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Dad needs advice!!

13 replies

user1480955779 · 05/12/2016 16:51

Hello, I was advised to come here for advice although bit dubious. I am a father of 3, 2 with my ex. Bit of background, I have 2 children aged 9 & 11 with my ex, we separated around 6 years ago and I have always had contact with my children since, recently it has become increasingly difficult to get more time with them (recently means last 12 months), the catalyst for this is that my kids have asked to stay more but I'm confronted with no every time I ask, before anyone says anything about maintenance...yes I have always paid for both children although that has nothing to do with access I don't want to be shot down at the first hurdle!!! I have remarried & have been for several years now & we have a child together who loves her siblings, anyway due to the constant barrier I am up against I have applied for a contact order as I am unable to discuss anything rationally with her or at least it seems that way but she refuses mediation and says that I am trying to spite her which is completely untrue, please be aware that I've tried to discuss the issue of contact for 3 years but got nowhere. I just wanted a woman perspective as this does;t feel right to me that she feels our children are her property & she can loan them out to me as & when she feels like it? btw I have always had them every saturday & sunday and Monday nights, but I would like them much more, thank you for listening!

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tribpot · 05/12/2016 16:55

How practical is it for the children to stay with you in the week? Are you able to get them to and from school yourself?

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user1480955779 · 05/12/2016 16:57

Yes, my wife is takes them whenever is needed.

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user1480955779 · 05/12/2016 17:01

Actually my ex works late on Mondays, wednesdays & fridays so they walk home by themselves anyway & when my wife offered to collect them & bring the back to our home it was a no unfortunately

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amammabear · 05/12/2016 17:08

So you already have them 3 nights out of 7?

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amammabear · 05/12/2016 17:09

Including the whole weekend?

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ThisUsernameIsAvailable · 05/12/2016 17:28

It's not really fair that the mum only gets them school nights and never weekends, maybe if you offer alternate weekends she will be more likely to give you some time during the week?
She is seeing her children a few hours a day, getting the up and ready for school then home, fed,homework and into bed, she isn't getting any free,fun time like you are.

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tribpot · 05/12/2016 17:48

So you can't fetch them from school, only your wife.

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DoItTooJulia · 05/12/2016 17:58

What would be your ideal scenario with contact?

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Heirhelp · 05/12/2016 18:36

What are the current arrangements? What do you want them to be?

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user1480955779 · 06/12/2016 08:11

Sorry I meant to say I have them every other weekend (Saturday morning until Sunday night) & every Monday after school so 1 night every 2 weeks & from 3:30 until 7 every Monday.
My wife and I have discussed arrangements regarding taking/collecting from school and she is more than happy to do it; we're a family so we make arrangements about the children together, I don't see it makes any difference whether it's myself or my wife that does it, as a family it can be done.

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DoItTooJulia · 06/12/2016 09:10

What would be your ideal scenario with contact?

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Heirhelp · 06/12/2016 10:32

I am not an expert but if you want more contact and the kids are happy with this but Mum is not then I would assume you could have to go to court. Are you looking for 50/50 shared arrangement?

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user1480955779 · 06/12/2016 14:20

Ideally I'd like them thursday after school through to tuesday morning on 'my weekends', I have them every monday anyway so I feel they might as well stay on monday nights anyway as I take them home for 7/7:30 and then one overnight in between, it works out about a 60/40 split

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