whats the worst thign oyu have shouted at an uncomprehending baby

(191 Posts)
LittleBlueBoat Sun 05-Jun-11 11:30:43

Another one 4 years old?

I'm still not getting the codeword confused

But all the post are funny

eversoslightlytired Fri 03-Jun-11 22:35:12

Oh blimey!

PurveyorOfBaloney Fri 03-Jun-11 22:31:54

This thread is also 4 (read them, FOUR) years old. But don't let that spoil your fun grin

eversoslightlytired Fri 03-Jun-11 22:30:22

This thread is hilarious. DS at 2 weeks old "What more do you fucking want from me? Shut the fuck up!". DH came back to find me sobbing out side back door whilst smoking myself to death mumbling "I shouted at him. He hates me"

localcrackpot Fri 03-Jun-11 18:36:01

slowreader I love you. That's amazing. I am crying with laughter. I will sing that song to baby crackpot.

sazzybee Mon 20-Aug-07 21:01:32

I have shouted 'shut the fuck up' at least once. Also I do shh/pat and have found that you can shhh in a very angry way to my shame

I love the kum ba yah

msappropriate Mon 20-Aug-07 20:53:21

god this thread has made me feel sooo much better at my outbursts in the night which always involved lots of swearing.

miniegg Mon 20-Aug-07 20:49:47

i shouted "fxxxing shut the fxxx up, or I am going to throw myself out of the window" ! to my two week old. i am really ashamed of it but i was at breaking point. obviously I didn't mean it!

LoveAngel Mon 20-Aug-07 19:55:38

'I am going to get ill and have to go into hospital if I don't get some sleep...then you won't have a mummy! See how you like that!'

Considering DS was about 4 months old, I don't think my little threat bothered him too much.

Go, the things sleep deprivation drive you to.

mixedmama Mon 20-Aug-07 18:49:33

Nothing to contribute, but just wanted to say that I couldnt read this thread as it had me laughing uncoontrolably at my desk and I was getting funny looks.

allgonebellyup Sun 12-Aug-07 20:47:07

"IF YOU DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU SILLY LITTLE BITCH I WILL THROW YOU OUT OF THAT WINDOW! AND I MEAN IT! AND NOBODY WILL MISS YOU COS YOU NEVER SHUT THE FUCKING FUCK UP! AND I WISH I HAD NEVER HAD YOU!"

me, a sobbing wreck, to dd when around 3 weeks old and constant crying night and day with no gasps for air.

smeeinit Sun 12-Aug-07 20:32:49

OMG,i feel so relieved,i thought it was just me that had shouted expletives at a tiny baby!............I AM NORMAL!!! woohoo!!!

FluffyMummy123 Sun 12-Aug-07 20:30:03

Message withdrawn

mamadoc Sun 12-Aug-07 20:28:25

Lots of stuff on here ringing bells for me.

5 week old DD crying and crying for seemingly no reason I was trying to do that baby whisperer Shh and pat thing and gradualy realised that the Shh was getting louder and louder until it morphed into a full on SHHHHUT the F**k up!! Probably not quite what the BW meant..

LaBoheme Sun 12-Aug-07 15:02:09

"If you don't let me sleep I will die"

LOL. Suzy I said the exact same thing yo my 6 week old DD...this is bringing back the newborn stage to me. Never shouted (didn't have the energy) but just used to sob snd sob all night. Awful stage!

slowreader Sun 12-Aug-07 14:12:20

During screaming hairwashings, sung to the tune of 'Just the way you look tonight'

Beeeeetles
Living in your hair
Safe behind your ears
Clinging very tightly
'Cos they love you
Just the way you look tonight.


Found I could sing this louder than they could yell.

CatIsSleepy Sun 12-Aug-07 14:10:29

I did plenty of swearing at newborn dd whilst in the throes of horrendous sleep deprivation and being unable to comprehend what more she could possibly want from me...
am not proud of it but I was at the end of my tether and needed to let the anguish out somehow!

and on occasion I burst into tears too so that both of us were sobbing hysterically...

and I remember dh saying once at about 3 in the morning when dd was crying "god, having a baby is boring"
not very constructive, I thought

gess Sun 12-Aug-07 13:52:37

I've shouted worse at an uncomprehending ds1. Especially in the middle of the night. Always felt awful afterwards.

JeremyVile Sun 12-Aug-07 13:51:18

Thats exactly how i felt too.

Reading this stopped me feeling like an uncaring freak.

And actually, realising that i was not an oddity took away alot of my frustrations at these times and honestly, since reading it i deal with it all much better.

I hoped others might feel the same, thats why i bumped it.

RFCMummy Sun 12-Aug-07 13:46:48

This thread has taken a load of guilt off my mind and made me feel normal again so thank you!!! Only the other night after feeding DD2 at 2.30 am and she wouldn't go back to sleep I was like 'for goodness sake go to sleep', and then whem she wouldn't I was like 'well grunt and chunt to yourself then because I am not listening' then put the pillow over my head to try and sleep but of course couldn't while she was unsettled so ended up bringing her in bed with me and stroking her head until she slept!

massivebigpantsface Sun 12-Aug-07 09:57:24

what a relief to see this thread as for the first time since she was born dh lost his patience with whinging 6.5m dd whilst trying to rush round and get ready to go out yesterday.
he didn't shout but snapped "we're going in a minute you stupid cow!!!!"

He felt awful afterwards and spent the rest of the day cuddling and playing and singing songs.

MrsJohnCusack Sun 12-Aug-07 09:47:24

oh I've defintely sworn
try not to in front of the 2 year old, but certainly have hissed obscenities at my sweet little baby at 3am

WideWebWitch Sun 12-Aug-07 09:45:09

lol Sw and lots of us did

suzywong Sun 12-Aug-07 09:44:22

of course with lots of expletives thrown in to the mix

I wanted to read the thread first to see if anyone was going to admit to swearing.

suzywong Sun 12-Aug-07 09:40:40

"If you don't let me sleep I will die"

MrsJohnCusack Sun 12-Aug-07 09:17:36

oh now I feel worse

LadyTophamHatt Sun 12-Aug-07 07:41:46

Nothing.

I've virtually begged, in whispered tones while close to tears for them to go to sleep many many many times but haven't shouted, not when they are babies.


The big ones get shouted at though.

MrsJohnCusack Sun 12-Aug-07 07:20:00

ooooooh I was just thinking of this thread the other day whilst snapping at my very grouchy 5 month old 'for god's sake, why don't you just SHUT UP' 'what's wrong NOW' 'JUST STOP IT' and 'STOP BITING ME PLEASE'

of course it always feel like it's just you. nice to know that it isn't

madamez Sun 12-Aug-07 01:52:24

Never shouted at DS when he was a tiny baby, did begin to mutter 'stop that or you'll get a smack' when he was about 9 months old and wouldn't lie still when being changed. Did NOT smack him btw. Before you all think I'm disgustingly smug, DS was a colic-free baby and before I had him I had been working in a job which had been constant sleep deprivation so that was the bit I found easy to deal with... Since toddlerhood I have yelled at him on many an occasion SHUT UP! I don't care just WALK and done the bitch-face-dragging-howling-toddler-up-the-road LOADS.

And then last night, in the corner shop, he announced beamingly to the staff @Mummy hit me@. I DONT hit him. I nearly melted away on the spot.

JeremyVile Sun 12-Aug-07 01:15:43

For anyone struggling to keep patient with a screaming child when all you want to do is sleep.

It really helped me reading all these - and is one of the funniest threads i can recall.

Wotz Wed 30-May-07 19:49:53

AnnabelCaramel - lol

My dh says if all else fails give them chocolate...

AnnabelCaramel Wed 14-Mar-07 19:17:03

It wasn't shouted but sung on a particularly bad day, "I'm going to have to put you in the bin, and not even the recycling one because it wouldn't be fair on anyone else to have to deal with this"

I will tell him one day

rydercup Wed 14-Mar-07 19:07:10

whilst attaching my DS (about 2 weeks old) to a very sore nipple.......I shouted 'stop it...your just being nasty now!!!!'. As if!!!

CODalmighty Wed 14-Mar-07 15:00:08

lol

ishouldbeironing Wed 14-Mar-07 14:59:38

My DH yelled at one of my DTS after she had been crying for hours
"Okay raise one finger if you are hungry
2 if you need your nappy changed
and 3 for something else "

JanH Fri 09-Mar-07 21:13:03

A lot of these posts are ringing really really clangy bells with me but you know what? After 15-20 years YOU FORGET IT ALL!



(Or is that just me going senile )

DeviousDaffodil Fri 09-Mar-07 21:01:59

'Can't you bloody well do something else but eat, poo and be sick?'

to a 5 week old baby, er no not really...

Greensleeves Fri 09-Mar-07 21:01:34

Oddly enough, it had that effect on me as well compo

compo Fri 09-Mar-07 20:59:42

Greensleeves I don't know why, but your brother's comment has nearly made me pmsl

taffy101 Fri 09-Mar-07 20:54:39

PSML at frizbe dh!!

Ilovemyboy Fri 09-Mar-07 16:28:50

Called my DS a 'little dickhead' once...he was about 6 weeks old and colicky. Felt bad as soon as I said it.

I don't recall ever shouting at him though.

DaisyMOO Fri 09-Mar-07 16:07:10

A friend of mine says that her baby started sleeping through night after she shouted "if you don't go to sleep I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to kill you" Apparently she slept through from that night onwards

Frizbe Fri 09-Mar-07 15:38:13

I told dd1 when she was about 6 weeks old, that is she didn't shut the f* up I was going to drop her out the window cue dh grabbing her and running off downstairs with her for the remainder of the night until her next feed, and for the 1st time in 6 weeks I actually got 4 hrs sleep in a row!

Flower3554 Fri 09-Mar-07 13:48:38

My Nanna used the mantra "if you don't stop crying you'll go in a home with your hair cut short and a black pinny on"

Ask my grown up 3 what my favourite saying was when they were growing up, yup you've guessed it

My 4 year old when we began fostering " does that mean we are where the naughty children get sent mummy? Whoops

totaleclipse Fri 09-Mar-07 13:41:53

My sister once raised her voice to her 3 month old, 'oh grow up you immature baby'

glamourbadger Fri 09-Mar-07 13:40:33

"If you don't stop crying I'm going to give you away to an orphanage!"

mummymic Fri 09-Mar-07 13:38:09

greensleeves - pmsl!
after having a rough few days with my kids who are feeling a litte under the weather - they are whingeing and screaming constantly i was embarrassed to say, that on several occasions this week i have said WILL YOU JUST SHUT THE FUCKUP NOW!
i am now in absolute hysterics over these posts
i feel normal now that i know everyone else shouts it too
thank you all so much for making me laugh on an otherwise really shitty day
xxxxxxx

Greensleeves Fri 09-Mar-07 13:18:18

Me - just "shut up, pleeeeaaaaaaaaase" and "What?? What??????"

But I remember when my little brother was a baby and woke us all up for the fourth time one night, my brother (about 15 at the time) shouted "For fuck's sake someone shut the fat twat up!" .

charleygibbonsfanclub Fri 09-Mar-07 13:11:06

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

After a week of continuous fighting (with each other) I threatened to put mine on ebay if they didn't stop...

I have said to tiny little ds, 'Do you want me to hit you?'
In my defence I would never, ever have done it. But after that night I understood so much more about mums who hurt their children.

Lazycow Thu 08-Mar-07 12:28:06

I think shouting at newborns is better than shouting at older children. They are not likely to understand/remember.

I'm afraid I'm with fillyjonk here. I can't remember most of the the things I shouted at ds when he was a baby but 'shut the f**k up' and 'go to f*ing sleep' now are the milder ones. Ds did cry an awful lot though.

I shout at ds much less now he is 2.5yrs old as I know he will get upset. As a baby it made no difference whatsoever to him but it did let a bit of tension out for me, even if I did feel bad about doing it.

I now have Enid down as my role model for parenting 'I lifted dd1 quite roughly once'- Oh for that sort of patience - (I'm really not being sarcastic I'm truly envious)

I'm hoping motherhood will help to move me in that direction - I am getting better, hence I'm less likely to shout at my toddler than my baby. With a bit of luck I will have reached a zen-like place of total calm by the time ds is teenager (some chance !)

I do think this really is down to personality - dh has never and I mean NEVER raised his voice to ds . Dh just doesn't lose his rag. Me on the other hand ....

emkana Wed 07-Mar-07 20:26:38

I'm with Enid.

I have never shouted at them as babies.

However, I'm sure I've shouted at them far more than Enid has when they were older.

But I don't use swear words, stopped using them altogether when I was teaching and accidentally used the f-word in class...

MoosMa Wed 07-Mar-07 20:01:55

PMSL at "piddling little twat"

I think I've just done the standard "What NOW you horrid creature?" and while getting chewed to pieces "no no no you're doing it all wrong and you're hurting me, stop it stop it stop it or they'll fall off and you'll have to go hungry cos there's nothing else you know."

airy Wed 07-Mar-07 16:52:13

To 4 week old dd at 3am after what seemed like constant feeding for ever
'ENOUGH, they're my tits you're NOT having them any more'
DP absolutely pissed himself in hysterics, which of course just made me madder

taffy101 Wed 07-Mar-07 16:35:59

I don't think its particularly awful what I said to babe but its just the ridiculousness (is that a word) of saying it to an uncomprehending newborn thats funny!

FillyjonkDOEStellherkidsoff Wed 07-Mar-07 16:33:09

pretty tame, sorry

i have no idea what I shouted

I had a baby who could cry for 6 hours straight seemingly without taking a breath, oh and a 22mo ds...

I actually can't remember what I shouted and what I thought...

I'm sure my neighbours could tell you though.

taffy101 Wed 07-Mar-07 16:26:08

Oh this thread makes me feel so much better that we are all stress heads. Said to 3 week old at 4am with his head bobbing around madly trying to find boob "its here you bloody stupid baby fgs"

Is "piddling little twat" not good enough for ya, Filly?

FillyjonkDOEStellherkidsoff Wed 07-Mar-07 16:22:35

seriously?

this is the worst you lot have ever said?

hillary Wed 07-Mar-07 16:21:51

With a repetative toddler & I mean repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and repeats and For Fuck Sake Shut Up!!!!!!

During a 3am feed and nappy change when DS1 was 5 weeks old.
"and now you've soaked my only remaining pair of clean pyjamas, you piddling little twat".

FillyjonkDOEStellherkidsoff Wed 07-Mar-07 16:11:32

it making me feel like a monster

am at what others consider

ammylovesolivia Tue 06-Mar-07 09:52:39

I love this thread

It makes me feel human and sane.

swifterella Mon 05-Mar-07 17:51:57

'I am loosing the f*cking will to live, please just go to freakin sleep' seemed to be some kind of mantra when DS was a wee baby. Today he refused lunch for the umpteen time this month so i said 'ok fine dont eat you friggin lunch that i've spent an hour cooking, see if i care' whilst sat with my arms crossed and sulking the little git laughed at me. I am a terrible mother!

NorksBride Mon 05-Mar-07 17:44:38

Also, to newly weaned baby ...

'Look, I'm bloody making it' whilst showing impatient and uncomprehending baby that mummy is indeed stirring something in a pan...

NorksBride Mon 05-Mar-07 17:42:36

"Fucking go to fucking sleep you fucking fuck."

"There is no more fucking milk. You've drunk me dry. You'll just have to bloody wait for them to fill up again." Cue DH larfing his arse orf.

I find a good swear always releases tension - particularly now I can't swear because of talking DCs. And it makes me larf!

PinkTulips Mon 05-Mar-07 17:33:47

dp wanted to add his all time best/worst...

'EBAY! i could sell you!'

'If you don't stop crying I'm going to give you to Daddy and he will give you FORMULA!'

FluffyMummy123 Mon 05-Mar-07 17:12:39

Message withdrawn

SpawnChorus Mon 05-Mar-07 17:07:07

Have recently grumbled at an inexplicably crying DS 'Oh FGS you're just being a big baby!'. Which is ridiculous because he is 6 months old. And big.

PinkTulips Mon 05-Mar-07 16:52:25

last night i was holding 7 month old ds's hand for 30 mins as he screamed blue murder. he suddenly stopped and snuggled into my hand as if he hadn't noticed it before and i accidently shouted 'oh for gods sake it's been there all alone stupid!'

in my defence i'd had a migraine for 2 days and wasn't at my sanest

PinkTulips Mon 05-Mar-07 16:44:21

shut the fuck up for the love of god i don't know what you want!

ashamed to say it's happened more than once too.... although usually i just cry.

FluffyMummy123 Mon 05-Mar-07 16:43:09

Message withdrawn

Enid Mon 05-Mar-07 14:34:26

my mum used to say things like that all the time

I used to find it terrifying

thats why I never do it

nailpolish Mon 05-Mar-07 14:08:45

"where did i put that phone number for the bad girls home?"

Enid Mon 05-Mar-07 14:03:50

I have shouted at the children

just not when they were babies

nappyaddict Mon 05-Mar-07 12:48:19

i have said to ds WHAT DO YOU WANT?!! and WHATS WRONG! on more than one occasion.

have also said to him right i will see you later, and by later i mean no earlier than 8am, ok?

GameGirly Mon 05-Mar-07 10:24:10

"Oh, shut up, hurry up and grow up and go to boarding school"! Tired and emotional, to DD1 then aged about 8 weeks!

piglit Mon 05-Mar-07 10:22:56

To ds1 when he was about 6 months old:

"So you don't want to go to sleep? Ok, fine. Go on then, get up, put the tv on, watch a dvd. See if I care."

To ds2 (regularly):

"I'll give you a tenner if you go back to sleep."

i would like to add i've never shouted those things. On the rare occassion i have said them, it has been whimpered with my head in my hands. Poor me

sunnywong Mon 05-Mar-07 07:56:14

oh this is making me feel human too

more along the lines of "you are killing me and then you won't have a mum at all"
"why the F won't you let me sleep you tortuous little b**tard?"

that kind of thing really

oh and there was the time I thought I had an incubus visit me, it felt just like someone was sitting on my chest and I think I may have had something to say to ds1 about that at 2.45am

Have screamed, Aaaaargh I just don't care any more, to my 3 year old.
She does go on and on tho'. Constant chatter for 12 hours does tend to make me crotchety by 3 or 4 pm. And by bedtime, patience is utterly exhausted, as am I.

cjs76 Mon 05-Mar-07 07:50:46

Im loving this thread - making me feel human again!!
"Tell me what you want" to a newborn baby

"Im no interested anyone" to a toddler that wont stop moaning for what appears to be not reason

oxocube Mon 05-Mar-07 07:20:10

WILL YOU GROW UP!! And now they have

meowmix Mon 05-Mar-07 06:58:56

"Get out! Mummy is ALLOWED to POO IN PRIVATE" seems to be my personal mantra at the moment. And whats nice about that is its memorable and good to teach all his friends at nursery. and the teacher. and to tell the doctor. And my work colleagues.

nappyaddict Mon 05-Mar-07 05:02:11

i constantly yell shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up shut up at ds when he is really getting on my nerves until it makes me feel better. he is 8 months old.

and arghhhh I CANT TAKE IT ANYMORE BE QUIET! stunned silence.

Bouj Mon 05-Mar-07 01:47:38

Stop acting like a fking baby. to ds2 at 5 weeks.

chipmonkey Mon 05-Mar-07 01:17:03

Hi jabberwocky! How are you? Long time no chat!

jabberwocky Mon 05-Mar-07 01:14:21

Hey chipmonkey!

Am ROFL at these. Still trying to work up the nerve to type mine...

chipmonkey Mon 05-Mar-07 01:00:15

Today, I said to ds3, "Leave the computer alone you little shhhhhhh.....ugarmuffin"
ds1 PHSL!

Skribble Sun 04-Mar-07 23:47:21

I always thoughT I was a bit silly saying "effing grow up" to a small baby .

vizbizz Sun 04-Mar-07 23:44:23

ok, I feel a little better after reading some of these posts. At the time it's awful, but in retrospect it makes for great reading. PMSL. The Kum By yah has to win hands down. Awesome.

ammylovesolivia Sun 04-Mar-07 21:24:49

DD fell out of bed in the middle of the night and after a big fat cafuffle and loads of tears I just screamed 'FOR GODS SAKES GO BACK TO BED AND GO TO SLEEP OR I WILL SMACK YOUR BOTTOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!'

Next day still whingey and could not lift her arm. A trip to A&E uncovered her collarbone completely in two.

She still remembers and so do I. I have beaten myself up about it, cried about it and generally felt bad.

But the funny thing is, the nurses at A&E who I thought would be calling the social, all thought it was bloody hilarious

smittenkitten Sun 04-Mar-07 20:45:19

"if you don't shut up i'll kill myself and then you'll be sorry"

"I'm going to put you outside with a baby for sale sign"

"i'm going to sell you to the glue factory"

JustSometimes Sun 04-Mar-07 20:31:43

Said Loudly: 'You are driving Mummy MAD! If you don't stop it, Mummy will really go mad and then you'll have the whole house to yourself to scream to and I won't hear you - Please God!"


(I have said / screamed / shouted far worse things but only in the car and on my own - making sure windows are firmly shut and phone off - just in case I sit on it and dial some unsuspecting individual who would rightly think I was horrible).

FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 20:21:47

Message withdrawn

CountTo10 Sun 04-Mar-07 20:11:43

Had a particularly bad day when ds was about 4 weeks old, he just didn't want to sleep, kept crying and had reflux so when he wasn't crying he was throwing up. Dp had gone out for the day and I was wheeling ds up and down in his pram. In the end I left him at one end of the hallway while i was at the other screaming ' for the love of fucking god what is bloody wrong with you'. Hated myself for it but actually it made me feel a bit better - bit of release!! I have raised my voice with him now at 2.5 and today in fact said quite loudly, what on earth could be wrong with you now child!!! He then told me off for shouting and I couldn't help but chuckle!!!!

WideWebWitch Sun 04-Mar-07 20:07:20

and at kumbay fking ah

misspiggy Sun 04-Mar-07 20:07:19

at Monkey Island. DS2 came into the office worried that I had flipped as I was PMSL so much!

LittleRach - we have an old tape of me and my then 3 YO DB playing and my mum can be heard in the background telling DB that she would "slit his throat" if he got any of that Flake he was eating on the floor!

"Only the crumbliest flakiest chocolate"! Poor DB still can't look a Flake in the eye today and he's 35 now. Mentally scarred for life.........

WideWebWitch Sun 04-Mar-07 20:06:58

pmsl at poncetastic Marina, ha ha.

SoupDragon Sun 04-Mar-07 19:58:20

Saint Enid

ledodgyDave Sun 04-Mar-07 19:57:36

When ds was a couple of weeks old I shouted
"I've changed your nappy , I've fed you , you're warm, i've cuddled you now please go to f*cking sleep!" At this point dp woke up and said something innane so I got dressed and said "Fine i've had it i'm going". I left the house, it was 3am I walked to the end of our road and came back having nowhere to go. Came back to dp looking bewildered a woken up 2 year old who was crying and a newborn baby screaming!

Ceolas Sun 04-Mar-07 19:54:12

I have never shouted at a baby. Cried in a desperate fashion in the middle of the night.

But I have certainly shouted at the children. Sometimes as Sherlock says out in the back garden, but sometimes right at them. Not something I'm proud of.

Enid, how do you do it? Seriously.

SherlockLGJ Sun 04-Mar-07 19:51:46

Enid

I have gone into the back garden and shouted and whilst these lapses are unfortunate, better that than storing it up and then totally losing it, and ending up as front page news.

Enid Sun 04-Mar-07 19:49:57

never

I lifted dd1 quite roughly once

FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 19:48:50

Message withdrawn

bandstand Sun 04-Mar-07 19:46:38

lololol long leat

Enid Sun 04-Mar-07 19:42:18

this thread is horrible

cannot read past the first few posts

ghosty Sun 04-Mar-07 19:40:19

In a supermarket with DS and DD (very new) DS was kicking off. So I told him if he carried on like that I would put him outside while I finished my shopping.

Cue lip wobble ... "But mummy, someone might take me! Why would you want that? I am your special boy!"

Cue big guilt and lots of tears (on both sides) ...

ghosty Sun 04-Mar-07 19:36:25

Marina, can I nominate "Babies need Mozart my arse" as quote of the week?

ROFL at that and at Sovernow's monkey man

FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 19:20:36

Message withdrawn

lol at Babies need Mozart my arse

peanutbutter Sun 04-Mar-07 19:02:31

shut. the. fuck. up.

Oh Jesus!! What! Whaaatttt?!

Fine. Fucking cry. I'm not interested.

"Just tell me what you want then!" to a baby aged about 4 weeks . Would have been a little shocked if she had!

Califrau Sun 04-Mar-07 18:59:51

DS1 screamed for his first 5 and a half months. Often for 7 hrs at a go (colic nightmare). I do not care to think about what I may have said. [ad]

Marina Sun 04-Mar-07 18:57:43

PMSL at Hunker's book on getting your PFB to sleep. That one would sell and sell but I don't see an NCT endorsement looming any time soon
I've done my share of cussing out my babies in the small hours, but can I nominate a poncetastic moment with ds?
He would not sleep, he would not stop shouting, this was on a lovely late summer's day. So I put Cosi fan Tutte on the stereo, hissed in his face, "Shut the f* up you little fiend, this is Soave sia'il vento and went into the bedroom to have a good cry.
He was still going when I went back 10 mins later. Babies Need Mozart my ar*e!

TrinityRhino Sun 04-Mar-07 18:52:06

we regularly threaten to put dd2 into a big box and post her to China

the first time dd1 heard us she did ask very seriously" Are you really going to do that?"

SoupDragon Sun 04-Mar-07 18:49:42

I've shouted "shut the f*ck up" at BabyDragon on many a midnight screaming session. however, she didn't understand and it made me feel better so I don't have a huge problem with that. Of course, she's started speaking now so I can't do that any more...

I did, however, tell DS1 & 2 that I would have to give BabyDragon away to a family who wanted her and who could look after her better. DS2 (then 5) promptly burst into tears and hysterical sobbing saying "I don't want you to give her away! I love her!". Bless him. I did feel bad about that one.

Although not an uncomprehending baby, I felt I HAD to include this as it happened only 2 days ago with my EIGHT year old DD.

We often muck about pretending to ring people to grass the other up for doing something, eg. once when I swore about my Dad, she pretended to ring him and tell him what I'd said...

The other day, she 'signed' my name on a 'letter' she had written during a game. I told her it's illegal to forge someone else's signature and pretended to ring the police. She was laughing throughout my pretend phonecall, knowing I was messing about, and then burst into tears when I hung up the phone suddenly thinking I had really done it. Oh the shame! I had to go into my call register and prove I hadn't ACTUALLY dialled 999, LOL Bless her, she was quite worried they were coming for her! Never doing that again.

This thread is absolutely hilarious, I've nearly PMSL several times reading it, and I have done some of the things mentioned too, thank god it's not just me!!

Gingerbear Sun 04-Mar-07 17:47:12

I once said to DD 'if you don't go to sleep I will put you in the shed'

I hope she did not understand at 7 months old.

hunkermunker Sun 04-Mar-07 17:39:21

LOL Cod - I was going to write a book called "Go To Bloody Sleep You Little Bastard" - from this thread there's a market for it.

Apparently though, shouting isn't a good way to soothe your children into restful slumber

littlerach Sun 04-Mar-07 17:39:15

HM, think dh pondered a while too, with dd2 still not being a particularly good sleeper.

littlerach Sun 04-Mar-07 17:38:14

Yes, and the odd thing is, he's usually a vrey placid kind of man. Think it was all at the time of their 3rd child being v small and keeping them awake too.
But still when dh racecpounted ut to me.

FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 17:36:48

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hunkermunker Sun 04-Mar-07 17:35:49

Worked though, you say? [ponders]

FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 17:35:22

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littlerach Sun 04-Mar-07 17:33:47

Sobernow, I remember you posting about \longleat before, v funny.

one of dh's colleague's v shamefacedly told dh that his daughter had come downstairs for the nth time one evening and he was so furious that he roared " If you don't go to bed and stay there, I'll cut your throat". .
But it worked. She didn't come down again. think she was about 3 at the time.

FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 17:27:32

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FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 17:26:29

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FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 17:24:56

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TrinityRhino Sun 04-Mar-07 17:24:41

ROFL danae, I'm ashamed to find that HILARIOUS

danae Sun 04-Mar-07 17:23:54

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Fillyjonk Sun 04-Mar-07 17:19:03

oh jesus god there are some good patient mothers here

til she leant to walk dd insisted on being carried everywhere. no pushchairs, no slings. no car seats.

she has a rather piercing room emptying cry.

this was all rather hard, as I had a 22 month older ds.

I can't remember what I shouted, but I remember on several occasions, after she had screamed solidly for an hour or two, going into my room and shutting the door on her

NotanOtter Sun 04-Mar-07 17:13:27

we like to say 'dont be so bloody babyish ' to our newborns

hunkermunker Sun 04-Mar-07 17:12:23

I think "If you do not go to bloody sleep I will kill myself and THEN where will you be, you breast FIEND!"

And then the ludicrousness of it hit me and I laughed rather a lot.

CristinaTheAstonishing Sun 04-Mar-07 17:10:23

To my 7 month old DS: "I've told you in Romanian, I've told you in English, what language shall I speak to you so you understand?" A couple of weeks later we found out he was deaf

Sobernow Sun 04-Mar-07 17:08:02

Well, they laugh about it now, but I felt awful at the time, although secretly pleased at my convincing telephone acting

feedmenow Sun 04-Mar-07 16:46:11

Sobernow, I LOVE the phone call thing!! It is sooo damn cruel, yet also hysterically funny!

lionheart Sun 04-Mar-07 16:45:11

"Oh, for God's sake give me back the mouse! I'm on Mumsnet."



no, me aswell.

FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 16:27:24

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bewilderbeast Sun 04-Mar-07 16:26:49

detention girl, I thought I was the only one who threatened to sell my son to the gypsies, thank the lord I'm not

CathyHargreaves Sun 04-Mar-07 16:22:06

WHAT
THE
F
IS
THE
FKN
MATTER
NOW!!!!!!!

at the moment, my ds is crawling around in my mums very unsafe house. i say-

"DO NOT TOUCH THE SOCKETS!!! Do you want to die, really do you??? Wellif thats what you want then FINE!"

i said it once then realised how mean i am.

Blandmum Sun 04-Mar-07 16:17:24

Sobernow at the vomit thing

My mother once yelled at me in the car, 'You only feel sick when we go somewhere you don't like'

30 sec later I puked all down the back of her neck.

Sobernow Sun 04-Mar-07 16:14:15

I once told my two that I was going to give to the monkey jungle at Longleat because I was fed up with them. I even faked a phone call to the 'Monkey Jungle Man' arranging for him to pick them up, all he had to do was ring me back with a time and I'd have them ready. They listened to all this really tearfully and later, when the phone rang, they both started screaming and holding on to each other.

and also 'I'm doing my best!' and 'I don't know what you want!!'

'Please go to f*ing sleep'

'I've had enough of you'

'Anymore of this and i'll sell you to gypsies' (The last one is said in jest..which isn't to infer that i mean the other things i say!)

I'm working on my language around him- pretty soon he's going to understand things, and i need to stop being so bloody impatient/ tired.

Sobernow Sun 04-Mar-07 16:08:51

I don't think I've ever sworn at mine, but I do turn really horrible if they come back out of their bedrooms once they've gone to bed at night. Dd1 will often wander up to me with some story about her finger hurting or her knee being a bit strange - anything to avoid having to go to sleep. I've often yelled 'NO! I DON'T WANT TO KNOW!' at her after the fifth time she's tried to tell me me how her hair hurts or whatever.

But once I was in the middle of shouting at her and she threw up in my lap and said 'I only wanted to tell you I was going to be sick, Mummy' Felt bad about that.

SherlockLGJ Sun 04-Mar-07 16:04:44

I do remember sobbing in the middle of the night to the poor child, it is NOT my fault.

FluffyMummy123 Sun 04-Mar-07 15:59:48

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I said to my 3 week old son at 3am

I don't even like you.

I still feel terrible about that.

vizbizz Sat 03-Mar-07 22:17:51

I don't think I'll write the worst I have said, I can guarantee it would get me lynched. I don't think I have ever said so many bad swear words in a sting like that before (and I am not shy when it comes to letting it out). I even used a few I normally steer clear of.

Having said that, I was in the worst stage of PTSD and in a lot of pain, and sleep deprived. DS was only about 9 months old. God only knows what the neighbours would have thought if they'd heard it. They are still talking to me, so I think they didn't. *wipes brow*

TheArmadillo Sat 03-Mar-07 20:20:33

why can't you just shut up and go to fucking sleep!!!!

At a baby with terrible colic and I was exhausted

At least he didn't understand what I was saying.

ladylissielou Sat 03-Mar-07 20:20:08

FluffyMummy123 Sat 03-Mar-07 20:17:34

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ladylissielou Sat 03-Mar-07 20:17:19

sorrry 10101!

ladylissielou Sat 03-Mar-07 20:16:39

cod, as i said in my later post, i had severe pnd, didnt mean it obv! 1001, been there hun!

10101 Sat 03-Mar-07 20:09:27

not normally a name changer, even for the really bad stuff! but this is so awful, i am too ashamed.

when ds1 was born i had VERY bad pnd, bordering on psychosis. i yelled at him that i wanted him to die and that i hated him and wished id had an abortion and i hoped id find him dead in the morning.

however, bad as it was, i got through it so if anyone is lurking who has said things like that but is too ashamed to post - you arent mad and you arent bad and you can get through it.

10101 Sat 03-Mar-07 20:04:57

.

ghosty Sat 03-Mar-07 20:02:52

When DD was a baby she was yelling for a feed in her moses basket in my room. DS was yelling in his room (opposite my bedroom) in Time Out for throwing a train at the baby. I was sitting on the floor in the hallway between the two rooms yelling and rocking ...

I don't know what I was yelling, I just wanted to be louder than the two of them

singersgirl Sat 03-Mar-07 20:00:14

I remember yelling "Just go to sleep, you little f*er!" at DS1 when he was twittering in his Moses basket at about 6 weeks or so.

Bozza Sat 03-Mar-07 19:57:07

D'you know I just can't remember. And I have been there. I have driven up and down the M1 in my pjs with non-sleeping baby in the back so I have been desperate. DH has done the "just shut the f*ck up" line.

DonnyLass Sat 03-Mar-07 19:54:27

i find singing relieves the tension ...

i'm a lonely little [dd name] in an onion patch and all i do is cry all day

is a fave!!!

FluffyMummy123 Sat 03-Mar-07 19:38:11

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FluffyMummy123 Sat 03-Mar-07 19:37:46

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lockets Sat 03-Mar-07 19:36:33

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lockets Sat 03-Mar-07 19:34:26

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DonnyLass Sat 03-Mar-07 19:32:16

dd 2mo crying

dh -- whays wrong with her

me under breath -- shes a little bitch

felt bad as soon as the words were out ...

have done one of those silent yells if fir fooooooooooooooooooks ssaaaaaaaaaaaaaake many times in hall when she cant see me and shes crying for me again!

dunno why but its when she cries when i am trying to get dressed that winds me up the most ... just lemme get me sodding knickers on child!

tortoiseSHELL Sat 03-Mar-07 19:23:05

pmsl lll!!! That's the best so far!

ladylissielou Sat 03-Mar-07 19:22:11

when my pnd was v bad my dad forgot to pick us up (he had the pushchair) and i shouted into ds's face I FUCKING HATE YOUR SHITTY WANKY GRANDAD

Blandmum Sat 03-Mar-07 19:19:28

I have shouted, 'STOP SHOUTING'

I have also shouted , 'for the love of God will you leave me alone for 5 bloody minutes', normally through the toilet door

Overrun Sat 03-Mar-07 19:19:14

I held dt1 at arms lenght and looked into his red screaming face and shouted "why wont you fucking stop crying?" [blsh] I was so knackered

tortoiseSHELL Sat 03-Mar-07 19:19:05

first night at home, I woke up to find dh shouting at ds1 "GO TO SLEEP, JUST GO TO SLEEP NOW". I pointed out at 3 days old he didn't speak English!

Why can't you just bl**dy go to sleep, I'm bl**dy knackered (followed by desperate sobbing) when dc were babies

ladylissielou Sat 03-Mar-07 19:14:43

pmsl, i tell ds that ill call barnardos then start crying and tell him i dont mean it really and buy him a new toy/chocolate

CAM Sat 03-Mar-07 19:12:18

Was he wearing a tuxedo on top of his nappy and vest cod

Twiglett Sat 03-Mar-07 19:10:07

I try to shout DS to sleep sometimes:
"IF. YOU. DON'T . GO . TO . SLEEP . I . WILL . <insert pointless threat> . GO . TO . SLEEP . NOW"

yes its really conducive to sleep don't you know ... being yelled at

moondog Sat 03-Mar-07 19:10:03

'Oh for Christ's sake,can't you just stop fucking whingeing?'

colditz Sat 03-Mar-07 19:09:10

I am not too bad, thank you Dior. Having to lay boundries with the boys' dad though - explain that yes he can come and see the boys whenever he wants - he may not set the computer to download stuff while he's not here

Mercy Sat 03-Mar-07 19:08:14

"don't be so childish"

I've said that more than once to dd

Dior Sat 03-Mar-07 19:06:01

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colditz Sat 03-Mar-07 19:04:16

"Oh for Christ's sake child, what now?"

At ds2, aged about 5 months.

Very whiny baby though.

FluffyMummy123 Sat 03-Mar-07 19:03:11

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Nbg Sat 03-Mar-07 19:02:48

I should get my dh on here.
He could tell you some good stories

bristols Sat 03-Mar-07 19:02:04

Exactly the same as you, Cod! Whilst lifting him from his moses basket probably a little too quickly. My LO not as cultured as yours though; just wanted some boob.

FluffyMummy123 Sat 03-Mar-07 18:59:42

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WideWebWitch Sat 03-Mar-07 18:59:02

My friend shouted "FK OFF" to her surprised looking 2 yo in the middle of the night and the 2yo went straight back to sleep. (it was a friend, not me)

KTeePee Sat 03-Mar-07 18:58:39

shout, moi?

FluffyMummy123 Sat 03-Mar-07 18:57:21

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