going to call him Jimmy (not his name...his middle name is James!).

And to this day she never calls him his name (refers to him as 'the baby'...he is now 1).

RanToTheHills Tue 13-Mar-07 12:32:34


now that is tricky.

ishouldbeironing Tue 13-Mar-07 12:57:59

When I was finding it difficult to b/f my DTS following my C section and difficult birth
" Oh I could have b/f twins - no problem "
Sighing whenever I went to pick up DTS whenever they cried - but then this is the woman who sent her only child to boarding school at 9 yrs old -what can I expect

Tommy Tue 13-Mar-07 13:07:19

not my MIl but her friend - she phoned our house to talk to MIL who was staying with us, said "Congratulations" to me on the birth of DS3 and then followed it up with "But, what a shame it wasn't a girl...."

mum2sons Tue 13-Mar-07 13:15:26

Mine is a nightmare, we dont see them anymore because they hate me (and I hate her!)! Anyway some classic quotes/actions:

At first dinner with DH and family: read out a long letter (upstanding) from DHs ex girlfriend

At big family bar b q when given a new nightie for her bday present "Oh I bought this for A (ex gf) in a size 8, she wore it as a little dress" (I am size 16)

After I had miscarried a longed for baby after 4 years of trying she told me all about a termination of pregnancy she had, comparing this to my loss

They gave me a mans travel bag and empty marble effect plastic soap dish for my 30th bday!

Plenty of others to tell, so pleased this thread has come up! We have almost split up because of DHs family

They don`t see my boys and spend every moment with their other grandchildren which breaks dh`s heart.

AuldAlliance Tue 13-Mar-07 13:21:17

On discovering that I'd washed DS's clothes (he was 7 weeks old) in the same wash as ours:
"You must NEVER do that. I've got special baby powder for his clothes, you have to wash them separately. I suppose it'll be OK this once, but DON'T let it happen again!" Complete with wagging of finger.

imnot27 Tue 13-Mar-07 13:29:32

Oooh, so glad this thread is still going! Is true we will all have to remeber this when we are MIL, though I'm thinking it would be great fun to be a bit of an old bag....just to keep up tradition really. My DH's parents bought his brother half of his house, and gave DH a grand!!!! We can't even start discussing it (DH and me) cos I get really stroppy all over again, while he just sighs and says ' IknowIknowIknow'

PetitFilou1 Tue 13-Mar-07 13:31:41

Mine isn't too bad compared to some of these but the worst was when I decided to potty train ds. She took dh aside and told him that ds wasn't ready. I overheard. I was SO angry. Actually it made me even more determined to carry on with it.

Secondly, comments like 'anyone who has more than two children is selfish' don't endear me to her greatly.
coming from someone who sent her children to boarding school at age 7.

liath Tue 13-Mar-07 13:38:37

When dd was 2 weeks old and I was struggling with BF MIL was holding her and she started crying "Ooh, your mummy's not making you enough milk is she?"

She's nothing like as bad as some on here but when she stayed for 2 weeks this xmas even DH was referring to her in the privacy of our bedroom as "that miserable old woman"!!

finknottle Tue 13-Mar-07 13:53:25

Some of these are horrid - mine are mild by comparison, though with ds1 I was fuming about her.
She cried when we wanted another pushchair to the one she'd chosen. Sulked for 3 weeks because we bought a car seat when she'd bought us said pushchair as it had a carrycot ds1 could be in while in the car.
Told me I couldn't take ds1 to see my parents in England when he was 5m (they hadn't seen us since a week after his birth) because he wouldn't recognise her when he got back. Used to ring me up and demand to come and see him because her life was "like rain" and he was her "sunshine". Slept with a photo of him under her pillow. Started EVERY sentence for the first 18 months with either: "You should..." or "You shouldn't..."
When ds2 was born "Shame that he's a boy, I really wanted a granddaughter." Ignored him till he was 2 (even ds1 used to say, "Doesn't my brother get a present too?")
Needless to say both dss were ignored when dd was born.
"Are you able to peel potatoes now?" (to me aged 28)
"We look after our guests, you don't."
"Are you wearing new perfume? Thought so, it's given me a terrible headache"
"Are we allowed to come and give ds1/ds2/dd a birthday present?"

ssd Tue 13-Mar-07 14:15:01

when we got married MIL said she'd buy us a dinner service from House of Frazer.

she told me to go in and choose one. so I did, got the girl to put it all aside.

told MIL who said I'll give you the money for it and you can collect it.

she then gave us £20 in a wedding card for the dinner service....

Dh was mortified........

AnAngelWithin Tue 13-Mar-07 14:17:40

i always get 'well YOU were the one who chose to have 4 kids' whenever she asks how i am and i dare to reply with anything other than that I am fine!

tkband3 Tue 13-Mar-07 14:50:50

On being told that I was pregnant with DD1 "Oh. So do I say congratulations or commiserations?"

While in the car with SIL, after FIL's first prostrate surgery..."well P had the most enormous erection the other night, he just didn't know what to do with it. Well of course, he does know what to do with erections, we do still have sex, but you know what I mean'... . SIL says she just didn't know where to put herself - fortunately she was driving so didn't have to look at MIL. So glad she didn't say that to me .

FIL (who was v. sweet but useless at anything domestic), coming into the kitchen where OH and I are each holding a screaming, week old DT, 'can I have a glass of water?' 'of course'. Waits to be given a glass of water...'there's the tap, there's the glasses, help yourself.' They'd come to stay to 'help'...for 2 weeks

whywhywhy Tue 13-Mar-07 15:04:04

rofl at Pavlov's MIL- 'bf is not natural yo know, we are not animals!' !!! it's brilliant.

oh, someone should publish a book of this stuff

Sherbert37 Tue 13-Mar-07 17:48:06

AnAngel - we too have had "You knew what you were doing when you choose to have 3". Not sure we did really, especially given the non existent family support.

manuka Tue 13-Mar-07 18:54:05

Just remembered the first and worst thing from mil. My dh was with a foreign woman for 11 years who refused to learn English or go to college or work. This obviously annoyed mil who could never be left alone with foreign woman cos she just layed into her "why aren't you learning English etc?"
I have my own business and my own house so expected she'd be happy for dh.
How silly of me!! She wrote him a letter saying I was bossy and controlling and how horrible I was for pushing foreign woman out of the picture and can she have foreign woman's address cos she missed her and wanted to write to her!! (foreign woman could speak basic English)
Last Christmas she put up christmas card from foreign woman plus previous christmas cards from foreign woman's parents plus a birthday card from foreign woman!!!!
If only she knew how much money foreign woman keeps asking dh to send her she'd soon shut up. unfortunately thats too big a can of worms to tell mil.

Lovecat Tue 13-Mar-07 19:46:06

Don't have a MIL, but I do have one by proxy - the OH's mum died when he was 12 and her twin sister has always kept a motherly eye upon him and his sibs.

She is lovely, but renowned for being a bit dappy and utterly tactless, everyone gets it from her so no-one is too offended, but here are a few of the things she's said to me:

"You must MAKE him stop smoking!" (yes, because I am Paul McKenna in disguise!)

On asking me if dd was talking in sentences yet, as her wunderkind gd1 was doing so at 9 months (yeah right) and being told no "well, dear, you do speak very fast, it's probably confusing her" (I'm from Liverpool and we do speak a bit quicker up there, but wtf?? How does she think babies learn to speak on Merseyside?)

When I vaguely floated the idea of going back to the clinic to talk about having a sib for dd - "Well, I told DIL that she's far too old for another, so you definitely shouldn't be thinking of it" - DIL is 35 and I was 39 at the time...

But then she used to moan to me about her student ds2 and her fears that he was gay because he hadn't brought anyone home to meet her - at the time her ds2 was sh@gging my sister (I only knew because sister had confided in me) so I had to go 'oh, really, do you think? No, I'm sure he'll meet a nice girl soon...' while trying not to explode laughing...

Runninglate Tue 13-Mar-07 19:52:23

MIL arrived from America for 9 days, the day after DD was born. As she was here, my mum came to visit too for a couple of hours. Both arrived within 20 minutes of each other, my mum first.

When it became clear that neither of them were going to do anything like make cups of tea etc, I said clearly that I was worried about DH running around after all of us and got up to go in to the kitchen to help. MIL turned to my Mum and said 'oh she won't let me do anything to help' and Mum said 'don't ask her, just do it!'

Bizarre - MIL proceeded to spend the 9 days just wanting to hold the baby and did bugger all. My mum left that day with a sandwich that I'd made for her to eat on the train home.

I'd given birth 24 hours earlier - of course I would have let people do stuff to help!!!

manuka Tue 13-Mar-07 22:05:22

Runninglate that's SO CRAP!!! I would have exploded in that situation! My mum's an angel and came over every day for 6 weeks after my c section and cooked and cleaned etc.
Mil came over last weekend and dh, dd and myself are all ill and she did nothing!!!

Runninglate Tue 13-Mar-07 22:46:08

Ah Manuka, now that is crap!! What on earth was going on in her head?? Did you say anything???

Do you know - I wonder if something happens in their heads and they think they're being helpful somehow. I think they become like children and you have to specifically ask them to do specific things, otherwise it just doesn't cross their minds. It took the best part of her visit to get her to put her empty tea cup in the kitchen. When offered tea, she would occasionally say 'oh don't worry, I'll make mine' (!!!!) It's most curious! I did wonder whether she was trying to make herself seem invisible somehow as she realised that her visit was not actually the best timed but there was nothing any of us could do about it.

I am beside myself as we are going over to visit her for a week next week. Desperately don't want to go!! DD now 12 weeks.

liath Wed 14-Mar-07 08:13:45

My MIL is just like that, too. She stayed when dd was 2 weeks old and didn't lift a finger to help but kept offering to take her off me so I guess in her mind she was "helping".

When she was up over Xmas it was the same, she just sat on the sofa while I ran round doing everything. If I specifically asked her to do something she would do it but otherwise she would even ask me to get her glasses of water!!!! On Xmas day she actually offered to help and peeled some veg and then that was it, she just watched as me & DH ran around and my parents mucked in then I heard her talking to SIL on the phone boasting about how she'd helped by peeling the bloody sprouts.......

I think they genuinely can't appreciate what they are really like.

GrumpyOldHorsewoman Wed 14-Mar-07 10:03:22

My MIL isn't that bad, but she's as nutty as a fruitcake and quietly manipulative.

FIL (deceased) however, was a selfish man who has somehow been sainted since his untimely demise. He and MIL had been separated for almost 20 years when he died, and when he was alive I heard nothing but the bad stuff about him - all the crappy things he had done all through his life. Now he is dead it is a different story, and I struggle to recognise the character they talk so fondly about from the man I knew him to be. All this despite the fact he neglected his family throughout his life, was a womanising absentee father who liked a drink (and keeping all he earned for himself) and, finally, when he died, left everything he posessed and a not insubstantial sum of money to his girlfriend. His four sons were only mentioned in his will should the girlfriend not outlive him by more than 14 days. Not even a memento for any of his 4 children and 5 grandchildren. It wasn't about the money, it was just the final insult.

Elk Wed 14-Mar-07 10:37:08

My mil is great but tact is not her strong point.

10 days after dd1 was born with me still not very well dh tried to make me feel better by saying I looked great. My MIL turned round, poked me in the stomach and said ' I don't know you've still got a lot of weight to lose'.

I can laugh now, but then!

Guitargirl Wed 14-Mar-07 10:52:43

7 days after DD was born by emergency C-section my MIL told me I should be wearing a corset to get my stomach back in shape.

Also, when DD was 9 days old and had her first really bad colicky night, MIL was staying. DD was inconsolable from about 11pm till 4am and I was at my wits end. Am a first time Mum and never seen a baby with colic before, the only thing that would calm her down was to bf DD but I wasn't sure if that would make it worse as I really didn't know anything about colic. Anyway, got all my pregnancy/baby books out to see what could calm colic. The next morning after I'd not had any sleep for about 30 hours and was knackered anyway, MIL said 'you know GG, there are some things you just can't learn from books, you have to learn from life itself'...could have cheerfully headbutted her...

pookey Wed 14-Mar-07 12:15:56

GG I had the corset comment from a middle aged work colleague who came round to see our new baby!

I have never met my mil as dp does not speak to his parents, its sad but sounds like I have been saved a lot of grief.

When I said I didnt think it was a good idea for 19 mo ds to walk on my dinning table in his dirty shoes (or even not in his shoes for that matter!) my mum kept telling him 'mummy says no' in a 'computer says no' accent. Hmmm slightly undermining.

expatinengland Wed 14-Mar-07 12:38:18

My MIL lives in California, and has always disliked me, but after DD was born in England she expected us to fly the baby as soon as possible out to see her because her 'pain level' is too high to fly over here...she's been having high 'pain levels' for over 20 years and has never visited our home no matter where we have lived. DH is now so mad at her that he says he doesn't care if she ever sees DD. He's serious, and she's not speakikng to either one of us now. She's actually jealous of DD I think. I'm quite happy not to hear her crap.

When I was pregnant, she kept telling me to have an elective c-section because "it's safest for the babies because birth is too traumatic" for them. She accused me of being "selfish by not putting my baby's needs first" since I didn't want a c-section.

Other 'lovely' comments:
When I was thin and fit, she used to say I should quit wearing running bras because they "would inhibit my ability to b/f in the future", but when I b/f she told me "that's old-fashioned..does anybody still do that now?"

I had gained some weight when I got pregnant, and she said, "well you'll never get that weight off now, and you should have done something about that before." (She's very obese.....)

The best is the old clothes she gives me..some of them were gifts I gave her several years ago.

I too could go on and on, but these are the best ones.

pookey Wed 14-Mar-07 13:11:10

blimey expat what a wise and well informed mil you have.

Ripeberry Wed 14-Mar-07 14:50:02

Actually my MIL is much nicer than my mum and has helped loads in the last few years.
My mum said to me when i announced that i was pregnant, Oh don't tell me that i'll have to worry about grandchildren!!???
Then 2 months after DD1 was born she goes into a major attack of manic depression and has not been right since.
So now she says its my fault she's like this.
She is not interested in the kids that much and so i don't bother visiting her that much.
Will have to show my face though this weekend.
AB.

clairemow Wed 14-Mar-07 14:59:58

Nothing to do with children, and just to lighten it all up, my (unfortunately not around any more) MIL once pointed out some chickens, and said very seriously to me and DH, "they lay eggs, you know". We fell about laughing and she wasn't allowed to forget it.

Tortington Wed 14-Mar-07 15:01:45

"when i die, everything will go to xxxx" ( the youngest grandchild - not any of my children.

shoemania Wed 14-Mar-07 16:31:41

My MiL is vile. She's said and done many awful things that I could write a book about them. One of her classics was when she was talking about my husband's ex-girlfriend. She takes on a dreamy look and says "Oh she was every bit a lady, nothing like you." Then carried on talking as though she hadn't insulted me!! It's worse now though. She doesn't talk to any one of her three grown up children and numerous other people, me included. She falls out with me automatically when she falls out with my husband which is frequently. They've not been on speaking terms for 9 years. Now when she passes me in the street she calls me 'pig' or 'ugly cow' and this is a woman in her mid-sixties! I'm happy that I'll never have to have anything to do with her again.

mosschops30 Wed 14-Mar-07 16:38:32

'i think that if you're big enough to have children then you should be big enough to stay at home and look after them properly'

she also loved dh's ex-girlfriend and even tried to talk him out of the wedding about a week before telling him how much happier he was with ex etc etc.

I hate the old dragon

shoemania Wed 14-Mar-07 16:38:51

Just read some of the others and remembered a few other things my MiL said. This is such good therapy!

She's refer to me as 'Milk Lady' when talking to my daughter who I was breast feeding. It really got my back up and it was just another way of her trying to sideline me.

She said if I died tomorrow my daughter wouldn't care less because she was too young. She was a few months old and it wasn't what I wanted to hear!

When she was about 2 weeks old MiL told me she needed to see my daughter on her own without me every week in order to bond. I was terrifed of being pushed out of my own daughter's life and felt as though we were competing with each other.

My MIL often refers to my lo's as her children
Todays eg; MIL "I saw a naughty boy in the supermarket today, I'm so pleased mine aren't like that" - a) it's not as though she's ever even taken them to the supermarket b) they are quite often "like that", as are most lo's i know when restricted to sitting in a trolley/trailing round for an hour at a time and c)they are not hers! Maybe I'm being unreasonable...find it hard to take on a regular basis though

Also if i happen to moan about a difficult day with the lo's to her or how they've been naughty she'll always say "well, they're never like that for me dear"!

loujay Wed 14-Mar-07 17:52:08

I am 5.5 months pregnant with number 2. DD will be approximately 6 weeks off going to school when this one arrives.
I have recently had a conversation with my MIL with her trying to persuade me that it would be pointless to BF the new baby and would of course make it alot easier to bottle feed.
I think she expects that my DH will be getting up to take over night feeds during the week, then going to work (which involves a 2 hour drive each way) whilst I sleep through!!

meowmix Wed 14-Mar-07 18:01:14

god just today

"oooh meowmix you ARE lucky to have an understanding boss" - no preamble, no conversation leading to it, just outta left field, I think she sees me as a care in the community number.

Highlander Wed 14-Mar-07 19:29:57

phones me up to say that she'd been reading an interview with Kate Winslett in Hello! magazine. The lovely Kate was BFing and MIL said 'well, it must be OK then'.

However best one ever.......... (bear in mind MIL is 78 and lives in rural Ulster)

Me: 'as it's Good Friday do you think we should book somewhere for lunch?'

MIL: 'oh, it's a very Catholic area we're going to - do they celebrate Easter?'

Never seen DH looking so ashamed

shoemania Wed 14-Mar-07 19:30:27

shouldbedoingthehousework - it would drive me potty if my MIL referred to my children as her own. What a nerve! I hope one day I'm as wonderful a mother-in-law as my own mom is to her daughter and son in laws instead of the evil ones found here!

manuka Wed 14-Mar-07 21:55:29

Runninglate- no but dh said why don't you empty the dishwasher to which she replied 'I don't know where anything goes' which is understandable as we have such an enormous kitchen it would be impossible to open cupboards and have a look. Not! I hope you find an excuse to not have to visit yours!!!!

Guitargirl- are you a musician by any chance?!

I think there should be an award given to the worst mil. It should be made of stainless steel (practical) and in the shape of a dragon headed harridan!! And there should be an award ceremony like the oscars featuring re-enactments etc

lady007pink Wed 14-Mar-07 22:01:19

MIL is the best in the world, but things she says drive me barmy!
My beloved mother died from cancer 2 years ago, MIL told me not to be crying because I should be greatful I had her for 34 years, and think of others who weren't so lucky to have their mothers as long!!! It was made harder by the fact I'd lost my father only 4 weeks previously, and they were my best friends but, no, I was supposed to be just technical about the whole thing!

manuka Wed 14-Mar-07 22:05:27

Bloody hell she wins the award for total lack of empathy!! That's really awful and what a horrible loss you experienced. x

jampot Wed 14-Mar-07 22:09:12

upon learning that we were not having a formal wedding complete with "top table" "just because you dont have a mum and dad doesnt mean our son doesnt" she was miffed she wasnt getting pride of place at our wedding. My mum had died 6 months previously

lady007pink Wed 14-Mar-07 22:11:22

Thanks, Manuka. I wish I had time to read through this thread, it makes very interesting reading. Maybe tomorrow...

Just remembered that my MIL once wondered over dinner whether the reason I am so short (5'2") is because my mother didn't feed me properly as a child, or ate badly during pregnancy.

manuka Wed 14-Mar-07 22:17:10

Jampot- yours also gets an award for utter selfishness. I'd have thrown the cake at her for that. What a thing to say considering what had happened to you. x

Sakura Wed 14-Mar-07 23:58:21

God, their all against breastfeeding aren`t they, jealous bints. Mine used to waltz into the flat in the morning and say in a loud voice "Has she had her breast milk today?" and proceed to watch me try to latch on (almost impossible when someone hostile is watching). WTF does that mean anyway? She wanted me to say "no" so she could run out and get some formula.
pmsl at the person who mentioned STockolm syndrome. I`m kind of like that. I`d say I get on with her, and even like her. Also, I get a weird thrill of excitement if I know she`s coming round. Its like the adrenalin before battle.

twinsetandpearls Thu 15-Mar-07 00:12:56

Being a good wife is about waiting for dh to go to bed and then whilst he is settling you make sure you scrub the floors before going to bed and giving him the sex he needs to stop him straying

steinermum Thu 15-Mar-07 00:22:30

and don't forget to take your pinny off first

LuckyinKentucky Thu 15-Mar-07 01:09:25

DD was an emergency c-section. After 24 hours of labor, we weren't going anywhere and her heartbeat was going down. I was disappointed at not having been able to have her naturally. My MIL's other DIL also had a daughter via emergency c-section. Anyways, one day my MIL told me "I think all of you young girls (I'm 29, btw) are getting c-sections because you just cannot deal with the pain of giving birth." I'm still seething about this one because she knows it was hard for me to come to terms with the c-section. Usually she is very helpful and nice though.

BibiThree Thu 15-Mar-07 13:01:59

MIL is a gem, even though I moan about her, but my faves are:

"I like your trousers, very slimming ... not like the ones you had on yesterday"

"If I were you I'd crush up a rusk and put it in her bottle" - about DD who was about 3 weeks old.

She also justified giving dd sweet things like cake, ribena (!) chocolate biscuits etc by telling me that it's because she's vegetarian. Becuase she doesn't eat meat, she craves a bit of sweetness and it's "feeding" for her. WTF? Has anyone ever craved sweet things and gone out for a bacon sarnie or a steak?

MagicGenie Thu 15-Mar-07 13:51:17

Another gem of a MIL here but, below, a conversation we had at Christmas.

MIL: Have you bought everything?
Me: Yes, think so.
MIL: Got the joint?
Me: Yes.
MIL: Stuffing? Cranberry sauce?
Me: Yes
MIL: Veg?
Me: Yes.
MIL: Christmas pudding?
Me: Yes.
MIL: And what will you be offering for your second pudding?
Me: (Short silence) Second pudding?!
MIL: (Incredulous) Yes! Second pudding!!
Me: (Pissed off) What, you want a full Christmas dinner, then Christmas pudding, then a second pudding??!!!
MIL: (Incredulous and mightily pissed off) Oh yes! That's what I would expect to be offered.

Shortly after this, we had a 'spontaneous' conversation about what makes a good hostess and what doesn't.

I did poached pears. I didn't have any on principle and I know she didn't want any herself but she prised half a one down to save face.

Psycho Thu 15-Mar-07 13:53:46

She was like the daughter I never had

(talking about Dh's ExGF!!)

chipmonkey Thu 15-Mar-07 14:01:14

MIL: "But children need sugar don't they?" when I said that our children hardly ever have sweets.
"Oh so you're still doing that 'demand feeding' are you?" (she'd been trying to persuade me to put ds1 on a 'routine'. I told her sharply that if they're not fed on demand then your milk supply doesn't increase. There was a pause.
"Oh, maybe that's what happened to me, then, my milk dried up at 6 weeks." Good job I didn't take that advice then!

cornsilk Thu 15-Mar-07 14:06:53

After a miscarraige, 'There was probably something wrong with it anyway.'

lady007pink Thu 15-Mar-07 20:11:46

Jampot, I can't get over what you MIL said to you . It must have been a difficult day for you without your mum, having died so soon before your wedding.

jampot Thu 15-Mar-07 20:24:03

well i got over it pretty quick by telling her that she's lucky she was coming at all as dh wanted to go to Gretna Green and not invite them

thethirdwisemonkey Fri 16-Mar-07 16:25:53

jampot - that's awful

a few more of my MILs

we had problems conceiving and we're told we had a very small chance of success without fertility treatment. MIL said the doctors are just being SILYY (wtf?)

when I had ds (the treatment worked - yay) I had problems bf, and she said oh I produced so much milk my midwife said it was a shame there wasn't a local premature baby unit so I could have donated some !!!! thanks for that.

She currently has a hang up about ds being left handed because I am - good lord !!!!

thethirdwisemonkey Fri 16-Mar-07 16:26:36

that should read SILLY not SILYY !!

3monkeys Fri 16-Mar-07 16:43:12

My MIL is fab! But on telling her I was pregnant with no. 3, she said, "Obviously we won;t look after it on a Wednesday (when she has the other 2)- it was your choice to have it, you can look after it!"
BTW, now he's here and cute with blond curls and blue eyes, she loves him to bits - but she still doesn't have him on a Wednesday!

onesock Fri 16-Mar-07 17:35:02

Don't let him play with that Thomas the tank engine train set, you'll make him autistic!'

spudmasher Fri 16-Mar-07 17:35:59

Let me squeeze your nipple and then she'll latch on....

Boobsgonesouth Fri 16-Mar-07 17:43:52

various at different times....

"Oh that'll put paid to your sports coaching then"

.....on our announcement that we were expecting child number two, no congratulations or anything

"I can't believe you let DS watch this rubbish...you can't even understand what the characters say, it was much better when my (DS) XXX watched Bill & Ben" Her comparison in the articulation of the Teletubbies and Bill & Ben

"I can't stay and look after DS for the rest of the afternoon, I have a hair appt"
after we'd returned from the hospital having been told that our DD then 8 wks old had a hole in the heart and that we needed to return that afternoon for a scan to find out whether she'd need an operation to fix it

docket Fri 16-Mar-07 17:47:24

'I'm sorry to tell you that men just don't stay with women'. She imparted this gem when I was about 8 months pregnant with ds. She has a particularly dim view of the world and everyone in it and likes to make sure she spreads it around....

crinklechunk Fri 16-Mar-07 17:51:13

When we were planning our wedding I walked in on my mil and dh's sil (as thick as thieves as usual) 'making a list of who to invite to the wedding' - MY BLOODY WEDDING!

When I announced I was pregnant with dd1 'Oh dear that is a blow' - favorite daughter in law was still childless at the time

'Are you feeding that baby again?' Er no I though I would let her make her own tea actually (baby was 2 weeks old and I was trying to establish BF)

'I bet you'll be glad when you don't have to do that anymore' BF at 6 weeks old

Guitargirl Fri 16-Mar-07 18:45:02

Spudmasher - at least your MIL asked first . Mine just used to grab my breast in one hand and DD in the other and tried to push us together. She would also keep holding part of my breast back with one hand during feeds as she reckoned DD couldn't breathe properly. After asking her several times to please stop touching me she would instead bellow instructions at me via DD, i.e. 'DD, please ask Mummy to make sure you can breathe' and 'tell Mummy she's going to suffocate you', etc...

Guitargirl Fri 16-Mar-07 19:35:33

Manuka - no, am not a musician any more (used to be) but DP's guitar was in my eye-line when I was sitting at computer thinking of a nickname!

vicdivechic Fri 16-Mar-07 19:53:43

Havent had time to read whole thread, but evening after wedding to her son my mil said, as I suggest opening a bottle of Dom Perignon for the family to share "shouldn't we save that for a special occasion?"
She is usually lovely and laughed when she realised what she had inferred.

jampot Fri 16-Mar-07 22:57:56

when dh rang his parents to tell them we were expecting again, I didnt actually hear what they said but the next thing dh said was "oh we saw him the other day, he didnt look very well" or something. They had asked how a family friend was who had cancer so presumably no congratulations or anything.

Also, the day after the birth of ds, my MIL came to the hospital with a bouquet of flowers. I thought this was nice until she said "These are from JOhn ** (a family friend of theirs)" so not from the woman I had produced a grandson to but from a man who they met when his company was laying their garage floor a few years before

jampot Fri 16-Mar-07 22:58:43

i still thought it was nice though

chocolateface Fri 16-Mar-07 23:31:07

When I was 4 months pregnant with my first child ( we wern't yet married) MIL had a quiet word with my DH and told him he didn't have to keep the baby if he didn't want to.

booge Fri 16-Mar-07 23:43:15

MIL to DH (when we first got together on hearing I expected him to help with the housework) "Make sure she looks after you properly"... What apart from providing the roof over our heads supporting him through a period of unemployment and doing all the cooking

carrotcake Sat 17-Mar-07 11:20:45

When I first moved in with dp, mil hated me and when we did a dump trip she said, 'perhaps we should leave Hayley here'. Honestly. She said it, dp reckoned he hadn't heard

Kateaw Sat 17-Mar-07 19:20:25

Shortly after DD was born MIL told me that while the love of a mother for a daughter is good, the love of a grandmother for her granddaughter was very special!

I was totally boggled and very hurt.

Now I'm no longer so hormotional (love that word) I realise she was not saying that she loved my daughter more than I did, but just trying to let me know how close the bond between grandmother and granddaughter can be. She was very close to her Granny, I on the other hand never knew either of my Grandmas because they both died a long time ago.

We get on very well and she rarely says things that p*ss me off any more.

Actually to give her her due, she took the news that her oldest son was going to marry a woman that she had never met, who is eleven years older than him and who also had tattoos, pretty well

lady007pink Sun 18-Mar-07 18:06:46

Anytime mine calls to our house she arrives with a big shopping bag full of cakes, buns, icecreams and chocolates for the kids! It drives me crazy as I'm trying to get my kids eating healthily, only rewarding them when they've eaten all their meals. Sometimes, they could be eating their dinner and she'll arrive with all these goodies, then they don't want to know about their food anymore!
At the same time she's had the cheek over the past few years to lecture me on how I feed my kids - she criticised me for giving them crisps at "parent and Toddler" group years ago, yet I only went there once weekly and it was the only time they got crisps in the week!
I do get sweet revenge though (been the cause of many an argument with DH!) - when she leaves I get the buns and cakes and put them on the bird table. Within minutes the crows have them all eaten!

eemie Sun 18-Mar-07 21:05:42

Ha! I've looked everywhere for this thread!

I've already said this on MN but it truly is a classic...

She said, of my beautiful 8-week-old daughter, her first and only grandchild...

'I always think of him as a boy'

She did, too, (or pretended to). Bought her a train set when she was two months old.

even after eight years

MoosMa Mon 19-Mar-07 16:31:48

Not MIL, but FIL. We named DD1 Eleanor, a name I'd chosen when I was about 12, there was no question that that was what she would be called. MIL and FIL came to see me in hosp after the horrendous birth and we told them what we called her, but FIL decided that he didn't like it and that he would call her Enema

He's stopped now as DH told him it really upset me and that I would hit him next time he did it

MassiveBoobs Mon 19-Mar-07 18:08:40

Haven't read all of these - love my ILs but Grandpa-in-law (95) came out with a classic when I was BF DS. 'If I scream loudly enough do you think I could get on there too?'. When he came to London for BILs wedding he took all the 'naughty' business cards from the phone boxes to show his friend.

manuka Mon 19-Mar-07 19:25:01

My god eemie she's really mental!!!! My friend's mother was like that. they cut her hair short when she was little and called her Jack!!!!!???!!!!!! sickos

manuka Mon 19-Mar-07 19:28:27

Guitargirl- thats a great name for a band! Might nick it if that's ok with you? Think our band could do with name change. What did you play?

hk78 Wed 21-Mar-07 01:30:55

where to start?

(on us announcing 1st pregnancy)
MIL (blank silence, looks at FIL)
FIL (blank silence, looks at telly)

a month later when we were all arguing about their non-reaction, "what do you want me to do, jump for joy?" (FIL, complete with little jumping gesture)

short while later, when showing them our precious first scan picture
"oh. it doesn't look anything like SIL's scan pictures. hers was much better"
(well it would be wouldn't it!)


(on why she fills the kitchen full of crap which she forcefeeds dd's with)
"children need sugary drinks and biscuits to give them energy"
(err..a massive hyper followed by a crash you mean?)

"Ooh you are cruel to the kids, why don't you get them any childrens food?what do they eat?" (meaning stuff like turkey twizzlers and other assorted crap
(err...normal food, cut into smaller pieces?!)

(on being told by the doc to stop smoking/drinking cos she's got high blood pressure and 'funny turns')
"i cant have high bp-i've never been fat" (disregarding the 20 a day/bottle of wine and brandy etc!)

"you can't breathe in someone else's smoke"

(FIL)
"it doesnt cause cancer, doctors just say that cos they dont know what else to blame"

(me lying in hospital after cs with dd2, after dd1 had been born with cp)
"well, you've missed your chance of a boy now. even if you have another baby, it wont be a boy cos they have to come in the right order [girl,boy,girl,boy etc] and you've messed it up now"

(about dd1, whose cp hand moves on its own accord)
"oh what have you been doing to her to make her so nervous[that her hand is twitching like that] ?!"
(err...it's brain damage, how many times/ways can i explain it!)

(MIL and FIL, playing with dd's, play-fighting)
"come on, put 'em up, put 'em up [etc] i'll fist you! i'll give you some fist!"

(wtf? even if joking, please dont say that!)

(in car, dd2 crying in carseat when she was a baby)
"oh what's mummy done to you, putting you in that thing, come to nana and sit on my knee...." [starts undoing harness]
(err...NO!)


ooh this feels good to get it off my chest, i might come back another day when i think of the next lot

Sugarmagnolia Wed 21-Mar-07 09:36:01

For me it has to be my mum rather than my MIL, who I really like quite a lot.

When DD was first born she used to give us lots of sage advice like, "Why do you need a baby bath - once a week in the kitchen sink should be good enough" As if that wasn't bad enough, when I looked shocked at this her reply was "Well, why not, I bath the dogs in the kitchen sink"

Also, more recently (and nothing to do with the kids) I had arranged for DH's grandpa to pick my folks up and take them somewhere. I warned them well in advance that he is always at least 10 minutes early. So as he's pulling into the driveway, my mum starts making a coffe. I ask her what she's doing as she has to leave now. "Well, I'm sorry but I can't possibly go out without my coffee" - um, she drinks decaf.

And on another visit she insisted on bringing her own walnuts in her suitcase becauase a)she couldn't possibly survive a week withtout walnuts and b)the ones that I could buy for her here simply weren't good enough. WTF?

My all time favourite though is my DAD (who as you may have guessed has never actually given birth) telling me when I was pregnant the first time that childbirth didn't really hurt that much it was just uncomfortable!!!

Still, they're not as crazy as some of your lot.

mrsmalumbas Wed 21-Mar-07 09:48:45

My favourite quotes would be from my Mum as well not my MIL. Love my Mum to bits but she can be a bit idiosyncratic. She also loves to give parenting advice which is a bit rich as she only ever had me and I can't say she did all that great a job with me. Anyway she loves to comment on DD's eating habits. Once she said "So are you giving her a proper lunch today or just bits of rubish?"

Also when DD1 was first born and I was dropping with exhaustion, breastfeeding issues, up all night pumping milk and with very little support from DH, she came to stay and spent the whole time complaining about how the house was a mess, and then took herself off to bed with a big yawn saying "oh I hope I sleep well tonight I am quite weary".

Dad, bless him, sat up all night with DD in his arms so I could get some shut eye.

Sugarmagnolia Wed 21-Mar-07 09:55:05

mrsm - our parents sound the same. When dad visits he's always helping - offering to do baths, change nappies, walk the dog, whatever. My mum offers to help but really what she means is "I can set the table or make a salad if there's nothing really good on telly right now". Anything else is pretty much too much trouble.

pirategirl Wed 21-Mar-07 09:55:38

MIL, on visiting from abroad, when my dh had left me and dd 2, looked around our rented home, and pointed out well 'you 've got all this, he hasnt got anything',
(ffs)
I looked at her incredulously, said what, 'oh you mean i have a sofa, a tv, a table, a fridge and a washing machine'

oh goody gumdrops after ten yrs of marriage!!!

That makes up for it then, I have no dosh no transport and have been dumped!! But I can sit down watch tv and keep clean.

inanidealworld Wed 21-Mar-07 10:01:09

hk78-what is cp?

CP cerebral palsy

Hattiecat Wed 21-Mar-07 11:10:07

About my dh (her ds2) - "never forgiven him for being a boy - i wanted a daughter - he was such a mistake"

About my dd2 - "i wanted a grandson,not another granddaughter"

on looking at my engagement ring "you don't get much for your money these days do you?"

to my mum and dad when discussing wedding arrangments "your daughter is evil, she should have xxx as bridesmaids (her nieces on her side) rather than xxx (mixture of BOTH families). strange how my parents would never have her in their house again.

to my mum about my dh (then boyfriend) "she's going out with the wrong son you know, ds1 is much nicer than ds2". how wrong she was when in hospice her ds2 didn't visit for 6 weeks when we all knew she terminally ill.

glittercaz Wed 21-Mar-07 17:37:21

1. me, admiring an engagement ring left by granny to my dh's younger brother: 'xxx will make a girl very happy with that one day.'

mil - 'oh, it's not the sort of thing to give to a wife as that way it might not stay in the family.' (niiiiiice thing to say as dh and i had just got married!)

2. (when we spent hundreds of pounds on plane flights to tell her face to face i was pg with her first grandchild) - 'i feel disappointed that you didn't tell me sooner...i told my mother on the phone as soon as it was confirmed' (bear in mind i was only 7 weeks gone and had told my own mum the day before) later she said she 'didn't feel old enough to be a grandmother (dh and i are in our early 30's).

3. when i saw her this weekend 'my goodness, you are putting on weight'. i was a bit thrown by this - am 5 1/2 months pregnant and haven't balooned or anything, so i just said 'what?' and she said 'ha ha ha, as in, that's not weight, it's a baby....' whatever she meant, what a bloody [hm] thing to say to a pregnant woman! tsk!

glittercaz Wed 21-Mar-07 17:38:20

needless to say, i meant !

wellieboot Wed 21-Mar-07 21:36:14

Can't remember them all but do remember her calling me by my DH's ex-girlfriend's name the first time we met.

More recently we were staying with them and I was up all night dealing with my 6 week old baby who was suddenly crying alot more than usual - the next morning I was exhausted and worried about dd and was met with - oh please don't worry, it didn't keep us awake atall. Grrr....!

hk78 Wed 21-Mar-07 21:43:49

sugarmagnolia, your mum sounds v.similar to my mum! she is an endless source of frustration/amusement
inanidealworld: cp=cerebral palsy
and on that subject: my mum and her pearls of wisdom on dd1 having cp

'is it your fault because you didnt have the cut?'
(she means episiotomy, can't you tell she gave birth in the 1970's and never got over it!) errr...no, no-one mentioned doing that!

(on first telling her 'oh no what will i tell my dad?' err...what about dd1 and her life?

------------------------------------------

on other subjects:

(on telling her i'd been accepted into university
"well, your dad had a vasectomy when you were 12 because i couldn't go through it again"
eh? (she left school at 15 with no qualifications, needs to put me down at every opportunity)

(sitting on sofa with my then boyfriend when i was 15 and all done up ready to go on a special night out)
"you're about to start your period aren't you, i can tell because it makes your breath smell"

(on asking her if she wants to come to the big shopping mall with me)
"you can't drive on the motorway"
(she can't drive anywhere cos she cant pass her test)

-------------------------------------
you can see our relationship is great

Summerfruit Thu 22-Mar-07 07:38:59

Message withdrawn

lady007pink Thu 22-Mar-07 10:10:54

When my DS was 6 weeks old, we went to MIL's for dinner. We were sitting down eating dessert when she got up and started feeding ice-cream to DS!! When I tried to protest, she said "Your child needs to get used to different tastes"!!
Of course they do, but you don't want them getting addicted to sugary foods so soon!

Hattiecat Thu 22-Mar-07 11:04:38

lol at that one lady - mine shoved rock (they had jsut been on holiday) into my 3 month old and couldn't understand why i flew across room to remove it!!!!

prampusher Thu 22-Mar-07 13:31:50

blimey, shoemania, what a MIL! I didn't know people like this existed! Nutter... definitely best avoided. Well done to you.

lady007pink Fri 23-Mar-07 10:27:01

I'm a hospital paramedic, and (when I was 4 months pregnant with DD1) I was after working 24-hours on-call - and it had been brutally busy. I'd been running all night and doing a lot of heavy lifting, was absolutely exhausted but at 9am had to get in my car and collect DS (then aged 18 months and very active) from MIL's house (I had to mind him myself for rest of the day!). Told MIL about my brutal day and night - she told me to put DS in a buggy and go out for a 2-mile walk "and make it a brisk walk because the exercise is good for you"!!!!!! Even thinking about minding DS was too much exercise for me at that moment!

cathcart Fri 23-Mar-07 10:46:46

"keep her away from all the other children, you never know what she might pick up!"

- when telling mil i was planning on going to a post natal group.
Any wonder that her own dd, age 24, still lives at home and can't even make her own dr's appointments or organise her own car insurance?

lady007pink Fri 23-Mar-07 13:34:24

lol, Cathcart! What are you supposed to do when your DD starts playschool, give her an oxygen bubble????

cathcart Fri 23-Mar-07 19:42:49

I do believe she would applaud this idea! (seriously)
Today I took my dd to see some of the children at a special needs school where my friend is a teacher, before going mil rang and reminded me to 'don't let them near her!' !

talcyone Fri 23-Mar-07 19:54:21

Last night on phone
"how's your pms? I think you need a hysterectomy"
Bit extreme i thought

UniSarah Fri 23-Mar-07 21:15:31

Last weekend - Boys 1st birthday, inlaws round for tea. I was in ktchen making said tea and in teh living room but could hear boy grizzling , whinging in hungrey wheres mum mode and MiL saying " shut it Boy, just shut it, shut it, why don't you shut it" . I was quietly fumming till i came round corner and realised she was encourageing him to play with the door.

shinypeople Sat 24-Mar-07 10:39:56

my dad came out with the classic (you haven't tried very hard to lose the baby weight yet have you?"

DD was 6 days old

my MIL is a dream and i would love to be like her. My FIL lives on a different planet.

Before having children, i was a small 8 (now a 10) and was eating a packet of crisps....he told me to stop before i got as fat as his wife ! Charming

When bf my newborn he made comments like "bf is definately the best thing for babies as the milk is at the right temperature and it comes in such lovely packaging" ! WTF?

lady007pink Sat 24-Mar-07 13:29:09

Shinypeople, What a wally your FIL is! Sounds like himself and Prince Philip would get on like a house on fire. How your MIL puts up with him I don't know.

Eaglebird Thu 26-Apr-07 21:10:12

A bit of background: My DP has a brother & sister. My DP & I had been living together for 10 years when MIL said this, when I was sitting right next to her, at DP's brother's wedding.
MIL to her new daughter-in-law: ' Oooh, now I've got 2 daughters...'
Obviously I'm not classed as a 'proper' daughter as DP & I aren't married

jomist Thu 26-Apr-07 21:12:03

The day before our wedding MIL "He's a good boy, you won't nag him will you?"

Sackache Thu 26-Apr-07 21:13:30

my xMIL told me that I shouldn't have phoned the police when her son broke my nose... cos apparently.. and I quote:

"your nose will heal, his criminal record won't!"

WTF?????

she has a point......ho hum.

canmummy Mon 30-Apr-07 14:08:59

My dad says such clueless things sometimes - when my step-brother's wife had a baby girl last year he rang me to say "it's the 1st little lady in the family" - hello? what about me and my 2 girls? He also came to stay with me a few months back and arrived very late. On our way up to bed he said I could have a lie-in in the morning as there was nothing to get up for. When I said the kids would wake me up anyway (and it was a school night!) he honestly said - "oh I forgot you had children"

Not being funny canmummy, but has he got some form of Dementia and is living in the past???

kinki Sat 05-May-07 17:11:15

When I worked full-time with young ds, MIL says "its not right that you're working, he needs you at home, you'll ruin him for life if you put him in that nursery".

When I worked part-time, MIL says, "you're messing with his head, he doesn't know whether he's coming or going, never knowing if you'll be around".

When I gave up work, MIL says, "We don't think its right that you don't work. Don't you realise that you've put all financial responsibility for your family onto dh's shoulders."

Talk about damned if you do, damned if you don't.

WigWamBam Sat 05-May-07 17:15:51

I've told most of these before ...

When dd was 5 weeks old, feeding for England and crying 95% of the time: "That baby needs a smack, and if she plays up for me like she plays up for you, she'll get one".

On being told that we were getting some professional photos done of dd: "I wouldn't bother dear, she's not that attractive when all said and done" (for the record, dd is gorgeous).

On breastfeeding: "I don't know why you're bothering dear, why do you think scientists spent millions of pounds on developing formula if we were meant to breastfeed?"

On toys: "Little girls shouldn't be given trains and cranes to play with; you'll make her gay".

On me: "But of course you haven't made a proper career out of having children like I did; you're not a proper mother until you've got two. And you'll never be a real mother, you've only got a girl".

And on the famous 34 metre Christmas present: "Elastic is very hard to get hold of these days ..."

Ooooh, I could go on ...

WK007 Sat 05-May-07 18:29:08

These are amazing. My (now ex) MIL once came round to my house, wouldn't come in but sat outside in the car outlining all my shortcomings, of which there were obviously many. After all that she says "I've just changed the curtains in the living room, would you like me to make you a dress out of the old ones?". I just sat there with my mouth open.

And wwb, your MIL needs a massive smack and I willingly volunteer myself for the duty. What planet is she on?? Your dd is cute as a button, elastic is (as far as I know) still available everywhere in the UK, and you're a real mother when you have a real child - I didn't realise there were stages relating to number and gender of kids!!!

rabbleraiser Sat 05-May-07 18:47:51

My mil can be a bit of a 'mare, but nothing specifically comes to mind.

Mind you, I was talking to a lady on the bus the other day who said, ruefully about her mil, 'Well, put it like this. How many brides do you know whose mil is cutting the cake on all the photo's?'

pmsl

gingerbabe Sat 05-May-07 19:48:32

When I had just got home from hospital with DD1, never having held a newborn baby before in my life, not knowing what to do, DD1 started crying (as newborns do). DH took her and she stopped. At which point MIL said 'I think she likes Daddy best'. Talk about how to make a new Mum feel inadequate!

christie1 Sat 05-May-07 23:41:58

How about this one. After looking at my newborn ds, she said, Well, nothing wrong with him" When I gave her a strange look she said, well I worried your whole pregnancy he would be born with downs syndrome because you are too old to have a baby (I was 39).

Chandra Sun 06-May-07 00:16:26

When I was about 5m pregnant:

- "you must have put on a lot of weight by now! that's terrible!
-No, I haven't I don't even look pregnant yet.
- Are you taking good care of yourself??? I know you think you can do as you wish but that baby is not only yours, it belongs to us too and you better take good care of it!




Obviously, I just told her that that baby belonged to himself and anyone else before putting the phone down and refusing to pick up the phone when she was calling for the end of the pregnancy.


Another classic now that we know DS is allergic to nuts:

Me: He can't have almonds, he is allergic to nuts

MIL: But this almonds are from my place and will not make him any damage, they are the best quality in the world!


AAAAARGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!! what did I do in my past lives to deserve such a MIL???

Chandra Sun 06-May-07 00:18:10

Christie

When my sister got pregnant, her MIL sat my sister and DH down and said, "So, when are you having the abortion?"

No joke.

My sister's MIL loves her GS now, of course [simle]

christie1 Sun 06-May-07 20:19:10

I fixed her, I had another one at 41! (not the reason, I wanted another one of course but I can imagine the talk around her dinner table).

LadyOfTheFlowers Sun 06-May-07 20:28:26

whilst bfing ds1:
'he needs water to drink, no question about it'
'i dont know why you bf him'

'when we move to spain, you can send the kids over for weeks at a time'

on me giving up work:
'if you not working forces you into a council house what those boys turn into will be your fault'

on me dying of post partum haemorrage in hospital after birth of ds2: (said to dh)
'if you think accompanying LotF to theatre is more important than telling me ds2 has been born, we obviously have very different ideas about what is important dont we Daniel'



there are tons more, most on here will know i hate her. those are her very best ones to date.

sputnik Thu 10-May-07 09:34:13

Love a good MIL thread.
When DD was born nearly 3 tears ago mine repeatedly bemoaned the fact that she hadn't kept baby clothes from my SIL. SIL will be 50 this year

About a week post-birth she looked at my ex-bump and said "perhaps you can look on the internet for some exercises for that. We used to have to wear corsets". She meant well I suppose.

Roskva Thu 10-May-07 09:49:14

My MIL lives on a different planet to the rest of us. The last time she was here, I noticed that she leaves the tap running constantly when she does the washing up, so I tactfully explained that our water is metered. Her response: "Don't be silly, you only pay for hot water!" I wish!

Flamesparrow Thu 10-May-07 09:53:29

Mine isn't desperately evil, but during the entire 12 months BREASTfeeding, she would say it with a capital BREAST...

"He's looking so well - that'll be because of the BREASTfeeding"

"Look at how he does x - the BREASTfeeding has helped him so much"

"She's still BREASTfeeding you know"

It was wonderful and supportive... but when it was to aunts, uncles, neighbours etc and their eye automatically goes to my BREAST and then they keep drifting back because the subject has been raised - it got a bit

LilRedWG Thu 10-May-07 10:03:08

Due to various medical reasons we have decided that it wouldn't be fair on DD (or me) if I were to go through another pregnancy as there's a strong chance I'd be in a wheelchair/bedbound, so we're thinking of adoption.

FIL totally agrees and says my health must come first etc. etc. MIL on the other hand said, "Well, I think you should have another so that DD can have a proper brother or sister. After all you're walking now (a year after DD's birth and I'm still in pain when AF here EVERY month) and it's not that much of an inconvenience to be in a wheelchair again!"

She doesn't seem to think that the pain itself of severe SPD is worth worrying about the risk. Yes, I may not get it again but have been told the chances are it would come back, be earlier and a lot more severe - ie, in a wheelchair the whole pregnancy. Now, if she can explain to DD that Mummy is in too much pain to play with her, pick her up and even have her sit on her lap, then she's welcome! We don't think it's worth the risk.

LilRedWG Thu 10-May-07 10:03:34

Saying that, she's normally okay - just wants me to produce another grandchild for her!

nogoes Thu 10-May-07 10:12:07

"Food in jars is more nutritious than home cooked food. Cow & Gate have been doing it for years and know more about what a baby needs than you do."

"You cannot have a career and a child, you can forget all that silly nonsense now. When ds goes to school you can get a cleaning job."

"Dh must come and live with me when he has a cold/flu. You don't know how to look after him because you don't have dinner until 8pm and eat foreign food (pasta!)".

"If a man cheats it is because his wife is not making enough effort in the bedroom. If a women cheats she is a slut."

"I still have sleepless nights because I worry that you are not looking after dh properly". (he is 34)

"We should all sell our houses and buy a big place together". On hearing dh's resounding NO! "Yes well I might have known that Nogoes would scupper our chances of being a really happy family".

"I wish that I could bring up your ds and SIL's children as I could give them a lovely life and make them happy".

I could go on an on.

babyonboard Thu 10-May-07 11:29:03

So so many..
a classic was soon after DS was born and she said 'You shouldn't take him out on your own, someone might knock you out and kidnap him'

MamaMaiasaura Thu 10-May-07 11:30:13

Omg but LOL nogoes.. she sounds horrendous!!!

babyonboard Thu 10-May-07 11:53:19

Mine also refused to introduce us to her new boyfriend, they had been together for over a year and turned down many dinner invitations, then 3 hours after DD was born she arrived at the hospital with him in tow!
He was clearly awkward about the whole thing, and we were in no fit state to make getting to know you conversation. Talk about throwing the poor guy in at the deep end!

smallwhitecat Thu 10-May-07 14:34:24

Message withdrawn

RedLorryYellowLorry Thu 10-May-07 14:54:07

MIL told me dh didn't like needles and so I shouldn't make him attend the birth . Also none of her "boys" (ffs they're all in their 40's hardly boys) liked vomit so I shouldn't ask him to clean any up if the baby was ever sick. Also they didn't like poo so no nappy changing. Dh has coped with them all and I've enjoyed telling her. Also when PIL came to stay when dd was 2 weeks old she would tell me to stop the baby crying if dh arrived home as it wasn't nice for him after a long day - erm I am trying to and he hasn't sat here all day listening to you you looney I wanted to say!

crokky Thu 10-May-07 16:37:39

MIL to DH - "You treat me like a skivvy" - we have seen MIL once this year and on that occasion I made her a cup of tea and she sat on the sofa. She has done absolutely nothing for us this year

MIL to DS (at 6 months old) - "You're not still hanging off those titties are you?" in response to my breastfeeding!

Zola78 Thu 10-May-07 16:48:30

After the birth of my second son, one of my dh's uncle's asked me if I would like any more children? To which I replied "Yes". MIL then said to me a SAHM of two "Money doesn't grow on trees you know!" Thanks for letting me know.

apeainapod Thu 10-May-07 16:52:13

On announcing we were expecting DS2 - "NEXT time you want a baby I suggest that you ask my son (my DH) FIRST'.


A classic amongst oh too many.........

redclyffe Thu 10-May-07 20:36:55

on announcing we were expecting dd1 2months before wedding - "I'm sure I'll love it when it comes". I've never been told what else she said that day.

monkeyandcheekychops Thu 10-May-07 21:49:08

Its lovely seeing you two so smartly dressed together, I should take a picture.....




























Just before leaving for my gran's funeral ffs!

SleeplessInTheStaceym11House Thu 10-May-07 22:57:10

now my MIL isnt too bad, am so at some on here!!!

only major grievance i have is she still hasnt seen our flat, we've been here a year, its her eldest sons first flat, took us ages to sort it out a lot of hard work etc and shes not even bothered to come and see!!! whats worse is she promises and dh gets himself all worked up like a child and then she lets him down again.....

midnightexpress Sat 12-May-07 13:58:16

My mother spent most of my second pg telling me how sure she was it would be a girl and about 2 weeks before I gave birth said she was sitting with her fingers crossed for a girl. She even started to call the bump by a girl's name I'd mentioned as a possibility for a while. We had another boy. When I was talking to her about ds2 and boys in general a few weeks ago she said to me 'ah you should have had a girl!'

Cheers, mum, that's helpful.

boo64 Sat 12-May-07 16:14:28

After the birth of ds:
me: "ooh I'm quite pleased with the way my tummy's gone down"
MIL "actually you look like you are having twins and the second one hasn't come out yet"

This from a lady who herself isn't exactly svelte....

monkeyandcheekychops Mon 21-May-07 01:23:43

Love this thread! Had to post again after seeing MIL today.

She has started calling my DC's kiki and boo, short for their real names.

This may not annoy some people but she specifically named her 2 DC's names that could not be shortened and I thought mine were like that too!

GRRRRR!

kinki Mon 21-May-07 20:13:00

Just thought of another, but this one was from drunken FIL.

He says "so how much weight have you lost altogether then?"
"About 3 stone"
"That's a lot. Bet dh (his son) is proud of you"
"He says he is"
"You've got to admit it couldn't have been very nice for him"
"What do you mean? Me being on a diet?"
"No, I don't mean that. I mean you being the size you were."
"I don't think he minded. He's always loved me whatever size I am"
"No, what I mean is, it couldn't have been nice for him in the, you know, the bedroom, you being that size."
I splutter "I've never had any complaints from him in the bedroom or anywhere else about my size."

It took me about 3 years to tell dh what his dad had said to me. I still feel ashamed and dirty that he could think that lowly of me. Thankfully dh gave me all the reassurance I needed and continues to make me feel gorgeous in the bedroom, whatever size I am.

DaisysGotABigBump Mon 21-May-07 20:39:39

My MIL is just a bit batty and comes out with some real corkers like <talking about heartburn in pg> "I had so much bisodol when PG with our S that he came out covered head to foot in white chalk" (no dear, that was vernix)...and after my recent hospital visit due to very painful Braxton Hicks contractions at 33 weeks..."oh, we never had those in my day"....
....that and she fervently believes that if you eat anything cooked in a pot that eggs have been boiled in you'll "get warts on your insides". She even has a seperate pot for the job, LOL.

My mum on the other hand......on seeing my dear dear sis in her wedding dress for the first time, I had tears in my eyes..."you're just jealous" and at the wedding when I complimented her outfit that she felt a bit uncomfortable in "you look Ok as well I suppose...for a bridesmaid"...nice!

lady007pink Tue 26-Jun-07 06:29:49

Quote from Nogoes -"If a man cheats it is because his wife is not making enough effort in the bedroom."

Actually, that reminds me of a discussion we had with my grandmother years ago about domestic violence. Her response was that it's the woman's fault if a man hits her, especially in this day and age when women are too fond of asking men to help out with the housework and the children.

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 07:01:13

'You've put on weight. Or is there another one in there ?'

said MIL patting my stomach, just THREE months after giving birth to DD2!

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 07:05:41

Kinki, that's bad.

AnnainNZ Tue 26-Jun-07 07:14:41

Not as bad as a lot on here, but my MIL and her husband normally come over from UK once a year to visit us, in about Feb. I am due 6th Nov and she has just informed us that they won't be visiting next year as "small babies aren't interesting". I'm actually quite pleased they're not coming but slightly annoyed they're describing my (as yet unborn) baby (and their first gc) as not very interesting!

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 07:18:20

Anna - they may feel differently when the baby is born!

itwasntme Tue 26-Jun-07 07:29:02

On telling MIL I was pregnant with no.1

"Well you'd better look after yourself, or else the baby will die"

On dd:

"My grand daughter is beautiful, beautiful... but her nose is DISGUSTING! It's a negro nose.
(dh's family is mixed race). "
"While you breastfeed you must squeeze her nose to give it a better profile".

Err, yeah right, and suffocate her

amateurarsedoctor Tue 26-Jun-07 07:31:05

On the evening of our wedding she said to me,
"I hope you know what you're getting yourself into dear".

On reflection they were wise words. At the time I was deeply hurt.

TrinityRhino Tue 26-Jun-07 07:32:14

recently when Gecko was 4 months

"well, you can give her rusks now"

stoppinattwo Tue 26-Jun-07 07:38:36

Is it ok if the kids have S.. W.. EETIES.....................trying to spell it out so they dont realise what she is saying


Ooops did i just say sweeties...........oh I will have to give them some now!!!

GooseyLoosey Tue 26-Jun-07 07:57:49

To dh recently (who is adopted): "I would have loved a baby of my own" or "your father never wanted children anyway" or "I think an adoptive relationship is quite different from a normal one". There are quite a few more in similar vein. I have to bite my tongue to avoid pointing out how crassly insensitive this is, infact increasingly I have to resist the urge to violence.

ggglimpopo Tue 26-Jun-07 08:13:05

This isn't a mil quote but it should be - First heard it from a french midwife at an antenatal class.

"You can breastfeed for six weeks if you want to. After that your bosoms belong to your husband". Knowing smile and nods all round.

One of my husband's aunts later said exactly the same thing, as did a friend of mine's Parisienne mil (the fil was a paediatrician and the baby was three weeks old!.....)

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 08:15:22

that shouldn't be funny, ggg, but lol!

This is my MIL (lovely woman NOT) on the phone to her elder sister:-

"Oh we're just on the way out to the garden centre to get some lunch. Don't forget to get yourself something to eat".

belgo Tue 26-Jun-07 08:22:01

Attila, I don't get it.

Chelseamum Tue 26-Jun-07 08:30:07

I adore my MIL.... I am quite upset reading some of the post and if all you say it's for real I think that I've lived a very sheltered life.

The best quote my MIL has said to me is as follows;

"Housework and gardening are boooorin and life is just to short, just pay someone to do it"

I love her to bits!

WinkyWinkola Tue 26-Jun-07 09:58:00

But the quotes don't all have to be negative, do they? There are some classic ones on here that aren't really that negative - just funny.

Chelseamum Tue 26-Jun-07 10:00:42

haven;t read the whole thread tbh...some quotes have really put me off....

FIL when 3 week old DS had collic. "perhaps your breast milk isn't right for him".

EmilyandLola Tue 26-Jun-07 23:11:38

best quote, when she found out I was PG -

"you got yourself into this mess, you get your self out of it, and I dont expect to see you again"

(whilst pointing at me, with her arm around her son's neck...


and her lovely grand daughter is now 9 months old, and I still hate her for that comment. cow

lady007pink Wed 27-Jun-07 13:08:39

Emilyandlola, has she actually seen your daughter since she was born?

DaisyMOO Wed 27-Jun-07 13:26:22

No quotes from me - MIL just doesn't really say anything at all to me, even when I answered the phone on my due date with ds3 she didn't even say hello, just asked for dh She's a very odd woman.

MamaG Wed 27-Jun-07 13:29:11

MIL once made me a cheese & ham pizza for lunch, telling me to "pick teh ham off"

I'm a vegetarian

LoveAngel Wed 27-Jun-07 13:36:11

Where to start? According to my MIL I should have weaned at 2 months, dipped my son's dummy in brandy to help him sleep and never picked him up when he cried (I 'spoiled' him by picking him him up in the night when he was 6 weeks old, apparently). My son also doesn't eat enough because I can't cook, which is going to make him weak (he is on the 98th centile and always has been), and his constant runny nose isn't due to his dust allergy, oh no - he has had a permanenert cold since he was a few months old that I wickedly haven't cured by dosing him up with calpol every night ('like I always did with my boys'). Oh, and I am ruining my son by not smacking him ('they're never too young to understand a smack' apparently...my God, how she producded such a lovely, balanced son as my husband I do not know...)

A few others:

My first day home from hospital with my son, she turned up and sat their watching me breastfeeding (I mean REALLY eyeballing me) shaking her head and tutting and said: 'That child needs a bottle. Your breasts aren't big enough to feed such a big baby."

...fast forward to a few months later, after I'd stopped breasteeding, and I heard her telling her friend on the phone that '...No, my daughter in law didn't breastfeed. She was always too impatient." WTF???


(On seeing me for the first time in months, after I'd lost about 2 stone of 'baby weight' and dropped from a dress size 20 to a 14-16):
"You've lost weight? I hadn't noticed." and then "A size 16? No! You're at least an 18!"

After turning up unannounced for 'a month's stay, to help with the baby' when I was 8 months pregnant, then extending her stay by another a month, my husband finally asked his mum if she would mind staying with her other son for a few days while we adjusted to new parenthood. She was mortally offended and said 'You've always been jeaous of my special bond with my sn, now you're jealius of my bond with your own son.' OMG. I had to grip the table not to slap her one.

Last one (I could give you hundreds I reckon, but I'll stop here)

Observing my son's nose, which is a sort of braod button-nose shape: 'Such a shame about his nose. Why don't you put a clothespeg on it for a few hours a day?'. I had to laugh or I would have committed an act of violence.

"Oh we're just on the way out to the garden centre to get some lunch. Don't forget to get yourself something to eat".

Hi Belgo

I shall explain further
MIL and co (i.e her husband and useless BIL) alll decided to go out to lunch so she phoned her sister to tell her. The "don't forget to get yourself something to eat" comment was also directed at her sister - MIL did not even bother to ask if she wanted to come along with them!.

bakedpotato Wed 27-Jun-07 14:26:56

[when I said I had to buy some vinaigrette, as we were going on to a holiday cottage after leaving ILs]
'Oh, do you buy it readymade? I always make my own.'
(Which is peculiar, as she has only ever put out salad cream when we visit)

bohemianbint Wed 27-Jun-07 14:27:13

ooooh fantastic.

Here's some from mine:

"Ooooh, you've put on weight" (on seeing me at 20wks pg after not having seen me for about 15wks)

"I hope you're not still planning on a silly homebirth/waterbirth"

"I imagine you'll be calling the child something weird?"


I dunno why we don't see her more...

belgo Wed 27-Jun-07 14:33:15

Oh I get it now - thanks Attila!

"That baby is your passport into this family" - gee, thanks

and

"We've a right to a say about ...., she is a quarter ours!!'" EH???

lady007pink Wed 27-Jun-07 19:18:31

Recently, we took DD2 swimming for the first time, but she didn't like it and she got shivery, so I took her out after a few minutes.
MIL said "You should not have taken her out - don't let her rule your life!
FFS, she's only 6 months old!

Waswondering Wed 27-Jun-07 19:20:29

Morning after our wedding, to me -

"He was tired yesterday - did he sleep well"

Chirpygirl Wed 27-Jun-07 19:30:11

(I think someone else's said this further down as well)
I told MIL about braxton hicks I had been having at the weekend and she said 'well, I never bothered with having them, I just gave birth.'

Like I asked for them!?!

roseycozy Thu 28-Jun-07 12:44:54

Well much as I love my MIL, she is rather eccentric and not overly blessed with tact. Luckily she really likes me for some reason so her comments are never directed at me.

When I was pg with DD she told me that she never interferes with people's child rearing, then in the same breath went on to say how she walked up to a crying baby in a shop and took the dummy from his mouth! Baby stopped crying unsurprisingly!

And she upset BIL (my sister's DH) at our wedding by poking him in the tummy with boney finger and saying "you've got big!" BIL is not fat and hardly knows her. She does same to DH tho all the time (he's also not fat), but not to me or my SILs (and we could all loose a few pounds )

Libra Thu 28-Jun-07 13:18:00

DH has been married before. For his first wedding, MIL gave his wife some rather nice underwear. Very expensive.
When we got married about ten years later, MIL wrote to first wife and asked her to send the underwear back so that it could be given to me.

RibenaBerry Thu 28-Jun-07 14:10:54

Not parenting but still classic MIL.

My father had been engaged before he met my mum (had been single for about a year when they met, so his mother wasn't bitter about overlap or anything like that). When she met my mother she looked her up and down and said "well I hope that she lasts longer than that last one".

Acinonyx Thu 28-Jun-07 15:18:27

Hardly see my MIL who is pretty much OK - but my mom has said many annoying things. Just before I got married she gave me this advice: 'Just don't have any children - it's not worth it'. Gee, thanks mom.....! Jill

qwertpoiuy Sun 18-Nov-07 13:40:23

My DD2 has started walking with the aid of a baby walker activity toy. MIL bought her new shoes and put them on her last night. Poor DD2 got up, grabbed onto her toy but couldn't move because the soles were gripping the floor and stopping her from shuffling her feet along the floor. She got frustrated so I went over to remove her shoes. MIL exclaimed "Leave her! She has to learn to walk with shoes on!". FFS, she isn't even walking independently yet! I waited another few seconds, and after more crying I just said "She'll lose all her confidence in walking if she's restricted like this!" and pulled them off her. I noted MIL shaking her head with the side of my eye when I removed them!

colditz Sun 18-Nov-07 13:58:44

When these MILs say things like "She has to... He must learn to ..."

The answer is "Why? What will happen if she doesn't learn to walk in those shoes? She will grow out of them, and then I will buy her some new ones and she can learn to walk in those instead .. I don't really understand your concern?"

MALO Sun 18-Nov-07 13:59:06

The day before I married her son....

'Remember, he is MY son'.

sad

Message withdrawn

JeremyVile Sun 18-Nov-07 14:04:10

"Oh, you dont mind do you? We are very particular about potatoes....."

Said when I walked into kitchen to find her taking the potatoes off the hob and putting them in the oven.

MY potatoes, MY kitchen, SHE was the guest!!

MALO Sun 18-Nov-07 14:07:08

Me being referred to as...

'My son's so-called wife'....sad

qwertpoiuy Sun 18-Nov-07 14:07:16

Well said, colditz. angry at MALO, YorkshirePudding and JV's posts!
I'm glad I revitalised this thread!

Message withdrawn

pollywollybauble Sun 18-Nov-07 15:02:21

"ooh both my two were using the potty at 6 months....you can't wait until shes 2 and a half"....said about 2 minutes into every visit until dd was....over 2 and a half!

"i can't bear to leave my little baby..." when visiting me and dd 48 hours old in the hospital. dh and fil gave up...i had to evict her!

and "i saw this and thought of you"....about the most passion killing gingham nightdress i have ever seen in my life (to my credit i kept my face neutral and said "you keep it...i don't actually wear anything when i'm in bed"....she was shock)

and.....stop now polly

robinredbreast Sun 18-Nov-07 15:16:16

background me 37 weeks pg dd arrived that week

mil blimey you are getting really big arnet you? how much do you weigh now?
me about 11 and a half stone
mil oh my god ! you dont do you !interrupping dh and fil shes 11 and a half stone shes catching up withyou t fil!

then the second time i saw mil after dd was born still having problems after [quite difficult birth 4th degree tear pph etc] have you lost much weight yet ?

then the day before going hospital about repair job mil so have you lost much weight yet,look as though your nearly there
this was met with stoney silence got bigger things to worry about at the moment was less than 10 stome anyway

Ispy Sun 18-Nov-07 17:29:21

My MIL is Greek, mother of 4 boys, no daughters. I should be sainted...

Whilst struggling to bf colicky dd (my first child). "Maybe she's allergic to your milk".
(Needless to say she didn't breastfeed).

Sitting practically on my lap whilst bf'ing dd: "Are you sure she's getting anything?"

About dd as a baby "She has the same body as me, very short legs"

"DD has bow legs just like her grandfather. (DD was a few weeks old at the time. All babies are bow-legged at this age....).

After ds was born "We don't have flat heads on our side of the family".

She decided recently that ds was constipated after he hadn't poo'd for 24 hours and wanted to give him a laxative.

Blu Sun 18-Nov-07 17:47:40

FIL - on meeting DS for the first time, to my DP: (i am an older Mum)
'you should have another baby...Des o'Connnnor had a baby when he was 73 - he found a new woman who was younger...'

MIL, to me, about some nieces
"oh they spend so much time ironing their cloths and making sure they look nice - not like you"

MIL, to me, on FIL's habit of watching women's wrestling videos
"Oh he really enjoys his wrestling videos, he shouts 'Blu could beat her, imagine Blu with her big legs, sitting on top of her...Blu would win easily"

(I think that was meant as a compliment)

claraenglish Sun 18-Nov-07 22:46:02

Message withdrawn

Jacanne Sun 18-Nov-07 22:59:08

Mine's not to bad - I think the worst when pregnant was "I wouldn't be surprised if you got post-natal depression" - I didn't fortunately.

I've had a few since about how fussy my children are about food, a couple about their behaviour - luckily she doesn't say the choice ones to me but to DH who has a huge row with her everytime she criticises. Still, she hasn't mentioned the fact that I'm still BF - actually I'm not sure she knows.

TBH though, my Mum has come out with a few choice ones in her time too.

lemonaid Sun 18-Nov-07 23:42:09

My MIL is fine. But DH's grandmother, to DH, in what she fondly imagined was a whisper, just after meeting me: "She's a lovely girl, but she doesn't have your looks..."

leftmyironon Mon 19-Nov-07 00:18:19

"You'll rue the day you marry that girl"

- to DH 24 hours before the wedding.

"Well, you're a MacXXXXX now, we'd better make the best of it"

- to me, ten minutes after.


Twelve years, still married, yah boo sucks grin

RosaLuxMundi Mon 19-Nov-07 00:38:57

Blu - thanks a lot for that little vignette of family life chez your PIL - there is a half-eaten Rolo all over my screen now!

OverRated Mon 19-Nov-07 00:39:27

Squonk, my ex MIL said the same

"You know us, we don't like to interfere..." hmm
"Well, we don't like to say anything..." (to your face but we'll bitch about you when you've gone) angry

"Well, I bottlefed my kids" said in a holier than thou tone angryangry

"He's a mummy's boy, isn't he?" about 4 month old DS when he stopped crying after she handed him back to me

I could go on but it's making me stressed grin

CalifraundingFathers Mon 19-Nov-07 01:07:08

I shall hark back to the 1st question my EMIL asked of me before she met me. She didnt ask what I was like, where I was from or anything useful. No. My EMIL asked if I was petite. hmm

DH said "wait and see"

I am a size 22. The look on her face when I got out of the car was pure HORROR.

JeremyVile Mon 19-Nov-07 01:23:53

How funny - My MIL asked DP the same thing thing.
I'm 5.9 so have not been petite since I was 8!
She's tiny herself, 4.10 I think so I think she took it as an insult that her son strayed so far from her image grin

CalifraundingFathers Mon 19-Nov-07 01:58:19

"I think she took it as an insult that her son strayed so far from her image "
Amen Jeremy, Amen. My EMIL is decorative but shallow, empty headed and self centred. I am absolutely totally positively not like my MIL. I am the complete opposite. Thank God!

laurliemonkey Mon 19-Nov-07 05:36:07

at our first ever meeting, i was 18 and she said 'oh i always imagined dh with a tall, slim girl'. she also invited dh's ex to our wedding ( i was fuming).

once we had children, in addition to the usual 'rod for your own back' business, she fed my dd formula when out with 5 wk old dd instead of the expressed i'd given her.

and she wonders why we see her twice a year, and won't be having her around whenever the next one comes along.

Columbia Mon 19-Nov-07 06:22:05

While I was trying tactfully to explain why I had left her son for being an abusive b*stard:

'Oh that was just silly. He's been under a lot of stress.'

'I hope the new year will bring some forgiveness and understanding'.

'Well you've got your revenge, he's in a bad way'.

I was pregnant, had HG and severe depression and he had buggered off leaving me to rely on my poor parents.

enough said...

hazygirl Mon 19-Nov-07 07:45:03

i had a retained placenta when i had my ds 22years ago ,nearly died haemoraged massive ,hooked up to a machine ,tubes everywhere and mil comes in with grapes sat next to my bed and says youll never want sex again ffs and she ate my grapes since i was nil by mouth

CranberryMartini Mon 19-Nov-07 10:04:18

Not a nasty comment... but one I will never forget:

If you can imagine my MIL, she's tiny, just turned 70, posh, loaded, submissive to FIL.

Dishing out the roast dinner, she drops a couple of sausages. What did she say? Golly gosh? Whoopsadaisy?

No...













"Oh Fuck!"

shock grin

I nearly choked on my boiled cabbage!

batters Mon 19-Nov-07 10:30:33

"My son goes like a greek god in the sun"
"You've lost lots of weight. Of course you are still appallingly overweight you know"
"oh yes, she (dp's former girlfriend) is so beautiful, I bet all her old boyfriends want her back"
"I am going to smoke a cigarette in the same room as your 2 day old baby, is there a problem?"
"I don't go for that breast feeding malarky, you are passing all your toxins on"
"The role of me as grandmother is to undermine you two as parents"
"Why can't I talk about paedophilia" (said in front of 9 year old dd)
"Why can't dd watch Jerry Spinger" (said when dd was about 3)
"Why can't dd watch tv and have you reading to her at the same time?"

OOh I feel better now.

Blu's legs are lovely by the way!

Megglevache Mon 19-Nov-07 10:39:25

Message withdrawn

LilianGish Mon 19-Nov-07 10:52:18

"I think people who want to find out the sex before the baby is born need psychological counselling" - after I'd got the results of my amnio and the news that I was pregnant with a girl.

bogie Mon 19-Nov-07 10:52:50

grin haven't seen this thread for ages really making me giggle again my mil is lovley so i haven't got any to add

LilianGish Mon 19-Nov-07 10:54:49

Just remembered some more words of encouragement: "Of course the problem with breast feeding is noone else can do it for you."

To me and my SIL before our BIL's wedding

"I'm so thrilled to finally be getting a glamourous DIL"

Anna8888 Mon 19-Nov-07 10:59:01

Not my MIL but a friend's. 6 months after the birth, when my friend arrived to stay at her MIL's house in South of France, the MIL said by way of a greeting as my friend got out of the car "Oh gosh, you still haven't lost the extra weight from your thighs". shock

peacelily Mon 19-Nov-07 11:03:22

"Ooh that pink lipstick suits you, it's loads better than that red you usually wear" (been waering reddish lipstick/gloss most of my adult lfe, including on my wedding day when a make-up artist designed my "look")

Everytime we have a meal with her to 14 mo dd "I'd let you have it love but your mummy would kill me" when dd tries to snatch food from her plate a habit we're obviously trying not to encourage...

morningglory Mon 19-Nov-07 12:01:50

My MIL is an ignorant, self-obsessed cow...and that's me being charitable.

Upon meeting me "Oh, men often fall for women who look like their mothers. I have small eyes too." (i'm oriental, She's French).

When DS was crying with colic at 6 weeks, "Put a piece of bread in his mouth. He's just hungry." This is after she criticized me for BFing DS every 2 hours, telling me I was feeding him too much.

To DH referring to me because I was skipping out on going to lunch to pack our things and take care of DS as we were going back to the UK after DS's first Christmas with them in France (he was only 6 weeks old "Oh she just can't cope, can she. I was working the day after I gave birth to you." (Yes, and she had sent away he elder daughter of 15 months for 3 months and hired a FT nanny to take care of DH when he was born because it childcare was too much for her!)

MIL: Oh, your neighborhood reminds me of Canada! (we live in London)
Me: Why do you say that?
MIL: Because the houses are made out of brick and there are trees on the sidewalk.

Walnutshell Mon 19-Nov-07 12:02:14

Reading this and feeling really grateful for my MIL...!

Still, you'll all have some corkers to pass on to your own DIL's if your son is foolish enough to get married! grin

Tortington Mon 19-Nov-07 12:05:12

"we are leaving the house to xxx" - thats grandchild number 7 out of 7 youngest and favoured brothers child.

Walnutshell Mon 19-Nov-07 12:14:37

Well, perhaps he's the nicest of the grandchildren, custardo. Come on, be reasonable grin

On discussing the fact that ds may be colour-blind as it runs in my family 'oh well you won't get anything like that from our side' - forgetting the genetic testing dh and I had to go through because of the severe genetic disorder that runs in his family...

Feel duty bound to add she is an absolute gem in every other way but that really annoyed and upset me sad

dooley1 Mon 19-Nov-07 12:22:50

megglevache - after reading your post in March I'm surprised you let her anywhere near you sad

God this thread is good for making me feel better about my MIL (she's not so bad compared to some of these!!)

I was about 5 months pg & VERY big with DD2. DD1 had been 9lbs 9oz. The midwives were clucking about the size of DD2, & I commented to MIL that as DH & I were both tall & large framed it wasn't surprising the baby was on the large side.

" Yes well dear if you breed from carthorses you're not going to get thoroughbreds are you?"

shock

MuffinMclay Mon 19-Nov-07 13:08:44

On holiday with MIL. Ds 4 months old, lying on sofa, rolls and falls off onto tiled floor, colliding with cup of tea as he does so. He screams as loudly annd hysterically.
MIL, sitting on sofa with head in a book, looks up briefly, says 'the dishwasher needs emptying', and returns to her book.

More recently, when advised that dc2 will be a boy says 'oh dear, I am sorry'. WTF! (she had 3 boys herself).

RosaLuxMundi Mon 19-Nov-07 13:39:44

I think MN Towers needs to move this thread to classics.

My mum once asked my mil, trying to make conversation really, whether my sil was 'courting' yet. I was cringing so much at the question, it was only afterwards that I really realised how racist and insulting to me her reply was - she said " I don't care who xxxx {sil} marries, as long as they are not white !!! My mil is Indian and has never accepted me and I think that was the final straw in my struggle to try and be the daughter in law she really wanted. Obviously I could never do the one thing that she deemed important, which was to make myself Indian.

hazygirl Mon 19-Nov-07 13:56:18

pml on friday took my two eldest granddaughters to mil /dreaded visit who r we going to c says oldest i said their christian names oh they r the same as great grandma she says,anyway half an hour later leaving i said to the girls say goodbye, eldest girl turned round and said goodbye WORSE GRANDMA i pml ,doesnt it say it all .

AnAngelWithin Mon 19-Nov-07 13:59:06

mine asks how i am and if i say anything but 'im good thanks' i get the reply of:

'well YOU chose to have 4 kids what do you expect?!?!'

how nice of her to care how i am feeling hmm

Nip Mon 19-Nov-07 14:04:31

when i was pregnant MIL said, i really hope the baby will have Nip's brown eyes and Mr Nip's personality. (So what wrong with my personality!!!!) LOL

And only yesterday again commented how they put their 'order' in and got what they wanted!!!!

God forbid DS would have had blue eyes, and even worse, my personality!!!! hmm

MissusH Mon 19-Nov-07 14:05:51

shock at some of these!! my mil is a star in comparison...

The only contribution is not an insult but here goes...while sitting down to dinner at pil's house:
MIL - "I hope the meat is okay - it's one of those Bernard Manning roast things..."

DH to me "does this taste funny to you?"

i am trying not to rofl and dear mil totally oblivious grin

teuch Mon 19-Nov-07 14:22:04

many, many, many, many..

just a few off the top of my head hmm

"I NEVER had a labour pain with any of my 4...just a sore knee with the first"...erm, ok...

"oh doesn't he look so SEXY like that" referring to my 10m DS as he glanced back at us.

"oh, you don't iron your bedding...I suppose it is just the way you were brought up"

"You fell on your feet the day you met (DH) didn't you! Just after his money" (he's a farmer...nuff said!)

"your degree was totally mickey mouse though wasn't it?" (after I got a first)

Don't get me on a roll!!!

pollywollybauble Mon 19-Nov-07 21:13:16

oh and she barged into dd's 1st birthday tea for her little friends (i'd deliberately kept the family one separate) and every child got "isn't she big" "isn't she hefty" "hasn't she got a big tummy" "is she going to eat all of that chocolate,she'll have a big belly" etc,etc

and later she offered me a t shirt because "it's too big for me, i thought it would fit you..." we are about the same size

(except her arse is bigger....and one of these days i will forget my manners and say something!!!! )

hickorydickory Mon 19-Nov-07 22:17:41

thank god I'm not alone grin

3 days after getting home from hospital with ds (and after having undergone emergency cs) my mil said - in faux jokey voice - to new ds, as she surveyed my living room " You'll have to learn to walk soon so you can use the hoover, mummy's forgotten how" shock

This was the first of about 3 visits she's made to me since I had ds 9 months ago - she lives 2 mins walk away, (and no, she didn't offer me any help round the house or with ds) Maybe just as well grin

OFSTEDoutstanding Mon 19-Nov-07 23:01:09

My MIL said to my best friend when they were discussing whether my next child would be a boy or a girl shortly after having ds1.
"It will be a boy darling this family doesn't do girls" wtf there is 2 boys and 10 girls on her side of the family and 1 boy and 6 girls on my side. Needless to say I am now trying for TWIN GIRLS to really p**s her off wink

Oh just recalled another one!

After telling close friends about BIL's new baby A DD to match the DS he had first.....

"yes isn't it clever of dear X & Mrs X they now have a pigeon pair whilst C (my DH) is going for a bitch pack!!" (beaming round at shocked company)

I'm afraid I hissed at her "My DD's are NOT bitches thank you!" & stormed out to hear
"oooh what have I said?" in arch mock-concerned voice as I left the room.....grrrr!

shortshafe Tue 20-Nov-07 15:26:56

not my offical MIL, as she died before I met DH, but DH's auntie takes on the MIL role soooo well.

I was in hospital after having dd, less than 24 hours after ECS, I'd begged for a shower but the ward was so short staffed there was noone to take my drip, morphine etc out. Eventually someone came to unhook me, I shuffled down the corridor, holding my catheter bag (lovely) as DH's aunt and uncle burst through the doors into the reception area and ask to see me - the midwife says - 'she's just going for a shower and can't have visitors at the moment' DH's auntie says in a very loud voice - 'well she'll have to wait - I want to see my new baby!' angry
I still haven't forgiven her and she adds insult to the injury every time we see her!

qwertpoiuy Sun 18-May-08 16:56:22

Bumping this up again!
I've spent the past few hours reading through these classics! Unbelievable to know there are people like those around. And to think they're your loved ones nearest and dearest!

mybrainaches Sun 18-May-08 17:00:38

Your ds is autistic because you sent him to a childminder til he was almost 3 years oldshock

qwertpoiuy Sun 18-May-08 18:30:05

shock at mybrainaches! Never mind how you might be feeling, but to lump all the guilt onto you!

mosschops30 Sun 18-May-08 18:34:22

'im of the opinion that if ur big enough to have children then u should stay at home to look after them'

stupid bitch

Liz79 Sun 18-May-08 18:35:33

MIL lovely but my mum, well. During the early days of my pregnancy, the first thing she would say every time we spoke was "are you still pregnant?" It was a much wanted pregnancy all round, I don't know what she meant, she would of been upset if I'd lost DD too. when i pointed out that it wasn't a nice thing to say, her retort was always "oh lizabeth, I'm only joking, get a sense of humour, you're so insecure"!!!

deaftowhingeing Sun 18-May-08 19:29:09

these are fab

Fortunately for me my MIL is generally OK and I'm v fond of her. Tho she is a complete hypochondriac and has bred another in the form of her son (DP).. PND? Not as bad as what she had? Laid in bed for 6 weeks after PD1 with a hideous infection? Not a patch on the hell she went through...

And when pregnant in later stages with DD2, a phone call every day "have you had the baby yet?"

FFS - oh yes, sorry, forgot to mention it....

NoBiggy Sun 18-May-08 19:33:43

"I don't know what I'd do without my legs"

????

jafina Sun 18-May-08 19:51:26

My MIL has had some corkers but the one that really left me speechless was this one....

After I told her that one of my uncles had been a paedophile and abused 3 of my cousins: "oh that sort of thing didn't happen in my day!". hmm

And every time she walks past a "coloured person" she feels the need to say "you'd hardly know you were in England anymore would you?". Argh!!!!

2Happy Sun 18-May-08 20:03:57

Having refused to pay anything towards our wedding except the flowers, on the day before the wedding MIL presented dh with a cheque for exactly a third of the cost with the words "spend it on something that will last" angrysad

bohemianbint Sun 18-May-08 20:11:32

MIL to me at 7 months pregnant:

"Oooh, you've put on weight!"

WTF?!

angry

my MiL is lovely. But one time when dh and I had been together about 3 years, we arrived at the ILs' place for Sunday dinner and as we walked in the door, she said, "Are you two getting married? Because I've got some money saved and if you're not, I'll spend it on a new washing machine." lol

waycat Mon 19-May-08 05:42:13

Oh dear, if you've got a month I can tell you hundreds of things my MIL has said before putting her brain into gear.

However, the two that really stick in my mind are when I told her I was pregnant:

DS1: "Huh, thought you might be".

DS2: "What? Surely not yet? It's far too soon after the first one. You should have waited at least six years. You can't possibly afford two. You won't love the first one as much when the second one arrives".......

The master of tact, that's my MIL - NOT! angry

quokka Mon 19-May-08 07:17:05

"Do you want me to turn the chair facing the wall so you can cry without the others seeing?" Honestly shock!

pleasechange Mon 19-May-08 12:28:05

I have a few examples
When I was about 5 months pregnant - "Oh you really are big" - I said "Well the baby is growing". Her reply - "Yes but it must be a very big baby"

When we were getting married and I was going dress shopping "Well whatever you do, don't get anything in white"

Some other random occasion when discussed clothes "Well as long as you don't get brown, you really don't suit brown"

DH wonders why I find her annoying

Inquisitive Tue 20-May-08 13:09:04

My MIL is lovely, just a bit dappy, but she came out with a corker the other day:

"Obviously I'll want to see my new grandchild as soon as possible, but just after it's born it's really important to have some family bonding time - that first half hour should be just the three of you"

HALF AN HOUR?! I mean, it's lovely that she's interested and excited but I can only assume both I and DH are going to be a bit shell-shocked since it's our first - might want a bit longer to get ourselves together!

NatalieJaneIsPregnantAgain Tue 20-May-08 13:28:26

(While I was threatening prem. labour, no one else at all to look after DS1, she was living with her now DH, and had already agreed to basically being on call for when I went into labour)

"I can't come and watch DS1, I can't leave my cats over night"

barnstaple Tue 20-May-08 14:12:41

sFIL when he heard I had a Blue Badge (ms): "Cheat, you look alright to me"

MIL re my 4 week old dd: "You should start giving her bottles of Ribena now"

MIL re dd a few months into weaning: "Oh she's far too young to have fish" (she popped it into the bin when I went to the loo)

MIL throughout weaning process: "you really should be using those jars they sell in the supermarket; you really shouldn't be making stuff for her, I'm sure it's not good"

dd is about 2 and having a very small tantrum MIL "what on earth is she doing?"
me (laughing) "having a tantrum!"
MIL (shocked and horrified) "is that normal?"
me "completely. They all have them at this age. I'd be more worried if she didn't"
MIL "MINE never did" - grin dh even remembers being dragged all round town kicking and screaming and having a worse tantrum than dd ever did, at about the age of 4!

Sadly they really are both very stupid people without two braincells to rub together; happily they live a long way away and we don't see them much.