Worst thing your toddler has got up to unsupervised

(268 Posts)
nappyaddict Mon 11-May-09 12:30:13

It's not at all like saying that because when you go to the beach you wear sun cream and you wouldn't give your child boiling hot food, you'd let it cool down first. That aside all the things I mentioned can be hazards if you're not careful and don't wear the appropiate protection, yet many don't make their children wear protection. Falling down the stairs isn't a fun activity and can be just as much of a hazard as falling off a table.

I really don't know why you are so determined to make this into a debate when all I'm guilty of is having a table smaller than yours and was therefore curious of why you had that reaction.

Sycamoretree Sun 10-May-09 17:11:00

I was being sarcastic, not obtuse. I am neither thick or slow on the uptake, thanks.

I just wish you would stop equating fun activities with actual safety hazards, that's all.

To try and make my point clearer, he's my final attempt. I'll exaggerate but here goes:

It's like saying you don't mind letting your DS play with the oven because a child can get burnt doing lots of things like, going to the beach, eating hot food, but hey, you wouldn't stop them doing those things would you, so you know, why worry about a little thing like playing with the oven.

And no, our table is about 90 cms high.

nappyaddict Sun 10-May-09 10:09:25

Sycamoretree I'm not trying to have a debate with you, I was innocently curious!! No my 15 month couldn't ride a scooter or a bike but you were worried about broken bones and those are activities along with many other things like roller skating, climbing trees etc that when your child is older will probably result in broken bones yet no one stops those. I did allow my 15 month old (and younger cos he was 12 months at the beginning of summer) unsupervised on bouncy castles and trampolines with other children which apparently according to one snooty mother who wanted her child to be allowed on on her own was an accident and broken bones waiting to happen.

I never said you were a spoilt overprotective mother, neither have I tried to imply that. I have already said our table is 78cm which is why I was never worried when DS climbed on it - yours is 100cm so much higher.

DS is allowed to climb on the window sill as the windows are always locked. He would not be allowed if there was any way he could open the windows. Now who's being obtuse hmm I don't understand why you have turned my innocent question into this massive thing but hey ho. Like I said we are all different.

swanriver Sun 10-May-09 00:05:54

Ate half a firelighter. No illeffects at all. This was 6 years ago

Sycamoretree Sun 10-May-09 00:01:51

Nappy will probably be along any minute to wonder what on earth you were so bloody worried about, I mean, if he got out there, he could get himself back in, right? hmm

pollypentapeptide Sat 09-May-09 23:38:28

DS aged 3 used to climb up onto his bedroom windowsill and hide behind the curtains when DH came up to say goodnight. It was a ritual they did most nights (mad idea I know but we did have window locks fitted and so somehow thought this was ok hmm)

One night however, the window had been left unopened and my husband crept into the room and hearing giggles behind the curtains, threw them open with a big rahhhhhh! only to find DS standing on the window sill OUTSIDE shock

Managed to get him safely inside and for months I refused to wash away the little footprints he had left on the window ledge to serve as a reminder of our total and utter stupidity.

Sycamoretree Sat 09-May-09 23:18:04

You're describing a bunch of activities that would naturally be supervised. Are you ACTUALLY saying I should not stop my DS from climbing unsupervised on a dining room table? That in I'm some kind of spoil spoilt over protective mother Are you quite mad?

You are crazy if you think riding a scooter (your 15 month old could do that???) or a tricycle remotely compares.

I said our table was not far off a metre.

No one else can see your point. You're doing your best not to see any sense in what I have posted, and I have to conclude that some people just aren't worth debating with for reasons I'm too polite to post.

nappyaddict Sat 09-May-09 09:54:49

Oh right, why would I be being obtuse because of that thread - you were one of the people being nice!!

Yes I understand it's high enough for them to fall and break bones from but so is coming down the stairs, going on a slide, jumping on the bed, riding a bike/trike/scooter and various other fun things that no one would ever think of stopping them from doing.

Our dining table is only slightly higher than a bed or the arm of a sofa which I'm sure no one would worry about. In fact just measured it and it's 76cm. He also frequently would climb on a chair, on the table and then crawl around it. If he was walking around the table I would share your concern because as you say they could lose their footing. If you'd said your table was a metre high then I would have understood straight away as that's much higher than ours. You must all be very tall - I'd need a booster seat for a table with a height of 100cm!!

redsky Fri 08-May-09 23:35:29

dh woke up after an afternoon nap to find ds (5) had snipped off all dd(1)'s curls leaving her bald! Said he was being a hairdresser - thank god he didn't choose dentistry.

Sycamoretree Fri 08-May-09 23:06:55

Nappy - it's the shock of what could have been, not was was.

I can't ever see how a dining table is "not that high". You do understand it's high enough for them to fall and break bones from? How minimal would the damage ever be for a 15 month old to fall from that height? Ours is almost a metre high?

But fine, each to their own levels of safety concern hmm- or else you have a different picture in your mind of what happened, or your DS was spectacularly more adept at climbing, judging distance and not losing his footing at that age?

The other thread was re your mum being screamed at.

But let's move on. I'm too old for this tittle tattle.

hazeyjane Fri 08-May-09 19:43:29

Thanks Sycamoretree, she was ok, but an afternoon in a+e with 2 toddlers is never much of a laugh!

It's amazing how quick kids can be (when you're not trying to get somewhere, of course), I was in the room with her washing up, one minute she was flinging glitter around, the next she was stood on the table shouting 'Blast off!'

littlelamb Fri 08-May-09 19:05:00

Sycamoretree I would be horrified at that too. My ds is 11 mo and is proving to be quite the HOudini. His latest trick is climbing out of his straps and standing up in his highchair. I am going to spend the next X years of my life watching him like a hawk grin
Can you really not see the difference between a table and a slide nappy?? WHat would your ds have to do to worry you? grin

nappyaddict Fri 08-May-09 18:51:55

Sycamoretree which other thread? I wasn't asking blunty. I asked why because it wouldn't have worried me at all not being that high and also cos you said he was sitting quite safely in the middle not standing up balancing dangerously near the edge. Promise I'm not being obtuse I was generally curious.

ICANDOTHAT Fri 08-May-09 17:24:56

When ds2 was about 2, he put AAA battery into friends new born babies mouth hoping it would "make him move" .... WTF shock blush

Sycamoretree Fri 08-May-09 14:16:25

Poor DD Hazeyjane sad

And I should also say I just don't see how you can compare a slide in a park, where presumably you are supervising your child at play, to a child who is unsupervised whilst you're in the kitchen who climbs up onto a kitchen table when you had no idea they were capable of such feats of mountaineering.

hazeyjane Fri 08-May-09 14:11:18

BTW, my re: the falling off tables thing.

Dd1 fell off the kitchen table when she was 2 1/2, caught her foot in the highchair, and hit her head on a cupboard. We took her to hospital (BIG bump!), and they said that if a child falls off something taller than itself (generally) they should always be checked out.

Sycamoretree Fri 08-May-09 13:52:35

Nappyaddict - the hmmis because the whole idea that you had to ask why I would have a heart attack (not literally!!! Spirit of anecdotal threat, yes?)in such a blunt way at the sight of a 15 month old sat unsupervised on top of a dining table is unequivocably double hmm. You're being obtuse to suggest otherwise.

I think you were being snarky with me because of what I said on your other thread.

stripeypineapple Fri 08-May-09 13:23:57

My DD locked me and my aged grandmother in her kitchen so I had to(in my PJ's and barefooted) climb out of the window onto the roof, leap across the path, into a tree and climb/fall down that to get round to the front door to let my self back in to rescue grandma.

My friends DS woke up before everyone else one morning and got a litre bottle of oil from the cupboard and poured it over her beautiful new, expensive rug.

How lovely and experimental toddlers are.

VinoEsmeralda Fri 08-May-09 13:19:06

DS ate his own poo (didnt like it), managed to open a child locked drawer with kitchen knives and had a 'pirate' fight with DD (I heard this cling cling noise and have never been so quick!) He climbed upon the kitchen surface and opened my vitamin pills (in cupboard) and downed a few with a litre pack of smoothie.

He also used to have an obsession with toilets and one day I heard a hollow 'help me mummy' and he was stuck with his head in the toilet (seat had fallen around his shoulders and got stuck grin

He is a well balanced calm 5 year old now!

hazeyjane Fri 08-May-09 13:12:24

dd1 swallowed half a tube of Colgate

dd2 coloured in her lips with a red felt tip pen (this morning) - she looks like a scary toddler Marilyn Monroe.

saadia Fri 08-May-09 13:05:45

Mine wasn't exactly destructive but it makes me shudder. Little known to me, I only found out by chance one day, when ds2 went to the toilet he would drip a bit and would use the towel, that we used for drying hands, to wipe it with. I have no idea how long he had been doing this but the thought of it is just so horrible.

smugmumofboys Fri 08-May-09 13:02:28

DS1 (now 6) cut his baby brother's hair with very sharp scissors which he had scaled several bookshelves to access (everything nailed to wall in our house).

Painted the walls in DH's study with a selection of paint samples.

Threw DS2 down the stairs when we had just moved into this house and hadn't got the stairgates up.

I could go on.

nappyaddict Fri 08-May-09 12:55:14

I never said they did but a slide is much higher than a table and they could theoretically fall backwards quite easily and break bones. Ditto my divan bed which is quite high and the arm of the sofa. Not sure what the hmm is for? As I said some people are just more relaxed about these sorts of things - nothing wrong with that we are all different which is a good thing imo.

Pinkjenny Fri 08-May-09 10:17:09

OMG Ledodgy. grin

Ledodgy Fri 08-May-09 10:06:12

Cut his curly hair off right down the front and middle so he looked like Max Wall. Pic on profile.

Sycamoretree Fri 08-May-09 10:03:41

And tables don't have slides down the other side hmm

Sycamoretree Fri 08-May-09 10:02:46

My sisters DS broke his collar bone climbing out of his high chair at the same age.

And no, he could not climb down a table. It doesn't follow that what you can climb up you can climb down. Cats-trees type scenario, you see?

Yes, I think you are in the minority not to be scared by that, even momentarily.

nappyaddict Thu 07-May-09 23:20:54

Oh right. DS has freqently sat/stood on the table and worktop. I'm of the thinking if they can get up there safely they can generally get down safely and if it's not as high as the slides which he has been going up since he could crawl then he probably won't come to too much harm. I obviously don't scare very easily!

TheArmadillo Thu 07-May-09 23:02:50

I love this thread grin

since I first posted on it ds (now 4) has

at about 2 the day before us going on holiday whilst I was finishing packing, got the brand new huge tub of sudocreme of the top of the dresser and covered himself and the table with it. I walked in, he looked at me and said 'wasn't me'.

He also coloured in all the stripes on our hallway radiator at some point.

Whilst I was out of sight for 2 minutes he managed to get dp's saw, hammer and other assorted tools and dp came in to find him 'making things'.

Sycamoretree Thu 07-May-09 22:05:14

Erm, because he'd managed to climb up a high chair and onto a high table and could have fallen off if I hadn't come in and grabbed him - and like, broken some bones?

nappyaddict Thu 07-May-09 17:19:45

Why a heart attack?

Sycamoretree Thu 07-May-09 16:03:22

Not destructive but very shock-ing.

Walked into lounge to find DS approx 15 months sat in the middle of the dining room table next the fruit bowl, and apple in eat hand, a bite out of each, and two hamster cheeks full.

I didn't know whether to PMSL or have a heart attack.

prettyfly1 Thu 07-May-09 15:45:26

Lol. My son has done the sudocreme thing, made me a "cake" at six in the morning and followed the list up with various sick and disgusting things but NOTHING beats what he did to his step brother a couple of weeks ago.

DSS (6 1/2) and DS (3 nearly 4) were in the bath, I went downstairs to grab fresh towels. DSS can be a bit of a bully and took the opportunity to splash as much water in ds face as possible. Wouldnt stop so DS peed at him. And got it in his mouth. Cue gagging from dss and a concerned call from his mother. joy.

Mumcentreplus Thu 07-May-09 14:25:47

I'm not convinced either!grin after I read it the words 'malodorous scent' have stuck in my mind <<bleurg>>

MarthaMedicine Thu 07-May-09 13:21:43

Mumcentreplus - shock Many thanks smile

I have to say, I am not convinced that such an istrument would enhance my sexual pleasure at all.

I am however happy to take on board the advice that "Many dildos lack a flared end, and thus it is ill-advised to use such dildos anally, since they may get stuck, requiring medical extraction".

LissyGlitter Thu 07-May-09 13:06:19

Earlier today, DD wandered from the living room into the kitchen and straight back, like she is often doing, only this time, she then came up to me and said "mummy, hot!" I wasn't too alarmed, as she is always talking nonsense, so I casually asked her what was hot and she took my hand and led me to the oven, which she had turned on...I think it's time to start shutting the kitchen door!

Mumcentreplus Thu 07-May-09 12:50:49

DD1 @ 18mths did a poo and promptly spread it all over the living room floor (thank god for wooden flooring!)I think it was a dirty protest!..I only left her to go talk to DH in another room for about 5 minutes!

when we came out and saw the mess all we could do was laugh/cry! grin..I had to wrap plastic bags on my feet to clean it up...how a small child could do such a huge poo and spread it such a short time?hmm

DDs washed my DHs moblie phone in the toilet grin

DD1 tried to powder DD2 and covered her face in baby powder all you could see were 2 little eyes looking out!

various times they covered themselves/furniture/toys with creams,lotions,vaseline,food,body glitter etc etc

Mumcentreplus Thu 07-May-09 12:33:27

MM grin


MarthaMedicine Thu 07-May-09 12:18:27

After reading through all this, I now need to know.....

What is a buttplug???


willali Thu 07-May-09 11:51:17

fuzzy peach - are you me??

willali Thu 07-May-09 11:50:45

DD aged 3 climbed from bed onto wide window ledge, opened (first floor)window and, hanging on to the centre strut of the window frame, leaned out and waved to all and sundry outside. I found her with most of her body outside the house and did a Bionic woman type leap across the room (obv in slo mo) and grabbed her in.

I still wake up in a cold sweat about this 6 years later.....

fuzzypeach Wed 06-May-09 22:10:55

I was trying to open a packet of something or other for her once and she dissapeared off and came back holding an extremely large kitchen knife "to help you open it mummy!" which she had got out of the kitchen drawer -to make matters worse - we had someone from the local council parenting team round talking to us about a positive parenting course which we were starting!!

fuzzypeach Wed 06-May-09 22:07:07

DD1 (was aged 3 at the time) managed to open her own bedroom window (by standing on a chair to get on top of her drawers to reach the shelf above them to get to key!) and I walked in her room to see her standing on her window sill leaning out of the window (which is the bigger than her and opens outwards) waving "bye" to daddy - i nearly had a heart attack and screamed which I realised, on reflection was a bad idea as I could have made her jump and therefore fall out of the window shock

nappyaddict Wed 06-May-09 21:54:20

Emptied cereal on the floor
Emptied the fridge including smashing all the eggs
This thread is hilarious grin

Pulled everything off my dressing table one morning when he came into wake me up and I was trying to carry on dozing.
Climbed onto the table and then the window sill and also climbed onto the arm of the sofa and then been dangling from the sofa whilst I've been asleep and left him watching TV.
Fished toilet paper out of the toilet
Wheeled the other office chair out of the office without me noticing whilst I've been MNing blush
Run off up the road whilst I've been MNing blush blush The noises coming from the garden were becoming a bit distant and realised he was up the side entrance and the gate was open. Got up immediately to get him and somehow in seconds he had got to the end of the road despite being the slowest runner in the world for his age.

KTNoo Tue 10-Mar-09 18:02:17

Not my dc but today my friend told me that while they were at her dh's boss's house, ds age 2 went off to the loo, when they went to find him he had pooed in the bidet and tried to clean it up with host's toothbrushes.

upagumtree Tue 10-Mar-09 13:42:51

New one to add. Yesterday he ate the cats food. Cold Whiskas...yumm <barf>

upagumtree Mon 09-Mar-09 10:10:11

telephoned emergency services

Ate a spider

Ate the cat litter in the cat litter

tray...yes it was soiled!

Managed to negotiate harness in the highchair, fell out and whacked his head on the floor

Put the computer mouse down the loo

Boco Mon 09-Mar-09 09:56:55

dd2 has

taken my mobile phone, coated it in sudocrem and floated it in the paddling pool

put the nitty gritty comb on the fire.

drawn on the walls

dd1 - cut her sisters hair into asymmetrical mullet.

mm22bys Mon 09-Mar-09 09:53:32

I posted about DS1 before, well we have our own DS2 story now.

He is 27 months, and the other day DS1 and I were packing the car (for maybe 2 minutes).

DS2 was inside with DH (or so we thought).

When I got inside, I couldn't find DS2 anywhere. I thought DH had him, DH thought I had him.

DH said for me to look around the house (again) - still couldn't find him, while he went down the street to find him.

He found him half way to the station.

This is the same little boy who we were told when he was 10 months old may never walk....

nannyL Sun 08-Mar-09 06:18:32

a 'toddler' of my generation, so now an adult:

got mummies keys off high shelf, by climbing shelf , unlocked front door, went out, unlocked car, got in car, took off handbrake, ()drive was on a slope so car crashed into garage shock

all in a matter of minutes!

livysmum Sun 08-Mar-09 03:43:56

When DD was comming upto age 2 she would call every bug a frog but it soudned more like Fuck..so when neighbours were over and shes pointing at the pavement at an ant saying 'ohh fuck mummy'. LOL I had to explain EVERY time

Rumpel Sat 07-Mar-09 18:18:00

DD got hold of some snufflebabe and smeared it all over the hall wall and the poor cat! I had to try and wash it off the cat who is an angel and constantly goes back for more abuse form DD! shock

I buy washable pens and supervise her playing with them. I was very poorly in bed one day so Dh was 'supervising' the DC. The next day I got up to pen all over the walls, doors, skirting etc. Some of it washed off some didn't due to non-washable pen! It is because I have painted murals on the walls so she thingks it is okay to do so! She drew on my DS when he was 5 months old too blush

My 3 yr old brother broke into my parents' drinks cabinet and poured half a bottle of vodka down my throat when I was 18 months old - might explain my intolerance to it now hmm My Mum spent the day walking me up and down the hall trying to work the alcohol out of my system grin

BlaDeBla Sat 07-Mar-09 17:45:24

I came downstairs to find hair all over the place and DD1 brandishing the kitchen scissors. She and DD2 had been playing 'At the hairdressers'. Luckily only hair was cut.

My brother hoovered up a poo from the loo and broke the hoover.

spinspinsugar Sat 07-Mar-09 10:11:43

Well, not unsupervised - but ds reached behind me and pulled the emergency brake on the tube... a week after the London bombings. I could see people were bricking it in adjacent carriages, although the folk on our carriage were great, helping me talk to the driver and many were chuckling. Even the driver had a laugh - I couldn't believe it, even though ds was super cute at that age. It was positively awful! Why do they put that bright red handle where babies are likely to sit?! blush

DD (2.5) has:

Covered herself in sudocrem and sun cream. (Do you think the makers of sudocrem should start putting child-proof lids on the stuff?!)

Given herself a 'black eye' trying to put mascara on.

When I took her to work one day, she found a box of doughnuts someone had brought in and took a bite out of each one.

She's normally really good at going to the toilet, so the other day when she said she needed a wee, I just told her to get on with it as I was in room next to bathroom. I heard her put her step by the toilet, put her booster seat on toilet, then I happened to glance in the bathroom to find her stood in the middle of the room, trousers and knickers round her ankles, weeing on the floor.hmm

She's run into toilets at playgroup and locked herself in twice.

Tried to smother dd2 wth a cushion ('She's tired mummy, needs a pillow')

Dipped dd2's dummy in her potty, luckily I got to it before she gave it to dd2.

Also, when I was little, apparently I shake'n' vac'd (remember that?) the whole upstairs of my mum's house with talcum powder.

plusonemore Thu 05-Mar-09 22:18:47

hmmm was reading this laughing and thinking 'I havent got any stories'...then O remembered...

On holiday in Ireland, travel cot next to our bed, my mobile on the bedside table...ds1 wakes early (4am?) I am of course ignoring any stirrings in the hope he will go back to sleep...wonder why its all gone quiet...and whats that funny little noise...like a little voice...OMG he has phoned someone from my phone book!!! At 4 in the morning!!! And its someone I dont know very well!!!

Of course, I take the phone apologise profusely...NOT. I take the phone and hang up, hoping they havent got caller ID. 2 mins later my phone rings- its her. Of course, I answer and explain about my naughty cheeky little boy...NOT! I press end call! Oops blush sorry

93pjb Thu 05-Mar-09 22:07:47

DD and DH were sharing a bath when she was about 10mo. She did a poo, DH didn't realise until she tried to feed it to him shock.

Apparently, after his first visit to a urinal, DH took great pleasure in peeing against his bedroom wall. Unfortunately, it was a couple of weeks before his mum realised what was going on...

I think this thread should be required reading for any parent of toddlers - my tears of laughter are slightly offset by the dawning realisation of what lies ahead...

Pinkglow Thu 05-Mar-09 22:07:42

thats youtube video is hysterical

thankfully my DS is too young so give him time.

My brother was ALWAYS uo to something - one time when he was about 2 he went missing, cue the whole family looking all over for him in a paniced state. My dad finds him completely naked jumping up and down on the next door neighbours car.

notquitenormal Thu 05-Mar-09 21:23:12

When my brother was about two he went through a stage of copying the dog. Went out into the garden one day to find him with his head under the fence barking at people walking past.

We heard two women as they went past, 'Oh, it's a shame for him, innit?'

He also used to sleep in the dog basket and eat the dog food.

My DS isn't mobile yet, so no tales from him so far.

andlipsticktoo Thu 05-Mar-09 18:17:19

This is the worst of all my 3 ds capers right here!

Flightattendant27 Thu 05-Mar-09 17:59:37

When ds1 was 2, he found half a tin of blue gloss paint (yes the oil based stuff) and decided to decorate the cat.

She was totally smothered, I panickd, got her in the bath, washed her with white spirit then rinsed it off with shampoo as I realised it was dangerous...then took her to vets where she was sedated and swarfega'd to within an inch of her life. Poor animal. £177 later she was fine.

jemart Thu 05-Mar-09 17:57:01

An entire new tube of toothpaste smeared all over the bathroom.
Made worse by being kiddie toothpaste, apple flavour, bright green gel.
Looked like Slimer from Ghost Busters had trashed the place.

TheDevilWearsPrimark Thu 05-Mar-09 15:33:13

Mine constantly smuggled crayons/ glitter glue etc into their room and would then draw all over the walls.

We once caught DD with a battery in her mouth, she'd chewed and swallowed the plastic coating and it was covered in teeth marks, no idea where she found it.

DS emptied an entire jar of coffee followed by a carton of orange juice all over the kitchen floor, and then was playing in the mess. He needed 3 baths as the water just kept going brown and it took me hours to clean the kitchen as by the time the bath was over it had started to harden on.

They're no longer toddlers, but still very young, and recent things have been DS wrecking my lcd tv when he got hold of a spray bottle and sprayed the entire contents on it, and the two of them getting into my office and drawing all over everything with Sharpies (permanent markers)

VoodooTheOriginal Thu 05-Mar-09 15:22:04

shock razors and saws and battery acid!

An acquaintance told me she left her DD in the charge of her husband (who was doing DIY) while she went out shopping.

She came home to find her DH lounging in his armchair drinking beer, and their 2 year old DD on the floor chewing on a circular saw blade.

The DD is now in her 20s, the DH is an ex.

Idrankthechristmasspirits Thu 05-Mar-09 14:50:23

DD got hold of my razor when she was 2.5 ish from a medicine cabinet and shaved her chin. Luckily now she is 8 the scar is fading.

DSD not long after i met her when she was three, emptied out a ginormous bean bag and was then found doing "snow angels" on the covered sitting room floor.
DP then killed my rather expensive hoover clearing it all up.

mm22bys Thu 05-Mar-09 14:41:23

DS1 rang 999 one morning at about 8.30am.

The first I knew of it was the two policeman at the door. They asked to come in and checked the place over...

He also drank some cough medicine or something and seemed really pleased with himself that he had finished it!

I'm sure he's got up loads more but that's all I can think of right now sad.

georgiemum Thu 05-Mar-09 14:24:47

Visions of 'Look, Mummy... kitty asleep!'

RumourOfAHurricane Thu 05-Mar-09 11:56:11

Presented me with a dead RAT from the garden last summer. Diohhrea (sp) all over the carpet.

thetoddlermaimer Thu 05-Mar-09 11:34:47

my ds aged 2.5 only yesterday managed to open 3 bean bags at nursery as he needed some snow for the other children...i did ask were the staff were when he had done this...never does anything naughty at home!

womblingfree Wed 04-Mar-09 22:54:16

Touch wood I've obviously been getting away lightly for the last 4.6 years, have had the usual covering herself from head-to-toe with sudocrem/sun lotion scenario, and various random scribblings, however...

Just after Christmas had her (fairly new) best friend from nursery round. Needless to say me and BF's Mum parked ourselves with coffee, biscuits and BF's little brother fast akip on a blanket on the living room floor, and let the girls get on with it upstairs.

Both of them have blonde hair, BF's being particularly long and beautiful, and it wasn't until after they'd left I found a large clump of blonde hair on my bed.

Thankfully DD had cut her own hair, and now has it all one length on one side, and a bit of a 'Rachel' on the other. You don't really notice it unless you're looking for it and she did a pretty good job grin!

Was just soooo relieved she hadn't cut BF's!

hobnob57 Wed 04-Mar-09 22:51:46

DD, whilst on a visit to my work, managed to delete all of the desktop shortcuts from my colleague's computer whilst we were chatting.

She's also fond of drinking stagnant water out of my festering weeding buckets that never seem to make it to the shed....

CharleeInChains Wed 04-Mar-09 22:47:55

I wasn't a toddler though and what makes it worse was i found the old car battery smashed up in the playing field, my mom was so worried she cried continuously in the ambulance, i felt so guilty!

Gracie123 Wed 04-Mar-09 22:45:37

Battery acid is a lot worse than toilet block. Your mom definitely wins this thread! grin

CharleeInChains Wed 04-Mar-09 22:43:06

Gracie DS2 has eaten a packet of toilet cakes aswell, how he managed to get through 4 of them without vomiting i shall never know, i to had to call NHS direct. My mum used to have NHS direct poison control on speed dial becuase i was always eating and drinking things i shouldn't be. When i was 7 i drunk battery acid. I was so sick.

CharleeInChains Wed 04-Mar-09 22:41:02

My DS wasn't even a bloody toddler when he did this!

He was 12 months old and was on a very strict dairy and lactose free diet.
So anyway i put him in his babywalker one day (this was before all the hoo-har about them) and i sat on the sofa, i ended up falling alseep after a very grueling night.

Anyway i realise im asleep and sit up thinking 'oh sh*t i have fallen asleep while ds is playing' any way i look over to find DS still in his walker and the little minkey had managed to open the cupoard and pull out a tray full of all butter flapjacks and had eaten the bloody lot! He wasn't to poorly luckily, he had a huge grin on his face and was clapping where he was excited. grin

Gracie123 Wed 04-Mar-09 22:25:43

Whilst on the phone to a call centre angry DS (age 11 months) managed to tear the straps off his high chair, climb out, get into the bathroom and eat half a toilet block before I noticed.
Fortunately the NHS helpline assured me that at his weight it's fine for him to eat up to two of the duck citrus toilet blocks hmm and that he would be fine.
Good mind to take that high chair back to Argos though...

onadietcokebreak Wed 04-Mar-09 21:21:06

LOL at all these messages.

My DS has ran police and a few random people. A good friend showed me my phone has a lock on it the other day......thank god!

Mizza76 Wed 04-Mar-09 21:14:37

My daughter also called 999 and hung up. A few minutes later the phone rang and I had the police on the line asking me whether everything was ok because someone had rung them from our number. I told them they must have it wrong - there was no one home other than - ooooh....

Jacksmama Wed 04-Mar-09 17:53:25

shock at kitty and FAQ!!! What do I have to look forward to...

georgiemum Wed 04-Mar-09 17:34:25

My niece once 'put kitty in a jar to stop him running away'. A jar with a screw lid.

FAQinglovely Wed 04-Mar-09 17:34:01

haven't read the thread - but sure I must win.

Was busy with DS1 and 2 a few minutes ago and realised that DS3 wasn't interfering. We went to look for him and found the front door wide open and no sign of him. Thank god he'd only got as far as the next door neighbours drive and was investigating their cars - he could have gone anywhere sad

Eve4Walle Wed 04-Mar-09 17:31:50

Drawn on practically every wall in the house, mostly with an indelible marker.

Put the end of a new roll of loo paper in the loo and then flushed it to look at it all disappearing down there, and then screaming for me when it got blocked up.

Squeezed a whole new tube of toothpaste into the cat's basket.

Messed up two quite expensive make up sets of mine, put her fingers in the gloss etc and ruined them (that was quite recent and she's 5)

mehdismummy Wed 04-Mar-09 07:27:08

ds 3 has had vapour rub smeared in his hair like gel, put my mascara on, eat sudocream, drunk tixylix,

Jacksmama Wed 04-Mar-09 06:36:48

Having now read the rest of the thread (and PMSLing!!!) I see that Sudocrem is a recurring theme on this thread, but that he is the first to shampoo the cat with it... hmm

Jacksmama Wed 04-Mar-09 03:11:47

DS, aged 12 months, got the jar of Sudocrem from the change table and shampooed with it... all over him, the carpet, the tile floor in the kitchen... the cat even!! The long^-^haired cat... aaaaarrrrggghhhh!!!

Fab thread. My boys have not (yet) done anything worse that crapping in the bath.

When I was three, we had a spare room where one of my dads friends had left a load of furniture and vinyl records for safekeeping. I took them all out of their sleeves and dropped them to see how they broke.

I was teaching the DTDs to make apple crumble topping when they were two hmm. DTD2 got bored after 5 minutes and started lobbing the contents of her bowl all around the kitchen.

When they were 3 we tried making microwave fudge. DTD2 decided to hold the sieve over DTD1's head and sieve icing sugar onto her while my back was turned.

I was babysitting my neighbors two DSs so not paying enough attention to the DTDs. They went into a corner and covered each other completely in green ink drawings. The neighbor boys were shock.

I turned around to see DTD2 (aged about 20 months) poking DCat1 with her foot. DCat1 boxed her ears, fortunately keeping her claws in.

ithinkimtallandblonde Wed 04-Mar-09 01:13:23

Ds 20 months has done so many bad things i've blocked them from my mind but just yesterday he

1)Tipped 3 litres of milk on the kitchen table to which his response was wow.

2) Removed nappy and pooed in his cot then screamed because he was scared of the poo.

3)Ate a fairy washing powder tablet after i might add refusing to eat his dinner. I then had to phone work in a complete panic, i work at a hospital, admit my complete incompetence as a parent and get them to look up the poisons info website mainly because this was less painful than attending the kids A&E again . I am now wide awake because i am completely paranoid about inhaling frothy sick and it being my fault.
His list of achievments also include, i'm pleased to see i'm not alone on this one, removing the keys from my laptop and throwing my mobile phone in a sink full of water.

I do have a 4 yo DD who i can't remember doing as many naughty things but she did once stick an entire rolled up bay leaf up her nose and dial 999 for which i recieved a stern telling off.

solo Wed 04-Mar-09 01:03:44

Ds cut my brand new dress with scissors. He cut a brand new shirt with scissors whilst he was wearing it. He used green felt tipped pen on my white bathroom grout. There's more, but not tonight...

BionicEar Wed 04-Mar-09 00:40:48

Have been chortling away as I read these, and thinking, "Sure my DD hasn't done anything, but then get flashbacks!"


DD whilst cat has pet lampshade thingy on - decided to tie toy dog and it's lead to cat and drag both downstairs. Cat was not impressed, but survived!

DD decided to paint a picture of cat the other week, so started to paint on paper whilst cat sat on chair next to her. I pop out of room, and came back to dicover proud DD with said cat now green to match the painting! Cue hasty cleaning of cat!

DD decided to be helpful and empty her own potty full of runny poo... into sink. Cue Mummy trying not to be cross or feeling sick, as she clean said poo out of sink.

Oh and another cat related tale .... hhmm suspect shall be getting visit from RSPCA! Whilst just starting to toddle, DD managed to shut our other cat (for a change!) head in stairgate - cue frantic cat trying to escape, and toddler pushing gate close on head. MIL who was looking after DD has to wrench gate open, as cat head was stuck fast. Cue hissy hysterical cat who has never forgiven my MIL since (hiss at her whenever she's near him, or gives her evils! grin) but all that was injuried was his pride.

Ah the joys of parenting small children eh?!

sb6699 Wed 04-Mar-09 00:21:57

DS has:

-Fed the whole contents of the fridge to the dog.
-Made "potions" out of everything he could in in the bathroom and used it beautify himself and his cousin.
-Filled the washing machine drawer with a full box of soap powder and turned it on. Had to take the whole thing apart to clean the pipes which were blocked with damp powder.

DD1 has:

- Cut her hair with wallpaper scissors.
- Phoned the police station (they were very sympathetic that mummy had stolen her dolly - she had left it outside and wasnt impressed that I binned it cos is was mouldy).
- Lifted newborn DD2 out of her moses basket and tried to carry her downstairs to play (she was barely 2 at the time). Didn't get out of my sight for weeks after that one.

DD2 has:

- Covered herself and various parts of the house in sudocream on countless occassions.
- Painted a picure on my newly painted bedroom wall with masacara.
- Our puppy is completely covered in pink shimmery barbie body powder "to make him beautiful".

There are plenty more I could add but getting for bed now and no doubt will be plenty more.

susia Tue 03-Mar-09 23:59:54

my brother when he was 5 went to a kids party and was taken by my mum but picked up by my Dad. When he was picked up though he didn't want to leave so he told the hosts he 'I don't know that man', so they called the police and kept my poor Dad in another room till they and my Mum arrived!

heather1980 Tue 03-Mar-09 23:56:51

when dd was 18 months she ate an entire tin of black shoe polish when i went for a pee. her poo was black for days!!

susia Tue 03-Mar-09 23:52:22

called 999 (that was really embarrassing as they stayed on the phone for ages as they thought I was pretending it was him and was being attacked), drank a half bottle of calpol, put a whole tub of sudocream in his hair and then cut his own hair (had to go to the barbers to get his head shaved - he was only 2, he looked like a thug!) made me a breakfast out of all the cupboard ingredients mixed together,
pooed on a few carpets and walked in them...

whoopeedoo Tue 03-Mar-09 23:47:29

Love this thread.
DD playing upstairs at Grandmas with 3 boy cousins decided to clean the bathroom with Metanium cream then stripped the boys and herself ran a bath and was preceeding to get in before being caught!

disillusionedrealism Tue 03-Mar-09 23:32:11

sudocream seems to be a major factor in most of these hilarious familiar sounding stories! grin
that and shampoo over the carpet,
lipsticks on the walls, getting locked out, etc., etc.,

Twinklemegan Tue 03-Mar-09 23:23:47

I don't care that this thread's 2 years old - it's hilarious!

When DS was 1.4 he apparently dialled 999 several times. Arrived home to find message on answerphone from concerned local bobby. Cue embarrassed phone call to police station.

Just recently (now 2.7) arrived home from trip out with daddy and presented me with a little red tractor. Turns out he'd stolen it from the toy shelf at the local farmshop blush.

Several near misses with electrical items. Never mind child proofing the plug sockets, the little monkey just takes them out and plugs things in.

Oh, and the incident with the spoon and the jar of mustard powder. He was horribly sick afterwards, poor mite.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Tue 03-Mar-09 23:18:36

a few months ago i took him to friends house to see her new baby.i walked in and it was pristine,white carpet,white furniture and thought mmm wont be like this for long....

ds walked over to potted plant and pulled it over then jumped all over the soil that fell out as she smiled and muttered "it really doesnt matter"

CHOCOLATEPEANUT Tue 03-Mar-09 23:15:32

ds aged 15mth -

heard some sqeaking and went into toy room to see dd shaking hamsters cage

put his dummy in loo, fished it out and out it back in his mouth as I lunged across the floor NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Unravelled the t roll and the three rolls in the t roll holder.Walked in bathroom and floor was three foot deep in white tissue with dd in the middle shouting wheeeeeeeeeee

Found my anusol and put the pointy bit in his mouth

took all the pebbles out of the gas fire and no matter how i try and rearrange the flames are all wonky

opened the dishwasher and took a large knife out.I lived on my nerves for days after this one

dd was NEVER like this....

lockets Tue 03-Mar-09 23:15:17

Hmmmmm the most awfu thing my dd2 has ever done was actually at somebody elses house.....
We were at a friends for coffee and all the children were playing upstairs -there were at least 8 of them. I went up to check on them only to find they had all gone into the hosts bedroom, so I went in to usher them out only to find that the older ones were playing with a pet hamster, I made them put it back and was about to follow them out of the room when I noticed my dd2 and my nephew in the corner of the room fiddling with something. On closer investigation I saw it was two pots of hairgel they had taken off the bedside table. It was all over their hair,clothes, hands and some was on the carpet-the pots were covered in the stuff too. I grabbed the pots from them and led them to the bathroom , first thing I did was to put the lids back on the pots after desperately trying to salvage some of the gel. As I was washing the outside of the pots off I turned one around and thought "How odd I didn't know Ann Summers made hair gel.........." they don't, they do however make anal lubricant , oh bugger [literally]
I slowly turned the other pot round and discovered it was actually orgasm gel- whoops.
I really did NOT want to tell the host that her stash of aids was now decorating two toddlers..................particularly as when I returned to clean the stuff off the carpet I noticed the buttplug on the floor also covered in either one or both of the gels.

The hamster was unharmed though.

Woooozle100 Tue 03-Mar-09 23:04:57

fished a tampax applicator out the bathroom bin and was playing it like a whistle

ninedragons Tue 03-Mar-09 22:59:09

I learned that DD could crawl by hearing a bang and seeing a flash and looking up to see she had crawled across to the wall and pulled a lamp plug out of the socket.

TheYearOfTheCat Tue 03-Mar-09 22:57:58

When I was about 7 I stole all my Mum's Tampax and put them on top of the battlements of the castle I had made out of cardboard boxes for my school project. They were perfect as cannons.

My parents only discovered this when they saw my castle proudly on display at the school open day.

Does that count?

FairMidden Tue 03-Mar-09 22:47:47

Oh goodness where to start?

He got inside the tumble dryer, cue panicking DP thinking he'd been abducted by aliens or something.

He soaked himself and the kitchen floor while "washing up" and when stripped out of his wet clothes, while DP was getting a fresh outfit, he got out of the back door into the garden, semi-naked in over a foot of snow in full view of the road blush

He stuffed a dog chew down the inside of the printer - very glad we found that before heading to the repair shop!

He managed to climb via the table and two chairs up to the highchair tray where I found him proudly standing after nipping out for a minute.

He did that thing where in the space of a day they get tall enough to reach the large sharp carving knife you've left on the chopping board shock

He undid the locked gate and made his way onto the road in the time it took me to go into the house, pick up his trike from the hall and come out again shock shock

Countless incidents of pressing the reset button and losing unsaved work/games on the OC.

Today he took out of the fridge and broke 3 eggs.

All this he achieved in a year and a half. I am sure I will need medication to get me through the next couple of years!

EyeballsintheSky Tue 03-Mar-09 22:24:27

we got away lightly then with DD standing in front of the mug cupboard calmy smashing them on the floor one by one!

bluebread Tue 03-Mar-09 22:23:06

Similiar to MadamDeathstare's glitter incident but in our case it was curry powder, and I was only distracted in the kitchen for a few minutes.

The most alarming moment was seeing ds standing with empty curry powder pot in hand dribbling over his handiwork.

We had moved into the house - and put down lovely new carpets - days earlier.

sherby Tue 03-Mar-09 22:22:39

DS 18mths went out the back door last week got on his ride on with no shoes or socks and was just disappearing around the corner in the middle of the road when I found him shock

Danae Tue 03-Mar-09 22:17:41

Message withdrawn

An ex-colleague's daughter completely polished the kitchen floor and cabinets with margerine early one morning.

I went out one day and left my mother in charge of the DTDs. They did some painting in the garage. I came in for a bit and suggested they add some glitter to the artwork (what was I thinking) then I went out again. Cue the DTDs sprinkling glitter throughout the house with my mother bringing up the rear asking "Are you sure Mommy lets you do that?" "Oh yes granny".

The carpet was still shimmering slightly when we moved out a year later.

Hell the cat's were still shimmering slightly when we moved out a year later.

misdee Tue 03-Mar-09 22:11:00

dd1 ate sudocreme

feedthegoat Tue 03-Mar-09 22:10:13

DS flooded bathroom by putting toilet paper in plug hole and turning on taps in sink. I realised what was going on when water poured through kitchen ceiling whilst I was washing up. I didn't know which room to mop up first.

gigglewitch Tue 03-Mar-09 22:06:13

pmsl @ always ultra on bedroom window grin

gigglewitch Tue 03-Mar-09 22:05:24

this week dd 'decorated' the entire [white] bathroom and newly-tiled grey floor with red finger-paint, toothpaste and strawberry lip gloss hmm

MuthaHubbard Tue 03-Mar-09 22:03:17

both my dc have given themselves a haircut - ds was about 4, trimmed his lovely longish brown hair practically down to the bone in several patches resulting in me having to give him a buzz cut.

dd last year age 5 - her lovely, past shoulder length blonde curly hair. decided to give herself a very severe fringe and slice about 3 inches off one side - now in a bob with an evened out, decent length fringe.

ds, again about 4, stuck a whole pack of always ultra to my bedroom window.

no pooing incidents thankfully.

i was a bit of a horror when younger - at age 7 i got fed up of my younger sister (age about 3.5yrs) so when she asked to play out, i let her out of the garden gate and she was found by a neighbour attempting to cross a rather busy road....

VoodooTheOriginal Tue 03-Mar-09 21:12:06

scribbled on cream lounge carpet with bright blue chalk...you'd have thought easy to brush/hoover off but no. Still got those damn marks after a carpet shampoo...

SmileyMylee Tue 03-Mar-09 21:07:17

Some of my particular favourites from DD2.

- tried to give our new pet rabbit a bath in the sink and then to hide the wet rabbit, hid her in a toy suitcase.

- mixed toilet paper with toothpaste and flicked it onto the ceiling where it set hard

- blocked every toilet with toilet paper (whole rolls)- 10 minutes before 50 guests were due to arrive

- hid all my car keys so she wouldn't have to go to nursery

- flooded the bathroom (twice)

- drawn on DS1 with an indelible pen ( 5 minutes before his christening)

- released all mice caught in our humane traps so that she could have a pet

- started screaming ('stop - you're not my mummy') whilst in the supermarket - 2.5 hours later I was eventually allowed to leave the shop

I could go on and on....

shelleylou Tue 03-Mar-09 19:26:24

ds opened the stair gate on his bedroom door sunday morning. Thought it would be good fun to block the sink and flood bathroom and kitchen proceded t blow the light fitting id bught a week ago.

homicidalmatriach Tue 03-Mar-09 19:19:46

DD managed to get MiL on phone - god knows how she unlocked the bleeding thing and picked the right speeddial and said 'mummy says granny is a cowbag!' hmm

compo Tue 03-Mar-09 19:15:42

ds (then 2) smeared newborn dd with sudocrem, all over her forehead because he'd seen us applying her with cradle cap lotion , was a bugger to get off her

when she was 10 days he took her out of her bouncy chair and sat on her, play fighting like he did with daddy shock I'd only nipped into the kitchen to make a cuppa (they were in the lounge), think we all howled that day!

mrsmaidamess Tue 03-Mar-09 19:15:12
lljkk Tue 03-Mar-09 19:12:35

Spoonfed himself out of the pet rat's litter tray.
And most of the litter had already been removed, so the only stuff left was the very sticky brown stuff.

busydoingnothing Tue 03-Mar-09 18:45:58

My ds (3.5 at the time) woke up early one morning, went downstairs, moved a kitchen chair, climbed up onto very high fridge freezer in search of a toy he thought was there, but instead found a chef's blow torch. He took it into the dining room where he fiddled with the child proof safety mechanism until he managed to light it and set fire to the dining room curtains! He got a bit concerned and called for parental assistance and we all got out and called fire brigade!Two fire engines, smoke filled house, patio door that shattered because of heat and plaster that cracked from the walls! £150000 pounds of insurance claim later the house was as good as new!! Oh and I was 33 weeks pregnant at the time - having most of house redecorated - the ultimate nesting experience!!!

Trikken Tue 03-Mar-09 14:09:55

I came upstairs last night and caught ds poo painting his bedroom walls, he'd already covered his wardrobe and himself with poo, also some on the carpets. i'd only just given him a bath an hour ago before bed. Also caught him doing it a little while ago when I'd gone upstairs to get some washing whilst ds was supposed to be napping. I notice a lot of others have had poo issues with your ds/dd's, how did u stop them from poo painting?

melpomene Wed 14-Mar-07 22:18:01

I forgot one...

DD2 put a clothespeg into the washing machine. I didn't notice, put the washing machine on and the clothespeg got stuck in the washing machine's motor and broke it.

MamazonAKAfatty Mon 12-Mar-07 22:49:56

Ds was 2 cat had Kittens. he was holding one when he had been told to leave them alone, XP came into the room and so he quickly hid the Kitten in the freezer.

Xp didn't realise for a good 5-10 minutes.

when he was about 3 he had bad sleep problems. I must have bene so exhausted i didnt hear him come out of his bedroom in the night.

I came into the front room/kitchen to find the contents of my fridge all over the floor, eggs all over the sofa, Fairy powder all in the downstairs loo and the dog covered in marg.

When DD was born Ds was 4. we went into Woolies and he was playing up so i said we would have to go home then without the treat we had gone in to get.
unusually he took this well and walked out of the shop and back to the car nicely.
I relented as he had been so good and stopped at the corner shop on the way home to get him some sweets. as soon as we got home he kept telling me that DD wants her nappy changed. she had only been changed before we went out about an hour previously and she didn't smell and hadn't wet so i said no. he became really insistant that she needed her nappy changing so i agreed.

When i removed her nappy there was a hot wheels car shoved in it!. the little sod must have snuk it in whilst we were in woolies. no wonder he was so happy to getout of the shop quickly.

had to march him back into the shop the next day and make him pay for the car and get a telling off from the secruity guard.
then made him donat the car (minues the nappy smelling box) to the local charity shop.

zookeeper Mon 12-Mar-07 22:41:36

My ds(3) pooed in one of the unconnected toilets in the B&Q bathroom section whilst I was chosing paint

wheresthevalium Mon 12-Mar-07 17:49:06

Wait, I must be trying to block this one, can't believe I didn't think of it before

After DDs had gone to bed (or so I thought) I had a friend round for a curry and DVD. Heard shouting and screaming from upstairs, went to bottom of stairs to see smoke everywhere.

DD2 (aged 3.1) had turned on a lamp in my bedroom, then piled a load of clothes on top of it. Massive fire going, everyone out, fire brigade called, about £4k worth of damage.

I shudder to think what would have happened if I had had the TV on any louder

Don't have any stories to tell - yet. But starting to fret at the thought of having a child in a rented house with all these tales!

edam Mon 12-Mar-07 10:24:17

PMSL at painting the cat - it's the attempt to remove it with turps that is particularly endearing.

adamadamum Sun 11-Mar-07 23:55:25

Laid a trail of sanitary towels from bathroom to landing, just before the plumber arrived...put a phone down the toilet...hidden a pooey nappy that must have been around for days before I found it...Pulled my dd's gastrostomy feeding tube out of her stomach, causing a medical emergency and a lot of panic (Won't let him forget that one!)...has weed and pood on the window ledge in full view of anyone passing..covered himself and the walls in nappy cream...unravelled a whole toilet roll only today, and stuffed it in the loo...blocked the plughole of the bath with bits of cardboard tube from loo roll...cleaned a window with eczema cream...and I still think he's a good boy!

fussymummy Sun 11-Mar-07 23:39:29

My youngest went into the bathroom and was washing her hands.

Then decided to put both taps on full and just stand and watch in amazement as water went everywhere!!!!!

I was downstairs on the phone!

First i knew about what she'd done was when water came pouring through my kitchen ceiling!!!!!

Had to have new lights as water got into all electrics.

Also had to have a new ceiling fitted!!!!

wheresthevalium Sun 11-Mar-07 23:21:06

I am literally wiping the tears away I have been laughing so hard.

Right, my 2 DDs, now 4.9 and 3.6 between them have:

Killed 3 goldfish by feeding them bread
Written and painted on every wall in our (rented) house
Re-decorated the bathroom floor with toothpaste, bubble bath, excema cream
Eaten a whole tub of nutella before I got up one morning
Called my ex boyfriend and talked to him, telling him all about 'Mummys new friend'
Put my engagement ring through the floorboards in my bedroom (still missing)
Painted the cats, then covered them in turps to wash the paint off
Hidden in the wardrobe in their beedroom, wouldn't answer when I called for them, so I called the police and actually had the police helicopter out before we found them

I'll let you know if I think of any more (assuming SS don't arrive first)

Brought my twins into the office to meet my workmates. Kept them quiet with a peanut butter sandwich and one smeared it all over the keys of someone's computer while I had my back turned.

Am off to bed now, but will think of some more. I'm sure this thread will bring back lots of memories - funny now but weren't at the time!

Cloudhopper Sun 11-Mar-07 07:05:25

These are so funny - what a great thread.
Feeling like I have got off lightly because poo doesn't figure heavily in my list - in fact they are very tame, but here goes.

dd1 shoved one of her hairclips up her nose - they almost got it in triage, but then despite A&E, X-rays and Paed outpatient appointments the hairclip was never seen again. Visions of it lodged somewhere in her brain. I was actually in the same room

dd1 - "Make up" - ie felt tips all over the face.

THe scariest one was when dd2 was a tiny baby and dd1 had given her a tissue to wipe her nose. dd2 had stuffed it all in her mouth and was unable to breathe. Fortunately I was able to scoop some out with my fingers and the rest thankfully came when she was sick.

Toilet roll and sudocrem are favourites in our house. I'll never forget the time when I heard that trademark 'quietness' and found dolly with sudocrem lovingly smeared all over her bottom and her legs - because she had a 'sore bottom'. Bless.

McDreamy Sun 11-Mar-07 06:37:45

Oh and there was the night DD cut her own hair She walked into the living and asked "What do you think?" We all looked at her thinking what has she done and then noticed one side was about 5 inches shorter than the other. She had very short hair for a while in order to even it up.

Sort a good thing though as she still has a short bob which I probaby wouldn't have chosen but after it had grown a bit I realsied how much shorter hair suited her - and it's so much easier to comb!!

studentmum1 Sat 10-Mar-07 21:58:46

This threads hilarious! worst thing i can think of was when i had cleaned bathroom, opened window for fresh air, went out room for couple of minutes to come back in and dd was missing, i panicked and jumped into the bath (full of water) to look out bathroom window which is where i thought she'd gone... then heard dd say peepo from the cupboard under the sink where she had hidden herself... me with soaking wet feet and legs!

KathH Sat 10-Mar-07 21:35:35

should add - a couple of years later ds1 was upstairs very quietly. When I went into the bathroom he was cutting his hair with dh's clippers because he wanted to look like daddy!

sauce Sat 10-Mar-07 21:22:46

I should have changed my name. I guess I am now on the MN black list but I told you about this as a warning, not because I'm proud of it.

sauce Sat 10-Mar-07 21:14:14

This has got to be the absolute worst (I'll read the other posts after!) but I found dd with a Prozac capsule in her mouth. She was about 2. She had been playing with my bag & must have found one in the bottom &, like most babies, put it in her mouth. I'll leave you to imagine my reaction.

KathH Sat 10-Mar-07 21:09:16

DD2 when she was 2 emptied all of ds1's (who was about 3 wks) cow & gate milk & made up lots of bottles for her dollies while I nodded off for about 1.5 nano seconds.

Elibean Sat 10-Mar-07 20:26:01

Love this thread.

Makes dd1, currently a handful at 3.2 with a new little sister, seem positively harmless

Though permanent markers as face paints on self and cousin was interesting...

SHOSHAlee Sat 10-Mar-07 17:32:06

Put the tortoise down the toilet to see if it could swim like the terrapins, it got wedged and we had to get the plumber out to take the toilet apart to get it out.

Put snails and slugs in the washing machine 'cos they is dirty' they bunged up the outlet pipe and broke the machine, and I had blamed DH thinking it was his Army kit that had slugs in it after being on Salisbury Plain.

pinkdolly Sat 10-Mar-07 17:23:20

DD2 Found daddies hair wax and smeared it not only on her hair but all over her face. Was horrendous to get off.

DD2- While we were in car showroom she got stuck between the window and a display cabinit. This was made of glass so you could see her squahed up face through it. Dh had to take a pic before dragging her out by her ankles.

DD1- drew me a nice picture on my newly painted wall.

dds 1 - 2 decided to paint the carpet pink for me.

dd2- managed to open the front door and went across the road to my friends house. I was in back garden at the time and didnt realise she was gone till my friend called

dd2- put several pairs of pants down the loo along with hole loo rolls.

The list goes on and on and on, but dd2 is definately the trouble maker. Still growing strong at 3 1/2 years.

Kateaw Sat 10-Mar-07 16:59:25

DD (two and a half) was too quiet in my in-laws dining room. She appeared in the door way chewing. When asked what she was eating she said fruit. Puzzled looks all round as MIL doesn't have a fruit bowl in the dining room. I asked how many and DD said four. I went to investigate and found a box of marzipan fruits, four of which had a bite out of them. Cue one mortified mother and helplessly giggling grandparents .

One of my sisters (no names to protect the guilty), while supposed to be having her afternoon nap, filled the tea pot, jug and every cup and saucer of her child's tea service with wee. Mum was very impressed that she didn't spill any .

DaisyMOO Sat 10-Mar-07 13:36:03

When ds3 was a 2 days old ds2 and dd managed to find a bottle of calpol, get the childproof lock off and feed each other the contents A few hours and blood tests later they were pronounced fine by A&E. Was made worse by the fact that earlier on in the day I'd firmly declined the HVs offer of a visit on the basis that I was coping just fine, thank you v much

filthymindedvixen Sat 10-Mar-07 13:21:48

I seem to have esaped very lightly...
My friend's child came down early, mixed everry thing she could find in a bucket, butter, eggs, flour, washing up liquid, food colouring, museli etc etc and 'iced' the top of the work surfaces, before decorating them with hundreds and thousands.

''Mummee, made you big cake''!

Another time she got washing powder, and scattered it all over the lawn. The grass frothed every time it rained for about 2 months afterwards

And one time painted the cat green.

Another friend's boy painted his eyelids with nail polish - that was a very nasty near mis...luckily he managed to avoid his eyes..

doddle Sat 10-Mar-07 13:01:20

In the space of a fortnight the summer that DS2 was 3 he...

pulled the radiator off the wall in the hall (it's a 5ft long one!)

flooded the bathroom floor and consequently the kitchen - giving me an electric shock when I switched the taps off because the water had gone through the light fitting.

switched off the freezer in the cellar - we didn't notice for about 3 days.

shattered the oven door by throwing a glass at it because I had run out of apple juice.

fed the fish all the fish food, all 20+ tropical fish died.

It was an expensive fortnight!!

edam Sat 10-Mar-07 12:34:33

Ds also picked the phone cable free from the wall, pulled out all the (sharp) clamps that hold it in place. While in his baby bouncer in the doorway. Dh had his back to him, working on the computer, thinking baby bouncer was keeping him safe...

Pruni Sat 10-Mar-07 12:11:58

Message withdrawn

DaisyMOO Sat 10-Mar-07 11:57:47

Have you just found my 17-month old playing with cat vomit

pollyanna Sat 10-Mar-07 05:55:31

dd1 emptied a beanbag once - we couldn't get rid of all the little balls

ds emptied and smeared a tub of sudocreme.He also called the police so many times they threatened to charge us.

ds once tipped a box of crispies out completely.

no poo incidents yet thankfully

sandcastles Sat 10-Mar-07 05:40:09

Smeered herself, made footprints on her carpet & made hand prints on the wall with Sudocrem.....

Pinched a chocie of the Chrsitmas Tree & blamed the dog, even tho she had choc around her mouth!

kimi Sat 10-Mar-07 00:32:54

My neice covered herself in brill cream took forever to wash off

VeniVidiVickiQV Sat 10-Mar-07 00:19:23

Ah, DS has covered himself totally in sudocream on no less than 4 occasions. He relly likes the taste of it.

DD has smothered DS in diprobase. I had to squeeze across his eyelids so that he could see there was so much of it.

DS regularly, atm, takes his nappy off and flings the poo around in his cot.

He regularly posts things out of the catflap - including DP's shoes - in the rain

edam Sat 10-Mar-07 00:10:55

Oh, how could I forget only last week ds actually picked apart a corner of our bedroom wall - dug out the steel thingy the plasterers use to make the corners sharp. While dh was supposed to be reading him a bedtime story... (daft dh carried on reading the story to an empty room in a very ill-advised attempt to encourage ds to come back and get into bed)

cece Sat 10-Mar-07 00:10:47

DS poured a bottle of shamppo over the sofa to give it a wash once.

edam Sat 10-Mar-07 00:08:58

ggirl, that's a fantastic set up and punchline. Bless your ds, you can't fault his logic.

LOL at Armadillo not realising ds had been putting on a show for the neighbours - guess you aren't a particularly light sleeper, then?

BadHair Sat 10-Mar-07 00:06:57

Ds1 cleaned his teeth with the toilet brush, smeared lipstick all over my white bedsheets, filled his potty then hid it in the nice, warm airing cupboard to ferment, posted the front door key out of the letterbox and left it lying on the mat in the hope of attracting passing burglars.

Ds2 mashed orange crayon into the speakers of daddy's new(ish) telly, stuck rice crispies in his nose, ate 6 bananas in one go and stuffed the skins down the side of the settee, and still likes to wee in unusual containers (the bin, a cup, the tub of bathtoys etc).

Both dses have also enjoyed jamming videos sideways into the player, aquirting toothpaste into each other's hair, and phoning random numbers out of the phone's memory. Thankfully most stored numbers are relatives so they tend to understand, but the 999 operator was rather shirty with me when I twigged what they were up to and retrieved the handset.

kimi Fri 09-Mar-07 23:57:20

Put a nicnak up nose and we spent 7 hours at the ER

joash Fri 09-Mar-07 23:52:39

All funny - but PMSL @ J20BABY

mrsjohnsim Fri 09-Mar-07 23:52:35

LOL armadillo- my both my dss like to dance on the window sill

VeniVidiVickiQV Fri 09-Mar-07 23:50:47

Hijacking this with a link to my story...here

pinkchampagne Fri 09-Mar-07 23:30:06

DS2 helped himself to some of H's remegels. We didn't realise until H asked for them days later, but it explained DS's spell of diarrhoea which we had put down to a tummy bug 3 days prior to this!

VeniVidiVickiQV Fri 09-Mar-07 23:26:43

I think i need to post a thread in health with what my DS has done this week....keep your eyes peeled....

TheArmadillo Fri 09-Mar-07 23:10:47

oh and the other day found a bottle of olbas oil (dp's - I can't stand the smell) and emptied the contents over our bedroom carpet.

and if we are asleep and he sneaks into our bedroom, after he has stripped, emptied his nappy on the floor and covered himself in cosmetics and lotions he likes to stand on our windowsill and dance for the neighbours - I didn't know until one of them told me

TheArmadillo Fri 09-Mar-07 23:08:05

ds (now 2.4)

-about a year or more ago managed to open his car window and chuck out his hat, bottle and a toy while I was driving (and I didn't notice till it was too late).

-sneaks into our room when we are sleeping and gets out any lotions, cosmetics I have and smears them all over himself and the room.

-Took his nappy off and covered himself and the cat in poo.

-Found he had posted all the money he could find down the cracks in the floorboards.

-Has hidden a red crayon, we still don't know where, but every so often these little drawings appear on the wall.

taffy101 Fri 09-Mar-07 23:02:38

This threads hilarious.

DD has p*issed ON the dog. fed her poo TO the dog (dog loved it).

Smeared sun lotion all over television and all over herself including in her ladies bits and it stung for hours. Always smearing shampoo/toothpaste/diprobase all over carpets, mirrors, chairs, anywhere really.

Ate a worm.

Tried to change ds nappy.

brimfull Fri 09-Mar-07 23:00:13

ds4yrs went out the front door at 8am in the morning and weed on the front porch .
When I asked him why he said it was because the toilet seat keeps falling down.

Jenkeywoo Fri 09-Mar-07 22:49:55

chubbleigh - loving your tale! what is it about toddlers and crapping everywhere but the potty! DD2 gets so much pleasure from crapping in her room, wardrobe, toy box etc

Jenkeywoo Fri 09-Mar-07 22:48:23

DD1 (2.6) in the last month...
1.posted a rental DVD in the cracks between the floorboards.
2.Drew all over DD2's new little touch leapad
3. Flooded the bathroom
4.climbed on toilet, opened bathroom cabinet, got sunscreen and smeared it all over naked self.
5. and my favourite... in the time it took me to turn over the sausages in the oven and turn on the carrots to cook - smeared Metanium bum cream all over DD2's face - in eyes, nose mouth etc - having stuffed a bit of kitchen roll in her mouth first to keep her quiet!! Best (or maybe worst thing) DD2 laughing her little yellow head off as she worships DD1!! oh the joy of toddlerdom.

chubbleigh Fri 09-Mar-07 22:04:37

Escaped out of the front door stark naked and crapped on the pavement outside the house.

MrsCellophane Fri 09-Mar-07 22:02:55

Emptied the cutlery from the dishwasher, neatly putting it back in the drawer... but it was still dirty!

MrsFish Fri 09-Mar-07 21:44:17

At around 12 months when he had just mastered crawling, I had just popped into the kitchen to get his last bottle before bed, I came back into the lounge to find him eating something, I fished what I thought was a bit of fluff out of his mouth upon closer inspection it was a woodlouse, it must have crawled out of somewhere in front of him, because it wasn't there previously, I nearly threw up when I realised :shudder:

Last week he found a red lipliner from out of one of my bags, I was putting some washing away upstairs and had left him in front of ceebeebies, when I went back downstairs his legs and hands were covered, thankfully it was one of those twist up ones, so it ran out before he could get to anything else.

Used his toothbrush to clean the toilet seat/shower/floor, also put it in the plantpot then continued brushing his teeth, cue a very muddy smile.

Put my mobile phone in a hot cup of tea, that was the end of that.

Put a tv remote in the washing machine, I hadn't noticed and preceeded to do a full wash with it still in.

Switched off the freezer at the plug in the utilty room, I didn't notice for two days as it is a secondary freezer, lots of wasted food there.

Anyone would think I don't watch him

Oh and he is only 21mths old, so I am sure there will be plenty more to come

TeeCee Fri 09-Mar-07 21:05:26

oh and DD2 (14 months) -

- found her holding her poo and as I lunged towards her she quickly popped it in her mouth!

- and ate the cat food

TeeCee Fri 09-Mar-07 21:02:54

DD1 has:

- look at the first 2 photos on my profile!

- smashed a dozen eggs all over the floor and in her just about to go to a party outfit she was doing the 'breaststroke' saying "look mummy mermaid swimming"

- taken last nights spag bol leftovers out of the fridge and smeared it all over herself and the cottage that we were staying in for the weekend

- made a paste withthe pot of cream cheese dip and bottle of water she had and painted her face and her hair with it

- taken a bowl of cold baked beans from the fridge on holiday, dipped both hands in and 'washed' her face and her hair.

- emptied all 9 packets of my mums cereals - museli, all bran etc into one large mountain which she was sat on and was throwing all over the kitchen saying 'look sand, sand, look!"

- made her dolls all have a swimming lesson - down the loo

- drawn all over the wall all the way down the stairs

Think that's about it!

J20BABY Fri 09-Mar-07 20:57:22

not exactly toddlers, but when dd was 4 i caught her and her friend licking each others bottoms 'to see what it tasted like!'

ha they will never live that one down!

frenziednester Fri 09-Mar-07 20:51:16

This one is my DH when he was a toddler - dismantled his bedside light when it was plugged in and blew himself across the room with the electric shock. When he told me this I asked what his parents had said and he replied that they still didn't know as he didn't tell them as he didn't want to be told off. Suddenly I reached a new depth of understanding about why they are always so smug and said he was the perfect child......

malaleche Fri 09-Mar-07 20:46:15

dd1, 3.5 yo, never got up to anything naughty till recently. I think she climbed on a chair once

GrumpyOldHorsewoman Fri 09-Mar-07 20:44:35

DD2 has been priceless for naughty things. My particular favourite was when she re-decorated the walls, door and carpet in her bedroom of our beautiful new (rented) converted coachouse with an entire industrial-sized pot of Sudocrem. She then proceeded to cover herself in what was left. The funniest thing to behold was her ghosty white face with just two blinking little eyeholes as she gazed innocently up at me (she had just turned 2).

I myself was a dab hand at mischief. My piece de resistance was when I wrote numbers on the keys of my uncle's piano with red magic marker just so I knew what order to play them in. Unfortunately, it didn't stop there because I panicked when I couldn't wipe it off and used tipp-ex to cover it up thinking he wouldn't notice (He is a professional musician, it's not like he never played the piano). Boy, did I get a bollocking I would never forget. It didn't help that I was about 10 at the time...

Loving this thread, BTW.

JustSometimes Fri 09-Mar-07 20:28:10

Edam: OMG re Rat poison! - and phew!

edam Fri 09-Mar-07 20:13:01

LOL at these esp. IGW's being locked out in a not very discreet nightie and big boots.

Ds has done the usual Andrex puppy stuff/drawn on walls and the TV/got bath emollient all over himself and the bathroom (floor was slippy for ages, that stuff is impossible to get off).

Worst thing was, when he was at the crawling stage he was investigating one of the cupboards in the kitchen while I was heating a bottle. I thought, aw, he's picking up packets of cereal, no harm there. Only next time I turned round he was eating something... when he opened his mouth, there were blue grains in there. I didn't realise dh had left rat poison at the back of the cupboard (we have never had rats, previous owner had left it under the fridge so dh being amazingly stupid had put it at the back of a food cupboard). A call to NHS Direct and the national poisons unit and an A&E visit later we worked out either he hadn't eaten any or only a couple of grains.

saltire Fri 09-Mar-07 20:00:24

Then there was the night that DS1 managed to get a hold of some vaseline and smeared it every where. Remarkably he never tried to eat it.

DS1 also phoned the police several times. They phoned me back
"Hello Mrs saltire, it's cambridge Constabulary here, are you ok"

I thought, how nice, DH is away and they are phoning to check up on me.

"Good they said, because we have had several silent phone calls from this number and we were worried. Could you move your phone out the way of your child?"

I had similar calls from Fife constabulary when DS2 got older

spudmasher Fri 09-Mar-07 19:55:29

My DD1 cut one small snip in every piece of clothing in my wardrobe.

And the duvet cover.

And the curtains.

She was mightily pissed off that DD2 had arrived.

McDreamy Fri 09-Mar-07 17:55:57

Found DD standing in the toilet once

"splash splash mummy" she said as I walked in. She had put her wellies on first!

lady007pink Fri 09-Mar-07 17:50:19

This thread is hilarious!

lady007pink Fri 09-Mar-07 17:49:41

DS got the squirty tomato sauce out of the fridge when he was aged 2 and squirted it down the radiators! It's still there 4 years later all dried up and a browny colour and thankfully has no odour anymore!

skidaddle Fri 09-Mar-07 17:39:32

ate her own poo (at 10 months)

sunnyjim Fri 09-Mar-07 15:35:32

saltire, DS has an obsession with my tampons, he finds any I have in my bag for work pulls them out and goes aorudn with one in his mouth like a big cigar!

ticklemepink Fri 09-Mar-07 15:01:06

when my dd2 got out of her cot aged about 20 months, climbed into her wardrobe which has slatted doors and covered herself and the complete inside of the wardrobe with sudocream. when i went to get her up and couldn't see her (cause she had closed the door on the wardrobe) i had a slight panic, then found her with a big white face and a smile to match!!! must confess i did run down to get camera to take a photo

saltire Fri 09-Mar-07 14:16:45

Bubble bath poured down the toilet, then the toilet was flushed "to see what would happen mummy".
DS1 once managed to put all my pegs in the whasing machine and somehow turn it to spin cycle.
DS1 also took a box of Tampax outside and started throwing them over the fence into next doors garden
"would you like an ice lolly Hannah" he said whilst doing it. there is nothing more embarassing than having to go and knock on someones door and ask for your Tampax back

snig Fri 09-Mar-07 14:15:11

pmsl at justsometimes

snig Fri 09-Mar-07 14:13:58

when i was out in the kitchen washing up my ds had climbed up onto our table to have a poo. I took a photograph of it so in years to come i can pull it out and go "look this is when you......"

Sexonslightlypuffylegs Fri 09-Mar-07 14:07:28

Dd has phoned 999 twice
Covered herself and the walls in lipstick
covered her hair in vaseline


JustSometimes Wed 07-Mar-07 20:24:17

Tonight DS walked in from the kitchen with blood all over his hair and side of his head. DH and I panic with 'what the.....?' Rush to DS find the massive head injury is tomato puree from in the fridge and used it like cream on his face and hair.

joash Wed 07-Mar-07 14:08:51

Gonna kill him ... I woke up at about 4.30 this morning to discover GS downstairs covering the cat in handwash liquid. He claims that when the cat waskes himself he doesn't use soap and now he can!!!!!!
Dont know whether to be bloody angry, or admire his logic.

ellceeell Wed 07-Mar-07 09:59:17

ds was about 10 months old. It was my birthday. I was feeling sorry for myself as we weren't doing any thing to celebrate. Left ds in living room while I answered the phone in the hall. Came back. ds had removed his nappy. Strong smell of poo. Couldn't find poo. Changed ds. Still strong smell of poo. Kept looking. Stopped looking. "shall we play with the duplo, ds?" Found poo. Yuck!
(It takes a long time to wash poo out of the crevices in duplo. )

Nbg Wed 07-Mar-07 08:38:30

Adding to the purchase of the Ruby off ebay (please please dear mumsnetters, log out of any shopping site you use!)

DD has used up a full bottle of oil gel on her herself thinking it was soap.
Now that is a real bugger to wash off.

Eaten a tub of sudocreme. After a frantic call to NHS Direct, it isnt actually harmful.

Eaten the dogs dinner.

Drank the dogs water.

Somehow managed to call my old neighbours parents and have a lovely conversation with them about cake.

MiaWallace Tue 06-Mar-07 18:14:09


I'm so glad I started this thread; I knew I couldn't be the only one with tales of destruction.

So how many on you will admit the incidents occurred while you were on MN?

FrayedKnot Tue 06-Mar-07 16:49:22

DS has done the usual crayoning on the walls and tipping breakfast cereal all over the floor but nothing totally disastrous (not yet, anyway).

the yuckiest thing was when he had gone to bed for a nap and he had his Dizzy cement mixer with him.

It was obvious after half an hour that he wasn;t going to go to sleep - he was chatting & singing away to himself, so I went in to get him up, only to find he had done a poo and crammed it into Dizzy's mixer to "make cement"

juicychops Tue 06-Mar-07 16:36:27

ds covered the front room, kitchen, bathroom and stairs in polyfiller. Then following day did the same thing with porridge oats mixed with febreeze

foxybrown Tue 06-Mar-07 16:29:44

oh this is so funny! Am crying with laughter

joash Tue 06-Mar-07 16:21:49

Although not technically a toddler (aged 4 now), GS came downstairs last month whilst we were all sleeping...managed to get into what we thought was a childproof kitchen & emptied every sort of cleaning product you can imagine (washing up liquid, kitchen cleaner, degreaser, washing powder, fabric softener, window cleaner, etc etc) all over the kitchen flor and cupboards, all around the living room and leather sofa, up most of the stairs, himself from head to foot, as well as the dog and the cat.

Bear in mind he got through two locked gates, two locked doors and child locks on the cupboards!!!!!!!!!!!

bran Tue 06-Mar-07 16:11:18

That reminds me, my ds pounded the keys on my laptop so hard that one popped off when he was about 2 (dh was 'supervising' him) and I couldn't get it back on. Then the next day he was hitting the keys again and rotated the display through 90 degrees (so that I had to tilt my head to the right to view the screen). I had to bring my laptop in to work in the end and sweet talk the IT dept to fix it.

sunnyjim Tue 06-Mar-07 16:07:36

OD'd on phenagol - 19 months
smeared sudacream into my best suede handbag - 13 months
fallen off sofa and knocked himself unconsciuos - 8 months
eaten sudacream - continually
foudn scissors and a knife and played 'sharpening the knife like daddy does' - 20 months
pulled nappy off and poo'd on the floor - 21 months
Stood on my laptop to reach something and broken the laptop - 19 months

oh and lots of scribbles on walls and doors,

ellceeell Tue 06-Mar-07 16:06:56

crispyduck - dd2 fed smarties to the fish - that killed them all

izzybiz Tue 06-Mar-07 16:04:27

Oooh, i forgot the toothpaste smeared over her bedroom carpet!

And covering herself in my makle up many times!

Come to think of it she is very quiet.....

izzybiz Tue 06-Mar-07 16:00:08

Well, I have many tales....

Covered the stair carpet in Sudocreme

Has managed to empty pasta and cereal all over the kitchen floor

Painted her cousins bedroom carpet with BLACK paint!

Painted our hallway with green paint

And only over this weekend, and this week so far she has

painted nannys spare room and bed in a rainbow of colours!

Drawn all over my living room floor with green and blue crayons

And this morning, poured baby shampoo all over herself and one sofa, and over the other sofa she had managed to get the milk from the fridge and pour that everywhere!

I need eyes in my ar"e!!
I only left her to get my clothes on!

She is 2.10.

Kif Tue 06-Mar-07 15:53:17

Made salad dressing (yes, it seemed quite random to us too)

Wiped her bum. With a whole toilet roll. a rather charming mr. whippy effect spilling over the top of the bowl.

Unpotted all my plants (we quit plants for good that day)

Small fry

amyjade Tue 06-Mar-07 15:52:04

Dd2(21 months) fed her 8 week old brother a spoonfull of petit filous!!

Dophus Tue 06-Mar-07 15:34:26

I am crying with laughter - literally.

And I read the 'do you leave your toddler unsupervised?' with such derision. I leave mine unsupervised all the time and so far been lucky (apart fromt he usual biro/cat food type incidents) . Time to rethink...

Blu Tue 06-Mar-07 15:21:31

Posted all my credit cards down the floorboards.
Turned the washing machine dial from 'delicate, handwash' to 'boilwash'.

ElenyaTuesday Tue 06-Mar-07 15:09:14

Ds1 locked me out of the house when I answered the door holding his newborn brother - it was a guy selling gym membership which I calmly said no to (despite being locked out). I thought - it's okay, the windows are open, but then realised it was physically impossible for me to climb through the window whilst holding the baby. So I had to call back the gym guy and ask him to climb through the window and let me in - ds1 meanwhile is in hysterics, made worse by a strange man climbing through the window. What a day that was!!!

JustSometimes Tue 06-Mar-07 14:49:07

Ds (then 10 months) came in from conservatory. Saw black 'thread' hanging from his mouth. 'What have you got in your mouth?' DS obliges Mummy by opening his mouth to reveal a semi-wriggling large black beetle.
I had to control the urge to scream and in an amazing feat of complete control I said: Oh, spit that out and I'll get you something else to eat'. He did. Happy chap; looked chuffed to bits!
Ugh - to this day I shudder.

ComeOVeneer Tue 06-Mar-07 14:37:23

Most recently ds has attacked my brand new beige sofa with a dark pink marker pen. DD cut her hair just after she had had her very first hair cut. It took 2 years to grow it out. DS put a hard back book into the washing machine, lost my car keys for 2 days, ate a snail, bust the dvd palyer and video (don't know how). DD sitting next to me when she was almost 3 watching me paint her bedroom, picked up a paint brush and proceeded to try and eat gloss paint.

Mind you as a child I wasn't much better. My mum caught me applying nailvarnish to my eyelids in an attempt to copy her doing her make-up

crispyduck Tue 06-Mar-07 14:35:21

fed the goldfish coffee, sugar and soap powder....poor fish, one died quickly and the other one lingered for days....

TRS Tue 06-Mar-07 14:35:15

This is actually the fuuniest thing I've read in years...keep them coming! I suppose I've got all of these to look forward to- DS is only 7 months... although he did manage to unscrew the top of his cup/beaker with his teeth the other day...not as fuuny as all your stories though!

kels666 Tue 06-Mar-07 14:32:17

eaten regutitated (sp) chicken from cat's vomit. OK you asked

LadyOfTheFlowers Tue 06-Mar-07 14:27:28

same here with the vaseline, all over himself, his hair the carpet and his best cow print nappy wrap.
poo, most places but mostly he likes to press it into the carpet.
make up compact- that was fun. on his belly, the dog's belly and the carpet.
porridge (sp?) i feed him that now myself- he puts it in his hair which he nolonger lets me wash.

mm22bys Tue 06-Mar-07 14:23:15

Very funny thread!

Now where to start with DS2.10?

He got into a tub of vaseline and smeared it all over himself, the walls, chest of drawers and carpet...

Poo-painted the walls, bed and carpet

Another time, poo-painted himself, cot, bedclothes, walls and books

Got washing up liquid and squirted it all the floor (nice slippery job there)

Dialled 999, two police officers came to house and investigated each room and boiler cupboard...

Scribbled on wooden dining room table with pen (does not come off!)

Climbed up onto kitchen bench, opened cupboard, got into new box of cereal, tipped that all over floor, then added packet of water ctrackers to the mix...

I took rubbish out and didn't put new bag in. Hear sprinkling sound - yes he's found a new "potty"!

Mmmmm - maybe he needs some supervision?

pussinslippers Tue 06-Mar-07 13:48:53

Started the car!

...just after DH said, 'Aaah, isn't he sweet sitting in there, good thing he can't reach the k...'

mamma2kids Tue 06-Mar-07 13:05:26

DS (aged 2) fed DD (aged 5mnths) with baby food while I was on the phone. Quite sweet really, funnything was the jar was on the coffee table, DD in high chair and DS was loading spoon with slops carrying it across the floor (dropping most of it) and poking it in her mouth. She was quite happy.

Also he threw all my clothes under the door of the cubicle in the MIXED changing room at swimming baths so I had to creep arond wearing a hand towel trying to collect them while stopping him from escaping and DD from rolling away.

melpomene Mon 05-Mar-07 23:23:33

DD1 smeared poo all over our dining table and dining chairs.

Another time she drew a spider on our (laminate) sitting room floor, then became hysterical because she was afraid of the spider.

twoisplenty Mon 05-Mar-07 23:20:23

Me and mum in mum's conservatory, dd went out of conservatory and turned the key so locking us both in. No phone, no window open, no escape... got dd to turn lock again 5 minutes later, mum hysterical...

geekgrrl Mon 05-Mar-07 23:12:32

I've posted about this before...

in May last year ds (then 2.5 yrs) and dd2 (5 with SN and always happy to follow ds's ideas) scratched my brand new, 5 day old shiny car with stones. Badly. And all over. 'Look Mama, draw car!' ds told me happily.

'Twas grim and all I could do was sit down and weep.

Most of it was thankfully sorted by 'Chipsaway' for £200 but some of the deep gouges are there to stay.

Yurtgirl Mon 05-Mar-07 23:08:30

very funny thread

dds worst is nothing in comparison - decorating bathroom with entire tub of aquaeos cream. bathroom floor was mega slippy for a while!!

MiaWallace Mon 05-Mar-07 22:57:29

PMSL at some of these. Good to know we are all in the same boat.

Jimjams2 Mon 05-Mar-07 20:21:13

Ds1 still loves washing up liquid SGK. I remember him sppreading it all over the kitchen floor- his brothers ran in and both went skidding all over the place. He also dripped it all the way up the bannisters (3 floors). It's a nightmare to get off- goes kind of thick and waxy.

MorocconOil Mon 05-Mar-07 20:19:38

Brushed his hair with mascara

Climbed inside the fireguard(fortunately the fire was off)

Painted toothpaste onto new stair carpet

Unwrapped a packet of sanitary towels and stuck them all over her body-so stylish!

DD2 when she was 2-ish, along with her older sister, got hold of the fabric conditor and smeared it all over the kitchen floor and both were sliding along the floor naked!!

brimfull Mon 05-Mar-07 20:08:02

unravelled loo rolls all over house

smeared his excema cream all over books/walls and the dog

hides mobiles/keys and dressing gown belts on a regular basis and will not own up to it.

drew with felt tip pen ALL over cream carpet

pours water on dog's bed to make it look like she's weed herself.

Frizbe Mon 05-Mar-07 20:04:19

Locked me out of the house (oh yes can turn keys to lock door suddenly) whilst I took tumble drying to dryer in garage

Coloured the walls in living room in blue crayon.

Coloured the Lino in kitchen in felt tip, fortunatley I'd learnt my lesson and they were washable.

IntergalacticWalrus Mon 05-Mar-07 20:03:28

Ah, that's better

NiceCrisps Mon 05-Mar-07 20:02:16

Shit, fogot to change name back to IGW

NiceCrisps Mon 05-Mar-07 20:01:28

Smeared sudocrem into the carpet in his bedroom

Tipped oats all over the kitchen

Drawn on variousl walls

Locked himself in the lounge, which meant I couldn't get up to the loo or make a phone call. I had to walk round to the back of the house in my obscenely-short-and-stretched-to-capacity-nightie and DPs (sixe 13) shoes to keep an eye on him. I had to a silly dance therough the back window to stop him from climbing onto the TV. It took DP an agonisuing 2 hours to get hiome and rexcue him

wanderingstar Mon 05-Mar-07 19:55:20

Locked himself into the bathroom, with a running bath, while I was next door getting his pyjamas. 1 screwdriver through the lock + 1 startled but helpful Ocado man later, we were sorted.

Tub of vaseline all over bedroom wall.

Black biro in swirls in odd but prominent corners of the house, while i was on the phone (receiving a cross call)with ds1's teacher.

ALL our cutlery hurled All over the kitchen while I was putting a wash on...

All from the same child. Just as well he's the - planned - last of 4. I'd never have had another if he'd been the first.

Raggydoll Mon 05-Mar-07 18:24:54

I came downstairs once to find ds1 throwing an object around the room - on closer inspection it was a dead mouse [shudder].

Nbg Mon 05-Mar-07 18:19:01

Bought a Ruby off ebay, lol!

SpawnChorus Mon 05-Mar-07 18:18:17

I meant Helliebean Sorry!

SpawnChorus Mon 05-Mar-07 18:16:55

Helliemum - <SHREEEEEEEEEEK!!!>

Califrau Mon 05-Mar-07 17:48:15

regular occurance b4 we worked out how to lock the bathroom door from the outside...ds2 used to run into the kitchen and turn the hob on thus ensuring that I would run into the kitchen to turn the hob OFF leaving him free to dart into the bathroom, lock the door and turn all the taps and the shower on.

When ds2 was weeks old I left ds1 with cbeebies for a second and went to the loo. DS2 started crying in his moses basket in the same room and then stopped. ds1 trotted in happily and said he had made ds2 better and he wasnt crying any more -I ran in with my jeans round my ankles to find a whole muslin square shoved in ds2's mouth . I did what every good mother would in the circs - whacked ds1, cried and called my mother. [shame]

chenin Mon 05-Mar-07 17:47:43

not destruction exactly but DD1 had a compulsion to eat spiders... big ones with long legs. I had to fish them out her mouth with some legs missing usually.... I hate spiders!

CorrieDale Mon 05-Mar-07 17:47:17

Dialled 999. Then replaced the phone. We went out for the morning and were visited in the early afternoon by a very nice PC who thought, for reasons too complicated and shaming to go into, that he was going to have to break into the house to find my dead body. Deeply deeply embarassing.

fridayschild Mon 05-Mar-07 17:42:46

picked up my phone, managed to unlock it and called the last number I'd dialled

one of my most important clients

not a client who loved small children. Now said client has a grandson, we'd be ok if it happened again

piglit Mon 05-Mar-07 17:39:51

Ds1 helped himself to a massive pot of vaseline and smeared it all over his hands and all over my newly decorated walls. <shriek>

And he squeezed a whole tube of toothpaste into my favourite suede boots.

Ds2 opened the cupboard where the dog food is and fed it to the dog, bit by bit.

Flower3554 Mon 05-Mar-07 17:38:33

DD1 unrolled the loo roll and fed it down the loo. " its full now" she told me.

DS1 picked up a 5 litre tin of apple green emulsion (what was I thinking) and dropped it. Of course the lid came off (why don't paint tins have screw lids please) all over our hall carpet that had been laid 3 days previously

USAUKMum Mon 05-Mar-07 17:36:24

DS has flooded the bathroom floor by pouring water all over, so that it was leaking out of the ceiling below.....

morocco Mon 05-Mar-07 17:34:24

turned on taps full, put plug in, then come back downstairs and played (so actually unsupervised for all of about 3 minutes ) then flooded whole bathroom, wrecked ceiling and carpets, big insurance job, thank goodness for accidental damage cover!

mamama Mon 05-Mar-07 17:32:19

Oh, I love this thread - I feel so much better having read it!

I think the worst DS has done was:

dancing on the windowsill
scrubbing his potty with his toothbrush (but better his than mine).

Oh, and he got hold of the new toothbrushes, chewed them all and put them back so I didn't realise until I went to get a new one out and it was all chewed and yukky. At least, I think it was Ds who did it...

ammylovesolivia Mon 05-Mar-07 17:17:26

oh and dialled 999 a few times- to the point that they threatened to charge me with sommat or other and phone is now on a high shelf.

And pood in bath.

PinkTulips Mon 05-Mar-07 17:17:20

oh yes and she got at the litter tray and spread shitty cat litter all over the room once while i was doing dinner

ammylovesolivia Mon 05-Mar-07 17:15:56

turds in every room of the house at some point in potty training.

bum cream all over bedroom.

poured milk all over kitchen floor 'making breakfast mummy!'

sun cream all over dining room carpet.

twirly painting with no lid on the contraption hence twirly painted dining room.

walked round house holding a brown crayon against the wall creating a 'border'.

Nothing dangerous but all highly annoying and even more annoying when you think 'I've only been gone 10 seconds'.

PinkTulips Mon 05-Mar-07 17:14:46

threw the nappy bucket into the bath

knocked hole in wall

scrubbed toilet with our toothbrushes

ate her own poo

threw every item of clothing from every cupboard upstairs over the banisters

and for all of these i was only 10 feet away dealing with ds

Jimjams2 Mon 05-Mar-07 17:14:19

ds2 got hold of one of ds1's poos and pretended to eat it. (played with it like it was pretend food- luckily he came to find me to show off).

MiaWallace Mon 05-Mar-07 17:11:57

You've just reminded me Cod, dd has called 999 twice

amynnixmum Mon 05-Mar-07 17:10:57

Ds is definately the worst for this even now at 6. The most disgusting thing he did as a toddler was poo painting

It was everywhere - all over his bed and blankets, his toys , the walls and the carpet. Oh and all over him of course. I had flu at the time and felt so ill it took me 1/2 hour to clear it all up!

2Happy Mon 05-Mar-07 17:08:07

When dh brought the cats water bowl in to stop it freezing but stupidly left it on the floor, found ds1 picked it up slurping out of it.
Eating soil out of plant pots.
Dropped dh's car keys (with electronic unlocky button thing) down toilet.
Took car keys to emulsioned door and scraped.
While feeding ds2 at parent's house this weekend, ds1 wandered upstairs on his own and walked into the shower. While my mother was in it. Mid-shower.
I'm sure there's more...

NAB3 Mon 05-Mar-07 17:02:50

He put his torch in the microwave and set it going. Cue screaming child and on fire microwave. First time I had left him downstairs while I nipped to the loo........

liath Mon 05-Mar-07 17:02:49

I caught dd up to her armpits in the toilet washing a dirty nappy that she'd fished out of the nappy bucket.

She looked so chuffed, too and said "dd washing dirty nappy" with a happy smile. Yuk. Serves me right for being a hippy cloth nappy user, really.

sweetkitty Mon 05-Mar-07 17:01:06

crunching on bits of cat litter with poo thrown in for good measure

MrsWednesday Mon 05-Mar-07 17:00:07

Hammered a wooden toy into a wall, creating a pock-marked effect (I did wonder what the banging noise was).

Whilst I was changing DS2's nappy in the boot of the car, DS1 was happily occupying himself by drawing a picture on the car door with a stone. My new car.

Took a few Kalms tablets too once.

Perhaps more supervision is in order.

bran Mon 05-Mar-07 16:58:47

DS did a poo in the wardrobe at about 2.4 yrs, he was very proud.

CanSleepWeirdShifts Mon 05-Mar-07 16:58:38

When nappy free, last week, she pooed on floor and I found her eating it . (She's 12 months btw, so not quite old enough to know better).

FluffyMummy123 Mon 05-Mar-07 16:56:26

Message withdrawn

Blu Mon 05-Mar-07 16:55:46

DS tried to make me an omlette, aged 2. Broke about 9 eggs, at least one went into the bowl. Cheese grater was circulating in the microwave, sending out sparks...."making an omlette, Mummy!"

A painted mual on my Living room wall. I actually havn't painted over it yet, no point in doing so until this faze is over with.

MiaWallace Mon 05-Mar-07 16:51:55

Following on from the thread about leaving toddlers to play unsupervised -

What is the worst thing yours has got up to when unsupervised?

Dd managed to get a tub of emulsion out of a cupboard with a safety lock on it, somehow got the lid of the tub, and then proceeded to smear the emulsion all over the stair carpet and banister.

What tales of destruction have you got?

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