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Sudden outbreak of hypochondria in DD6 - how to deal?

9 replies

Crunchybadger · 28/11/2016 16:13

DD6 tends to go massively downhill right before she goes to sleep and complains of tummy ache / various other aches and is not impressed with the idea that she should just go to sleep. She's started to complain of her hip hurting, sometimes whole leg, but it's very off and on, and when I say, maybe not go to gym club or dance or whatever to rest it, she'll manage to find the strength to participate .

I'd be worried if it was persistent and in the same place, or a stopped her doing stuff, but she threw a strop last night saying no-one cared about her because we didn't immediately attend to her complaining about hurting her wrist on a "heavy blanket" .

It's getting to be a bit little boy that cried wolf - it would be easy to ignore something actually wrong with her because of all this messing about.

Any ideas on how to deal with it? It seems like attention seeking maybe but nothing has changed at home or school, she's pretty happy and stable etc. apart from this. I hate having to dismiss her nighttime ailments because I don't want her to think I don't care, but equally I don't want to reward "illness".

Argh?

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Crunchybadger · 30/11/2016 21:54

Any ideas? Tonight I've had 15 mins of hysterical crying from DD with some sort of panic about her throat blocking and not being able to breathe, plus ongoing nonspecific tummy ache that didn't prevent her from having tea with pudding :(.

I think she was genuinely worried about her throat but maybe was like a mini panic attack? Calmed her down (I was scared too for a bit) , then when I went to leave later after stories etc. she started coughing again. So I tried to talk to her about the boy who cried wolf and she got shirty and refused to discuss, turns out DP tried that with her last night.

I don't know what to do, would appreciate any advice.

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traviata · 30/11/2016 22:04

at age 6 my feeling is that if DC want attention they should have it, at least initially.

It does sound like crying wolf, and she's getting herself a bit worked up. But I think it would be wrong to be all brisk and firm in response. That would be denying her feelings, and she seems to feel that she needs a bit of extra nurturing at the moment.

This is a tiring term for most children. My teenagers are extra grumpy and are exhausted. I think I'd reassure her, give extra fussing, and make sure she's settling into bed early. You could try giving her a massage before sleep - it's tactile, so gives her attention, it checks that she's not actually in pain or discomfort, and it might help her to relax.

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Crunchybadger · 30/11/2016 22:38

Thanks traviata, a massage is a great idea. I guess I was worried about "training" her to use feeling ill as attegion but you're right, she small and it's a tough term. I'm grumpy too :).

Maybe I'll also make sure she knows she can just ask for more attention if she needs it!

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Crunchybadger · 30/11/2016 22:39

*attention
*she's small

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traviata · 30/11/2016 22:42

well, that's it - if she gets the attention, she won't need to feign illness for it!

(I'm grumpy as well and would very much like a massage).

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JigglyTuff · 30/11/2016 22:47

Or you could try mindfulness meditation. Smiling Mind us aimed at children and you could do a 5 min exercise before she goes to sleep together.

I'm sure it's just a phase but I think listening and distraction is the best way of dealing with it

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Wolfiefan · 30/11/2016 22:51

Could the physical things be her trying to tell you that she's anxious? My DD is 6. She lacks the language to say "I'm worried about..."
Is it often at bedtime? Could you make time before bedtime to allow her to offload about the day and any worries she may have?

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Muddlingalongalone · 30/11/2016 23:06

No suggestions but you're not alone. My dd is the same at the moment.

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Crunchybadger · 01/12/2016 07:04

wolfiefan hmm maybe. She is very "closed" about anything that bothers her so although it's easy to tell when something is up, she often point blank refuses to tell me why even if I try very lightly to find out. I've found that walking to/from school is a good time to chat about stuff cos she doesn't have to look at me, but it's a bit subzero and she's a bit tired for the 1 1/2 miles to school.

I find it frustrating because I am/was the same! I know exactly how she's feeling inside but she won't let me help her :(.

jiggly I'll Google some kids mindfulness stuff and give that a go.

So the plan is bedtime mini lovebomb :). Fingers crossed. Good luck muddling. Thanks all.