How confident are you in this parenting lark? Illness in particular

[PacificDogwod]

I tried to start a similar thread a year or two ago. In AIBU. And got my arse handed to me - fair enough.

But I cannot help myself as I think about this a fair bit and over and over again, but am unsure whether it's just me or a general change in society:

The vast majority of young children (say, under 10 years old) will have childhood illnesses, cough, colds, upset stomachs, chicken pox and the likes. How well prepared do you feel to parent your DCs though these episodes of what in the greater scheme of things are minor illnesses, but can be jolly miserable for ALL concerned? How confident are you that you can differentiate the 'miserable, but not dangerously ill' child from 'needs to be checked out' to 'I better call 999 now' situation?

Personally, I find unwell children quite scary - personally and professionally. The younger, the more scary, because the younger they are the more unstable their state can be and the quicker they can change (from good to bad, and from bad to good). It is always better to err on the side of caution, but I have experience of quite serious parental anxiety at the first cough or spike of temperature.
I wonder how our forebears felt about their unwell children? When they had less opportunity to have them checked out or do anything much about their symptoms? Where they as frightened?

I dunno.
Give me your perspective.

[ragingsister]

I used to feel terrified but my children have been kind enough to give me some big scares health wise. I now feel very confident in knowing when they are poorly or seriously ill.

What worries you most? Knowing when to make the 999 call?

[PinkSwimGoggles]

I'm fairly confident.
luckily (apart from one dc's unusual chronic illness) my dc are fairly robust and apart from above illnes we haven't (yet) required more beyond wait&see/paracetamol/hot waterbottle

[suspiciouslemur]

A completely normal thing to think and worry about! I was a children's nurse before I had kids and I still doubt myself over the severity of their illnesses. I try to go over a checklist to make myself think rationally but it is hard when you are the parent and there are times I have gone to the GP when I probably didn't need to. I don't regret it though it is better to be safe than sorry if you are worried!

[PinkSwimGoggles]

what I worry about most? that the nhs can't/won't treat dc adequately and timely.

[MoreBushThanMoss]

I have a new baby and can honestly say this is the WORST part for me.

In 10 weeks we've had 1 A&E visit and admittance (unexplained fever), 2 GP visits (rash, and poss reflux) and 1000000000 Google searches

I know looking after your child's health is a huge part of parenting, but I find it hugely stressful too

[PacificDogwod]

I don't worry about my own children who enjoy rude health normally, and when things were more seriously wrong it was obvious to me.

In the interest of full disclosure: I have 4 boys (13 to 6, so no longer babies) and I work as a GP with a little paediatrics experience, including neonatal intensive care (admittedly, about 200 years ago ).

I feel confused/taken aback/sorry for/I don't know what to call the emotion I have for distressed parents who require urgent medical attention for a child that has vomited 1x, or that the nursery has phone about as having a fever and the parent hasn't even picked them up, but is phoning the surgery ahead for an urgent appointment.

I am looking for perspective because I can no longer tell whether I am less anxious with my own kids because I am a 'ach, it'll be fine, here, have some Calpol' kind of person or whether I cannot remember what it is like to be a 'normal' parent.
I just worry that we are living in an 'anxious' society, and google does't help (ANY symptom if meningitis or cancer ).

[RhinestoneCowgirl]

I can be anxious in other areas of my life, so around the DC's health I have always tried to rein it in. DH tends to be super worried about the DC when they were ill so I tended to go the other way and play the relaxed one.

Did have a nasty scare when DD was just coming up to 4yrs. She had a chesty cough and deteriorated quickly over a Friday night. I didn't feel confident that she was bad enough for 999 so I put her in the buggy and walked her round to the GP first thing on Saturday. GP took one look and phoned an ambulance and put her on a nebuliser. It was terrifying and I beat myself up for quite some time afterwards for not taking it seriously.

[lljkk]

I'm from California.
Californians pride ourselves on being laid back.
We frequently admonish each other & our children for getting het up over small stuff... or anything, really.
All the hysterical anxiety on MN makes me twitch & eventually, fairly stabby.

Yes I am quite confident if my children seem ill. Que Será, Será.

Since OP mentions forbears... I have records of how many of mine had 3-5 children die before age 13. We are so amazeballs lucky to live now. Our problems today are flipping trivial compared to what came before.

[hazeyjane]

My ds has a genetic condition with some complex health issues. After our last trip to A&E my 2 main worries are -

1. having a skewed sense of normal - is, we should have called an ambulance but held on giving endless inhalers, and the drove to A&E.
   
2. the NHS is struggling, it seemed to us, especially in the emergency department, to be absolute chaos - and our experiences and the experiences of friends who have children who are medically complex or fragile, have left us very fearful of the, what ifs....

[PrettySophisticated]

I think it's really difficult and an unwell child,especially a really young one often seems "very" ill when they just have a routine childhood illness. However, once you've seen a really ill child (which mercifully most of us don't) you can see the difference.

Although I am less blase since my DSis took her DS to the doctor with something I would have left, which resulted in a very serious illness being caught when it could still be treated.

[PacificDogwod]

Objectively, we have never had a better life expectancy or lower infant/childhood mortality rate, but we seem to fear the worst more?

DS2 was born at 31 week, was more unwell than expected for his gestation, needed more ventilation support and spent more time in NICU/hospital than one would have expected for his gestation. Bringing him home before his due date and just barely weighing 5lbs was v scary, but I never felt that my anxieties could have been relieved by a HCP - I just needed him to get bigger and a bit more robust and only time was going to fix that.

DS3(8) had surgery for a condition this summer and has a high chance of recurring, necessitating further surgery. The 5 hours he was in theatre were loooooooong and I felt anxious and worried, but had confidence in his treating team.

DS1 is now 12 and tall and strong , but tends to be a bit wheezy and needs an inhaler when he has a cold. He is fine in himself, but has a cough and has done for a couple of weeks. He will not be seeing his GP about it.

Thank you for all your stories

[Smartleatherbag]

I'm a former nurse, adult and paeds. I am quite laid back about my kids' ailments as, luckily, they are very healthy. I share your feelings, op, re overly worried parents. It does seem that people panic at the slightest sniff, I'm not sure why? Conversely, I get really furious when families decide not to vaccinate their kids at all. It's as if the ability to weigh up risk/benefit has been skewed beyond use. Sigh.

[blinkineckmum]

My dd was rushed to hospital at 10 days old and spent time on the high dependency unit. She had bronchiolitis/ pneumonia after catching a cold. Before that I was extremely laid back. I still am, but I do go to the gp if I am unsure. We could have lost her.

[Smartleatherbag]

Having said all that, I would rather 100 unnecessary queries than 1missed case of septicaemia.

[PacificDogwod]

lljkk, yes, to how lucky we are to live in the times we live in.

One of my great-grandmothers had 18 live births (who knows how many miscarriages on top of that?! ), 12 of which lived to beyond 5 years of age, and another 3 died in adulthood. She was no exception.
I knew her as an over 90 year old woman and she was still waiting for one of her sons to come home from WW2 where he had been MIA .

[PacificDogwod]

Having said all that, I would rather 100 unnecessary queries than 1missed case of septicaemia.

Well, yes, quite.

3/4 or more of my job is reassurance, and that is absolutely fine and how it should be

[Soubriquet]

I take it case by case really

If I think they are really out of sorts from their usual self, they get a doctor visit.

Otherwise it's stay at home and keep medicated

[Smartleatherbag]

Of course, Pacific. I used to joke with the junior docs about this. So much of medicine is watchful reassurance.

[PacificDogwod]

Ok, thinking about is some more, this is the kind of situation I mean:

Child is generally well, eating and drinking and playing, but has a fever and a cough. Parent very worried about 'chest infection'.

Do you think most of us have not seen or experienced, even when we were growing up, enough severe, usually infectious, illnesses to recognise that a dangerously ill child will not behave 'normal'?

So many people I meet seem to live in fear that their child might die when realistically there is less chance of that than ever in the history of humanity. It's the anxiety I struggle with.

Oh gawd, I am making a hash of it again, aren't I?

I do think as a society we are more anxious. About lots of things: Germs, war, cancer, paedophiles etc etc. Or is it all to do with more news reporting, everything being available 24/7??

[PacificDogwod]

Active watchful waiting is not 'doing nothing' or 'fobbing off' - it is an art, and sometimes quite hard to do.

Overtreating has risks just like undertreating - this is beginning to be more recognised.

[hazeyjane]

It is difficult because I think there are people who go for every little thing, and others who feel as though they are bothering the GP, and don't go unless a limb is hanging off. My friend lost her child after a regular childhood illness, after being made to feel like a neurotic first time mum, being sent away, and then not seeking help quickly enough when the situation deteriorated.

I have health anxiety (regarding myself) but despite worrying that every lump, ache and dizzy spell is cancer, I avoid going to my gp, to the point that she kicks me up the arse to see her if I am worried!

[Soubriquet]

I would react more to a very wheezy chest

Dd was in hospital at 13 months with bronchilitis. She needed a nebuliser, oxygen and a cannula in her foot with antibiotics. She was that poorly

And I missed it being caught earlier because I put it down to a cold.

So now with anything chesty, I err on the side of caution

[blinkineckmum]

My experience is the opposite. I didn't think to worry, dd seemed ok. She wasn't.

[Smartleatherbag]

I agree re watchful waiting! , I didn't mean in a derogatory way.

[AWhistlingWoman]

Interestingly I think I am a bit over confident! Spent four months in a neonatal intensive care units with DTDs (first babies) and DD1 sadly died there.

DS1 had quite bad croup and was going a bit blue. I didn't take him to the GP even as I had seen far worse! Finally took him to the walk in and got sent up to A&E immediately! I felt absolutely terribly but to me he didn't look that ill?

Had DD3 at home on my own as didn't feel pain bad enough for hospital! Think we are all shaped by our experiences? Mine taught me that even the most talented and dedicated doctors can't always help and that coughs, colds, vomiting etc I can manage at home.

However if I hadn't been through that first experience with my daughters? I am sure I would be turning up at the GP every five minutes ☺️